Chapter 19
Daisy's POV
The clang of the impact wasn't really loud but I felt deafened by the noise. I had clutched my hands tighter, keeping them by my side and not protect the ring from being destroyed. But it was a hard battle and every tear that had escaped since I agreed to this only weakened my resolve. To really accept that the ring, the last thing that bound me to this realm, was gone was so painful that it took me several moments to accept this. Please forgive me Samuel. I begged mentally, please let this not be worthless.
"Daisy?" Nick whispered and I finally opened my eyes and wiped the tears away. And then looked down at the symbol of so many things of my life, or perhaps it was a symbol of my life itself. And just like my life, it was now over too. The ring was now broken.
I looked at him and I almost lost control of my tears again at the apologetic look at his face. Are you apologizing for breaking my ring that I had loved for all my existence? My mind screamed at him the words I couldn't dare to speak. Or are you sorry for destroying my ring when it wasn't what held me here? I froze as that accusation completed itself.
I took a deep breath and felt for any change in me. My stomach dropped as anger rose within me. "You were wrong." I spoke. It was low, only slightly louder than a whisper, but very clear in the silence we were sitting in. Nick bowed his head and my mind had its answer to the unspoken question.
"YOU WERE WRONG!"
This time it wasn't a statement said at a low voice of shock. No, this time my words had so much in it that I could have found life in it. My own life, perhaps. The words were no longer forming a fact supposed to inform. They were now a clear accusation, filled with every hatred and anger and despair. I leaned forward on my knees and bent over the broken remains of the only good thing of my afterlife and grabbed his tee's collar with my left hand while using my right for balance. And then I let go of the balance and slapped him continuously while hanging on his shirt to not fall down.
SLAP! The first slap made me realize two things. One was that hitting him helped my anger. There was significantly more control over myself now. The other was that his cheeks were wet and it took me a moment to realize he was crying as well. But that doesn't mean I stopped after the first one. I had already delivered two more by the time I had this realization. And then I stopped, not because I cared about how he felt, but because now all I felt was exhaustion.
"I'm sorry Daisy." Nick finally spoke up and though it started even, I knew he was trying to control his sobs when his voice broke on my name. "I thought I was right. I knew I was right. But I wasn't. And my foolishness cost you such a heavy price. I'm sorry." He hiccupped and then went quiet. But that wasn't all he needed to apologize for. And so I continued.
"I'm sorry too, Nick. Not for hitting you, but for trusting you. I'm sorry I trusted you. I'm sorry I went along with your half-baked idea, that I was so excited about moving on that I let you destroy the one thing that made me bear these past decades, the one thing which I counted on always being present even as I would have faded out. I'm sorry too for so many things." My sobs got too loud to speak through and there was a momentary relief about the fact since I had just been about to apologize for loving him. And deep in my heart, if I bothered to look, I knew I would find that this is one thing I would never regret. But it seems that he had already guessed what I was to say, because he looked broken, as if I had delivered that cruel blow too.
"Not for loving you though. I'm never going to be sorry for that." He softly spoke. And then he froze. I wiped away my tears and began deep breathing to try controlling them. Let him get lost in his own mind. My mind commented, I deserve this time to grieve all that I just lost.
"I… oh my god." Nick spoke and the wonder and happiness in the words froze me in surprise. I lost a special piece of my life and he's happy? I was just about to scold him when he continued. "I figured it all out!" His eyes were glazed as he stared at nothing while he said those words. But then he turned to me and the expression on his face made me reconsider my anger. After all, there had never been a single moment where I felt in him something of such cruelty that he would be happy after causing so much pain. And so, I paid attention to him and not hit him again, like I wanted to. "I know why you didn't move on! Oh, it was so obvious. I'm such a fool for not realizing it."
Let this be known of this boy if nothing else is known about him to anyone else ever: his enthusiasm is infectious. And his words have the power to make even the boring things seem so interesting. "Spit it out already." I whine and am momentarily taken aback at how excited my own voice sounds. There are still signs of the huge dip my emotions just took but it feels like hours ago instead of just seconds.
With those words, however, a strange type of shyness came over him. I watched in confusion as his cheeks pinked while he hesitated in answering. "I… I realized that, uh…" He kept stammering while trying to get the words out. Finally, just as I was about to attack him with the hammer for hesitating, he let out an exasperated sigh and answered, "Just think about what you just said. You'll figure it out as well."
