Chapter 18
Nick's POV
“Yes. I fear it is.” I answer her with just enough sadness so that none of my hurt leaks out from within. The way her face softens into that tender expression tells me that she knows, though.
“But what you ask me to give up…” she starts but doesn’t finish. She doesn’t have to. It can end in so many ways and I have a very good idea that she means them all.
“We’ve been over this, Daisy. If you want to be free, you need to let go of what once was. If you don’t let go of the Samuel that once was your potential true love, you cannot hope to reunite with him in a different life and time.” It is surprising to feel such a huge amount of heartache on speaking true love and someone else’s name in the same sentence to her. So, to console myself more than her, I add, “If you can’t finish this journey, how will we meet again in a new place and time?”
“You are a very special man, Nick Demming Peters.” She adds in a whisper that is laced with emotions I can’t decipher. I just know that I’m happy to have them. “If we met when I was alive, if we had met in my time, I would have run from the wedding aisle from George, from even Samuel perhaps, to be with you.” Could she be any more special? She understood what I was trying to hide. “You would be worth sacrificing everything.”
Just like she did, it isn’t hard for me to understand the sadness of her words either. “No one will ever steal what is yours now. There won’t be another for me, Daisy. No one worth sacrificing everything for me.” The thought of a lonely existence is painful but not as much as of living a lie of loving someone else.
Her eyes widen a fraction as if something just occurred to her but I can’t see much on her face in the dark night that’s nearly over. I want to ask her but I don’t, letting her have a few secrets. “It’s been a long night, no?”
“The longest.” The wistful smile is more than enough of a hint of the unspoken.
“And the best that has ever been.” I add and she doesn’t even need to reply. We both know it is the truth.
“But the night now draws to a close.” I sadly note and this time, her nod is slower, as if showing her hesitation in accepting this fact. “And though it has been an unforgettable adventure, it is time to prepare to return to the world of the living.”
“And to say goodbye.” She repeats and I am overwhelmed by the desire to just walk away from all this. As if there’s a secret way to be together and not have to ever make this kind of decision. But there isn’t. After what I have seen of her, I’m not sure she will ever be this strong to be able to try breaking free of this sentence. The way she looks, like she is holding herself back, is more than enough of an indicator that she too is resisting the urge.
It has been a long night and a lot has been said and done. But still, I feel like there is a huge variety of things we can try. A lifetime worth of words, I note mentally. I lose myself in thoughts so deep that she almost shouts to get my attention. “Yes?”
“I was wondering…” She hesitates for some unknown reason before continuing. “Would you like a tour of my house?” The surprise overcomes any other emotion that might appear and I can almost feel her preparing to back track. So I quickly start nodding.
“Yes. Absolutely yes.” I speak way too eagerly and though tinted with sadness, her smile at my response is still blinding.
“Come on then.” With those words, she leads me back to the entrance. If there’s one thing that I would really like to share, the way we came down would be it. We flew down, like really flew down from the roof and landed on the entrance. Her presence was the only thing that kept me grounded. It had no effect on keeping my forgotten accomplice in check of his behaviour though.
“OH MY GOD! I want to try it too!” Shane screams as soon as we land and Daisy disappears instantly, shocked at the sudden realization that our private moment was intruded. He had been sitting at the porch and we landed almost directly in front of him. “Hey Nick! Can you ask your invisible girlfr-“
“SHUT UP!” I sharply shout before he finishes that word and thankfully he responds. Although a better part of me notes that what I should really be thankful about it is that we didn’t wake up the neighbours with our shouts. To my extreme annoyance, Shane gives me glare and foes back to sitting with a pout. “Enjoy your date with Millie. I got you that.” I point out before walking in through the door that she probably walked through. As soon as I enter, the door slams shut behind me and Daisy appears with her back to me.
“Uh, I… I’m really…” I begin to apologize when I see her shoulders start to shake. “Are you laughing?” I ask incredulously. And just like that, her laughter become audible. Almost right then, I join her when I realize what a comic scene we just went through.
“Thanks to you now, I’m not scary anymore.” Daisy comments when we finally stop. “Apparently, I’m the cool invisible girlfriend now.” She speaks and though her voice is playful, her face reflects her true desires. All laughter fades away as I see how much she wants to be my girlfriend.
“In another lifetime, perhaps. I was hoping you didn’t catch that.” I apologize. She is invisible but still I stretch my hand forward to caress her cheek as if her physical body was still there. And we both gasp in shock when I feel contact.
“You… you can touch me even now?” She speaks out and becomes visible again. The tear filled eyes show much more grief than I ever believed possible. “No one ever could.” She may have wanted to speak more but I don’t let her. Taking her hand, I pull her into me.
