“Yes?” She reaches up and moves my hair over my ear.
“How did you know that Dad was the one guy for you? I mean, was it perfect right from the beginning?”
She gives me a sad smile, the wrinkles around her eyes going deeper. “No, it wasn’t. I suppose some people have that kind of relationship, but with your dad and me it was fits and starts. Nothing has ever been easy in our life together.”
“Are you sad about that? Do you regret it?” I search her eyes for honesty. She’s not joking or messing with me, I can tell. She looks tired, but happy.
“Not for a second.” She hugs me to her tight. “Your dad is the best thing that ever happened to me. Look at the wonderful children he gave me.”
I snort over her shoulder. “Yeah. One that cusses like a sailor and another one who lights hospitals on fire.”
“Guess what boring is,” she says.
“What?” I’m confused.
“Guess what boring is,” she says again.
“I don’t know. What’s boring?”
“Boring. Boring is boring. Who wants a boring life?”
“Me?”
“Bullshit,” she says. “Only assholes want boring lives.”
I laugh and cry until I reach the pizza. Then I just inhale cheese and pepperoni like it’s going out of style, all the while surrounded by the love of my ridiculously not-boring family.
There’s only one tiny little thing missing from this picture, but I don’t spend a whole lot of time thinking about that one little thing. No use worrying about parts of my life I cannot change. I have a future to get to, starting when Teagan shows up later to pick me up.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
A LONG, HOT SHOWER DOES a little bit of good for my mood, although it doesn’t fully restore it. I don’t think that’s even possible at this point. There’s too much unresolved in my life and too many unanswered questions about my near future. But at least the horror that was my hair is now gone.
I’m sporting long, smooth locks with a light curl to them instead of a helmet o’frizz. I use the straightening iron to get every last bit of crispiness out of my dark, kinky hair. As ridiculous as it sounds, I want to try and fix things that can be fixed. My life is a mess, but my hair? … Not so much. At least I have that going for me. I just wish I could care about my eyebrows too, but I don’t. I keep looking in the mirror and wondering what Mick sees when he looks at me. It makes me sad when I realize it’s probably nothing special.
“Hey, ho,” says Teagan, walking up the hallway and stopping in my doorway.
“Hey, ho,” I say back, pulling a cardigan over my arms. “Time to make like a baby and head out?”
“No, time to make like a hockey player and get the puck out of here.”
I take my purse from the bed and sling it over my shoulder. “You sure this is a good idea?” I ask as we head out the front door. I’m so not looking forward to going over to Rebel Wheels right now. The only reason I’m going at all is for Teagan. I don’t want anything I’ve done to get between her and her man-meat.
“Yes,” she says. “Definitely. I’d rather we just get everything worked out and out in the open. Then we can start fresh.”
When we slam the doors shut on the Beetle it sounds like we’re closing ourselves into a tin can. I wonder why I’ve never noticed it before. My life has gotten dimmer today. There are no silver linings - only clouds. Gah, I need to have sex or something and get some spark back into my life. This is lame.
As Teagan pulls away from the curb, I remember something about her case that came up when my mom was visiting me in the hospital, and I’m happy for the distraction my wandering brain has provided. “My mom said that you and I have an appointment at the lawyer’s office Monday.”
“Yeah.” Teagan glances at me before going back to looking at the road. “I hope that’s okay. I told them you’d come.”
“Yeah, it’s fine. But what do they want from me?”
“They want to talk to you about your report again. I guess the lawyer for my step-mother has contacted them with some kind of settlement offer and they want to be sure they understand everything they’re looking at.”
My depression has been replaced by nervousness. Goody. “Don’t they have an expert they’re paying who can do that?”
“Yes, but I guess there’s something about how you did it that they like. Just say you’ll come. I’ll treat you to lunch after.”