"Oh just speak it. Why keep me waiting?" I spoke with narrowed eyes. That idea of me and a hammer and him was appearing more tempting with every passing moment. "You know I will keep asking you till you speak." And then begins a "Tell Me, Tell Me" chant that would give anyone of my time a heart attack because of my behaviour. That doesn't mean the trick is unsuccessful though.
"Oh fine! You said you love me. So do I. And that's what holding you back. I'm the anchor now." He blurts out so fast that I have pause for three seconds to think over it and then I feel my eyes get big as I understand his implications.
"What? That's as much of garbage as this place. And I know this is my home but it really is a garbage." I comment. But the seeds have already been sowed and my mind is running rampant with this idea. If this is true, then what do I do? Break him with a hammer?
"It is a logical one, or well as logical as this whole situation can be, and you know it. And stop eyeing that hammer like that. You are not hitting me with it. There must be a more pacified way of doing this." He speaks and I listen half-heartedly. Probably noting this, he makes a move when I do and is only seconds earlier in being able to grab the hammer before I can.
"It's not exactly me that is holding you back, Daisy, so stop aiming for the hammer. " Nick is annoyed and holds the hammer behind his back. "What holds you back is the love we have for the other and, though you may not want to accept it, we are quite reluctant to let each other go." He finishes before adding, "And stop trying to use your powers to manipulate the hammer into hitting me."
I give him a cheeky grin and he lets out a growl of frustration. Finally giving in, I ask him, "So what should we do? Love isn't exactly a switch we can turn off."
"Let me think," is his brilliant reply. I try to be as discreet as possible as I try again. "Daisy!" He shouts now and I hold back a giggle as I feel his hand grip the hammer tightly. "Alright, I have come up with the most clichéd way of doing this. Just letting the other go. I'll go first." Suddenly, silence grips the room and I gulp in preparation. What is he going to do?
He pulls his most serious face. And then speaks. "I let you go."
And then he relaxes. I wait. And then we are both staring at each other. That's when the penny drops. "That's it?" I shriek as I expect him to start laughing now. He doesn't though. His expression shows how much offended he is. I begin to laugh out loud at how idiotic it was and use this moment of lowered guard to deliver him a blow on his back. His 'ow' sets off another round of laughter. He glares at me and I think that it would be handy to disappear now.
And then I do disappear.
Instantly I stop laughing and look at my now invisible hands, or at least where they are supposed to be. And then I think about being visible again.
And I become so.
"It worked!" I shriek. Nick flinches at my scream since he was almost leaning forward into me while waiting for my reaction. I igno
re him and use my regained ability to become visible and invisible again. And then a huge roar comes from the collapse eastern parlor. Both of us turn and see it being restored to how it was. But that's not the only change taking place. The ruins of my home begin to restore themselves back to their former glory and though there are some articles that haven't been yet replaced, the house looks like a home again. A part of me even expects father or George to walk in through one of the doors. "It worked, Nick, it worked. I can feel my powers return. I'm so happy!"
That's when I turn to look at him and realize what's really happening. My powers may be coming back because I am much less weakly bound to this world now. Nick has realized this already and though he tries to smile, his grief at losing me is too difficult to hide. I feel my own joy fade away as I realize what this means. Yes, it's time to say goodbye.
"Don't be sad, Daisy. Be happy. You'll get to see your family really soon. And you know what to speak." Nick softly speaks. "It's time to finally move on, Daisy. You've earned your rest." Has it been only a night since we met? Because it most certainly feels like it's been years since this boy trespassed into this place to steal Samuel's ring. But the memories are still fresh, like they have happened less than a moment ago. "Just…" his voice breaks at the word. “Just remember me, okay?"
I gently touch his face, finally being able to touch him with no fear of losing control of my appearance. He probably doesn't even realize as his face slightly tilts to gently cover the remaining few millimetres of distance. "I always will." I promise him. We stay frozen in that embrace. Or at least I am, for he pulls away first. And that loss of contact brings on a feeling of hurt I am unfamiliar with. Taking a deep breath, I prepare myself.
I close my eyes. I open my mouth. Nothing comes out.