And then I kiss her.
If I had to die, I would really be happy to go with her. This kiss, this feeling of the two of us together, is something a lot more powerful and even if I end up forgetting the entire existence I have had so far, I know I won’t forget her. I won’t ever forget this moment. I run out of breath but I don’t break the kiss. I don’t even break it when my knees collapse from the pain in my lungs. She does, though.
The sharp gulp of air is far more painful though. And before it is all in, we are together again. We take our time in exploring each other and when we finally part, I am too dazed to let anything else in. But what comes out from her is something I can’t forget either.
“My first kiss.” She notes in a dazed voice and the male vanity in me inflates my ego at having dazed her.
“Mine too.” I confess as well. “And my second as well. And a third.” And just like that, we are back at it again, needing it more than my next breath. Only this time, I let go of all the warning signs and end up collapsing midway during the kiss due to oxygen shortage. Not a good way to end the kiss.
The kiss brings me back to the reality though and the pain of the realization stops me from even trying to get back up. Because in that moment, I realize I just tasted my forbidden fruit. I will lose her soon and will never feel like this again. And these thoughts are more sobering than anything else could ever be.
She is quiet too and I momentarily fear she is regretting the kisses. But the pitying smile that appears then vanishes that thought. I will take even pity as long as it is not regret. “I can’t bear the thought of staying apart for more than another second now. When I’m gone, how will you survive?”
It is then I realize where I am lying down on. “The perfect end to a pretend-date, huh? We are back on the picnic blanket.” Her face shows shock and I can sense the anger beginning to emerge when she opens her mouth to break my misconceptions.
“Only, nothing about tonight was a meaningful pretend.” She softly speaks and then adds. “I don’t feel like doing the tour right now. Do you mind if we wait a while?” I only nod, unwilling to hasten either.
A hammer then appears out of nowhere and lands between us. “For later.” Daisy clarifies and then takes off the necklace. The ring shines brightly in the early dawn and I feel as if it is preparing to say goodbye as well.
We sit now, with the hammer and ring between us, and wonder what to do now. Do we go on with the tour, stealing few final
moments of each other’s company? Or do we just break the ring get this painful waiting period over with?
We look at each other and then speak up our decision together. “It’s time for the tour now.”
Together, we rise and she leads me over the stairs. “You’ve already been to the dark attic. I never really remember it being lighted for as long as a day. So that place has always been a mystery to me. And also, it was kind of off-limits to me as a child and I never really bothered to go there.” She walks to the attic stairs as she speaks. “For you, I went there for the first time.” She pauses and speaks in a bland tone that still conveys the disappointment she must have felt. “There was nothing really there of importance. What was of importance is here, though.” She points at the bottom of the regular stairs to the attic, rather than the frozen ones I had travelled.
“Um, the stairs?” I ask, completely confused by what she’s implying. I step a little closer to examine them better and note that there is a pattern on the third and fifth step. “Those steps… they look like a doorway.”
I turn to Daisy, who then smiles. “Yes, the stairs are made from the doors of a grand basement that once existed under this house.” With a visible shiver, she adds, “And now it is the home of those pesky rodents. The door was scrapped after decay over years and father chose to use them to make a permanent stairway instead of the previous route of using a ladder. The fourth step was painted over later to hide its true significance. Can you see it now?”
Curious, I turn back to the stairs and examine the fourth step again. I don’t notice anything stand out and so impatiently search through the entire step for anything. It is just as I am about to turn away that I see what she wanted me to.
At the very corner of the step, there’s a sketch that seems to have been engraved into the wood. Considering the subject stands behind me, it isn’t hard to guess why these steps were preserved. “But why as staircase where anyone can step over them?” I ask her as I run my fingers through her face on the wood.
“Why not? No one who ever came after my death ever went to the attic. And since father couldn’t really move a lot on the stairs since quite an early age due to some odd health issue, it was at the exact location for him to be with me.” She pauses and then adds. “But there’s also another reason. Observe that step again. Do it a little slowly this time and check everything.”
It is hard to not just ask for answers but I indulge her game, at least until I do have patience for them. I check for any other portrait or signs on the step and even look at its sides for any clues. I find nothing until I lean on the third step to look closely at the joint with the fifth step and feel it depress a little under me. “There’s really a door underneath it?!” I almost yell in my surprise. Less than a minute later, I find the gap just beneath the fourth step and pull it.