“Sure, no problem.” I shrug, staring out the side window. “No big deal, right?” I should be more excited about the opportunity to talk with a fancy legal team about my work, but I just can’t get there. I’m seeing Mick in that hospital bed, over and over. His disappointment. His sadness. His anger at me. Ugh.
Neither of us says anything for a little while. I let the high pitched buzzing of The Beast’s engine mesmerize me as my brain wanders through my memories. I keep picturing Mick’s face, going gray and pained as he collapses outside his car. My heart seizes up in my chest as I picture him not being here on this earth anymore. I’m so glad I got him to the hospital on time, even though it involved me getting electrocuted.
“Are you okay?” Teagan asks. We’re sitting at a stoplight.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” I look over and give her the best smile I can manage.
“Bullshit.” She puts the tiny shifter into first gear and pulls out into the intersection.
“No, I’m fine. Really.”
“It’s Mick, isn’t it?”
“No.” I try to act like her guess is stupid.
“Colin?”
“No! Jesus, not Colin.” I shake my head, suddenly angry for no good reason.
“Geez, okay. No need to have a frigging cow.”
I smile without humor. “You are so old school sometimes.”
She grins. “I know, right? Rebel said Mick was having a cow the other day and I made myself memorize it. I swore I’d use it at least five times before next weekend.”
“Rebel said have a cow? I don’t believe that.” I shake my head, trying to picture it. “You made that up.”
“No, seriously. He’s funny.”
“I’ll just have to trust you on that,” I say, not sure I believe her stories. She’s too in love to know what’s what with that guy. “How’s Alissa doing?” I ask, in an obvious attempt to change the subject. Luckily, Teagan takes the hint and runs with it.
“Fine, I guess. She keeps to herself. She hasn’t left the apartment. All she does is read.”
“I guess that’s good.” The surroundings become familiar as we get closer to Rebel Wheels. “Has she said anything about who the father is?”
“No. And I’m not pushing her either. I don’t want her to run away because she thinks we’re going to strong-arm her or anything.”
The way she says that makes me look over. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, just chill-out when you’re around her. Go easy. She’s seriously freaked out over the pregnancy or her parents or whatever. I’m not sure what the source of her mood is, actually, but she’s messed up.”
“Fine.” I try not to be offended by what she’s insinuating. “I can be chill.”
She pats my leg. “I know you can. Now don’t pout.”
“I’m not pouting.”
“Yes, you are. Oh, and good news … Colin’s going to make a ton of cash from that show.”
“Really? How much?” Now there’s a tiny ray of sunshine. Some good will come out of this mess.
“I’ll let him tell you.” She pulls into the parking lot and shuts off the engine as she rolls into the space by the front door.
“I hate surprises,” I say, getting out of the car. The pain in my chest from the taser is almost nothing now, but I cringe anyway. All my efforts at gaining pity are wasted, though, since Teagan’s not looking at me.
Teagan leads the way through her office and up the stairs to Rebel’s apartment. I look down the hall uneasily at Colin’s door, but it doesn
’t open.
As I walk into Rebel’s place, the first thing I see is Alissa sitting on the couch with an e-reader in her hand. She glances up and says, “Hi,” before going back to her book or whatever it is she’s looking at.
“Hi. How are you feeling?” I ask.
“Good.” She doesn’t even look up this time.
Alrighty, then. I look around and suddenly notice she’s not the only one in the room. Colin is in the far corner and he’s staring at me.
I’m instantly nervous, breaking out in a cold sweat. I can feel my hair wanting to frizz. Dammit.
“Hi, Quin. Thanks for coming over,” he says.
My eyes narrow and some anger slips back into my heart. Mick is lying in a hospital room right now, lighter in the organ department because of him.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asks. His voice is cautious. Calm. Way cooler than mine.
“No.” I grip my purse strap hard with both hands. Teagan warned me about making a scene with asking Alissa questions; I’m pretty sure making a scene includes causing one in her general vicinity too.
“Quin, go talk to him. Please?” Teagan is not playing. She sounds tired and sad.
