“Jesus had all four personalities, equally balanced. Generally,
two or more personalities dominate each person. So, a person can be a sanguine, and melancholic or a phlegmatic and a sanguine.
“Or like me, I've let Christ work on me for many years with my personality in sight. I am phlegmatic with a significant part of each of the other three types.
"The business world wants everyone to be a choleric, and most top bosses have been groomed by a fellow choleric. The melancholic, analytical, and sanguine either fit in, or they become bypassed.
"God not only knows what you are, but He also knows what you will become. More good news. In a good news, bad news situation, I have learned to give the bad news between slices of good news. The bad news can be summed up by saying, opposites attract, the title of this rollo.
“To be complete, we seek what we think we need in a spouse,
and join to him or her. This forms the chemistry of a relationship. “There's some bad news, but I will touch on that later.
“More good news, God has selected a perfect spouse for each and
everyone of us. God knows the beginning, dating and courtship, from the end, when the kids are grown and you begin retirement and enter into the golden years. He also knows the growth planned for each of you. He knows the heartaches and the joys you will experience.
“The Bible tells us that He is all knowing. For example, when we go to a parade, we may select fantastic seats, but only God can see the starting and the ending points at the same time. How does He do it? I don't know. The Bible says it so, (Is 5:8; 2 Pt
1:20).
“Even the people that divide all people into four personalities acknowledge the difference between men and women. Maybe they looked in a keyhole or visited a hospital birthing room. Anyway, they classify men as warriors, hunters, protectors, and responsible for training, discipline and the head of the home.
“The women, those who gave birth, as nurturing, emotional, responsible for the care of the home and young children. The Bible tells us the same thing: women should be submitted to a man. Psychologists say because of a man's strength, women should be submitted to a man.
"We see differences between men and women in shopping. The man goes right to what he wants whether it be a suit of clothes or camping equipment, buys it, then goes on to the next item. Women do it differently; they shop. As best as I can define a woman shopping; they visit many stores.
“They may, or may not buy anything. I know one lady, that has decided to go up and down every aisle in a store to learn what's new. She may, or may not have a list, but if it looks good, or it is priced right, she may buy it.
“It depends on her personality . . . the budget may or may not be a
consideration.
"The Jews, you may remember, God's chosen people, celebrate a Bar-mitzvahs, when a young man, usually thirteen, becomes a man.
“Naturally, he was not a hunter yet, but his mother, who had nurtured him as a young child and raised him for this moment, would now place him under the father's care. His father would teach him to be a hunter, a warrior, a protector of women and the spiritual leader of a home.
“Either way, men are different from women."
Rod thought, all right. I get it! Men are different than women. “In your discussions you will have an opportunity to pick out
your own and your spouse's personality.
“Now, the bad news. There are many strengths or characteristics, but each personality has the possibility that what attracted you to your spouse originally, can become in time a weakness, so much so, that you may think about murdering your spouse.
“God sees our struggle as growth. We, however, are not God. Let me repeat that, we are not God."
Rod continued his commentary in his head, right-on, we're not
God.
"Now more bad news . . . in most marriages that have been studied, we find that opposite personalities attract each other.
“And in marriage, although you were head over heels in love at first and for many days or years afterward, in time the weaknesses become more obvious. For example, you liked that he was
confident and self-sufficient, but now he has become bossy and always right. Even when he is wrong . . . he's right.
"Jesus blended all parts of these four personalities, and with God's help, you and your spouse will grow in the struggle God puts before you.
“An excellent book, Personality Plus by Florence Littauer, published by Revell in 1983, outlines the strengths and weaknesses of each type of personality. The author deals with the now, not the future, or the change that comes from reading the Bible and studying yourself.
“Some personalities won't read this book, others couldn't care less what this book says. The person who interested in these changes, will read this book again and again, to see what God has been doing. We've given your table eight copies of the characteristics and the weaknesses for each type."
Mike showed his copies of the strengths and the weaknesses. "Remember any differences you find between you and your
spouse, God calls growth. God knows. Remember, first find your strengths and what you liked about your spouse before seeing the classifications and weaknesses."
All, including Anne, listened intently.
THE CHARTS revealed many things. The table could determine that some growth had been planned for each of them.
"Yeah, but we love each other. This may happen, but it is way down the road." Carolle postulated.
Maryann offered: "Well, I can see some growth . . . it's more like arguments that I have with Edward. I see some growth required
in Edward . . . and . . . maybe, me too."
Edward added to Maryann's comment: "I can see she has a lot of growing to do. Me too, but not as much – well, maybe.”
