And he was right. Just as the sounds of pursuit faded away, another assassin appeared out of nowhere.
"Help!" Roseduck shouted and hid behind one of his guards. Knives whirred through the air and suddenly he ended up holding that guard's body, while the other one was lying dead on the floor with a knife in his neck.
Now that was helpful of them was what raced through his mind, followed by Do I have to be sarcastic even in the face of death? and He's got another knife now I'm dead! He tried to cover behind the corpse he was holding, but he knew his chances were next to none.
There was a sound of a knife sailing through the air. There should have been a scream next. Instead, there was a clang and a voice saying "Hey, no killing Ducky, please." Roseduck never imagined he'd be so glad to hear Vannard. He peeked from behind the corpse. Two daggers were lying on the ground. Has he just hit a knife in mid air?! The General didn't have time to fully fathom the extent of Vannard's skills, because more daggers were in the air. He barely managed to hide again. Fortunately this time he wasn't the target, at least that's what he assumed from the fact he was still unhurt.
"Keep on ducking, Ducky!" Vannard shouted.
"I'm ducking, I'm ducking!" Roseduck replied. Right now his nickname was more fitting than ever, but what was he to do? He didn't feel like risking a knife in the face.
"Feel free to surrender," Vannard addressed the other assassin. "Or you can continue throwing knives at me, that works too," he added, seeing that he was unwilling to give up.
Each missile was close to target. Extremely close, in fact. But each time Vannard managed to move away ever so slightly.
"Watch out for the pants, I just stole them yesterday," he mocked, as his opponent kept producing more and more daggers and throwing them at him, or rather at the wall behind him.
"I told you to stop stealing pants!" Roseduck berated him from behind the corpse. "I'm paying you more than enough to buy some!"
"Buying is no fun."
Finally, the assassin realised Vannard was unkillable and decided to run away. Vannard waved after him. "You can stop ducking now, Ducky."
"Thank you," the General said, but didn't stop ducking. He peeked carefully.
"Did you soil yourself?"
"I refuse to answer that."
"Ah. How many times?"
"Now can you stop being smug and run after him?!"
"Sure thing, Ducky."
"And I want him alive!" Roseduck shouted after him.
***
Alexander was concerned. Arthaxiom had been unconscious for a few hours now. He knew the paladin was still alive, because from time to time he would mumble something barely understandable. Something about Heroic fish usually. At least this in itself didn't worry him too much, it sounded like something the paladin would say normally.
On the other hand, Gaduria and the Oracle didn't seem to be concerned at all. They were mainly arguing whether the Oracle should tell Gaduria about the ring or not and they were also being nasty to each other in process. They seemed to enjoy themselves in a way. The dwarf had no idea if they were becoming best friends or bitter enemies.
"You're not telling because you don't know!"
"Oh I might know all too well."
"Prove it!"
"You don't expect me to fall for this one, do you?"
In some ways Alexander envied the Hero that he didn't have to witness that.
"AAAAAAAAAH!" Arthaxiom screamed suddenly.
"What happened?!" the dwarf asked, as he ran towards his friend. Two women approached without such hurry.
The paladin sat up. "Fire!" he screamed. "Fire! I am burning!"
"You're not!" Alexander shouted at him and grabbed his shoulders. "Settle down!"
The paladin refused to settle down. He started flailing his hands instead. "I am drowning, I am drowning!"
"You can't be drowning and burning at the same time," the dwarf pointed out. "Ow!" he shouted, because in response he got hit in the head.
"Let me handle this," Gaduria said. She approached the screaming paladin. SLAP! She slapped him in the face, hard. His head jumped back.
"Ouch!" he said and stopped flailing. His eyes focused on her for a second.
"Am I dead?" he asked. "Am I in heaven?"
SLAP! This time the hit came from the other side.
"Apparently not," he responded to himself.
SLAP!
"Definitely not."
SLAP!
"Can you please stop this? I am awake now, thank you."
"Awww, and I was having so much fun," Gaduria said sadly, but stopped slapping him.
"Do not worry, you will have many more opportunities in the future," the Oracle said.
