“It’s already paid for,” she said and strolled over to the next table, tilting her basket in their direction.
Teri drew in the intense, sweet fragrance.
Scott looked as if he were about to say something when Gordon stepped up to the table and set their salads before them. “Ground pepper?” he asked, holding the mill above Teri’s plate.
“Just a little. Thanks for the flowers. They’re beautiful. And so fragrant!”
“Glad you like them,” Gordon said, giving the pepper mill a twist. “Pepper for you, Scott?”
He still looked mad. “Sure,” he mumbled, without looking at Gordon.
Gordon lifted the pepper mill over Scott’s salad. Before he could give it a twist, the metal plate on the bottom fell off, landing in Scott’s salad along with a mound of black pepper.
“Whoa!” Gordon quickly tilted the mill, sprinkling pepper in Scott’s face as Gordon tried to stop the flow. “So sorry, there. My mistake.” He scooped up the plate and said, “I’ll be right back with another salad for you.”
Scott swatted at his lap and the table with his cloth napkin. “Jerk,” he muttered.
“It was an accident,” Teri said softly. “It wasn’t his fault.”
“Yeah, well he tends to attract accidents, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“I know,” Teri said, suppressing a giggle. “He took me with him into the ocean a couple of weeks ago when he tripped off the rocks.”
“When was this? You never told me.”
Teri relayed the incident, explaining that she had gone to the beach to think and had run into Gordon. “He called it a divine appointment,” she said with a laugh.
“You sure you two didn’t plan to meet there? You weren’t arranging a talk with him like your breakfast with that other guy?”
“Of course not!”
“It sounds to me like you were pretty busy meeting other men these past few weeks. Here I thought I was giving you your space, time to think through our relationship.”
“I can’t believe you’re saying these things, Scott!”
Gordon stepped up with a fresh salad.
“No pepper this time,” Scott said curtly.
Gordon, appearing undaunted, nodded his head and went on to the next table.
“You didn’t have to be so rude,” Teri said.
“I wasn’t rude.” Scott jabbed his fork into his salad and took a bite. “I don’t know why you’re so determined to start a fight tonight.”
“Me? I’m not trying to start a fight!”
Scott took another bite of salad and said, “Why aren’t you eating?”
“I usually pray before I eat.” Then softening her tone, she said, “Scott, could you pray for us? I think we could use it right now.”
Scott lowered his fork and swallowed. “You go ahead,” he said, respectfully waiting for her to pray.
“I’d like it if you would,” she said. “I feel a man should take the lead, especially in spiritual matters.”
“You’re stuck in your childhood again,” Scott said. “Men and women are equal. They should approach a relationship, spiritually and otherwise, on an equal level.”
“Never mind,” Teri said. “We don’t have to pray.”
“No, you go ahead,” Scott said. “It doesn’t bother me.”
“That’s the problem, Scott. It doesn’t bother you a bit.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Never mind. Let’s eat in peace, okay?”
Scott picked up his fork and went at his salad with gusto, not saying a word. Teri squeezed her eyes shut and silently prayed. Oh, Father, what am I doing? Scott is not the right man for me. How did I ever talk myself into this? Show me what you want for me. Set things straight.
She opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was Gordon’s hand delivering a basket of fresh rolls. “How are your salads?” he asked.
“Fine,” Teri said, trying to act as if nothing were wrong.
“Great. I’ll go check on your dinners.”
“Scott,” Teri began a few moments later, “I’m not sure things are working out for us.”
“Come on, babe,” he said, his smooth, confident tone returning. “All couples have their disagreements. Just let it go, all right?”
Teri shook her head. “Scott, we’re too different.”
“Are you getting hung up about the racial thing again?”
“No, I mean different in here,” she tapped her heart. “I think we should be equal, like you said. I guess I just realized we don’t have an equal embrace between our hearts. I mean, we’ve both tried. I know you have, and I know I have. It’s just that it seems so forced. If we’re seriously planning on getting married—”
“Getting married?” Scott said and started to laugh.
