Chapter Two
CRISTOFER COLOMBO A Comedy of Discovery. In the Manner of James BranchCabell
In fourteen hundred ninety two In the city of Genoa. --Old Song.
They of Genoa tell with a shrug how in the old days Cristofer Colombowhom men called the Dreamer left Dame Colombo to go in search of theland of his imagining.
And the tale tells how, on a twilight Thursday, Colombo walked aloneon the edge of a doubtful wood, and viewed many things not salutaryto notice. And there came to him one who was as perversely tall asa certain unmentionable object and bearded in a manner it is notconvenient to describe.
But Colombo set about that which the stranger said was necessary andwhen he had finished he drank the contents of the curious skull as hadbeen foretold on a certain All-Saints day. Then it was that the strangerspoke.
"Whom are you", said he, "to be thus wandering in the very unspeakableforest of the very unnamable sorcerer Thyrston?"
Said Colombo, "I have heard of this Thyrston. And while I do notcriticize, yet I cannot entirely agree with your improper use of thepronoun WHOM, and oh my dear sir", said Colombo, "those two VERYS wouldsurely--oh, most surely--be mentioned in 'The Conning Tower'."
"Eh!" said Thyrston, frowning.
"I allude", said Colombo, "to the scribbling of a certain Adams withwhom you are doubtless familiar, and of course, my dear Thyrston", saidColombo, "I spoke only jestingly, for I am Cristofer Colombo whom mencall the Dreamer, and I go in search of the land of my imagining andit is truly a pleasure to meet the greatest sorcerer since Ckellyr, andhow", said Colombo, "is dear Mrs. Thyrston?"
Then Thyrston showed Colombo what was written on the insecure parchment.It frightened Colombo a little, but he assented. And when the sorcererhad borrowed a silk hat and a gold watch he caused the skies to darkenand Colombo saw that which men refuse to believe.
"But, oh, now really sir", said Colombo, "that is indeed extremelyclever and I do wish that the children were here to see it and would youmind, my dear Thyrston", said Colombo, "doing that egg trick again?"
Then Thyrston showed Colombo that he had nothing up either sleeveand after an interval he consented to teach Colombo the secret of hisconjuring.
"Why now to be sure", said Colombo, after he had thoroughly mastered thetrick, "that is indeed quite simple and I am sorry I broke those foureggs by mistake in your silk hat, and while I do not wish to appearoversensitive, do you not think, my dear Thyrston", said Colombo, "thatthe trick would go just as well without those abominable jokes aboutmarried life?"
"My dear sir", said Thyrston, "those jokes have been used by everyconjurer since Merlin, and while perhaps without them your trick wouldwork, yet I have never heard of it being done and I have found", saidThyrston, "that in sorcery the best results are obtained by doing thecustomary thing."
"Which only goes to show", said Colombo, "that sorcery is somewhat akinto business, and now that I think of it", said Colombo, "I believe thatthe term wizard of industry is perhaps not entirely a misnomer."
Thus it was that Colombo took leave of Thyrston, and the tale tellshow on Walburga's Eve he came to the court of King Ferdinand and QueenIsabel. And as he entered one met him who was not unpleasing to the eye,and she was weeping. And, as it was somewhat dark, Colombo decided tocomfort her.
"Now, do you tell me, my dear", said Colombo, after an interval, "whyit is you weep, for I am Colombo whom men call the Dreamer, and I go insearch of the land of my imagining, and I think", said Colombo, "thatyou have most remarkably lovely eyes."
"Oh messire", said the lady, "I weep because it is this evening thatI am to entertain the ladies of our Progress Literary Club, and DonnaMargarita whom men call the Spanish Omelet, but who really, messire, hasa lovely voice, was going to sing 'The Rosary' and now she has a coldand cannot sing, and King Ferdinand is coming, and oh, messire, what",said the lady, "shall I do?"
"Why now, truly", said Colombo, "in Genoa it was the judgment of all thereally musically intelligent ladies, except perhaps my wife, that I sangnot an unpleasing baritone, and while I do not know the song to whichyou refer, yet I have devoted most of my life to the composition of apoem concerning the land of my imagining which might well be sung andbesides that", said Colombo, "I can do a most remarkable egg trick."