"Is it a prophecy?" Gaduria asked.
"Might be."
"Might be?"
"Yes, it could be just an educated guess."
"Could you please stop trying to irritate me?"
"No."
"I knew it!"
"Could you perhaps pay some attention to me?" the paladin asked. "I have just returned from a trip to another plane of existence, or maybe to some strange place inside my own mind and yet you do not seem to take any notice of that."
"Hey, I slapped you back into this world!" Gaduria pointed out. "What more do you expect?"
"You could ask what did I see for example."
"I know what you saw," the Oracle said.
"I don't care what you saw," Gaduria said.
"It was probably only for you to see," Alexander suggested. "With you being a Hero and stuff."
The paladin sighed. "Very well. I will not say what I saw."
"That's the spirit!" Gaduria approved.
"I have a quest for you," the Oracle said, "because I just remembered I have this nice shield I could give you."
"The fish is working!" Arthaxiom exclaimed.
"Sure is," the dwarf agreed with him. Agreeing with madmen was always a good plan.
"My fish never worked. So I ate them," Gaduria said.
"A cruel and unusual punishment," Alexander replied.
"And a tasty one."
The Oracle ignored the fish discussion. "The quest is to bring me twenty left eyes of purple toads."
The paladin seemed disappointed. "That does not sound too Heroic."
"You had no qualms about badgers!" Gaduria pointed out.
"Badgers have teeth, you know. They are not defenceless. And I was to simply kill them, not to pluck their eyes out..."
"Twenty left eyes of purple toads for a shield," the Oracle interrupted. "Take it or leave it."
"Very well... where do we find these toads?"
"Here's one!" Alexander exclaimed. Indeed, there was a fat purple toad sitting on a rock. The dwarf slung a stone at it. It got hit, croaked sadly and fell on the ground, dead. Alexander approached the corpse and noticed that the deceased toad was a bit lacking in the left eye department. "Is the..."
"No." The Oracle sighed. "Sometimes I have these silly hopes that I'll be wrong for once, but it never happens. Typical. Just typical. A typical man. Male dwarves included," she added, before Alexander could protest. "The right eye is not okay. Obviously, I have already removed the left eyes from nearby toads. You will find some intact ones in the nearby forest. Also, please refrain from killing them. They manage quite well with only one eye. Oh, and Gaduria, please don't go with them. Trust me on this one."
***
Vannard raced through the corridors after the assassin. He was enjoying himself. That other guy was quite decent. Not as good as him, but reasonably skilled. Much better than anyone he had fought recently. He was quite pleased about that. It was a long time since he had some good practice. And he needed to practice, because practice makes deadly.
They ran through chambers, they ran through corridors. The other assassin ran as fast as he could, trying to avoid running into people. Vannard, on the other hand, preferred to push people out of his way. He pushed a cook into a cauldron of his own soup, he
pushed a maid with a tray full of dishes down some stairs... No point in chasing each other through a crowded castle without causing random and hilarious damage. And nobody appreciated random and hilarious things, like for example a servant falling head first into and giant vase and getting stuck there with his legs dangling, more than Vannard.
Surprisingly, the chase was going upwards. Vannard assumed that his quarry would go downstairs and try to leave the building. He was wrong. They ended up on the roof.
It was windy up there. They stood opposite each other. Both of their cloaks fluttered ominously. It seemed as if they were on top of the world, although the ludicrously tall Tower of Mages spoiled the effect a bit. Vannard had this weird feeling that he was supposed to say something.
"That was fun, eh?"
"It was indeed," the other assassin replied, while slowly walking backwards towards the edge.
"Not going anywhere, are you?"
"Just a bit."
"You could surrender, you know."
"I'm afraid I cannot."
"Why not?"
"Because... I'm your father!"
Vannard was unimpressed. "I don't think so."
"Well, you're right. Because... I'm your mother!" The assassin was almost at the edge now. Vannard followed him calmly.
"You're not even female. Just give up, will you?"
"No, I am your uncle!"
"Slightly more likely, but still no. I really don't want to kill you. Well, actually I do, but I'm not supposed to. Just give up before I lose my patience. Unless you want to jump, but we're pretty high up here."
