“Each group wrestles their own needs. We have groups for couples, singles, college age, etc. I think there is a group for grandparents raising grand kids, single women with kids, etc.
“If a group exists, it will be helpful to you. Find a group that suits
your particular needs, and join up. If you don't find one, start your own.
"In the few minutes remaining, let me tell you about the home fellowship we attend. It's for couples with children.
“The kids play with one another while we study the Bible, and enjoy adult conversation. We share the cost of a babysitter to watch over the kids.
“In the spare bedroom Jon and Ann bring their new two year old twins to sleep through the study. At the end of the study, they carefully pick them up, and bring them home where they set them in their cribs.
“We even raised some money for them when we heard that they had twins, because no one's expecting twins, and the extras really add up when you're buying for two. They said that twins didn't run in their family. We were all surprised, including them, and we did what we could as sound as we heard.
"One item about Small Groups. They let you practice being a Christian with others. At Small Groups you can watch other couples, ask questions, watch your spouse, and even ask a question, that may have bugged you silently for sometime.
Anne considered her role with Kenny, she thought, I'll bet that would be good for Kenny. I'll ask him. He's the boss. I'll do what he says.
“You meet others, eat. . . . oh, let me tell you about the food. I know places where the ladies bring deserts: such variety, and so good. It's sometimes worth going just to eat, let me tell you. Anyway, you get the idea."
Rod poked Carolle: "Let's find that group."
Al continued: "In summary, adding these activities will enhance your marriage. I know it did mine and Jan's.
1. Know Jesus; really know Him.
2. Apply what God says to your marriage.
3. Accept the differences between men and women.
4. Plan time together.
5. Have a same sex confidant.
6. Join a Small Group.
"That's it. Thank you. Oh, let me ask Jan if she wants to add anything."
"No. I agree with everything you have said. Although, there is just one other item. How can I put this . . . here goes . . . couples . . . each spouse needs alone time. Not as couples, but alone in . . . solitude. Each person needs to recharge, look at what God has done, reflect, pause, smell the roses.
“This is so important. Get away by yourself, and do nothing. No
TV, word games, jig-saw puzzles, gardening. Nothing.
“It's okay to go outside as long as you don't garden or pick up anything. Just see what God has done, and praise Him for what you find, like the color of flowers.”
Anne thought, now that's a good idea.
"When I first started enjoying solitude, I was horrible at it. I would have good intentions, but I would always find myself doing something.
“Now, I can go ten minutes without doing anything. I'm trying to reach thirty minutes – eventually I will go fifteen minutes without doing anything, then, hopefully, thirty minutes.
“Try it; you will find it recharging – difficult – but recharging. I
was brought up thinking that time was precious, and to waste any of it a sin, but I've learned that time in solitude . . . doing nothing
. . . recharged my soul, cause me to focus on God, and made me a happier person.
“Try it . . . you'll see. That's all I wanted to say." Applause filled the room, as Al and Jan left.
KB STARTED: "Well, that's a whole load. Good suggestions, but for us to follow all of those items, we will have to rearrange a few things."
Maryann stated the obvious, although sometimes missed: "Isn't that what's this conference is all about? Accepting Christ and applying Him to your marriage are good things, but each of us has to find time and change a bit.”
“Edward and I have been down this road many miles; we have encountered every curve and obstacle.
“What Al just said may have helped us immeasurably. Just reading God's Word and joining a Small Group would improve our marriage, I'm sure."
Rod asked: "How do we draw all that?"
Mike replied: "No drawing required for this last rollo. Just some suggestions to consider.”
Carolle said: "What about special time with another woman, that's important. I wish sometimes that I had somebody to talk to."
Anne said: "Don't you mean confidant? I know people, but my only confidant is Jesus. I would love somebody I could talk to –
girl talk.
“Oh, I just wish for an older woman. Who has been there before. She doesn't have to have all the answers, or even do it right, but if she has been there; I could learn from her . . . even her mistakes."
Rod chimed in: "I like the time together. Since the kids, Carolle finds herself too busy or tired. I suppose, I could help her more, she does great, but I agree that a scheduled time is a good idea.
“This conference has given us a time to renew our relationship."
Edward, winked at Rod: "Oh, you did fine this weekend. I wasn't the only one who noticed that your bunk looked the same this morning as it did when you 'tidied-up' before breakfast yesterday.
“I wish Maryann and I were younger, we would have stayed out all night too. Let me add . . . I have a close relationship with a male friend. Where we can bounce ideas off each other, I'll have to try him on a boy-girl question.
“He's been to these retreats before. I wonder who's his confidant. I always thought it was me."
KB interjected: "I guess you can have a confidant, but be afraid to use him."
Carolle let everybody know: "Not me. If she clams up, I'm out of there."
