Fly Reese out to watch a live show? Zack hadn’t even thought about it. “I guess it depends how long I stay on.”
“Okay.” One of the teenage guys laughed. “Can you hear yourself when you sing?”
“Yeah, man.” Zack’s roommate laughed and the others joined in, the happy sound rising from around the circle. “Tell her to book her flight for the final.”
“Come on.” Zack didn’t want to talk about himself. “Let’s be honest. Anyone here could win.” He was about to go into detail, but something caught his attention at the back of the room. He turned and saw Zoey. She seemed to be in her own world, staring out the dark window, her expression distant.
Hank followed Zack’s gaze. Rather than joking, his face grew serious. “Hey, man. Maybe you should talk to her.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” Zack looked back at her. If she needed someone to talk to, he would go. He stood and crossed the room.
Her eyes met his and then she looked past him to the other contestants, all watching. “Hey.” She ran her fingers through her long blond hair.
“Hi.” He would’ve hugged her but he could feel the eyes of the group on them.
Zoey looked uncomfortable. She glanced at the others. “Can we go upstairs?” A nearby stairway led to a smaller private lounge one floor up.
“Sure.” He steeled himself against whatever was coming. He couldn’t let the moment become a repeat of what happened before. He followed her up the stairs where the lounge was dark except for the lights from the city. They walked to the far corner and sat on opposite ends of a leather sofa facing a floor-to-ceiling glass wall.
“After you went to your room . . . I felt so alone.”
“You weren’t.” Zack was struggling. Whatever this feeling was, it was stronger than the attraction he’d felt that night in the hallway. “You . . . could’ve sat with the group.”
“It’s not the same. I wanted to talk to you.” She ran one hand over her arm and looked his way. “But I think I get it.”
“Get what?”
“The reason you didn’t stay . . .” Tears filled her eyes. She leaned forward as if she was searching for a way to understand. “It’s because you . . . aren’t attracted to me.”
“Zoey . . .” She had to know how ridiculous she sounded. Half the young guys in America would line up to be in his place right now. “I love my girlfriend. You know that.”
“To be honest . . .” She looked out the window at the city. “Sometimes I think you’re in love with me.” Her eyes found his again. “The way you look at me and talk to me. How we laugh at the same things.”
A simmering desire stirred within him, frustrating him. She was right. Sometimes he actually did feel that way like he was falling for Zoey. But that was the whole Fifteen Minutes thing. The insanity of it and the close quarters. He and Zoey were together constantly. He was bound to feel something for her some of the time. But that wasn’t real. Not the way Reese was real.
He stood and moved farther away, to the arm of the sofa. Distance. That’s what he needed. He sat there, his feet on the cushion, facing her. “I’m sorry . . . if I made it seem like that.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Adoration filled her eyes. “Whatever this is . . . Maybe we need time to figure it out.”
He wanted to explain himself again, but he couldn’t find the right words. She looked so pretty, watching him from her side of the couch.
After a long minute she faced him again. “Thank you, by the way.” Slowly she walked around behind him. “For coming here.”
Whatever she was up to, he had to be smarter. One step ahead of her. But before he had time to move away again he felt her fingers at the base of his neck. With great skill, she pressed her thumbs into his muscles and worked them in circles, easing the tension from his muscles. His body relaxed against the pressure. “Mmmm . . . man. That feels good.” The words slipped before he could stop himself.
“We’re all so uptight, so tense.” She moved her hands down a few inches, pushing her thumbs into his back muscles and working her fingers into the knots near his neck. “Sometimes I wonder . . . how things would be if you and I had met before Reese.”
He was still sitting on the arm of the sofa, and as her backrub continued, her body made contact with his shoulders. At first only here and there, and then in a way that felt very intentional. A subtle pressing against him.
The feeling consumed him and swept him away, a wonderful mix of physical release in his tense neck and a desire stronger than his resistance, one that was taking over his senses. “Zoey . . .”