I open my eyes. And see Nick quickly try to hide the heartbroken look and prepare an encouraging smile. All it does is crumble my resolve further. "Wait!" Nick calls out and a strange hope blooms within me. What do I hope for? What would I gain from staying? We aren't meant to be. He stands up and then extends his hand to me. "I almost forgot. The last part of the date night. Our dance."
I look up at him oddly. What's he doing? I want to remind him about how it ended. But I don't. Because this is my respite from saying goodbye. My chance for a few more minutes of memories. I put my hand in his and pull myself up. Before I can say anything, Nick speaks, "And don't worry about the music. I have a song I composed for us. It's been coming to me in pieces since I came back but now I have the tune too. I do apologize in advance if I sound off-key."
I smile and reply, "Then let me take care of our attire." The strength of the returned power makes the illusion of the change of our attire feel as easy as breathing. "For us, only the finest of those of the memories." Before he can ask, I answer the unspoken question. "The one I and Samuel always talked about whenever we played house and it was time for our first dance after the wedding."
The golden gown and the tux we are in now isn’t really the fashion statement of our time but it was the most perfect we could ever dream of as kids. I had little doubt that he wouldn’t have arranged it all if we indeed had a chance. That’s all the thoughts of Samuel that grace me as we begin the dance in each other’s arms while Nick begins to hum and start.
“Punished for caring,
Everything’s uncertain.
Is this pain really worth bearing
When our loss is no one’s gain.”
I am equally amused and touched. The words are romantic and truly meant for both of us. The sad part is that Nick is a terrible singer. His voice is way off-key. So without interrupting, I improve his voice for the song. And when that last word comes out just as he planned, the shock forces his eyes open and I giggle before his expression softens into one I am way too familiar with. Ever since those kisses, it has been hard trying to keep my hands off him but even now, I vie for control. Having him pass out in the middle of dance won’t be really romantic.
“Feel the world fade out,
Feel the heart bleed out.
We’re captive for no crime.
Everything’s changing inside out.
But won’t you listen to words mine?
Rejoice for what we did find?
I’ll relight the flame of you so you shine.
Though my heart wishes otherwise, I will set you free from your bind.”
We sway to the tune as he hums it and I am touched by the emotions behind the word. We glide on the floor and I help us by lifting us slightly above the floor so our feet don’t get stuck on the blanket. And just as I realize the tune’s changing, he continues the song.
“Shed tears no more,
The time has come for you.
Feed fears no more
No reason to stay blue.
Feel your worries fade out
See the clouds clear, let the blue skies emerge.
And as the rays start pouring out,
Bathe in the glory of the new day’s start.”
His closed eyes now open and the love he has for me is plain as day in them. And in the reflection in his eyes, I know the same is mirrored in me.
“Feel the sweet of my voice
Let the rest all fade out
Be drenched with the love we’ve had
And though my heart wishes otherwise, I’ll set you free from your bind.”
“Be prepared. You sing the last lines. So start thinking.” He whispers to me and I stiffen momentarily at this sudden statement. I don’t panic for long though and by the time I convince myself it will be alright, he has begun the next words.
“Be thankful to your stars,
Feel the love of your heart
No burdens exist, no reason for guilt in your heart.
Face the truth of the bleeding hurt.”
All thoughts fly away at the realization that he understands me and is still here. I can’t speak because how does one respond to that?
“Say bye to this long night.
You’ve earned your rest, plan now your next reason to smile.
Rediscover yourself on the new day.
Let go of the nightmares of the past.
Say your last goodbyes,
Thank those who always stood by your side.
Relive the precious memories, of joy and love and pride.
And though my heart wishes otherwise, I’ll set you free from your bind.”
And then he begins to hum a tune that is still different but feels like a mix of all the tunes he has let out so far. It’s peaceful and haunting and joyous and heart-breaking at the same time. He leans in close, as if about to kiss and then whispers. “Your turn now.” Without missing a beat, I start as we glide in the air uninterrupted. I provide the words while he sings out his tune. And through some surprise, the two complement each other.
“You’ve claimed what never was mine.
Just like others of past, special inside.
Silence of us cannot lie.
This love of ours will not die.”
His smile is so full of conflicting emotions that it is hard to settle on just one. I give him the same, knowing that the time has come for the end and wonder how I will get those difficult words out.
“Feel the prisons falling apart.
