"Oh honey, it's so good to see you. I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you, too." Ashley tried to get a grip as she wiped her eyes with her fingertips. "I don't know why I waited this long to come see you."
"You needed time."
Her mother had always been like that, she suddenly realized. So forgiving. So accepting. Ashley was the one who had been unwilling to accept or forgive. She'd been so angry with her mother for leaving her and her father that she had never really appreciated just how hard her mother had tried to stay in the marriage for fifteen years.
"Miami is such a great fit for you," she said as her mother led her inside the bright, colorful home near the water. "It was the first thing I thought this morning when we got to the beach. How much you belong here."
"I do love it here. But not more than I love you, Ashley. I know you've said in the past that you didn't need me to come back to California, but if you've change your mind--"
"No!" Ashley's mother's eyes widened at the force of her response, and she realized she needed to be more clear. "Of course I want you close by, but Palo Alto never worked for you. I see that now. You need to live where you're happy." She took a good look at her mother and felt as though she was really seeing her for the first time. "You're glowing. Not just your skin, but all of you. I'm glad you're happy here, Mom."
"But are you happy, honey?"
"Sometimes it's like I've never been happier in my whole life. But then, other times, I'm just scared."
Her mother squeezed her hands. "Oh honey, are you in love?"
In that moment, it was as though a dam burst. "He's a rock star. A really famous one. I don't know what I was thinking, but I couldn't resist him. I've been in love with his music forever. So maybe that's where it all started, but when I finally met him, our connection was--" She made a crackling sound and waggled her fingers in the air to mime static electricity. "Instant. Amazing. We ended up sharing so many things with each other, all the things we haven't been able to tell anyone else, like how much it hurt him when his mom passed away and how difficult it was for me when you and Dad split up. We connect so deeply over music, too. And then he kissed me, and it was amazing so I told him I wanted to be with him. But he had promised Dad that he'd keep me safe." She put the words in air quotes. "So he thought he needed to do the right thing by keeping his distance from me. Only, neither of us could do it, and we couldn't keep from sleeping with each other. And even though I had no experience, he made it so wonderful. More wonderful than I ever thought it could be. But now he wants to tell everyone about us, especially Dad, and I just don't think--"
She had been pacing in front of her mother's picture window, but she suddenly stopped short as her words ricocheted back through her ears. "Oh my God, I just told you that Drew and I have been having sex."
Though her mother did look worried, she smiled and said, "I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to talk to me, Ashley. About anything at all. You know I'll never judge you."
And it was true--even when her mother had offered to take her shopping or to the makeup counter as a teenager, as soon as Ashley had made it clear that she wasn't interested, her mother had let her be herself.
Ashley suddenly realized that was why she'd been drawn to her mother's house--because she must have known her mom would listen the way she used to when she was a little girl and she needed to talk to someone about the playground drama at school. But it had been a long time since Ashley had given her mother a chance to listen, or to help. Ever since things had gotten really bad in her parents' marriage, it had seemed easier to just shut down and try to block it all out with work. And studying. And, most of all, Drew's songs.
"Now," her mother said, "if we could back up for just a second--his name is Drew?"
"Morrison."
Her mother's eyes widened. "I just saw an interview with him on the news this morning. He's a very handsome young man."
"I know. Which is one of the reasons it's crazy that he thinks he's in love with me."
"Oh honey." Her mother pulled her into her arms again. "That's so wonderful. The two of you are in love."
"He told me he loved me last night, but I didn't say it back. I couldn't, not when I should know better."
"Know better?" Her mother pulled back and frowned at her. "Is this something your father said to you?"
"No. Like I said, he doesn't know about me and Drew. Before he was a big rock star, Drew was one of his students at Stanford, and when Dad connected us so that I could go on tour to learn more about the music business, Dad basically told Drew to make sure I came home as pure as I was when I left. But I'm not. Not anymore."
"Of course you are, Ashley. Just because you're having sex doesn't mean your heart isn't as pure as it has always been. I know your father wants you to stay his little girl forever, but he's just going to have to accept that you're a woman now. A beautiful, incredible woman who has her own life to live. Even if that life may not be right there beside him at Stanford the way he's always wanted it to be. You're allowed to spread your wings, honey. And I'm not just saying these things because your father and I rarely saw eye to eye. I'm saying them because they're true."
"But even if they are," Ashley said, "things with Drew are still impossible. We're oil and water. Free and constrained. I'm a good girl and he's a wild boy. Maybe being with me is fun and different for now, but I'm sure he'll get tired of our differences soon."
"How can you even think any of that, Ashley?"
"Because it was just the way you and Dad got tired of each other. Don't you remember? Those were all the things you used to yell at each other."
"Oh God." Her mother sank into the nearest chair, her olive skin pale now. "All of this is my fault. I never meant for you to internalize all the horrible things I said to your father over the years. I know you can probably never forgive me--"
"You loved Dad. And he loved you. I know you did. But you still couldn't make it work. And that's why I should never have let myself fall for Drew. Because there's no way that our ending is going to be any different from yours."