I feel Daisy stiffen a little as if to brace herself and immediately pause, wondering if I am about to do something she doesn’t want me to. “Go on,” she urges me and I uncover the secrets hidden within. I look at the dusty and almost ruined items in front of me and don’t recognize what they are. But I do when she begins explaining. “There are the memories of my life. My toys, my photos, my clothes… or what remains of them. Father saved them initially but hid them from me when I learned control over my form. He probably wanted me to not feel the pain of missing out on creating more memories.” There’s a pause before she continues. “I don’t feel any more pain on seeing them, just have some fond memories attached with them.”
I turn around to her and reply in the best way I can think of. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
Her reply is a small smile before she performs the action of exhaling. Then in a little less subdued tone, she speaks. “Let’s continue the tour. You’ve been to the bedroom of my father as well as my room so there’s no point in lingering there.” This part of the tour goes relatively faster since there really isn’t much to see there.
“The stables were tore down when the land was sold for money.” She continues the tour and leads me to a severely damaged section where isn’t really much for me to see. “This was the servants’ quarters and this area was one I was not supposed to go to but still frequented in my childhood.”
It doesn’t take even a moment to realize the why. “Because Samuel lived here.”
“Yes. And that is why this room, this section, is in the tour.” She confirms my theory just as we stop in front of a room. “There isn’t really anything left of him or Mr Cullingham since it was all thrown away before I could do anything. All I’ve had of him is the ring. And this is why I hesitate to do what you ask.”
Just like that, I realize the meaning of this tour. “This is the end of the short tour, isn’t it? You wanted me to see how you had access to your past but not to his. You were showing me that you’ve only got it as a reminder of all you had.” I pause for the words to sink in. All that comes to forefront is confusion. “But why didn’t you just tell me that? What do you think this tour will change?”
“Nothing.” She speaks in a voice that sounds miles away. “The truth doesn’t change just because I desire so. But I did want you to understand what you are asking of me. You know it is a memento of Samuel for me. But do you really understand it? This is why I ask you here, in front of the room of where my life began in the true sense, are you sure that your method will work? Because… I can’t even entertain the idea of a different reality.” Her right hand absently rises to seek the necklace and she panics for a moment before remembering that she willingly took it off.
“Do I know whether what I am saying is true or not? I don’t really know.” I answer and feel her shoulders stiffen. “But I know that, from what you told me, it seems to be what is still keeping you from being free. And I want you to be free. There’s no guide or book to direct me on how to do this but I am willing to try everything to help you.”
“That is not a satisfactory answer, Nick Demming Peters.” Daisy replies.
“It’s all I’ve got, Daisy McCain. So the question is, are you willing to try for your forever? Because though I don’t want to, I will free you and give you the power to leave.”
“A sacrifice doesn’t demand another sacrifice.” She answers before letting out a sigh. “But if I am being honest to myself, I see no other way to be either. I want to be free.” Then she looks at me directly in the eye rather the floor and finishes her words. “Even if it comes at such a price.”
I nod, understanding that there are a lot of interpretations and she means them all. “Then let’s get back to the picnic table, shall we? There’s no point in delaying.” Only I choose to contradict myself when I lean in and kiss her once again. There isn’t even a small amount of regret in me though.
We are silent when we part, except for my slight panting, and we walk down to the basket and take back the position we had of some time ago when I mentally wondered about the next course of action. “The dawn is about to break, Nick. I would rather not see another morning in this place that has changed beyond recognition but is still hauntingly familiar. No pun intended.”
I respond only with a nod and raise the hammer over my head. Looking in her eyes, I do what I am most hesitant to. I bring the hammer down.
Thud!
There’s a moment of silence before we both look down. Despite the severity of the situation, giggles erupt from our mouths when I see that in my attempt to make the act romantic, I missed my target and hit the floor rather than the ring. “Okay, one more time. And thanks for holding the floor together.”
All she does is control her expression and stop the giggling. This time I choose to sacrifice my attempt at being romantic and aim to strike the hammer down after making sure that my hand will make sure that this time the contact occurs.
“You look any more serious and you might as well burn the ring with your laser vision.” Daisy comments and the humor of it makes me slightly miss the ring, sending it flying. The hammer probably just dented it. We b
oth are laughing as we see the ring fly towards me.
“What are you doing?” I finally gasp out when I can and she gives me an apologetic grin.
“Just creating memories, Nick Demming Peters. Just creating memories for us to remember this moment not in sadness, but in pleasure. But please continue, this time there will be no interruptions from me.”
Grumbling slightly while trying to keep the grin stay off my face, I aim for a third time. There are no interruptions and no error in aiming as I bring the hammer down.
And as the clang of impact sounds on the dented ring, I tell myself that I imagined the faltering of my strength just when I was about to make impact.