Feel the binds fade out
Feel the unjust of twilight
Become the dawn’s blessing in disguise.”
He lets out a small chuckle at that as we both look back at the truth of these words.
“Listen, not hear, what says my heart.
Wounds heal, never play games of the heart.
Love will set you free to rise.
Still though my heart desires otherwise, I set you free from this bind.”
The emotions run between us so high that I don’t even feel the loss of control over my powers when his lips crash against mine. I feel a tear escape down his cheeks and I cup his hands, pulling him in as if to consume him entirely. Nothing exists.
The ever present
mind doesn’t care for the isolation though and makes a note that makes me break off the kiss instantly. And as I see his chest heaving for air, I see in his eyes the sadness of the realization that I figured it out. “What did you do?” I whisper in horror, worried that by giving it strength I might not be able to take them back.
“What had to be done.”
I froze in shock as I realize what I had just said. What a sneaky move! I didn't see that one coming at all. His eyes are shimmering with tears but the pride there is unmistakable. "Be happy. I love you." He whispers and it is only then I realize that I have begun to disappear. Not fade away but move on.
But I don't let him go either. I can't. The very idea of not being able to see him is painful. And though I have spoken the words to let him go, I can't. I feel the transfer pause and then reverse at my hesitation. "What are you doing Daisy? It's time to have your well-deserved rest. Don't let me get in your way of eternal existence." Tears of sorrow fall down my cheeks as I refuse to let go of him.
"Goodbye is the last thing I want to say but that's where we stand now. It is time to part ways." He says and from the tense muscles, I have a feeling of how hard this is for him too. But I also hear the unspoken promise of loving me forever. And that promise is all it takes for me to achieve clarity.
Yes, this is where we part. Yes, this is very our love story would end. But that's no reason for him to forever carry a torch for me. And so though my own heart screams at betraying it, I extract one last thing from him: "Promise me. Promise me that you'll love again. Promise me that you'll live your life fully. Promise me that and I will let you go. So will you promise me or will you hold me back?" A low blow but a necessary one.
There is a long silence and I feel the connection with the afterlife fading. Somehow, I have a feeling that if I lose this chance, I will have no more. But I can't let him suffer for my sake.
"Please." I plead and he finally releases something. A sob. And the escape of one is enough for the others to come rushing out.
"I can't Daisy. I could speak the words but I won't mean them. To me, it will always be you." He lets out and before I realize it, we are kissing once again. It is our last moment and both of us are unwilling to let the other go for even breathing. But though I don't need it, Nick does and we finally pull away.
The connection is now almost closed and it seems Nick senses that too. And though his entire posture screams his unwillingness to speak those words, he does. "I promise." The fading connection is renewed instantly and this time I don't fight it. I have got no reason to stay in this realm anymore.
"Goodbye." I speak and prepare myself to move on. I feel my body slowly fading away and I almost smile when it happens.
The roof creaks.
It's enough for both of us to remember what had slipped our minds. It's only my magic that held the place standing. The pain at this realization is evident in both of our eyes but it doesn't mean I will let him die. "Go. Quickly. Hurry now." Now that the process has begun, I cannot stop it. Still, I use all that remains in my power to hold the building in place. The door swings open and I stare at the red sky of dawn. "Live your life. Fulfil your promise." My stomach has now gone and I know we have less than a minute now.
"I love you. I'll miss you." He speaks, still not running for the exit even though the time is being wasted.
"I love you too. Now go." I try to push him but then realize that my shoulders are gone now. The two parlors are the first to collapse. And as my neck disappears, I hear the attic collapse. "It won't be long now. Go." I smile just before my mouth fades away. That's when he finally begins to run.
Even before his first step, we both know he won't make it. And so I try. I give everything I have ever had to hold the front of the mansion from collapsing for just a few more seconds. I pray to all that I've loved, pray to the god I always believed in and pray to anyone who might be listening to let him pass through unscathed. My forehead is disappearing now and it seems that the eyes are left for the last. It all happens in a second.
The front collapses with no more support just as Nick reaches the door. He would be hit by the debris, I frantically note, but then he lunges forward and the rubble misses his feet by less than an inch. He rolls and stands up to look back at the house, at me. That's when our eyes connect through a hole in the debris for the last time. Then my eyes are gone too.
And all that's left is darkness.