Gordon was suddenly standing beside the table, holding their dinners.
“Where did you get the idea I was thinking of us getting married?”
Teri felt embarrassed that Gordon was hearing this. She scooted her salad plate to the side and made room for the steaming mahimahi Gordon placed before her.
“And prime rib, end cut,” he said, delivering the platter to Scott.
“I need some horseradish,” Scott said, without acknowledging Gordon’s presence. “And some more sour cream.”
“Right,” Gordon said. “Anything else for you, Teri?”
She didn’t look up but said, “Could you please bring me a glass of iced tea?”
He vanished, and Scott reached across the table and grasped Teri’s hand. “Hey, I don’t know what’s been going on in that head of yours, but these past few weeks, I’ve been talking about us getting together. You know, taking it step by step. I didn’t plan for you to move here so we could get married. Decisions like that take a lot of time. It’s a huge commitment. We’re not there yet.”
Teri started to feel the fog of confusion float in and cloud her reasoning as it had many times during the past few weeks. Scott was right. They needed to take things slowly. Isn’t that what she had said from the beginning? Why did she ever think he wanted to marry her?
Scott let go of her hand and a bit of his magic dust left her. “While you’re packing up your things next week I’ll be looking for a place for us. It’ll be different once you’re back here for good and we’re together all the time.”
“A place for us?” Teri said. “You mean, like move in together?”
“Of course. You can’t make the tamales in your sister’s house. She said she couldn’t stand the smell.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Teri saw Gordon carrying a tray toward them. In a low voice she said, “Scott, I can’t move in with you.”
“Why not?”
“Because I … I …”
“If we’re going to give our relationship a fair try,” Scott said, “we have to go all the way.”
His choice of words caused Teri to feel panic rise up inside.
“The only way we’ll know if it’s going to work is if we move in together.”
Gordon heard that. She knew he did. Teri didn’t want to look at him. He placed the ramekin of horseradish on the table. She shyly peeked up as he removed the ramekin of sour cream from the tray in his hand. Teri noticed her glass of iced tea begin to slide off the tray, but before she could say anything, the iced tea hit the edge of the tray, tipped and poured its icy waterfall into Scott’s lap.
“You jerk!” Scott shouted, jumping up and looking as if he were about to slug Gordon. “That does it! Tell your manager I want to talk to him. No, wait. Better yet, I’ll go talk to him.” Scott pushed Gordon away with one arm and, with a restaurant full of spectators, marched in his wet pants to the front desk.
Teri buried her face in her hands. She couldn’t believe what a disaster this night had turned into.
“Teri,” Gordon’s voice sounded soothing. She peeked between her fingers and didn’t see him.
“Teresa,” he repeated.
She removed her hands, and there was Gordon, down on one knee by her chair. His face looked sincere, his demeanor undaunted by either the spill or the fear of what would come next for him when Scott finished with the manager.
“My timing may not be the best, but Teri I have to tell you I’m in love with you. I don’t know how to say this any other way. Teresa, will you marry me?”
She stared at him along with two dozen other people seated around them. “Gordon,” she said with a nervous laugh. “People are watching.”
“So are the angels,” he said, unmoved.
Teri laughed her nervous laugh again. She shot apologetic glances to the people around them.
“Gordon,” she growled through gritted teeth, “this is ridiculous. Get up.”
“I will when you give me your answer.”
Teri saw Scott coming toward them with the manager right beside him.
“No. Gordon, the answer is no. Please get up!”
He rose, unruffled, with his eyes locked on hers. She felt as if, uninvited, this man were looking into the window of her soul. “I can wait,” he said in a low steady voice.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Teri stood at the airport baggage claim carousel in Eugene, Oregon, waiting for her lone suitcase to inch its way over to her. She lifted it with a huff and trudged out to the curb where Jessica had agreed to pick Teri up. As soon as she stepped out of the terminal, Teri spotted Kyle’s truck. Kyle and Jessica were seated inside waving at her.
