“But fire is fun.”
I yank on his hand gently to make sure I have his attention. “No. Fire is dangerous. Fire hurts people. It can burn you and melt your skin right off like butter. Do you understand?”
He nods, but I see a flare of defiance in there. It makes me sigh. This will not be his last fire. Not by a long shot.
“If you want to play with fire, you have to wait and only do it with me or Dad, okay? Promise me.”
“I don’t wanna.” Jersey looks over his shoulder at Mick who’s come out from his pillow hiding spot. Thankfully he’s not laughing anymore.
Mick gives Jersey frown. “She’s right, J-Man. Fires are really dangerous sometimes. It’s not a game.”
Jersey sighs out heavily. “Fine. I’ll wait for you or Dad. Or Micky Mouse. I’ll wait for him.”
My father walks over and puts his arm over Jersey’s shoulders. “What do you say we go find Mom and apologize?”
“I don’t want to. I want to stay with Sister.” Jersey takes my hand and squeezes it.
I pat him on the fingers and fake a huge yawn. “Oh, man, I am soooo tired. I think I’m going to take a nap so I can get better and come home tonight. I hope someone bought me some pizza or something.”
Jersey yanks on my hand, making jabs of pain shoot out from my chest. “We can get pizza, right, Dad?!” He looks up at our father with shining eyes.
“Yes. Pizza night sounds like an excellent idea.” My dad leans over and kisses me on the head. “I’ll come back for you later. Doc says you should be able to leave around six tonight.”
“Don’t forget my clothes,” I say at his back as he’s leaving, my brother in hand.
“Flannel. Gotcha.”
I look over at Mick. “Better make it jeans and a t-shirt.” I don’t want him to have to keep seeing me at my worst. “And a brush! Don’t forget a brush and a toothbrush too.”
My dad waves absently over his shoulder as he gets a tight grip on Jersey. “See ya later, alligator.”
“After a while, crocodile,” I say quietly as the door shuts behind him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
THE SILENCE STRETCHES OUT LIKE a rubber band between Mick and me. The pressure is mounting to the point of being unbearable, but he seems untouched by it. The only sounds in the room are the beeps from the heart monitor over Mick’s bed, and it’s back to counting out a normal rhythm.
I lie there staring at the ceiling, my mind rushing from memory to thought to memory and back again, a thousand miles an hour. Everything is a jumble and I have no idea where to go from here. Do I talk about our date? The weather? Colin? Teagan and Rebel? The court case? The price of tea in China? The eternal question of what exactly it is that the fox says? Because I’m pretty sure it’s not ‘a-hee a-hee a-HEE’.
Mick saves me from trying to figure it out by talking first. “Your family is awesome.”
I look over to see if he’s joking, but he has an easy smile on his face.
“Are you serious? They’re insane.”
“They’re fun.”
“Mick. My brother just tried to light your bed on fire.”
“Nah, he was just playing.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” I say, smiling. Talk about a good sport. Man, anyone else I know would have called the cops on that little shit.
“I never had a family like that.” His voice is small. Sad. Maybe wistful.
I frown, not sure why he feels that way. I’ve seen him with his brothers. “Colin’s family. Rebel’s family. Teagan told me you had a mother … a foster mother. Right?”
He sighs before answering. I wait what seems like a long time for his reply.
“Colin is my older brother, but we spent a lot of years apart. He was put into the system first and then my mom had me later. I was with her for a couple years before they took me too.”
My heart squeezes uncomfortably in my chest for him. I’ve never had to worry about things like this in my life. I might have a brother who lights shit on fire and licks cat turds when our backs are turned, but I’ve never had to doubt the security of my home or my bed or my parents’ dedication to my health and upbringing. Even now with my mom seriously pissed at me, I know she’d lay down her life for me, no questions asked. I never stopped to think about people like Mick who don’t have that. Maybe in passing, but not seriously. It never struck me how sheltered my life has been until now, right here in this hospital bed. I feel small and stupid.
“Why did they take you away?” I ask.
“Drugs. She was an addict. She tried to get clean, but she always hooked up with the wrong guys and then she’d start using again. She was a mess.”
“You say was. She’s better now? Or … not alive?”
“I assume she’s dead. I haven’t seen her since I was little kid.”
My emotions are all over the place. Sadness. Horror. Anger at the injustice of it all. “That’s awful,” I say, because it is. I could not imagine my parents doing that to us. I hope I haven’t insulted him by saying that about his mom.
“Yeah, it was. But Emily raised me up right and I had Rebel looking out for me and sometimes Colin too, so it wasn’t all bad.” He looks over at me. “I’m a real catch, huh?”
The vulnerability I see behind the cocky smile is devastating to my heart. It falls into a million little pieces and I rush to put it together. For both of us.
“You are a catch. Where you come from doesn’t matter. Well, it matters, but not like that. Not like you’re saying.”
“I don’t get it,” he says.
“I know. I’m all messed up in the head.” I close my eyes and open them again, trying to get it all straight in my brain. Gesturing with my hand seems to help, so I wave it around over the bed as I speak. “I’m saying that who your parents are, how they treated you, that doesn’t say anything about who you are. Not to me, anyway. It’s what you do with yourself later that matters. And I see you working hard, being a good person. You helped Teagan get her job there at Rebel Wheels and you’ve been very supportive.” My arm drops to my side once more.
