Chapter XIX: Goodbye, Dawn
Cédes thought she’d conducted the last of her funerals at Alzandia. She was wrong. Between Kei-Pyama’s tortured wailing and Stefi’s resolute silence, the hours leading up to the latest event had been marked by contrasts.
The usual rites had been observed, which weren’t so different from Mafouras’s. Like with the war dead, the latest bodies had been laid out for people to pay their respects, while she conducted those present through the necessary prayers. It had been just another ritual then. Today, it was to be her own brother, the young man Stefi cared for most. And Stefi’s ferret Maya who had felled the leader of Sol-Acrima’s church and military.
“I know you knew him not well,” Kei-Pyama said as she and Cédes stood beside Radus’s body. It lay, alongside Maya’s, in an open atrium flooded with cold sunlight. “I thank you for the presiding over this.” Her voice was tired, strained from the sobbing that had seized her throat all day.
“That is okay,” Cédes said. “I do it not because I am the only one left qualified, but because he is family.”
“We are only members of Feizanya family left,” Kei-Pyama continued, her face blank. “I can’t let you die too. Please look after yourself. I cannot go with you, so you must do it yourself, dear sister.”
“Fear not. I shall.” She reached out her hand, placing it gently on her brother’s face. He felt so peaceful, she thought. Yet cold. No longer could he talk, laugh, feel Stefi’s warmth. Still, even in death he seemed to manage a smile.
She stayed out of the way as Stefi came by. Her human friend paused for the longest time, not saying a word as Gemmie perched on her shoulder. She spent even longer beside Maya’s tiny coffin, where the little ferret lay as if curled asleep. His armor and war-claws had been placed alongside.
Every surviving Alzandian, even the wounded, had passed by to pay their respects, each reaching out to touch his fur and offer words of thanks. Kei-Tenla had spent much time with him, finding a kindred spirit in the dead ferret.
“You kept fighting with your paw broken,” she said, her own crushed right arm amputated at the shoulder by Alzandia’s skilled healers. “If you can do that, I can keep living each day.” For the first time since her injury she managed to smile, and the clouds of her depression parted, if only a little.
“We are here to pay tribute to two brave souls,” Cédes said later in the day before a crowd assembled in Alzandia’s cemetery. It was a quiet place in the shade of a hill away from the lake. Alzandians and her own friends from far away had come: Stefi of Sumarana, Ifaut of Mafouras, Rhaka of Shangara, Gemmie of Farān, Djidou and Adnamis of Sol-Acrima. Even, watching from a distance so Ifaut couldn’t see him, Sansonis of Joven. And, of course, Richo and Pheia of Ariga.
“We have all lost ones we love,” Cédes continued as an older Alzandian woman helped by translating. “We have all laid someone close to rest recently, and now I find myself no exception. It is difficult to see pain in others–not literally, of course–though it is more difficult to see it in myself.
“I did not know my brother well, and that is a great regret. It was only arriving here that I discovered I still had a family, a wonderful brother and sister. I thought we might share much time together. Atora, the Pendulum of Fate, the Uiverra whom you Alzandians and the Arigans hold in high regard, decided otherwise. However, I am at least comforted that my dear friend Stefi got to know Radus.”
Stefi raised her head for the first time at the mention of her name.
“It was not only an honor to have a brother like Radus, but to have a friend like the Fieretsi Stefi. The best part is the spark that appeared between them.” She managed a smile.
A blush rose in Stefi’s face, bringing with it not embarrassment but a smile.
“Though I myself love her very much, I would have been even happier to see them together. That is not why I am here,” she giggled, remembering herself. “Nor am I here to tell you all what you already know about him. You knew him better than I. I am here as a mere formality.”
Ifaut, sitting near the rear of the congregation and flanked by Pheia and Richo, felt Cédes’s blind gaze fall on her for a second. One red eye closed, just for a second, before Cédes continued.
“As a High Priestess of Lidae, Seventh Sajana, overseer of matters of faith and guidance, life and death, birth and marriage, it is my duty to do this. It is not, however, my duty to tell you about my brother’s good qualities. You already know those. Let us just spend some time in silence to remember them ourselves.”
The next few moments passed without so much as a murmur. The chilly breeze swept amongst the crowd and the marble headstones, seeming to bear whispers of the dead who lay beneath the earth. At last Cédes spoke again.
“There is one here about whom I am more qualified to speak: Maya of Farān. This brave ferret I am honored to count amongst my friends. His bravery saw us escape imprisonment in Valraines and certain death in Sol-Acrima, with the help of Gemmie. He Awoke from the Dream for us, and somehow found a way back with the last elementals of Dawn and Twilight. At last he gave his life to defeat our common enemy, Karick IV of Sol-Acrima.”
She led the crowd through prayers, taking care to speak in both Common Language and the Alzandian, mostly forgotten since childhood, that she had hastily memorized for the first of the funerals.