Kyle, Jessica’s firefighter husband, hopped out of the driver’s side and came over to Teri with his arms open. “Welcome home, Teri! Did you have a good time?”
“Don’t ask,” Teri muttered, handing him her suitcase, which he hoisted into the flat bed of his truck. She opened the passenger door, climbed in, and gave Jessica a hug.
Kyle got in, and they both looked at Teri.
“So,” Jessica said, flipping her honey-blond hair over her shoulder, “how was your vacation?”
“Exhausting,” Teri said. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’d rather hear about your honeymoon. How was your cruise?”
“Wonderful,” Kyle answered, gazing at Jessica with a newlywed’s smitten look. Their wedding had been five weeks ago, two days before Teri had left for Maui. She had been one of Jessica’s bridesmaids and had walked down the aisle of their little church in Glenbrooke with an armful of pink roses. The romantic wedding was beautiful and had flung Teri into a fantasy about Mark only days before she saw him. Funny how so much had changed in a little more than a month.
“I’m glad you had a good time,” Teri said. “Maybe I’ll have to try the Caribbean on my next vacation. I’m certainly never going back to Maui again!”
Kyle pulled into the flow of traffic and headed for Glenbrooke. “You know you want to tell us,” he said. “What happened over there?”
Teri had been friends with Kyle for several years before Jessica had moved to town. More than once Kyle and Teri had benefited from heart-to-heart, brother-sister-type conversations. Teri considered Jessica her best friend. She might as well spill her guts to these two.
“I’ll start with the good news. My sister is pregnant, and so far everything has gone perfectly. The doctor told her she shouldn’t have to worry about a miscarriage this time, and I think she’s going to be fine. Danny’s really excited and proud and all that.”
“That’s terrific,” Jessica said. She sat in the middle between Teri and Kyle. Teri couldn’t help but notice how close Jessica was sitting to Kyle, much closer than she needed to make room for Teri on the bench seat. It almost looked as if they were sewn together at the thigh. Teri wondered what it would be like to feel that close to a man. In a way, she was jealous that Jessica was experiencing something she was sure she never would, not after all she had just gone through.
“Now tell us the bad news,” Kyle said. “I take it things didn’t work out with you and … what was that guy’s name?”
“Mark. No, things didn’t work out with Mark. He’s with a sweet woman named Claire, and I’m very happy for him.”
“I’m sorry, Teri,” Jessica said.
“Wait, there’s more! I met a man who went to my high school, and made a total fool of myself for several weeks trying to believe something lasting was going on between us. I completely deluded myself. We weren’t right for each other at all. It was as if I were bent on proving something to myself or to my sister. She and I fought most of the time I was there, mostly over Scott, and I came close to leaving Glenbrooke and my life here to try a risky business venture with Scott and my brother-in-law. I was going to make tamales. Can you believe that?”
“Tamales sound good right about now. Are either of you hungry?” Kyle said.
“Kyle!” Jessica gently swatted his arm. “When a woman is sharing her heart with you, you don’t ask if she’s hungry.”
“Sorry,” he said with a good-natured shrug. “Go on, Teri. You were involved with a guy named Scott.”
“We didn’t really get involved. Well, I guess we did. My heart sure did. I think. I don’t know. I’m so confused. I just need to be home and back to my regular life and forget this whole fiasco.”
Graciously, Jessica changed the subject and started to tell Teri about their big project, restoring the old Victorian house at the top of Madison Hill. It had been boarded up for more than eight years. They had bought it, hired a team of workers, and planned to move in before Christmas. Now they were living in Kyle’s house, which was a large, ranch-style home on the outskirts of town. Jessica had once said she didn’t mind living there for awhile, but it was too rugged for her, with its timber beams running through the ceiling of the downstairs. The Victorian mansion was about as opposite to Kyle’s house as Teri could imagine. But Kyle seemed enthusiastic about the project.