"Yes, I do. Was just waiting for a ride!" The assassin jumped.
"Did you consider the wind?" Vannard asked the empty air where his opponent had been just a second ago. Not receiving an answer, he went to the edge to see. He looked down and saw a cart full of hay riding out of the Imperial Warehouse. The assassin was lying right next to it. Looked quite dead and a bit flat. A herd of Imperial Geese was marching through him.
"Ducky won't be pleased about this."
***
The 'nearby forest' was indeed nearby and was indeed a forest. The small detail that the Oracle hadn't mentioned was that the forest was a bit swampy. Actually, a bit more than a bit.
"This is somewhat inconvenient," Arthaxiom remarked, wading through the mud.
"You don't say?!" Alexander replied with irritation. Whereas the paladin was knee-deep in the bog, more than a half of the dwarf was submerged. He proceeded slowly, poking the muddy ground with his trident. He couldn't see where he was putting his feet, so he decided to at least stab the place he wanted to step on and see if it stabs back. He really didn't want to fall into some unseen hole or get attacked by something that didn't appreciate being trodden on.
The paladin had no such concerns. He Heroically strode forward, only stopping from time to time to wait for Alexander to keep up. While waiting, he was looking for toads. So far, they were out of luck. There were many things around, like trees, bushes, mosquitoes, suspicious looking logs, mushrooms, mosquitoes, swamp flowers, algae, newts, swamp mosquitoes, vines, dead trees, giant swamp mosquitoes... a toad! Arthaxiom spotted one, sitting nearby on some sort of swamp lily. Without a second thought, he threw himself at it. "Got it!" he only managed to shout before falling headfirst into the swamp.
Alexander abandoned caution and raced to help his friend, but there was no need. The paladin was already getting up, all covered in mud. "Got it!" he repeated, proudly. The dwarf approached to look. Indeed, Arthaxiom was holding something...
"Didn't you... squeeze... a bit too hard?" the dwarf asked as he saw blood oozing from between the Hero's armoured fingers.
"I... might have," the paladin conceded, slowly opening his hand. On the palm of his gauntlet there was something. Might have been a toad few seconds ago, but not anymore.
"Maybe take off your gauntlets?" the dwarf suggested.
"Good idea."
They continued their quest, the paladin now gauntletless. Nothing else to do but to proceed and enjoy the view. The view, which was rather unpleasant. The stench was even worse.
Soon, another toad was spotted. Arthaxiom repeated his diving into the swamp manoeuvre, but this time the toad was faster.
"Are you sure that's the best way to do that?" Alexander asked.
"I did not really think about that," the paladin replied. "Wait, I think there was something down there..."
"Like what, a stone? A log? Some foul creature of the swamp?"
Arthaxiom paid no heed to the dwarf's naysaying. With some effort he managed to dislodge and lift what he found. It was a breastplate, all covered in mud.
"See? Some other wise man who explored the swamp while wearing armour died here. Let's get out of here!"
The paladin ignored the suggestion. Instead, he started to remove the mud from the breastplate. It wasn't damaged and rusty, as one could expect. It was, well, shiny. Heroic even. "It is my size! The fish is working! The fish is working again! We must find the rest of it!"
"Of... the fish?" Alexander was somewhat confused.
"No, of the armour!"
"Ah. What about toads?"
"You catch them! I will look for armour pieces."
So Alexander continued his hunt for purple toads while Arthaxiom walked on all fours in the swamp in search for armour pieces. Soon, a toad was found. This time he decided against slingshotting it. He snuck upon it and hit it with his trident, stunning it. He took it in his hand to examine it. This one still had its left eye.
"Hey, Arthaxiom... how do we remove the eye?"
***
Eneumerius Roseduck was pacing in his quarters. He was furious. It usually took a lot to make him upset, but not these days. His sanity was getting thin from the endless meetings with the lords, and the attempt on his life didn't help at all. And now this. He had seen much incompetence in his life, but this was beyond his comprehension. Beyond any human understanding. And to make it worse, he didn't even know who was responsible for that. Probably in the end the responsibility would fall to him and this made it even worse.