I blow a gust of hot breath up onto my forehead. “Fine. Talk.” I stare at a spot over his head. I can’t look him in the eyes right now. I feel guilty for some stupid reason.
“I’d rather do it at my place,” he says.
“Bad idea,” I say. “Do it here.”
“If you guys don’t mind, maybe it would be better if you did it over there,” says Alissa, suddenly coming out of her book stupor. Her face is all pinched and snooty-looking.
My mouth drops open. What the …? How dare she? What … she’s here for a day or two and suddenly this is her place and she’s calling the shots?
Teagan sees my expression and comes rushing over. “Yes, what a good idea. Go on over to Colin’s place so we can just relax over here. Without all the noise and stuff. Right? That would be good, right?” Teagan frowns at me and then gives me a huge fake smile that stretches from one ear to the other across her face. Her earlier lecture about not upsetting Alissa comes back to haunt me.
“Fine. I’ll go out to the hallway.” I leave the room without looking at anyone, refusing to acknowledge Teagan’s attempts at making it up to me with smiles and a thumbs-up sign. I’m totally going to slap her ass later for this one. And Alissa … boy when she’s done being pregnant, she’s going to hear it from me.
I’m not out there alone for long. Colin joins me, but he moves past me and goes to his door.
“I told you, out here. I’m not going in there.” I grab my purse strap with both hands again and squeeeeeeze.
“That’s fine. I just want to get something. Be right back.”
I stand there tapping my foot and breathing angrily. Huffs of air come out and my eyes roll to the ceiling and then all around. I’ve worked myself up into full-on panty twistage by the time he comes back out.
Thing is, I can’t actually see him. There are too many damn yellow roses covering his face.
My heart drops into my abdominal cavity and the anger that was previously burning up my brain disappears to be replaced by a thin trickle of dread. My hands leave my purse strap and flop to my sides. “Oh, shit, Colin…” Words fail me from that point.
“Don’t be mad,” he says, stopping in front of me. He lowers the bouquet so I can see him again. “I just got these as an apology and a thank you. They’re yellow. The lady at the shop said they’re for friendship.”
My hand moves up on its own power to touch one of the flowers. Its petals are cool to my fingertips and satiny soft. “This was a really stupid thing to do.” I don’t sound very convincing, even to my own ears. Taking the vase from him, I bury my face into the blooms and inhale the luscious scent of the roses. “No one has ever bought me flowers before except my mom, and that was just today.”
He grins. I can see his happy, relieved look through the stems. “Well, you deserve to get them. Especially after what you did for me. I sold eight pieces last night. Eight. I made more at that gallery show than I have the last year working here.”
I drop the flowers lower so I can see him better. “Colin, I didn’t do anything. I just told you that you were talented. You did all the work. You’re the one.”
“No, you told me you wanted to have my children.”
I back up a step, my heart filling completely to the top with a dense cold. “You know I didn’t mean that literally, right?” Dread is seriously heavy. I feel like I have a lump of steel sitting in my chest. My mouth has gotten me into trouble before, but this right here would be a whole other level of awful.
“Yeah, of course,” he says, his tone all light and airy, like I’m not in the middle of dying right in front of him. “That’s not what I meant. The point is, you kind of just dropped your whole Quin-act. You were you for a few seconds in my apartment with me. And in that moment, you were totally honest. You got what I was seeing when I did Teagan’s portrait. You got it. You got me.” He puts his hand over his heart and his voice is filled with such passion and excitement, it stuns me.
I’m shaking my head. “I don’t understand. Are you, or are you not, telling me you’re in love with me?” I feel sick as I wait for his answer. Please say no, please say no, please say no…
He grins. “Yes, I do think I love you. But not like that.”
“Wow. That was ever so much clearer. Thank you.” I glare at him.