Carolle spoke up: "I can see some places where Rod and I
currently have difficulties, and they may get worse in time." Mike questioned: "Like what?"
Carolle didn't know what to say to Mike. Rod inserted: "I've told you, honey, the boss wants me always to think about my job. I'm just learning. After a while, I will know more, and be home more often. You'll see."
Carolle responded: "The conference folks told me that there would be days like this.”
Then, she reaffirmed Rod: “I love you Rod, and if you have to work late learning the insurance business, I understand."
KB asked, "Mike, you and Rose have been to these conferences before, do you agree with the speaker? Do you put any value in these charts? Do people behave this way?"
"Most people I know have a blend of these strengths and weaknesses, and we can't say what happens behind closed doors.
“Most folks put on their Christian faces and behaviors on Sunday, but if you have a chance to see them away from church, say on a Monday or Tuesday, you will find that the psychologists have a pretty good handle and mostly correct in their evaluations.
“In other words, we are not finished yet, and if we let Him, He will shape us into a balanced person, like Jesus."
Anne admitted: "We each have some growing to do."
Rod added quickly: "Yeah, but we have to let God do it."
KB became so encouraged, Anne listened as he asked everyone: "God has provided. He will continue to provide, wont He?"
Mike looked at KB: "Philippians 2:13."
KB turned to Philippians 2:13, and read silently. "Thank you, Mike." Mike smiled broadly.
Anne listened to Mike, and she said to herself: “Maybe it's not all
Kenny.”
Mike tried to bring the table together. Mike told a story from the
Bible about a rich, young ruler.
“In this story, Jesus outlines very specific course of action, but the rich young ruler didn't listen to Him. He went away with much sorrow. Jesus told the rich young ruler to keep the commandments, and to sell his possessions and follow Him.
"He asked hi
m basically to change," Maryann spoke for the table. "We all have to change, if we don't, good strengths will become
weaknesses," the table agreed.
"CONTROL OR adjust, but not change," Anne said, emphatically. Then she thought about Kenny and their marriage.
Anne considered changing. Kenny had just asked Jesus into his heart, but according to these charts . . . oh well . . . it would be a good time to change, Anne thought.
Maryann suggested: "We could draw a bunch of coins. You know
. . . change, and since nobody would figure it out, we can say we all plan to change."
"Change, we must," the table agreed.
"Yes, we must. Sooner or later, like menopause, we must plan for it," Carolle summarized.
"OK then?" Maryann asked. "Righto"
KB ventured, "This conference sure packs a bunch into our lives. I don't know about you, but I think this weekend has been great. We have been exposed to many things, and we will never be the same. I know I won't.
“I don't know about work. It's easy to say that God and Anne have my top priorities. God knows how this will all workout."
The final rollo started right away.
--17--
THE ASSISTANT HEAD ROSITA, angel table knew him as Al, marched into the Rollo Room with his wife, the cooks, singing, “Jesus in the morning, Jesus at noon time . . . .” Each speaker had a special song that the cooks would sing as they brought the speaker and his wife to the podium. Then, quickly the cooks
would leave, and in this case, Al and Jan, would stay at the podium.
Anne thought about her Kenny and his going forward. Wow! We can have a family. Tonight!
Al started. He introduced himself as Al, and his wife, Jan. "I'm to share with you, 'What Really Matters,' I have some good
news . . . and some bad news.
"First and foremost: You must each have a personal relationship with Jesus. Not to just know of Him. Not just to know about Him . . . but, to personally adopt Him.
“To know that your sins have been forgiven, and you know you have a home in Heaven.”
We now have that. Don't we? A family . . . tonight! Oh boy! Anne agreed silently.
“You keep your relationship fresh and growing by reading your Bible and praying every day. Pastor Ernie can give you other tips, or put you in touch with someone that can help you grow in your relationship with Jesus..
“These practices need not take a long time, or if it isn't possible, skipping a day or two is understandable. Just do what you can each day.
"Secondly, as Mike so eloquently said, 'Jesus Christ must be incorporated in your marriage.' Think of the two rings and the cross of Christ among them, or what your table drew.
“Apply what Jesus said, and what God says in His Word to your marriage, especially what God said through Paul in Ephesians.
“God created us, and He gave us His Manufacturer's Handbook, that when we know what's in the book. As the book of James says, that we will do those things to please God.”
I want to please God, Anne agreed. This the second time someone told Anne, she needs to please God.
"Those two form the basis of a good marriage. I have been selected to give you some other points that we know will help.
