LETTER XL
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.MONDAY, JUNE 26.
Thou wilt see the situation I am in with Miss Harlowe by the enclosedcopies of three letters; to two of which I am so much scorned as not tohave one word given me in answer; and of the third (now sent by themessenger who brings thee this) I am afraid as little notice will betaken--and if so, her day of grace is absolutely over.
One would imagine (so long used to constraint too as she has been) thatshe might have been satisfied with the triumph she had over us all onFriday night! a triumph that to this hour has sunk my pride and my vanityso much, that I almost hate the words, plot, contrivance, scheme; andshall mistrust myself in future for every one that rises to my inventivehead.
But seest thou not that I am under a necessity to continue her atSinclair's and to prohibit all her correspondencies?
Now, Belford, as I really, in my present mood, think of nothing lessthan marrying her, if she let not Thursday slip, I would have thee attendher, in pursuance of the intimation I have given her in my letter of thisdate; and vow for me, swear for me, bind thy soul to her for my honour,and use what arguments thy friendly heart can suggest, in order toprocure me an answer from her; which, as thou wilt see, she may give infour words only. And then I purpose to leave Lord M. (dangerously ill ashe is,) and meet her at her appointed church, in order to solemnize. Ifshe will but sign Cl. H. to thy writing the four words, that shall do:for I would not come up to be made a fool of in the face of all my familyand friends.
If she should let the day go off, I shall be desperate. I am entangledin my own devices, and cannot bear that she should detect me.
O that I had been honest!--What a devil are all my plots come to! Whatdo they end in, but one grand plot upon myself, and a title to eternalinfamy and disgrace! But, depending on thy friendly offices, I will sayno more of this.--Let her send me but one line!--But one line!--To treatme as unworthy of her notice;--yet be altogether in my power--I cannot--Iwill not bear that.
My Lord, as I said, is extremely ill. The doctors give him over. Hegives himself over. Those who would not have him die, are afraid he willdie. But as to myself, I am doubtful: for these long and violentstruggles between the constitution and the disease (though the latter hasthree physicians and an apothecary to help it forward, and all three, asto their prescriptions, of different opinions too) indicate a plaguyhabit, and savour more of recovery than death: and the more so, as he hasno sharp or acute mental organs to whet out his bodily ones, and to raisehis fever above the sympathetic helpful one.
Thou wilt see in the enclosed what pains I am at to dispatch messengers;who are constantly on the road to meet each other, and one of them tolink in the chain with the fourth, whose station is in London, and fivemiles onwards, or till met. But in truth I have some other matters forthem to perform at the same time, with my Lord's banker and his lawyer;which will enable me, if his Lordship is so good as to die this bout, tobe an over match for some of my other relations. I don't mean Charlotteand Patty; for they are noble girls: but others, who have been scratchingand clawing under-ground like so many moles in my absence; and whoseworkings I have discovered since I have been down, by the little heaps ofdirt they have thrown up.
A speedy account of thy commission, dear Jack! The letter travels allnight.