LETTER XLIV
MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE FRIDAY MORNING, APRIL 21.
My mother will not comply with your condition, my dear. I hinted it toher, as from myself. But the Harlowes (excuse me) have got her entirelyin with them. It is a scheme of mine, she told me, formed to draw herinto your party against your parents. Which, for your own sake, she isvery careful about.
Don't be so much concerned about my mother and me, once more, I beg ofyou. We shall do well enough together--now a falling out, now a fallingin.
It used to be so, when you were not in the question.
Yet do I give you my sincere thanks for every line of your reprehensiveletters; which I intend to read as often as I find my temper rises.
I will freely own, however, that I winced a little at first readingthem. But I see that, on every re-perusal, I shall love and honour youstill more, if possible, than before.
Yet, I think I have one advantage over you; and which I will holdthrough this letter, and through all my future letters; that is, thatI will treat you as freely as you treat me; and yet will never think anapology necessary to you for my freedom.
But that you so think with respect to me is the effect of yourgentleness of temper, with a little sketch of implied reflection on thewarmth of mine. Gentleness in a woman you hold to be no fault: nor do Ia little due or provoked warmth--But what is this, but praising on bothsides what what neither of us can help, nor perhaps wish to help? Youcan no more go out of your road, than I can go out of mine. It would bea pain to either to do so: What then is it in either's approving of herown natural bias, but making a virtue of necessity?
But one observation I will add, that were your character, and mycharacter, to be truly drawn, mine would be allowed to be the mostnatural. Shades and lights are equally necessary in a fine picture.Yours would be surrounded with such a flood of brightness, with such aglory, that it would indeed dazzle; but leave one heartless to imitateit.
O may you not suffer from a base world for your gentleness; while mytemper, by its warmth, keeping all imposition at a distance, thoughless amiable in general, affords me not reason, as I have mentionedheretofore, to wish to make an exchange with you!
I should indeed be inexcusable to open my lips by way of contradictionto my mother, had I such a fine spirit as yours to deal with. Truth istruth, my dear! Why should narrowness run away with the praises due to anoble expansion of heart? If every body would speak out, as I do, (thatis to say, give praise where only praise is due; dispraise where duelikewise,) shame, if not principle, would mend the world--nay, shamewould introduce principle in a generation or two. Very true, my dear. Doyou apply. I dare not.--For I fear you, almost as much as I love you.
I will give you an instance, nevertheless, which will a-new demonstrate,that none but very generous and noble-minded people ought to beimplicitly obeyed. You know what I said above, that truth is truth.
Inconveniencies will sometimes arise from having to do with persons ofmodest and scrupulousness. Mr. Hickman, you say, is a modest man. Heput your corrective packet into my hand with a very fine bow, and aself-satisfied air [we'll consider what you say of this honest manby-and-by, my dear]: his strut was no gone off, when in came my mother,as I was reading it.
When some folks find their anger has made them considerable, they willbe always angry, or seeking occasions for anger.
Why, now, Mr. Hickman--why, now, Nancy, [as I was huddling in thepacket between my gown and my stays, at her entrance.] You have aletter brought you this instant.--While the modest man, with his pausingbrayings, Mad-da--Mad-dam, looked as if he knew not whether to fight itout, or to stand his ground, and see fair play.
It would have been poor to tell a lie for it. She flung away. I wentout at the opposite door, to read the contents; leaving Mr. Hickman toexercise his white teeth upon his thumb-nails.
When I had read your letters, I went to find out my mother. I told herthe generous contents, and that you desired that the prohibitionmight be adhered to. I proposed your condition, as for myself; and wasrejected, as above.
She supposed, she was finely painted between two 'young creatures, whohad more wit than prudence:' and instead of being prevailed upon by thegenerosity of your sentiments, made use of your opinion only to confirmher own, and renewed her prohibitions, charging me to return no otheranswer, but that she did renew them: adding, that they should stand,till your relations were reconciled to you; hinting as if she hadengaged for as much: and expected my compliance.