"Ending? Why are you so sure there has to be one?"
"Because this is just a crazy break from reality. Of course it will end."
"I know I haven't always been able to say the right things," her mother said, "and I've also made so many mistakes that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive myself for them. But I've always loved you beyond everything else. And all I want is for you to be happy with yourself and your place in the world. And to trust in yourself and your strength."
"I'm not strong, Mom."
"Yes, you are. You are so much stronger than I am, worlds stronger than your father. You have always been the rock, the one who kept us from breaking apart for so long. That's why I finally had to make myself leave. Because it wasn't fair for you to always have to mediate between parents who couldn't figure out how to make their love work in practical terms."
"Drew and I don't work either."
"Are you sure about that? Because from everything you've said about him, it sounds like the two of you fit together beautifully. So what if he's on a stage and you're behind the scenes? It doesn't matter which side of the curtain the two of you are on for a couple of hours every night--it's where you are the rest of the time that matters. Standing together no matter what, through good times and bad."
Ashley was stunned by how much sense her mother was making. Because the truth was that she and Drew had always been incredibly compatible, even from that first night, when they'd caused a commotion at the airport while picking up her bags. They made each other laugh. They shared a deep love for music. And whenever they touched? There was no greater pleasure to be found in the world.
Just as her mom had said, though all the signs were pointing to them being a perfect fit, Ashley had been working overtime to focus on the reasons they weren't.
Because she was scared. Not only scared to give her heart to someone who was different from the person she'd a
lways assumed she'd fall for. But also because she was scared to embrace the part of her she'd kept stuffed down for so long. The secretly passionate and sensual and wild part she'd kept hidden away out of fear that it would destroy her.
"Can I be both those people? Can I be rational and wild? Analytical and creative?" Drew had told her he loved all sides of her, but she hadn't wanted to let herself believe him.
"Just be yourself, Ashley. Because if you're honest and loving and real, then everything will work out perfectly. I know it will."
"Thank you." She threw herself back into her mother's arms. "Thank you for being such a great mom. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you more growing up."
"It wasn't your job to appreciate me or your father. It still isn't, even if I love hearing you say it. You don't have to make me any promises. You don't have to make your father any promises. Only to yourself--a promise to live every day to the fullest despite your fears. There's always something to be frightened of, honey. Just like there's always something to be excited and happy about. I know you're worried about things going wrong in the future, but if you ask me, the happiness and love you're feeling far outweigh that."
"You're right." Ashley blinked up at her mother, feeling as though she was seeing things clearly for the very first time. "I am happy. Happier than I even knew it was possible to be." She stood up. "I need to tell Drew. I need to tell him that I love him."
"Go." Her mother stood and hugged her again. "Go be young and in love. It's one of the most wonderful feelings in the world."
"Come with me. Come meet him."
"I'd love to, honey. But I think tonight needs to be about the two of you."
"He's playing two nights in Miami. I really want you to meet him before we leave, so can we plan on tomorrow?"
"I can't wait to meet Drew. He sounds like a wonderful man. Just the kind of man I've always wanted for you--one who sees just how special and precious you are. Now," her mother said as she wiped away her own tears, "we should probably call you a taxi."
But Drew wasn't the only one who needed to know how Ashley felt. "I love you, Mom."
And this time when her mother hugged Ashley and her tears fell, they were happy ones. Because Drew had helped her find more than happiness and love with him--he'd helped bring her closer to her mother.
Chapter Thirty-Two
The new song came to Drew so fast--between being on the beach with Ashley and the end of his interviews--that he had to record it immediately. Some songs he worked on for weeks or months. But this one, he didn't need to mess around with. He didn't need to rewrite it a million times.
All he had to do was let his feelings out in melody and lyric.
The song was called "Inside." And every word, every note, was a love song for Ashley.
You're inside of me.
Every second of every day.
Every look.
Every touch.
Every kiss.
I was lost until you found me.
I was hurt until you healed me.
Until you took me all the way
Inside.
Drew had hoped Ashley would be there to hear the song while he recorded it. But when he looked up from the sound booth and saw that she wasn't with James, he'd decided it would actually be better if he could play it when they were alone on the bus. Just for her, so that he could watch her face as he sang about how much he loved her--and how she'd changed his life in the best possible ways.
Six hours later, they'd finished recording and mastering the song. He'd overlaid all of the parts on his guitar, the studio's piano, and a bass guitar he'd borrowed from his bassist. He didn't usually play all of the parts himself, but he'd wanted every note to be from him to Ashley, with no one else in between.
"She's going to love it, Drew." James didn't normally comment on his songwriting, but he clearly couldn't help himself this time. "The whole world is going to love it, but I know Ashley is the one you care about most."
Max had brought the bus around to the back of the studio, but when Drew stepped inside, Ashley wasn't there. "Did she say where she was going?"
"To run some errands." James frowned as he looked at his watch. "But she said it was only going to be for a couple of hours."
