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I almost stayed home sick from school, but Dad was insistent I go. If I wasn't showing symptoms of being ill, I wasn't going to wuss out of school because I was tired. The day passed almost exactly like the one previous, down to Mina showing up to class just to taunt me that Jack wasn't there; being unable to perform well during dance club; and an awkward family dinner. The only difference was that I was even more sleep deprived than before, and was snapping at everyone all day. As I tried to fall asleep I rubbed the metal charm on my necklace, anxious that I would have another night of terrifying dreams, and whispered out loud, "I don't think I can do this on my own."
That night I only had one dream, which started out as the memory of when Dane had me dance on my own. The difference was that he wasn't there, and the dance studio was dank and dark, with mold and slime growing in the corners along the walls. The mirrors were cracked, and the windows had heavy curtains over them. I was scared, but I danced anyway. Halfway through the song fires started at my feet wherever I stepped. I wasn't afraid, though - even though the whole dance studio was on fire by the end of the song, I wasn't getting burned. I stopped when the music stopped, looked around me, and willed the fires to die down. They gradually disappeared, and when the last fire was out the dance studio had changed: it was brighter, the floors gleamed as though they had just been waxed, and the walls were clean. The mirrors were fixed, and there weren't any curtains to keep the sunlight from streaming in. I looked at myself in the mirror - I was wearing a bright, gauzy dress that looked like someone wanted me to look like a flame. It had long sleeves that fit snugly on my upper arms, but were loose and flowy at the end. The bodice fit snugly, and smoothly ran into the knee-length skirt that was also loose and flowy at the hem. It was made of several layers of orange, yellow and red, and the skirt hem and the hems to the sleeves were cut irregularly, so whenever I moved it looked like a flickering candle. I don't remember if I said it myself or if it was my reflection that spoke to me, but I saw my lips move and heard the words, "I can help you."
I woke up that morning feeling slightly more rested, but was still on edge. Jack failed to show up again, and the fact that Dani was back to acting like nothing had happened and we were getting along fine was only barely notable.
I stayed through the entire dance practice. We were starting to come up with a solid routine for the winter show, and I felt an obligation to stick around for the whole practice, just so I wouldn't feel like I treated the club lightly (even though I stood firm that I wasn't going to perform at the show when Dane asked me again to choose a group in which to participate). I took my time packing up, and asked Dane if I could stay behind for a few minutes, alone. He agreed, but told me to keep it to less than ten minutes.
I took off all my jewelry and accessories and socks again, flipped through the CD case to find an album with a good song, ended up choosing a random band I'd never heard of before, and hit play.
I didn't wait until I was at the center of the studio to close my eyes and start dancing. This time it only took a few familiar dance steps before I fell into my own routine. Though my heart rate was rising and I could feel myself start to sweat, I kept jumping, spinning, and kicking through two, then three songs. The music was there, but to me it seemed distant. I was dancing to the beat of the song my heart created, and all that mattered was that I was expressing through movement what my heart desired.
Near the end of the third song I opened my eyes to start to bring myself out of this trance, and almost stopped in surprise. In my reflection I was engulfed in flames. I kept dancing anyway since I didn't feel like I was on fire, and when I looked at my hands and feet they weren't actually on fire, but as I kept staring at my reflection the image persisted - I was engulfed in fire. I slowed down as the song ended, and the flames I saw slowly extinguished as my dance came to an end. When the last flame disappeared, I got this overwhelming sense of... well, several things. I felt clean, warm and, most importantly, complete.
I fell on my knees and started crying into my hands in relief - this was my outlet. I let all the stress I had been trying to suppress over the last few days surface and vent out, because while figuring this out didn't solve any of my immediate problems, I finally felt for the first time in my life that I was in control of something. Dane knocked on the door and let himself in when I failed to answer. When he saw I was crying, he rushed to my side and knelt next to me. "Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? Kenna, what's wrong?"
I sniffled, wiped my tears away, looked up at him and smiled. "I'm fine. And you know what? I mean that - I'm actually doing okay. I just... I finally figured something out that I didn't think I'd ever have an answer to, and it's such a relief. Sorry to keep you after, I'm done now."
He grinned. "Did you dance? Really, truly dance?"
I nodded. "I think I needed to do it just for myself."
"Would you be willing to show the rest of the club now?"
I thought about it for a moment. "You know what? I think I can do that. I don't think I can teach anybody, per se, but I can show them."
He chuckled. "I don't expect anybody to really learn what you do, but we can come up with some moves, I think."
He helped me up off the floor, and grabbed my bag for me. "Do you want a ride home?"
"I rode my bike, and I don't really want to keep it here at the school."
"I have a truck, it won't be a problem to throw it into the bed."
"Well then, I suppose I don't really have an excuse to say no, do I?"
"I was going to hold your duffel hostage until you said yes anyway."
"Now what has my duffel bag ever done to you?" We walked to his truck and continued on like this. Was he flirting with me? More importantly, was I flirting back?
Apparently I was, because when Dane unloaded my bike after pulling up to my house, he held onto it tightly instead of letting me take it and said, "Kenna, there's this really cool ski resort up in the mountains... it's not really busy now since there isn't any snow, but the trees should be turning colors right now and there's a couple of hiking trails that should look really cool with the trees looking the way they do. If you like hiking, I'd like to take you there this Saturday, and maybe stop by this awesome cafe after that. Are you free?"
He was charming, easygoing, and, admittedly, very good looking. Even though he spent his afternoons dancing, a stranger would probably peg him more as a surfer - sandy blonde hair that he let grow out just long enough to cover the tops of his ears and the back of his neck, bright blue eyes, and dimples in both cheeks when he smiled. Most importantly, he was normal.
"Sounds like a date!" I said with a smile, and took my bike from him.
While the evening with my family started out not much different than it had been the rest of the week, I felt full of positive energy and wanted to spread it to my siblings and father. I was chatty all during dinner, telling jokes and talking about meaningless things. I think I cheered them up a little, because when I suggested that we watch a dumb comedy they all agreed. Dad didn't laugh at all during the movie, and even left halfway through, but it was the most time we had spent as a family in what felt like had been a long time.
All in all, it had ended a really good day. As I lay in bed that night I touched my neck to grab my necklace, only to find it was gone. I got up in a panic, wondering if it had fallen off at one point. I searched all the spots I had been in the house that afternoon, even getting Terra (who was still awake doing homework) to help me. We scoured the kitchen, living room, hallway, bathroom, and my room to no avail. We sat on the floor of my room when she asked, "Did you take it off at one point today?"
As soon as she said that, I knew what had happened. Sure enough, I checked my dance bag and my necklace was still in a side pocket. I apologized to Terra for freaking out and shooed her out of my room. I sat on the edge of my bed and smiled to myself as I turned the pendant over in my h
and. I had gone all afternoon without wearing the necklace, and I had never once lost control of my emotions.
Joining that dance club was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
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