I thought of your reprehensions, and was meek, though not pleased. Andlet me tell you, my dear, that as long as I can satisfy my own mind,that good is intended, and that it is hardly possible that evil shouldensue from our correspondence--as long as I know that this prohibitionproceeds originally from the same spiteful minds which have been theoccasion of all these mischiefs--as long as I know that it is notyour fault if your relations are not reconciled to you, and that uponconditions which no reasonable people would refuse--you must giveme leave, with all deference to your judgment, and to your excellentlessons, (which would reach almost every case of this kind but thepresent,) to insist upon your writing to me, and that minutely, as ifthis prohibition had not been laid.
It is not from humour, from perverseness, that I insist upon this. Icannot express how much my heart is in your concerns. And you must, inshort, allow me to think, that if I can do you service by writing, Ishall be better justified in continuing to write, than my mother is inher prohibition.
But yet, to satisfy you all I can, I will as seldom return answers,while the interdict lasts, as may be consistent with my notions offriendship, and with the service I owe you, and can do you.
As to your expedient of writing by Hickman [and now, my dear, yourmodest man comes in: and as you love modesty in that sex, I will domy endeavour, by holding him at a proper distance, to keep him in yourfavour] I know what you mean by it, my sweet friend. It is to make thatman significant with me. As to the correspondence, THAT shall go on,I do assure you, be as scrupulous as you please--so that that will notsuffer if I do not close with your proposal as to him.
I must tell you, that I think it will be honour enough for him to havehis name made use of so frequently betwixt us. This, of itself, isplacing a confidence in him, that will make him walk bolt upright, anddisplay his white hand, and his fine diamond ring; and most mightily laydown his services, and his pride to oblige, and his diligence, and hisfidelity, and his contrivances to keep our secret, and his excuses,and his evasions to my mother, when challenged by her; with fifty ana'sbeside: and will it not moreover give him pretence and excuse oftenerthan ever to pad-nag it hither to good Mrs. Howe's fair daughter?
But to admit him into my company tete-a-tete, and into my closet, asoften as I would wish to write to you, I only dictate to his pen--mymother all the time supposing that I was going to be heartily in lovewith him--to make him master of my sentiments, and of my heart, as I maysay, when I write to you--indeed, my dear, I won't. Nor, were I marriedto the best HE in England, would I honour him with the communication ofmy correspondences.
No, my dear, it is sufficient, surely, for him to parade in thecharacter of our letter-conveyor, and to be honoured in a cover, andnever fear but, modest as you think him, he will make enough of that.
You are always blaming me for want of generosity to this man, and forabuse of power. But I profess, my dear, I cannot tell how to help it.Do, dear, now, let me spread my plumes a little, and now-and-then makemyself feared. This is my time, you know, since it would be no more tomy credit than to his, to give myself those airs when I am married. Hehas a joy when I am pleased with him that he would not know, but for thepain my displeasure gives him.
Men, no more than women, know how to make a moderate use of power. Isnot that seen every day, from the prince to the peasant? If I do notmake Hickman quake now-and-then, he will endeavour to make me fear. Allthe animals in the creation are more or less in a state of hostilitywith each other. The wolf, that runs awa
y from a lion, will devour alamb the next moment. I remember, that I was once so enraged at a gamechicken that was continually pecking at another (a poor humble one, as Ithought him) that I had the offender caught, and without more ado, in apet of humanity, wrung his neck off. What followed this execution? Whythat other grew insolent, as soon as his insulter was gone, and wascontinually pecking at one or two under him. Peck and be hanged, saidI,--I might as well have preserved the first, for I see it is the natureof the beast.
Excuse my flippancies. I wish I were with you. I would make you smile inthe midst of your gravest airs, as I used to do. O that you hadaccepted of my offer to attend you! but nothing that I offer will youaccept----Take care!--You will make me very angry with you: and when Iam, you know I value nobody: for, dearly as I love you, I must be, andcannot always help it,
Your saucy ANNA HOWE.