So it was that Colombo became for a short time not undeservedly the lifeof the Progress Literary Club party. And the tale tells how, after apaper by Donna Violet Balboa on "Spanish Architecture--Then and Now",Colombo sang to them the song of the land of Colombo's imagining. Andpoignantly beautiful was the song, for in it was the beauty of a poet'sdream, and the eternal loveliness of that vision which men have glimpsedin all ages if ever so faintly. And when he had finished, the eyes ofColombo were wet with tears, for into this poem had he woven thedreams of his disillusionment. And somewhat ironical to Colombo was theapplause of those fine ladies who did not at all understand.
"Now that is a pretty song", said King Ferdinand, "and do you tell us,Colombo, how one may get to this land, so that I may extend the bordersof my most Catholic Kingdom and spread the teachings of the true faith,for to bring the world under the blessed influence of my religion is myonly purpose, and really now", said King Ferdinand, "is there as muchgold there as you describe?"
"Ah, King Ferdinand", replied Colombo, "there is more gold than ever Ican tell, and I see only too plainly how grievously you suffer to thinkthat perhaps these people are living in ignorance of the true faith.And I could ask nothing better than that King Ferdinand give me shipsin which I may sail to the westward and come at last to the land of myimagining. This I would do in order that the blessed soldiers ofKing Ferdinand who will follow me may show to the inhabitants of mydiscovered land the grievous errors of their ways and bring them at lastto a realization of the true faith which has been so helpful to our owndear Spain, and", added Colombo, "our gracious sovereign Ferdinand."
And droll it was to Colombo to think what might possibly happen wereKing Ferdinand to take his dream seriously or were the King perhaps tobe informed as to the true meaning of Colombo's subtleties.
"Well, now", said King Ferdinand, "of course, to fit out such anexpedition would require great expense, my dear Colombo--greatexpense. And, of course, you know, Colombo, that when investors can buyInquisition 4 1/4's for 89 it would be extremely difficult to raise themoney for such a speculative project--oh, extremely difficult. And thenyou must consider the present depression--tell me now, Colombo", saidKing Ferdinand, "how long do you think this depression will last, for Iseek, above all things, a return to healthy normalcy."
"Well, truly", replied Colombo, "that would be most difficult to say. Inote that on Rodigruez Babsyn's last chart--"
"I wish this Babsyn and his charts were in hell", said King Ferdinand,"for it was he who advised me to sell Queen Isabel's silver holdings.But it occurs to me, Colombo, that in connection with this land-of-goldscheme of yours, you mentioned something about sailing to the westward.Now Colombo, that would be a distinct disadvantage when it came tomarketing the bonds, for as you must already know, one cannot sail tothe west without encountering fierce and enormous monsters who swallow,I am told, whole ships at a gulp."
"Now as to that", said Colombo, somewhat embarrassed at the turn of theconversation for WEST had merely happened to better suit the rhymes ofhis poem, "you may be right, and I should not go so far as to say youare wrong, but still at the same time", said Colombo, "is there anygentleman in the audience who can lend me an egg and a silk hat?"
And when an unmentionable egg and a doubtful silk hat had been producedin a manner which it is not convenient to mention Colombo rolled up bothhis sleeves and spoke the magic speech as he had learned it on a certainThursday from the sorcerer Thyrston.
"Ladies and gentlemen", said Colombo, "I have here a common householdegg which I shall now ask the ushers to pass among you so you may seefor yourself that there are no wires or strings attached. While this isbeing done, ladies and gentlemen, I wish that t
hree of you would step upon the stage. Any three--don't be bashful girls--I won't hurt you. Won'tthat couple over there kindly oblige me--that married couple--no, folks,I guess they aren't married either--they look too happy."
Very painful it was to Colombo to hear these horrible jokes comingfrom his mouth, but Thyrston had quoted the authority of all successfulsorcerers and not for anything would Colombo have had his trick afailure.
"Now ladies and gentlemen", said Colombo, "I am going to ask this ladyand these two gentlemen if they will be so good as to see if they cantake this little egg and make it stand on end without any support."
And very droll it was to see the unsuccessful attempts which the threemade. Finally Colombo said:
"Now ladies and gentlemen, I want you to watch me closely. I put thesilk hat on my head--thus. And I take the egg in my right hand--thus.Now, if this young lady will be kind enough to hold my left hand--I hopethat her best fellow doesn't mind letting such a pretty girl hold myhand--it's lucky my wife can't see me, though--a friend said to me theother day, 'Who was that lady I seen you with?' and I said, 'That wasn'tno lady, that was my wife'. Now ladies and gentlemen I take this egg,and in order to make it stand upright I tap one end gently--thus againstthe table until that end is flattened--and then, presto--the egg standsupright. Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you one and all for your kindattention."