“My words cannot give them the honor they are due,” she concluded. “So let us do all we can. Remember them.”
Once Radus’s body had been placed forever in the cold ground, Stefi lingered beside the freshly dug earth with only the sunset for company. Maya’s body had been taken for cremation according to Alzandian custom, accompanied by a guard of honor made up of his fellow Fieretka, Djidou, and Adnamis. Sansonis was there too, though he didn’t speak a word to Ifaut. The ferret’s armor and war-claws were entrusted to Stefi.
If it’s okay with you, Gemmie had said, can we lay him to rest in Farān?
Stefi agreed without hesitation. “Of course. It would be nice to see your old home.”
Beside Radus’s grave she found no more words to say, no more tears to cry. Only regret. And guilt. She had healed Cédes aboard Djidou’s airship. She’d never even thought to try as Radus lay dying; she was too upset. Not like she’d been able to help the injured Alzandians, either. What use was she as a Fieretsi if the people she was meant to save died anyway? She couldn’t save the one she loved, or even her own ferret.
She buried her restless hands in her pockets. Her fingertips brushed against a cluster of small objects.
“Mustelaepedes seeds,” she said, remembering when Radus had given them to her atop Alzandia’s now-fallen tower.
Where Stefi plant flower, that Stefi home. The voice never to be heard again in the world of Feregana whispered for the last time in her memory.
“Wherever you are is my home.” She scratched a hole in the soft dirt, sprinkled the black seeds into it, covered them again. “May they flower like your future never did.”
Hesitating for a moment, she pulled the bloodied envelope from her pocket and placed it against his headstone. Whatever it had said, she couldn’t bear to open it, to damage further the last show of love from him. Like his heart, it would remain forever closed off to her.
She stood up, her soul feeling suddenly lighter. Of course it would take a long time for the weight of Radus’s death to leave her. The closure of seeing him buried would help. That, and the promise that, one day, she might see him and Maya at the Rainbow Bridge.
As she turned to leave she found herself singing, although the words didn’t feel like her own. She didn’t even realize she knew the song, yet it felt like it had been with her all along.
“As I stand under stillest night,
A soul drifts off in endless flight.
Another time, another place,
To the bridge that spans both worlds and space.
Life and Death, Awake and Dream,
Amidst them all the stars do gleam.
Somewher
e amongst them all is you,
And hope for love that’s always true.
When last star falls from heaven above,
Alzandian Demon wields death as love.
Though I go now to certain death,
I catch whispers of you ’pon wind’s cool breath.”
Once the words from nowhere left her, she turned to leave, never to lay eyes on that place again.
Richo dropped himself upon a backwards chair at Ifaut’s bedside, taking her hand in his. He didn’t seem to notice her squirm awkwardly or the way her hand kept twitching in his grasp. Sansonis would’ve, she thought. If he was still speaking to her.
“Your healer says you’re fit to travel,” he said as he flicked the hair from his eyes with a shake of his head, smiling all the while. “And this pale, gloomy lot say they no longer need our help, thank Atora. I’ve sent the foot soldiers on ahead to prepare the ships. We leave for Mafouras in the morning.”
She responded with a glare as he casually shook his head again. She hated it. She hated everything about him, right from his lofty arrogance to his stupid cape. And especially the way he kept jerking his head like a, well, jerk.
“I know, I know,” he laughed, his voice haughty, “it may take a while, no need to look so miserable. We’ll marry as soon as possible, fear not m’dear. Pheia tells me Shizai can bring our ships to Valraines in no time. From there it’s just a quick stroll and we’re home.”
“Home?” she choked out. The way he said it struck her mind and sent it reeling.
“Why, of course,” he said, squeezing her hand. “We shall live there for half of the year, and at Ariga for the other half. I, that is, we, must rebuild it after we take it back from the humans. Then, I fancy a nice long break to get used to married life, get to know you better. Perhaps,” and here he winked, “think about producing some heirs?”
She wanted to be sick, wanted to scream at his stupid, smug face. No! I hate you! The last thing I want is to spend the rest of my life with you! Instead she forced a smile.
“That’s my girl.” He leant forward and kissed her forehead. She shuddered. It wasn’t because of the cold breeze whispering through the window.
He got up and flashed a smile over his shoulder that Ifaut was sure could charm any girl. Any girl but her, that is. “You know,” he said, glancing at her bare neck, “I knew it the moment I saw you. We’re kamaes, aren’t we? That’s something else to do when we arrive.”
Right then, Ifaut knew, she’d rather die than spend her life with someone who knew absolutely nothing about her.
“Can you find him?” Stefi asked as she wandered across Alzandia’s dark landscape, Rhaka at her side. The grass sprawled in all directions, a silver sea lit by the light of countless stars in the unusually clear night. It seemed a vastly different country from earlier.