Mike asked: "What brings it all together?"
Anne expressed some concerned: "Great ideas, we even practice some. As KB said, we can have a confidant, and not use them."
Carolle added: "Or . . . go to the trouble of getting a sitter and finding a Small Group . . . enjoy the food, and not learn anything."
"The home fellowship has to be people oriented," someone at the table added.
Anne thought about her own marriage to Kenny. God doesn't need my help. He brought Kenny forward; He can repair my marriage with Kenny. I'll just back off, and let God do it. I'll tell Kenny.
Maybe tonight after we start a family. I'll tell him, he's in charge. Wow, that's not going to be easy for me, but like the table said, we all have to change. I'll tell him tonight.
Edward added, "We see ourselves as a couple first, and all these extras may add to our marriage, but they won't do anything for our us unless we involve God. We haven't in the past, but we must change.” He looked at Maryann, while he talked. Maryann's eyes wet with tears. She squeezed his hand.
"Many times we forget that for a marriage to work, we must work at our marriage," Anne said.
Anne thought, sometimes working on our marriage means letting go, and letting God.
Mike interjected: "Jesus said, 'My yoke (truth, wisdom, following Him) is easy.' He also said, 'I came to give you life, and that more abundantly'."
Rod reiterated, "Easy? We just agreed that good marriages take work. Didn't we?"
Mike looked at Rod: "Some folks find it easier than others. Rose
and I had quite a struggle before she completely let go of the reins, and then I had to learn to be the leader of the home."
Me too . . . I'm going to have a struggle letting God be the boss,
Anne admitted to herself that she had to change.
Rod summed it for the whole table: "It's easy, if you follow God's rules."
Mike added: "Something like that. God has set His rules for marriage. Paul told us to follow those rules. God must know the rules work."
"Amen," the table agreed.
--18--
THE SPONSORS PICKED UP THEIR guests for
the drive home. some attendees had changed a whole bunch, some a little, some not all. Everyone had a story, and the drive home involved much conversation and thinking. They had eaten lunch, and dinner remained several hours away.
THE MOST changed were Anne and KB. Anne couldn't be more pleased. She wanted to be a Mom more than anything, and now, tonight, they would start a family. Kenny had said that tonight
was the night.
Kenny would be the Christian husband she always wanted. Christ would become the center of her home.
Anne had been a Christian long enough to know that this change in Kenny belonged to God, and she, Anne, shouldn't say anything.
She remembered what Al had said about Rome was not built in a day. Anne planned accordingly.
Anne had to talk to Kenny about her submitting to him. She gave this miraculous transformation in Kenny to God. Kenny was in charge. She decided that she would back off. She would follow God, and Kenny. Now, they both followed God, and Kenny was in charge. She would tell him tonight.
KB had given his life to Jesus. He had an eternal perspective, and the most important concern – raising his boys. Kenny thought about the boys he would raise . . . he would make sure that they would grow up as Christian men.
They would go to Sunday School, he would go to church . . . probably become active in Men's ministry, help out setting up each Sunday, go on various mission trips. He was on-fire for the Lord!
Since he and Anne didn't have any children, God could surprise them with a boy and a girl, or two girls.
EDWARD MET his and Maryann's sponsors, for the drive home. Thinking about the past weekend, he felt he had been fully exposed, and probably talked too much.
He had learned that he didn't know enough Scripture. He thought, I am going to rise early and read a chapter a day.
Maybe, I'll take a verse that God really spoke to me about, and I'll meditate and memorize it on my morning constitutional . . . that I can become a table leader.
Mike and Rose were good, but they didn't do much. I can do as well. The Gladstones can be a perfect couple for this retreat.
They share the same problems as Maryann and me. I'll mention the Gladstones to Maryann.
MARYANN CONFIDED that she had told Edward that, I've got to back off. I failed the test that Jack and Blanch presented, and many times I have chosen to adorn my self with clothes and trinkets to find a cure for loneliness, rather than seek you out and do something together.
Maryann continued her thoughts, I will touch him. If the time is right, and if God says so. Maybe then, I will. Also, before I buy something, I'll ask God. If he says, "No," then I won't. I hope I hear Him.
ROD SAW Hank, his sponsor, across the room, talking to another sponsor. Jan appeared to have not come with him. Rod thought, that's strange, she must be here somewhere.
Rod motioned to Carolle as soon as he spotted Hank: “There's Hank, but where is Jan? Oh, I see her . . . over there.” She's wearing jeans . . . and a green blouse, Rod observed silently.
Carolle kissed Rod, and went to join Jan and let her know that she and Rod were ready to go home.
Rod hadn't changed as much as Anne or KB. In fact, Rod hadn't changed at all, or had he changed and didn't know it yet.
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