“Teagan got her own job there. That was all on her.”
“She told me you were helpful and I believe her. And you’ve been nothing but nice to me.”
He looks at the ceiling again. “I wouldn’t say that if I were you.”
Misgivings climb into my brain and start poking me, prodding me, making me doubt everything I thought I knew about his good intentions. “What do you mean?” The mood in the room goes dark.
“Never mind.” He turns his head away from me. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m pretty tired. I think these drugs are hitting me pretty hard. Would you mind shutting the curtain for a little while?”
The hurt goes deep. Ugh. Rejection. Fuck that shit. I’m angry all over again, just like that. “How about if I just arrange for a room switch? Or I could go wait for my parents out in the waiting room, give you a private room all to yourself.”
He looks at me again, pissed. “Don’t be like that.”
“Don’t be like what?” I say innocently. “Like all hot and cold? All nice and then all assholey? Why would I do that?”
He rolls his eyes and it seems like he’s not going to respond. But then he looks at me and does. “When I asked you out, I was just interested in having a good time, okay? No offense.”
“So?” I back my head up, playing off the hurt. “That’s why I agreed to go too. Good times. Nothing wrong with that.” God, this sucks. My heart is literally aching. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
“You know what I mean.” He sighs with either frustration or disappointment. I don’t care which it is. Now he’s insulted me.
I feel stupid and used and naive as hell. I really hate feeling that way. His hurtful words have put me on the offensive and I am so going to take him down a notch or two.
“Yes, I know exactly what you mean. You think you’re the only one who likes to have a good time, no strings attached? Hellion? You’re the only one who l
ikes to party? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but you’re not. And you might be cute, but you’re not marriage material, okay? That’s why I said yes when you asked me out. All I wanted was a fucking good time and now you’re turning it into something stupid.”
My face is on fire again. There’s no smoke this time, but I guess that’s because Jersey isn’t in here with the lighter anymore. If it’s possible to die from humiliation, it will happen to me right … now.
Riiight … now.
Now.
Now would be good.
Aaaany time.
Death?
Grim reaper?
Are you there?
Nope. I’m still here. Still embarrassed as hell.
Dammit.
“You don’t mean that,” he says. “You’re not a party girl.”
Embarrassment is slowly morphing back into anger, and I’m not going to fight it. I’m way better with angry than I am with that other icky emotion. “Screw you, you don’t know me. You think no girl can resist your charms, is that it? Colin’s not the only lady killer in the family, is that what you’re trying to say? What? Is this some kind of fucked-up competition between you two? How many girls you can sleep with in a week?”
“No, don’t be stupid.”
“Oh, so I’m stupid now too. Excellent. Go ahead. Don’t stop now. Why don’t you talk about my hair too while we’re at it. Frizzy, right? Fine.” I turn on my side away from him.
“What …? No. No. I didn’t say anything about your hair.” He mutters and then starts talking normal again. “What …? Wait … how did that just happen?”
“What?” I say, pouting. Angry. Sad. Hurt. Offended as hell. God, I’m so stupid! When will I ever learn?
“You’re doing this on purpose,” he accuses.
“I’m doing what on purpose?” I refuse to turn and look at him.
“You’re trying to make me think I’m crazy. Putting words in my mouth and meaning into my words that isn’t there.”
“Whatever. Go to sleep. You’re tired, remember?”
“No, I’m not going to sleep right now. I want to finish this.”
I flip over all of a sudden. “Well, by all means, then, finish it! Don’t let me stand in your way. What was that you were saying? That I’m naive? Stupid? Thought the wrong things about our little so-called date?”
“What?”
He looks honestly confused, but I’m on a roll.
“Let’s get something straight, okay? Whatever your intentions were, it doesn’t matter now. The fates have spoken. You wanted to have a good time with me, I wanted to have a good time with you, but it didn’t work out. It’s not meant to be. And even if it was, I’d reject it. I would say no, okay? I don’t have the time or the room in my life for any guy. Not you and definitely not Colin.” I hit the bed with my fist. “Game over. Game over before it even started.” I throw back the covers and stand next to the bed.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
I grab the curtain and yank it hard. It flies towards the middle of the space between us, blocking the view I have of him and the whole front half of the room.
“Go to sleep,” I say, disgusted with the whole conversation.
“I can’t. I need to talk to you. You don’t understand.”
“Oh, I understand. I understand completely.” I roll over and put my pillow over my head to block out his voice.
Muffled sounds make it through, so I respond. “I can’t hear you. I have my pillow over my head, so just go to sleep and leave me alone.”
The sounds stop and I relax just a fraction. I’m almost to the point of dozing when I feel someone touch my arm.
I go ballistic, throwing the pillow back and sitting up. “Don’t touch me, asshole!” I yell.
Teagan is standing there with her face frozen in a mask of complete and utter shock.
“Oh. You’re not Mick.”
“No, I am not.” Her eyebrows are up in her hair again. “Ready to go?”