“Of course,” came the gruff reply. “He ought not be far now.” His nose skimmed above the grass, leading them in a winding, seemingly aimless path.
Stefi was reminded of their first meeting, the night she’d met Sansonis and Ifaut. Only now they were a world away, with Maya gone. Gemmie was sleeping with Ifaut, trying to coax her from her depression.
“Why did you save him?” Stefi found herself asking before she could stop herself. “What happened at Shangara?” The two questions had plagued her since their meeting. He had promised to tell her “when the time was right”, she remembered. No time seemed more right than now.
“I saved him out of pity.” His nose never left the ground. “It was our undoing.”
“Huh?” Stefi gasped, although she knew very well what he meant.
“He was left near Shangara deliberately, to grow close to us. Once sufficiently attached, we were all slaughtered. Can you fathom the grief caused by losing not only your family, but your entire race?”
Shaking her head, Stefi admitted she couldn’t.
“Within all humans lies Nefairu, just as ferrets and Furosans possess Furosa, and Otsukuné Larnia. Grief and hatred magnify it many times over, where at last it manifests into something more, what the humans call their god Kardin. It is no god, of course,” he added darkly. “We all see gods in our own image. Why shouldn’t the hatred and negativity in humans, given sufficient form, be their god? It has happened before, when the Kalkics were persecuted many years ago. Persecute a people, more hatred grows, and so does influence and power.”
“Does… does Sansonis know all this?” Stefi asked.
“Yes. I managed to overhear some of what that Kardin monstrosity said to my son after he flung us aside. He told him everything, thinking it would matter not before he killed him.” He uttered a growl that could have been a bitter laugh. “How humans like to gloat and reveal the “genius” behind their plans.” He shook his head.
“Poor guy,” Stefi said. She suddenly wished he was with her, if only to offer a few words of comfort. “Do you think that also had something to do with him leaving Ifaut?” She began to wonder if Sansonis was afraid of harm coming to her too, just as it had come to others he had loved, that it was more than just her arranged marriage.
“I do not know if recent revelations are solely to blame. Still, I cannot help but notice something strange happened between him and Ifaut in their absence. They no longer bear the tokens of their kamae relationship.”
“I never noticed the necklaces,” Stefi admitted. Perhaps there had been some sort of falling out between them, even if they had seemed as close as ever before Ifaut’s arranged marriage came up. She knew only Sansonis or Ifaut would be able to tell her for sure.
“What about where you were for a good deal of his life?” she asked to change the subject as they continued walking.
“Living under a fractured heaven.”
A sudden shudder ran through her body and she didn’t ask any more.
“I thought you’d be hiding way out here,” Stefi said to Sansonis’s back as he materialized from the darkness. “You can’t hide from your dad. Even in the dark.”
Sansonis said nothing. His mind felt empty, despite everything that had happened: the elation of Karick’s death bringing vengeance to his dead family, the grief of Maya’s sacrifice, Stefi and Cédes’s loss, but most of all Ifaut’s looming marriage to Richo. They had all drained every last drop of emotion from his body.
“We’re leaving tomorrow, you know,” Stefi continued.
“That’s nice,” he said levelly.
“Yes, it is,” she said, though he could tell she meant the opposite. “We want you to come.”
He remained facing away. “I don’t.”
“This has to stop,” she said, grabbing his shoulders and spinning him around. “You’re being a sulky little prat. Look.” She took him in a tight hug, a gesture that left him breathless both from its strength and unexpectedness. She whispered in his ear. “That girl’s crazy about you, so you can’t let her marry that guy. Even I find him annoying and pompous! She’s alive. You’re alive. That’s more than can be said for Radus.”
A coldness swept over Sansonis, and it had nothing to do with the chill in the night air. Stefi was right, he thought, weakly hugging her back. In his blindness to give Ifaut a better life he’d overlooked one thing. Sure, she’d be rich in material possessions, land, even power. On the other hand she’d be in poverty in terms of love. He hated to admit it–most of his life had been spent looking out for no one but himself–but here was someone else who relied on him. When he first saved the strange girl near Joven he never imagined she would be the one to make him realize that people out there could care for him. The same was true for the other nervous girl and her two ferrets.
Besides, he knew Ifaut better than anyone, especially Richo. The Furosan, in all the time he’d been with her, had never shown a longing for material possessions and riches except the occasional fish and himself. Yes, she could get plenty of fish with Richo. Where would she get another Kalkic to treat as a pet? Nowhere.
“I’ll come with you.” He at last drew a
way from Stefi. “I think,” he said, beginning to smile, “it’ll be easier, to steal–I mean acquire–her once we’re back home.”
“That’s my boy,” she said, shooting the still-silent Otsukuné a glance. “Not that you had a choice. You always say you’ll follow me as one of the Fieretka.”
“Not anymore,” he said, taking her hand as they returned to Alzandia. “We’re friends, right? That’s why I’m following you.”