Thus it was that Colombo impressed King Ferdinand and his court with hisprofound knowledge of geography. Next the tale tells how there came toColombo on Michaelmas Eve one sent by Queen Isabel, And when Colombo hadbuckled on his sword Impavide he followed the messenger through windingcorridors and came at last to the chamber of the Queen. And as he kneltbefore her it seemed to Colombo that never before had he seen suchunforgettable beauty as shone in the eyes of Queen Isabel. Yes, truly,this was the loveliest girl that Colombo had ever imagined.
"Now do you rise", said she, "and you and I shall have a nice chat alonehere together, and you can tell me all about geography of which I amoh, frightfully ignorant. In truth", said she, "I have tried toget Ferdinand to instruct me, but I fear", said Queen Isabel, "thatFerdinand does not understand me."
So Colombo instructed Queen Isabel in the fundamentals of geography. Andafter a while he spoke.
"Now many people", said Colombo, "believe that the earth is flat, but",said Colombo, "such is not at all the case."
And after an interval Colombo said, "There, my dear, do you not see howridiculous it is to suppose that the earth is anything but round?"
"Why surely, sire", said Queen Isabel, "you make it appear very round.And I wonder that I had not thought of that before. And I think", saidQueen Isabel, "that geography is a most fascinating subject and oh,messire Colombo", said the Queen, "you must come and instruct me often."
Thus it was that Colombo became Royal Geographer. And the tale tells howafter a while various whisperings came to King Ferdinand of his queen'scurious enthusiasm for study.
"Now about this geography", said King Ferdinand one evening to theQueen, "I am, my dear, indeed glad to see you take an interest in suchan important study and I have arranged", said the King, "to have yourtutoring in the future done by Father Bernadino who has had fifty-twoyears' experience at the University, and your lessons", said the King,"will commence tomorrow."
Said the Queen, "How can I thank you enough, dear Ferdinand, for youruntiring interest in my welfare. For I have been struggling along inmy study of geography with a horribly dull clod whose name", said theQueen, "I cannot remember."
"Was it, by any chance, Colombo?" asked the King.
"Perhaps", said the Queen. "But I am oh so glad to be rid of him." Andindeed so great was the happiness of Queen Isabel that her pillow thatnight was wet with tears.
But King Ferdinand was an unusually efficient king, and he spared nopains in his craving for normalcy. So it was that the next day he calledto him the man who had chanced to be Royal Geographer before the coupd'oeuf of Colombo.
"Now tell me", said the King, "is there any chance that a man who sailsto the westward will ever return?"
"None, your Majesty", said the ex-Royal Geographer. "For many have triedand horrible are the tales which they tell of demons and monsters lyingin wait for the ships of men. And I should say definitely, oh King",said he, "that whoever sails to the westward will never return."
And the tale tells how that afternoon Colombo stood before KingFerdinand. And very strange to Colombo was the enthusiasm which burnedin the King's otherwise somewhat fishlike eye.
"For know you, Colombo", the King was saying, "that God has spoken to meand commanded me to save from the fires of hell the inhabitants of thosegolden lands of which you sang. And to you, my dear Colombo, is tobe given the chance which you so ardently desire. For I have this daypurchased three ships which await your command, and within a week youshould be well on your way on this glorious mission for God and forSpain, and", said the King, "I might add that the Queen, too, is muchinterested in this voyage and has even been persuaded to dispose of herjewels in order that you may make haste."
"Such instant obedience to the will of God", said Colombo, "and suchfine enthusiasm to further His kingdom on earth, does your Majestiesgreat credit. And I shall indeed congratulate the inhabitants of thisto-be-discovered land for their good fortune in obtaining such a devoutKing."
And the tale tells how that night Colombo took leave of Queen Isabel."Now do not weep, oh Queen", said he, "for I am only Colombo whom mencall the Dreamer, and I go in search of the land of my imagining, andperhaps", said Colombo, "I shall return." But they tell how Queen Isabelrefused to be comforted for many and many a day. And unexplainablycurious to Father Bernadino was his absolute and complete failure asa royal instructor in geography, for Father Bernadino had taught forfifty-two years at the University.
And so it was that Colombo sat alone in the cabin of the ship whichcarried him towards the land of his imagining. And strange and somewhatfearsome it was to the sailors to see their captain sitting thusmotionless night after night, for already had they left the Canaries farbehind and some there were who said that a madman commanded their ship,and others who whispered of horrible monsters in these western seas.
And the tale tells how one night Colombo observed across his tableone who had not been sitting there a moment before and whose hair wasstrangely red.