"As it has been said, 'Rome wasn't built in a day.' Don't expect big changes in your spouse starting tomorrow or even in a day or two.
“You may see your spouse remember the messages presented this weekend for a day or two, but then they will forget, and the old ways may emerge. If they listen to Pastor Ernie, and stay in
God's Word, they will change slowly.
Maybe five years and many conferences later, you will see some shift in their approach to some things.”
KB muttered: “Five years? Not me. I' ready now”
“So, we ask you to remember, 'Rome wasn't built in a day.' Don't expect too much. Be gentle, and praise your spouse for
everything they do positive way, no matter how small. "The base contains two; I've four more.
"Another . . . I am speaking to the husbands, you will find much joy by accepting the truth that women are different from men.
“Most women have different interests than men, they approach problems differently, and the one difference that use to trip me up frequently, women talk differently than men. They talk, and talk, and talk.” Some laughter filled the room.
"Wives, let me say to you also, that men were created different than women. They have different interests and they approach problems and tasks differently. And as Jack pointed out, they talk differently, if at all.
“In my own life, Jan has shared with me that she stays on the same topic until she completes her thoughts. She also waits for my questions and my reply, and then, if we agree, she goes to another subject.
"Women, no matter what their age or education, have connectors between the left and the right sides of their brains. Men have no such connectors between their left and right brains. I tell Jan, I have been created that way.
"For a marriage to work, you and your spouse, and here is number four, plan some together time. But you husbands say, except for work, I am always with my spouse. That's true, physically, but
you still may be thinking about the work that isn't completed.
“Women also need together time. The kids run around all day, and you and your spouse may be tired, or have had a busy day.”
Anne thought to herself, I know what that means. And I don't have any kids . . . yet.
“Many activities and feelings may get between you and your spouse. A scheduled, planned activity with your spouse puts those feelings right, and being already scheduled, eliminates those times where your spouse has to work later than normal.
“Let me add a phone call – we all have cell phones, would express love to your spouse waiting for you to arrive. I have learned it doesn't take much time to be nice, and a simple call saying you will be a few minutes late has saved many marriages.
"Here is another idea we found very helpful, establish a confidante of the same sex.
“Of course your spouse knows more about you, and your spouse should be first in you life after God. Why a confidant of the same
sex? Men and women don't think a like, and approach problems differently, as Jack reminded us.
“In addition to special dates that have been scheduled and should be considered non-breakable, couples need some time with someone of the same sex. Men, your spouse may have 70,000 words bottled up inside her . . . and no one to share them with. Likewise, a fishing trip with, just guys, can work wonders.
“Men, and I'm speaking as a man, who loves his wife, needs to bounce an idea or a thought off someone of the same sex to get a feel and make adjustments.
“He may be not ready to present the idea or thought to his spouse, who has the option of looking at the thought or idea from many angles all at once.
“After the idea has been bounced off another male, and your husband thinks it is valid. Then, a husband will obtain his wife's input. Let her look at it from many angles. She may express a good addition to the idea, or her input may reveal an important point . . . an perspective not seen by him or his friend.
"Why not ask her first, you may ask? She might shoot it down even before she has the idea fully explained. The idea may need some adjusting, or to be thought through further. It helps to affirm men rather than shoot down their ideas.
“Visualize an airplane, a military jet, taxiing down the runway, gaining speed, and experiencing a final thrust into the blue skies. Now airborne. The jet angled for a steep climb . . . all thrusters blaring. Now, that is how some men think and prepare.
“Women feel the idea isn't going to work out. So, many times they shoot the jet out of the sky while the thrusters blare, before the wheels are up, and the jet is flying through the blue sky
smoothly, before all the questions have been considered.” Maryann, said to herself, “I've been guilty of
that.”
"Women, I'm not a woman, but Jan will back me up on this . . . women enjoy talking things out with another woman. Your husband probably won't listen to you for more than a few minutes., anyway”
All the women at the Angel table nodded in agreement. Anne though about talking to Kenny.
“It may be a feeling about something, or something personal that you want to share with another woman. What has she experienced? Is it normal?
“Without a confidant of the same sex you may never know. I strongly suggest that each of you establish a relationship with a person of the same sex.
"Moving on . . . small groups let you meet other church people. Our church services have become too big to greet each other every time we go to church, and some of us have kids, who have to be escorted to and from Sunday School, eliminating a social time to visit and talk with friends.
“The groups meet in the friendly atmosphere of a home, where you can meet other couples and make new friends.
"The church divides our Small Groups by ages, 20, 29, 30-50, and over 50. I think there is a new group forming for 85 and over.