When they dropped Teri off at her little bungalow, Jessica said, “Would it be okay if I stopped by in a few days? I know you’ll want to settle in and everything, but call me when you’re ready for visitors.”
Teri called her two days later. She had done enough soul searching, crying, and moping and was ready for some company. They planned to meet at noon, and Teri made up a salad for them. Jessica arrived with a basket of croissants from the bakery, and the two friends sat down in Teri’s cozy kitchen, ready to pick up their friendship where they had left off. So much had happened to both of them during the past month and a half.
“So,” Teri began, “tell me all about married life. Is it like you thought it would be?”
“I think so,” Jessica said. She wasn’t a beautiful woman, but she was lovely, with a simple, gentle appearance. Her reserved disposition had been a refreshing encouragement to Teri when they had first met since Teri tended to be direct and blunt in her approach to everything. Their friendship ran deep, and Teri felt she could trust Jessica with her heart. She hoped Jessica felt the same about her.
“In some ways I don’t feel married,” Jessica said. “I don’t know how to explain it. It all feels natural to me, as if we were supposed to be together, and since we’re married, of course we live together and eat together and sleep together.” She broke off a corner of her croissant and looked thoughtful. “Teri, it’s strange. What I feel for Kyle is so powerful, so intense. But in our everyday lives, it’s just normal. I mean, it’s wonderful to be, you know … united completely. But it’s just normal like that’s the way it should be. I’m not explaining this very well.”
“I think I understand what you’re saying. I sort of saw that with my sister and her husband.”
“I guess I always thought of marriage as this huge mystery. You find the right person, and you become one, and somehow everything changes. Things don’t really change. They go on, only now it’s, I don’t know … fuller. Deeper. Richer and more complete.”
“You’re kind of disappointing me here, Jess. I thought you would have all kinds of romantic stories to tell me of wild passion and endless fireworks.”
Jessica smiled, and the
scar on the top of her lip curled slightly. “Oh, believe me, there are fireworks.” For a moment she seemed to float off.
“Well, that’s comforting,” Teri said.
Jessica cleared her throat. “That part of my marriage is between Kyle and me.” A sweet smile lingered on her lips. “What I’m talking about is the day-to-day part of being with someone. It’s funny how opposites attract. I never would have pictured myself with a man like Kyle. Now I can’t picture myself with anyone but Kyle.”
Teri thought of Mark and Scott. She couldn’t see herself with either of them now. She had centered so much of her concern on the chemistry between her and “Mr. Right,” and now Jessica was telling her the real power emerges from the ordinary, the day-to-day camaraderie. Strange. Her focus had turned to a quest for romance, and she had been drawn to two men whom she didn’t even particularly enjoy being around.
“Jessica, I think I need to see a counselor. I am so messed up right now. I don’t know what to look for in a relationship. Maybe I’m not supposed to be married. Maybe I’m one of those people who’s better off single for the rest of her life. But then why did God give me these desires? I want to love a man with my entire being. I want children. Lots of children. I want to be married.” Tears welled up in Teri’s eyes and began to splash down her cheek. “I think it’s me. I’m a loser.”
Jessica calmly moved around the table and slipped her arm around Teri’s shoulder. “You are not a loser,” she said firmly. “Do you remember what you told me last fall when someone delivered those groceries to my door? I’ll never forget it. You said, ‘When we surrender to God, he works in awesome ways.’ You told me that he supernaturally works everything out for the best. At the time, I wasn’t even on speaking terms with God, but your words stuck with me.”
Teri wiped her tears with her napkin. Inwardly she scolded herself for having passed out such easy answers to Jessica. She didn’t mind Jessica tossing them back at her, almost a year later, but Teri had come to view life as a complex tangle of emotions and events. Easy answers didn’t work for her anymore.
“Jess, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here. I’m just finding that I’m a much more intense person than I realized, and I’m having a hard time figuring out what I’m doing wrong.”