"Well now, truly, sir", said Colombo, "This is very curious. For I donot remember seeing you among the crew nor were you ever at the court,and on the whole", said Colombo, "your red hair and your sneering grininterrupt my dreams, and dreams", said Colombo, "are all that I haveleft."
"For know you, sir", continued he to the stranger who did not speak,"that on this earth man has been able to endure only by playing the apeto his dreams. And in every generation", said Colombo, "there have beenthose who dreamed of beautiful things and in every age there have beenthose who caught some glimpse of that perfect beauty which the Greekscall Helen, and to have seen Helen", said Colombo, "is to have beentouched with divine and unbearable madness."
And it became strangely quiet in the cabin as Colombo continued:
"And those authors who wrote perfectly of beautiful dreams", said he,"will, perchance, endure, and those who saw only men as they are, willperish--for so has it been in the past and so will it be in the future.All of which", said Colombo, "is a rather tiresome and pedantic excusefor the fact that I am about to read you my own poem."
And Colombo read to the stranger the dream of the land of Colombo'simagining, and when he had finished the stranger smiled and shook hishead sadly.
"Come, now," said Colombo, somewhat hurt. "Do not, I pray you, pretendto like it unless you really do. Of course it is not at all the kind ofthing that will sell, is it--and the metre must be patched up in places,don't you think? And some of the most beautiful passages would never bepermitted by the censor--but still--" and Colombo paused hopefully, forit was Colombo's poem and into it he had poured the heart of his lifeand it seemed to him now, mor
e than ever, a beautiful thing.
The stranger handed Colombo a book.
"There", said he, "is the land of your imagining", and in his eyesgleamed a curious sardonic mockery.
And Colombo read the book. And when he had finished his face was greyas are old ashes in ancient urns, and about the mouth of him whom mencalled the Dreamer were curious hard lines.
"Now, by Heaven", said Colombo brandishing his sword Impavide, "you lie.And your Gopher Prairie is a lie. And you are all, all contemptible,you who dip your pens in tracing ink and seek to banish beautiful dreamsfrom the world."
But the red-haired stranger had vanished and Colombo found that he wasalone and to Colombo the world seemed cheerless and as a place that nonehas lived in for a long time.
"Now this is curious", mused Colombo, "for I have evidently beendreaming and a more horrible dream have I never had, and I think", saidColombo, "that while all this quite certainly did not actually takeplace, yet that grinning red head has upset me horribly and on thewhole", said Colombo, "I believe the safest course would be to put backat once for Spain, for certainly I have no desire to take the remotestchance of discovering anything which may in the least resemble thatGopher Prairie."
And the tale tells that as Colombo started for the deck in order thathe might give the signal for the return to Spain, there came across thewater from one of the other ships the faint cry of a sailor. And thesailor was waving his hat and shouting, "Land Ho!"
Thus it was that Cristofer Colombo became the discoverer of the land ofhis imagining, and as he stood on the deck Colombo mused.
"Now this is a sorrowful jest and a very unfair jest that is happening,"said he. "For I who have dreamed a beautiful dream of the land of myimagining will quite probably henceforth be known only as the discovererof what will turn out to be merely one more hideous and stupid country."And tears came to the eyes of Colombo, for on the waves behind himfloated the torn and scattered pages of the poem which sang the imaginedvision of Beauty of him whom men long and long ago called the Dreamer.
Thus it was in the old days.
ANALYSIS AND SUMMARY OF THE FOREGOING ARTICLE In the Manner of Dr. FrankCrane
There is a lesson for us all in this beautiful story of how Columbusrealized his ambition to be a great discoverer.
Men called Columbus a Dreamer--but that is just what folks once saidabout Thomas A. Edison and Henry Ford.
The world has a place for Dreamers--if they are Practical Dreamers.
Columbus was ambitious. Ambition is a great thing if it is unselfishambition. By unselfish I mean for the greatest good of the greatestnumber. Shakespeare, the great teacher, shows us in "Macbeth" whathappens to the selfishly ambitious man.
Columbus got ahead by paying attention to small details. Whatever hedid, he did to the best of his ability. Even when engaged in teachinggeography to the Queen, Columbus was the best geography teacher he knewhow to be. And before long he was made Royal Geographer.
In our daily lives let us all resolve to be good teachers of geography.We may not all become Royal Geographers--but there will be to us thelasting satisfaction of having done our best. And that, as a greaterthan I has said, is "more precious than rubies--yea, than much finegold".