She leaned in closer and whispered against his neck. “Relax.”
He had no response. The rhythm of the backrub filled his body and soul.
“You think because we’re on this show”—she straightened again, but her voice remained a whisper—“that what we feel isn’t real?”
“I . . .” His control was dissolving.
“You feel something now, Zack. I know you do.” The sound of her whispers and the feel of her body against his, the way she kept pressing her fingers and thumbs into his back, all of it stirred his desire to an even greater level. He could see himself turning around and taking her in his arms, kissing her the way he wanted to kiss her. He gritted his teeth. No . . . he couldn’t. He wouldn’t do that to Reese.
Gradually the backrub stopped and she moved her soft hands to his bare arms. With the lightest feather touch, she ran her fingertips down his triceps all the way to his elbows. The feeling pushed Zack closer to the edge. Run, he told himself. You can’t do this. But he stayed. He stayed and he loved every second, every feeling her touch ignited in him. She leaned her face closer to his again, their bodies making full contact. “We both feel it . . . and it is real.”
That was it. The physical pull was like an assault, a full-blown attack against which he was completely defenseless. Every cell in his body wanted to go with the wave instead of fighting it. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Please . . . Zoey.”
“Come on.” Her lips touched the skin on his neck, and again her fingers traveled down his arms. “Turn around and tell me you don’t want me.”
His head slowly fell back against her. He was losing the battle, failing the test. Then he remembered something Reese had said before his audition. Something about time apart. So that they could figure out who they were. Zoey ran her hands down his arms again. Zack clenched his jaw, barely able to breathe. Maybe Reese was right. Maybe he needed this so he could be sure.
“Zack . . .” She came around in front of him and took his hands and gently turned him so he was facing her, his feet on the ground.
He slid to the edge of the sofa arm.
It was happening . . . he couldn’t fight his desire another second. He moved his feet slightly apart and she easily took the spot between them. Like that they were face-to-face and her arms came around his neck. “Hold me.” She touched her lips to his neck. “Please, Zack.”
He did as she asked, pulling her closer and wrapping his arms around her back, her waist. The hug didn’t last long before he was kissing her. Making out with her the way he had longed to do since they walked upstairs. His desire doubled and the kiss grew more intense, more passionate.
“Don’t stop.” She spoke softly against his neck, kissing him several times there before returning to his lips.
He moved his hands along her back and thought about the dark-lit room and the sofa and how easy it would be to lie down with her here and—
Suddenly he slid back. What was he thinking? How had this happened? He created distance between them. With a strength not his own he worked his legs over the sofa arm onto the other side and moved three steps away from her. “Wow.” He laced his fingers together at the back of his neck and hung his head. For a long moment he only focused on breathing, desperate for control. Stay here, Zack. Don’t go back. How had things gotten so out of control? He waited until the fires coursing through him cooled a little. Then he lifted his eyes to hers.
“I can’t . . . do this.” He shook his head. His breathing was nowhere near normal.
She was out of breath, too, and shame colored her expression—even in the dark-lit room. “You just did.” She knit her brow, clearly hurt. “Think about us, Zack. Stop lying to yourself.”
Thoughts of the kiss consumed him again. His body screamed for her, but this time he ignored the demands. He stood a little taller. “There is no us.”
For a few seconds she stared at him. Then slowly she nodded. “Fine.” She crossed her arms. “Friendship? Is that what this is?”
“You don’t make it easy.” He exhaled, frustrated more at himself. “Look, I’m sorry.” He kept his distance, not wanting to be drawn in again. “I care about you.”
“Care? Concern? Those were your feelings a minute ago?”
“How do you expect me to feel?” He felt beyond defeated. “Nothing’s normal. The show . . . all of it.” He still felt drawn to her, but he held his ground. “You’re very beautiful, Zoey. You needed someone. The backrub . . .” He held his breath for a few seconds and then exhaled hard. “The lines get blurred.”