He puts his hand on my shoulder. It’s heavy and warm. The thing that costumed my heart with coldness is beginning to thaw. “I mean, you’re very special to me. Even though I hardly know you, I feel like I really do know you. And you remind me of someone very, very important to me.” He pauses as his eyes go suddenly red. “She used to fix things. She fixed everything. But she’s gone now, so I thought I lost that forever and that shit would always be broken … wrong in some way. But I guess I kind of feel like I got it back in a way or I’ve got a second chance. So thanks. Thanks for being honest with me. Thanks for being … you. Thanks for fixing the unfixable.” He moves his hand to the top of my head and musses up my hair.
“Hey! Watch the ‘do, man!” I yank my head away from him. I have both hands on the flowers, so my hair is left to fend for itself. I suddenly feel like I’m ten years old again. I don’t have an older brother, but I’m pretty sure this is what it feels like to have one.
“Sorry. Want me to take those from you?”
“Yes,” I say, heaving the roses in his direction. As soon as my hands are free I pat my hair down.
“Come on. You can keep them in here to enjoy.” He heads back to Rebel’s apartment.
“Are you going to apologize to Mick?” I ask to his back.
He freezes. “No.” His good mood has vaporized into thin air.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist on that,” I say, liking this new power trip he’s put me on. I am the Queen of Trouble. Has a nice ring to it.
“I’m not going to do that,” he says, turning around.
I move closer so that our faces are only a few inches apart. “Yes, you are, actually.”
We’re busy glaring at each other when Rebel comes up from the stairway. He stops in the hall and watches us. I turn to face him and feel my face go red as I take in his expression. He looks angry. Disappointed.
“What are you doing?” he asks Colin.
“Nothing.” The cocky, devil-may-care attitude is back full-force. “Just carrying these in for her before I go to the gym.”
“Actually,” I say, taking the vase from Colin, “he’s getting ready to go over to the hospital so he can apologize to Mick. Because if he doesn’t, I’m not going to be coming around here anymore. I don’t hang with cowards.” I glare at Colin.
“I almost killed him,” Colin says, his words only for me. Some of the attitude has slipped away.
“Exactly. Go fix it.” I pull open the door, my eyes still on Colin’s.
>
“It’s not fixable.”
“Everything is fixable,” I say. “Everything. Didn’t you just say that to me like less than a minute ago? Stop expecting someone else to do it for you and do it for yourself.”
He clamps his lips together and says nothing, but the accompanying glare doesn’t bother me in the least.
“Talk to you later. Oh, and make sure you give me back my phone before you go.” I walk into the apartment and put the flowers down on the coffee table. Finally, everything doesn’t suck.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
ALISSA STARES AT THE FLOWERS as if in a trance. I’m distracted from her zombie act by Teagan coming out of the kitchen with three glasses of ice water in her hands.
“Wow. Those are impressive,” she says, putting the glasses down on the coffee table and touching one of the flowers.
“These are from Colin, for me.” I take her by the elbow and bring her back into the kitchen, trying to be mindful of Alissa’s delicate condition. “They’re just a friend thing,” I whisper when we’re out of earshot. “I pulled that friend card out and used it immediately, too.”
“How so?” she asks, also whispering.
“I made him go to the hospital and apologize to Mick.”
Teagan lifts an eyebrow. “Is that a good idea?”
“Of course it is.” I start to doubt myself immediately. I guess he could decide to pulverize a few more of his brother’s organs. That would be bad.
Teagan pulls her phone out of her pocket and texts out a message. A few seconds later an answer arrives with a beep.
“What’s it say?” I ask, trying to look at the screen.
“Rebel’s going with him.”
We both sigh out in relief. “Phew. That was awesome,” I say, feeling like I just ran a 5k. “Holy brain chemicals.”
“Come on. Let’s discuss strategy,” Teagan says, going out into the living room.
Alissa is there, back to reading. She doesn’t even acknowledge our presence as we take up the two armchairs nearby.
Teagan jumps right in. “Monday our appointment is at nine in the morning. Bring your report and anything else you can think of that will help.”