Going to a Public Lavatory
(An excerpt from “Stupid Yoomins”)
When it comes to the odd behaviour of male Yoomins, nothing is more fascinating than that which goes on in public conveniences.
For instance, your average male public toilet is a complete wonderland of wall-based urinals, but this kind of Yoomin knows that there is a specific rule involved, you just don’t walk in and pee in the nearest receptacle, that would be ludicrous. Instead, what happens is as follows. The first Yoomin walks in, glances at the never-ending line of urinals and stops to think. He is probably looking at twenty or even forty while he is doing this, still he must think about the situation very, very carefully before taking any further steps. When he has finished thinking, he would have remembered that the rule is, if there is absolutely nobody else in the building, then he must pee in either the one on the very far right, or the very far left. That way, the second Yoomin can go to the one on the opposite side, safe in the knowledge that there is nobody close by to observe the size of his penis.
Not a word must be said during this time, and faces must be directed at the wall in front of you. After all, you don’t want the person standing several yards beside you, thinking that you are just the type of Yoomin who likes parading in his wife’s bra and panties when you are alone in the house.
The situation gets slightly more difficult when the third Yoomin enters. But on seeing the other two, he soon realises that the thing to do, is to go in the urinal that is exactly - that is EXACTLY equidistant to the one on the furthest right and the furthest left. If he has got the mathematics correct, and he hopes to God he has, then both of the others will be too far away to be staring at his penis.
The fourth Yoomin to arrive is faced with a horrible dilemma. He knows that the three who are already there, are now locked frozen with fear. For this has now from their perspective, become a which of those blokes standing there having a piss, do you fancy the most competition. The Yoomin on the far right is now hoping that the person goes to pee in between the far left and the one in the exact centre and vice versa. Then the problem of unwarranted penis observation would be there’s.
They needn’t have worried about it. If the fourth Yoomin has remembered the rules correctly, he will go into one of the cubicles instead, leaving the others free of stress.
Yes, he does - phew!
It is perfectly acceptable to forget these rules if you have already consumed twelve cans of extra strength lager, in which case you can feel perfectly free to pee down the leg of the Yoomin standing next you, whilst bragging about how much you like taking the piss out of your wife, by parading around the house in her bra and panties while she is not around.
There is much to say about the lavatories of females, apart from that they are so popular with users, that there is normally always a queue outside each one.
Owl
Whilst walking home today did I
Spy a great big owl
I thought he might be Welsh so I
Assumed his name was “Hywell”.
Kent limerick
There was a man in Kent,
who into the woods did went.
The long tall trees,
made him wobble at the knees,
but he discovered his artistic bent.