“God, yes,” I say, flinging my sheets back and getting out of bed. “Where are my clothes?”
“They’re in my car. I wanted to check if you were ready before I brought them up.”
“Where are my parents?”
“I told them I’d come get you. They’re at home. You sure you’re ready?”
“Yes, I’m definitely ready.” I storm out of the room, Teagan trailing behind me.
“But your ass is hanging out,” she says, coming up behind me as I move down the hall.
I clutch at the flapping material. “I don’t care. Just get me away from him before I … before I …” God, he’s so frustrating. I can’t even talk anymore. A lump fills up my throat, threatening to choke me.
Teagan puts her arm around my waist, effectively securing my gown closed and giving me the support I desperately need. “Don’t worry, Quinlan. Everything’s going to be fine. You’re not alone in this.”
I cry all the way to her Beetle.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I’M SOBBING AND I CAN’T seem to stop. “I fucked up, Tea. I fucked up. I fucked up.”
She’s driving and patting me on the leg, the shoulder, the head, the face. “Shhhhh, babe, just relax. You are so on your period right now.”
“I’m not, I’m not … I fucked up. I said some seriously mean shit in there.” I keep replaying my own words in my head and I’m thoroughly disgusted with myself. My mouth just got away from me or something. I don’t know why I keep letting that happen. It’s like I’m in self-destruct mode or something.
“I need you to get your butt together. Alissa’s at the apartment and she’s already freaking out about every little thing. I can’t have her freaking out over you too. Seriously. Get those lady-balls out of your purse and put them in your panties, just for a few hours.”
“I can’t. I suck. I suck. Just bring me home.”
“Really?” She stops the car at the traffic light and looks at me. “You want to go home now instead of my place?”
“No. Yes. No. Take me home.” I breathe out heavily and lean back against the seat. “My mom is pissed at me. I was a shit to her too.”
Teagan does a massively illegal u-turn and heads the opposite direction. “We’ll go to your place first, get you cleaned up, you can apologize to your mom and then we’ll go to my place.”
“What’s so urgent about going to your place now? Can’t I go next week?” I seriously do not want to see any of those guys at Rebel Wheels ever again.
“Colin wants to talk to you. I think you should hear him out before he lets his mind wander too much and gets too worked up over everything that happened.”
“No. I’m done talking to that ass-monkey. He got me in big trouble. He almost killed his brother.”
“Mick started the fight, so no one is blaming Colin for that. Colin held back and got his face punched about five times before he swung one time.”
“That was one hell of a swing, though.”
“Yeah, well, he has anger management issues. He’s working on it.”
“Pfft. Better work harder.” I stare out the window, letting the scenery buzz by without paying it any attention. Since when did my life become so ridiculous? This summer was supposed to boring. I was going to knit scarves for shit’s sake.
We pull up into my driveway and no one comes out to greet me. “God, this sucks,” I say, staring at the front door. Not even Jersey is coming out. He always waits for me to come home.
“It’ll be fine.” She’s texting on her phone.
“Is Rebel expecting you back?”
“Yes. I’ll just walk you in and then come back later.”
I make my way up the front walkway slowly. My feet feel like they have cement boots on them.
“Come on, slow-poke.” Teagan pushes me along.
“Maybe I’ll just go to your place,” I say, stopping at the front door.
“Nope. We’re here now. Go take a shower, get on your cute jeans with the hole in the kne
es and call me. I’ll come get you.”
I turn the handle of the door. “I’m an asshole, Tea. You should just cut me loose right now.”
She leans forward and kisses me on the cheek. “You are my best friend and you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. Now go.” She puts her hand over mine and turns the handle, pushing the door in when the latch releases.
“SURPRISE!”
The sound of a group of what sounds like fifty voices hits me full in the eardrums.
And then a puff of shredded paper smashes into my face, blinding me when some of it nails my eyeballs directly.
“Hello, Sister!” Jersey screams, jumping into my arms. “You’re finally home!”
I bury my face into his nasty, stinky hair and smile so hard it hurts my face. I have to spit pieces of Jersey-made confetti out of my mouth but that doesn’t diminish my happiness one bit. I think it makes it bigger.
My parents come up and put their arms around all four of us. Teagan tries to step away, but they pull her in too.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I say, trying not to cry, trying to be an adult and apologize without the drama.
“You’re forgiven, sweat pea. I’m just glad you’re home.”
So much for being an adult. I fall into a mess of tears and snot and all the other attractive things that come along with a full-on emotional breakdown.
Teagan hugs me hard before detaching herself from the love pile-on. “You are so on your period right now,” she says into my ear just before pulling away and walking to the door. “Later, Torreses! I’ll be back!”
“You can’t stay for pizza?” my dad asks her.
“Nah. Maybe I’ll have some leftovers.” She shuts the door before my mom can hound her into staying.
Jersey and my dad leave me for the kitchen after a few more tight squeezes all around. I walk arm-in-arm with my mom and follow behind them.
“You’re not mad at me?” I ask.
“Maybe a little. But I’ll get over it.”
“Mom?” I pause, stopping in the hallway. We’re the only ones there, the rest of the family already swarming over the pizza boxes ahead of us in the next room.