Fear immediately pricked up Drew's spine. A part of him knew he was overreacting, but after the situation on the beach that morning, he couldn't help but worry that something had happened to her. He'd not only promised her father he'd keep her safe, he'd also promised her that he'd never let anything happen to her.
He texted Ashley.
Just got out of the studio. Are you close by or still running errands?
He stared at his phone, waiting for her response. But when nothing came back, instead of texting again, he pressed the call button. By the time his call went to voice mail, he started to lose it.
"James, she's not texting back or picking up her phone."
Max knocked, then came through the door a beat later. "Traffic is way backed up. We've got to head to the venue."
Drew's gut was twisting. "We need to wait here for Ashley to come back."
"I know you're worried about her," James said in a measured voice, "but she's an intelligent, capable woman who knows where you're playing tonight. I promise you that I will do everything I can to find her as soon as possible. But if you don't show up to play tonight, there's a good chance that twenty thousand people will riot."
Drew's curse echoed off the walls of the bus.
"She looked a little overwhelmed earlier today," his bodyguard and friend added, knowing him well enough not to pull any punches. "Maybe she just needed some time to herself to clear her head. You're a great guy, Drew, but you've got to see that it's a pretty big deal to date someone like you."
If he had been able to think straight, he would have seen this for himself. After all, hadn't he said he loved her last night--and then immediately insisted they tell her father about their relationship? He was just so crazy happy about being with her that he didn't want to admit he was pushing her way too hard and too fast into a relationship. Hell, she'd been a virgin, but he hadn't even stopped to think about how hard just that life transition must be for her. Instead, he'd been too focused on taking her again and again and again.
"You're right. I've been such an idiot. I'm just so in love with her that all I'm doing is pushing her away."
Was her father right? Was he not a safe guy for her? Everything in Drew fought against believing that...but just because he didn't want it to be true didn't mean it wasn't.
"Like James said," Max chimed in, "Ashley's as smart as they come. And tough enough not to let anyone push her around. Not even you, Drew. We all see the way she looks at you. And the way you've always looked at her. Needing a little breathing room is normal. At least," he added with a grin, "that's what my wife always tells me."
Drew appreciated the way his friends were trying to help him see things more clearly. But at the same time, he hated the decision he had to make. In the end, however, it was the knowledge that James and Max were both right about how smart and capable Ashley was--and how upset she'd be if she found out he'd canceled his show over her--that had him saying, "Let's head out for the venue. But if she needs me..."
"If she ever needs you, I'll pull you off stage in a heartbeat," James promised as Max left to take the wheel. "Riots or not."
*
The traffic on Interstate 95 was the worst Ashley had ever seen. Her taxi had literally been sitting in the same spot for the past fifteen minutes. To make matters even worse, her phone was dead and the driver said he didn't have a cell phone that she could borrow.
She'd told James that she would be back at the studio before they left for the venue, but there was no way she was going to make that now. Heck, at this point, she wasn't even sure she'd make it by the time the show ended. And after what Drew had said to her in the slushie shack on the beach--I can't stand the thought of anything happening to you--she could easily guess that he'd
be worried.
She felt like she'd been heaping lies on top of lies, and she hated it. All she wanted was to be back in Drew's arms so that she could tell him how much she loved him. She still needed a game plan in place to approach her father with the news so that he wouldn't totally freak out, but at least Drew would know exactly how she felt.
The minutes ticked by so slowly in the boiling-hot taxi that she grew more agitated by the second, and stickier, too. By the time it finally pulled up at the venue--right when Drew usually took the stage--she paid the driver, then got out and begged the nearest stranger to let her use her phone to make a call.
She could tell by the way the girl raised her eyebrows that she must look like a crazy person. Her wavy hair had poofed way out in the humidity, her skin was flushed from the heat, her clothes were horribly wrinkled, and her eyes were probably still red from crying in her mother's arms. Thankfully, the girl agreed to let her make the call anyway.
Drew picked up on the first ring, and the sound of his voice was so sweet that all of her nerves that had been turned up to eleven that morning immediately settled down.
"It's Ashley."
"Where are you?"
"Outside the venue."
The call went dead, and when she called him back, he didn't pick up. Then she heard it...the gasps and screams that Drew's fans always made when they spotted him. But when she looked up and saw him coming toward her, it didn't look as though he noticed any of his fans freaking out as they clamored for him.
He only had eyes for her.
She'd been apart from him for only one afternoon, but it felt like a lifetime. She leapt into his arms, and when his mouth covered hers, it was like coming home. A sweeter, more exciting--and way sexier--home than she'd ever dreamed of having.
"Ash." He put his hands on her cheeks. "Thank God you're okay."
"I got stuck in traffic on the way back, and my phone died." But that wasn't the full truth, and she wouldn't let herself be afraid to tell Drew the truth again. "I didn't go to run errands. I went to see my mom. I should have told you, but..."
"I get it. I'm pushing you too hard, too fast."
"No. You're not. You're great. You're amazing." Somewhere in the back of her mind, she registered the dozens of cell phones capturing their conversation, but she didn't care. She couldn't wait another second for Drew to know exactly how she felt. "I love you."