"How?! How could this... this..."
"Abracabrachupacabra," Vannard reminded helpfully.
"...make his residence in an abandoned castle in the middle of the Empire?!"
"Well, I guess he just went there and claimed it." The assassin decided to be annoying by pointing out the obvious.
"Yes, I guess he did. Hired some workers. Rebuilt it. Hired some guards. And nobody even noticed!"
"Most people aren't too observant," Saalteinamariva observed.
"Indeed they are not. Even the scouts I sent didn't find anything peculiar about a ruined castle that's not ruined anymore. How could everyone fail to notice that?!"
"Some sort of magic maybe?" Vannard suggested.
Roseduck looked at the sorceress.
"Could be," she said.
"Could be some sort of magic. How helpful of you two!"
"It is there. Why bother how or why?" Vannard had a very practical outlook on life. "Lead an army and wipe out that 'dark lord' and his minions."
"I guess you are right. The problem is that I cannot lead an army, because I cannot leave the capital until the new Emperor is elected. I also cannot send any of my incompetent underlings. Technically, I can, but I won't, because they would fail horribly."
"Send me," the assassin volunteered.
"I cannot make you an army commander and I don't know if I would trust you with an army."
"Who says anything about an army? I go in, I kill mister Ab and everything else I find, I leave."
"Vannard... I know you're good, but maybe not that good. We have just established that this 'dark lord' probably is some sort of a mage."
"I can deal with mages."
Saalteinamariva sneered. "Maybe with a deaf, blind and lame mage."
"Would you like me to disembowel you to prove my point?" Vannard asked pleasantly and smiled.
"Would like me to b
low you up to kingdom come?" she replied and smiled back.
"And where would that kingdom be?"
"In your case somewhere inside the ceiling."
Roseduck was hesitant. Vannard's idea had its merits. It had many merits. No need to involve the army, no need to admit to everyone around that a 'dark lord' built himself a castle under the Empire's very nose... On the other hand, regardless of the assassin's boasts, he was somewhat doubtful about his chances to handle this on his own. There was another alternative and even contemplating it made him uneasy, but it was worth a try. If it doesn't get him killed for a mere suggestion, that is. He decided to risk it and interrupt the pleasantries. "I'm sure if you go there together you can handle that dark lord person."
"WHAT?!" they both asked in unison.
"I am suggesting that you two go together and wipe out inhabitants of that castle."
"I don't need her help!" Vannard protested.
"I don't need his help!" Saalteinamariva protested.
"It is illogical to refuse help of a highly skilled person," Roseduck tried to reason with them. Which, of course, didn't work.
"True. I simply don't like her."
"And I don't like him."
"I don't ask you to like each other. I only want you to lay some destruction together for a limited time. I will pay. A lot."
"Her company isn't worth it..."
"And you think yours is?"
That was too much for the General. "Oh for badger's sake! I'm not asking you to marry! Just kill some people together! You're supposed to be good at that!"
"I kill alone."
"Because nobody wants to be near you." The sorceress wasn't one to miss an opportunity to insult Vannard.
"Yes, because they would feel bad about their meagre skills."
"Meagre skills? What do you think you are, some sort of divine killing machine?!"
"More like hellish, but yes."
"You might be good with your knives, but a halfway decent mage can cause much more destruction."
"Random destruction doesn't impress me. Unless it's amusing, that is. But I treat killing like an art."
"You and art? I'd like to see that!"
"Very well. Let's go and you'll see!" Vannard challenged her.
"Oh really? Very well! I'll laugh at your pitiful efforts."
"Hah! Prepare to be overwhelmed!"
"I'm prepared to be underwhelmed."
"How nice that you came to an agreement," Roseduck joined in the fun. "Anything you need before you go?"
"Knives. Lots of knives."
***
Yet another electoral meeting was in progress. They were in the third week and everyone had had more than enough by now. Apart from the Master of Ceremony. The old man was inexhaustible. Only the Marquis could match his perseverance, mainly by not being there. This meeting had lasted for a few hours already and the participants' hearts weren't really into it.