“Yeah.” She pulled her hair to one side and stared at him, pride flashing in her eyes. “For both of us.”
“Okay.” The reality of what he’d done was hitting him. He felt awful. Not only because of Reese but because his actions had clearly confused things. Before another moment passed he had to be absolutely clear. “Look, I do care for you. But before this show and after it I will love the same girl.”
Once more tears shone in her eyes. “Fine.” She found a sad smile and some of her usual composure. “I’m going to sleep.”
Another realization hit Zack square in the heart. This would’ve been a perfect time to talk about God. But in light of his weakness, the conversation would clearly have to wait. “Good night.”
She hesitated and her expression said it all. If he wanted to stick by his girlfriend, then she would stop trying. And she certainly wasn’t going to hug him good night the way she usually would. She took a few steps toward the hallway, the one that led to the elevators. “Good night.”
He watched her walk off. The moment she stepped out of sight he remembered the cameras. He searched the room but couldn’t see one. That didn’t mean someone wasn’t watching. Why hadn’t he thought of that when he started kissing her? He walked to the window and stood there. Just stood there and wondered what had happened.
He had told her the truth. He loved Reese. But in those minutes all he’d wanted was Zoey Davis. How was that possible? And what did it say about him? He leaned against the windowsill and tried to make sense of it all. But he couldn’t.
Exhaustion seized him. How could he have let things get so crazy? He closed his eyes, disgusted at himself. What had happened here wouldn’t happen again. He would be more careful. God, I’m sorry . . . I failed tonight. A shiver came over him and he stared up between the buildings at a sliver of the dark sky over New York City. He was slipping. He could feel it. I thought I could do this, Lord . . . what’s wrong with me? Please make me stronger. Despite the highs and lows of the day, he felt a hint of inner strength, one that wasn’t his own. The pace was so crazy, the situation so extreme. Of course he had kissed her. Next time he’d be smarter. He would avoid going anywhere alone with her, and late nights would be with the group only.
He remembered the warning from Chandra Olson. How she’d lost her fiancé during her run on Fifteen Minutes. Sure, God would forgive him, and Zoey, too. But the question that remained, the one that kept him awake and broke his heart long after he turned out the lights, was this:
What about Reese?
chapter 24
Reese didn’t get a call from Zack until early the next day. It was well before lunch and she was teaching when she felt her phone vibrate. She glanced at the screen and saw that the message was from him. Walls in her heart shot up. He could wait. Her session was with Toby, and she wasn’t about to cut it short just because Zack finally responded.
Half an hour later she read his text. Baby, we need to talk. The contestants didn’t watch last night’s show until early this morning and then we had some appearance in Washington Square. I couldn’t use my phone till now. Anyway . . . I saw the Romeo segment and I’m sick. Baby, everything’s turned around and I need to explain. I’m so sorry, Reese. Please . . . call me.
Reese didn’t feel anything. Zack had changed—the video had told her that much. He followed his first text with three others. Reese, are you there? A few minutes later, Baby, please call me. And two minutes after that, I know you’re upset. I’m sorry. We have to talk.
Had he been gone so long that he forgot she worked on weekdays?
She finished with Toby and had an hour before her next student, a new little girl with physical limitations because of a brain tumor. She went to the edge of the field and leaned on the old fence. Her fingers flew over the virtual keyboard. I’m at work. I have an hour. I really don’t want to text. Some things need to be said face-to-face. Can you Skype?
She lowered her phone and stared out at the hills. The sooner she cut things with Zack, the better. In some ways it was good he’d gone to the audition, good he’d made it through this far. That’s what her dad had told her last night when he got home and saw the segment. “Tough situations have a way of showing a person’s true colors.” He had sounded sad. Her parents both liked Zack. “I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t see this coming.”
They had all thought Zack was different, with a deep devotion to God and the rare kindness of a gentleman. But no one thought it more than her. She had laughed with him as they rode horses through endless Kentucky hills and worked beside him while he fed homeless people in Costa Rica on a mission trip. They had talked all night about their love for God, their belief that He had great plans for them. She’d seen Zack take Grandpa Dan’s arm to help him walk or sit for hours reading to AJ. Yes, Reese had known the very best of Zack Dylan. But the guy featured on last night’s show was someone Reese didn’t know at all.
Zack’s text response came a few minutes later. I knew you were at work. I’m sorry . . . and yes, I can Skype. But it might take ten minutes to get set up. Is that okay?
Part of her wanted to celebrate the way she usually would because this was Zack texting her, Zack sitting somewhere near Carnegie Hall reaching out to her. The Zack she loved and missed. But she couldn’t think of him that way. He had become someone different. She read his message again. Since yesterday she had dreaded this conversation, dreaded it more than any in all her life. Sure, she could wait ten minutes. That’s fine. Her fingers moved across the phone. Like I said, I only have an hour.
Again his response was instant. I’ll hurry.
She stared out at the fields again. She could no longer see her future here. In a few weeks she would move to London and discover what God had for her there. But first she had to end things with Zack. Not because he was caught up in the show or because of the kiss or because he’d allowed the producers to find enough material for their Romeo and Juliet piece. But because he had done the one thing he had promised he would never do.
He had changed.
ZACK WAS DESPERATE and angry and scared.
That morning when they had gathered in pajamas in the new living space to watch the show, Zack saw for the first time the Romeo and Juliet piece. Until then, the twenty contestants had been upbeat and vocal, running a constant commentary about how talented this one or that one truly was and wishing all of them could stay even after tonight’s kickoff show. But when the piece on Zack and Zoey came on, an uncomfortable silence settled over the group.
The entire time it played, Zack felt like he was falling. Falling into a deep, dark, bottomless pit. The image in his mind flipped from what was playing on the big screen to flashes of moments from last night, when the kiss had almost gotten out of control. The footage was contrived, no doubt. Everyone on the show knew how he felt about his girlfriend, no matter how he’d failed her. But
the photos didn’t lie. Clearly he had shared those moments with Zoey or no camera could’ve caught them.
The judges had been in the room. Halfway through the piece, Zack glanced at them. Kelly and Chandra stared straight ahead, unsmiling. Only Cullen seemed to enjoy himself, grinning as the segment played on. Zack felt his fury begin to build. Which of them had encouraged this? Was it a judge or William Gaines? Or maybe even Samuel Meier? Zack felt betrayed by everyone, somehow even Zoey.
She was seated beside him again, leaning over her knees, seeming as shocked as he was. When it ended, she looked at him, like she wanted to see his reaction before showing her own. He couldn’t talk to her. Not after watching their kiss play out for all of America. Without waiting another moment he stood and walked to the back of the room where Gaines was standing. “Whose idea was that?” Zack’s voice had been more of a hiss. The show played on for the rest of the contestants, although the mood in the room had definitely changed.
Gaines folded his arm and looked toward the door. “Mr. Meier is out there. Talk to him.”
Zack stormed into the hall and found the producer surrounded by a team of assistants. Zack didn’t care. He waited till the producer looked at him, puzzled. “You and I, we need to talk.”
Samuel Meier stared at him, unrushed. “Zack.” He excused the others with a nod and then sauntered closer. “Something on your mind, son?”
“Why’d you do it? The Romeo piece?” Zack’s breaths came fast, his forehead beading with sweat.
“What do you mean?” Meier relaxed and allowed a gentle laugh. “That was you in the pictures, right?”
“The way you played it . . . that isn’t the truth.” Zack’s anger stayed barely controlled.
“You didn’t walk with her and talk to her and hug her?”
Zack clenched his jaw, trapped. “You know what I mean.”
“Was that you kissing her or not?” Meier’s tone grew harshly cool. He didn’t allow time for a response. “Really, Zack. You are what you spend your time on. You’re supposed to be this strong Christian, right?”