“Wait, Jeremy, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Don’t go yet.”
“You need time to think, Beth, and I’ll give it to you. But don’t think I’m giving up on you.” He planted a kiss on her forehead before moving back to his sleigh. Before he left though, he came back with a box in his hands. “I wrote these for you. Perhaps if you read them, you’ll see how much I care. How I’ve always cared.” Then he was gone.
Bethany watched until he was out of sight and then she just broke down. How could everything be so messed up? This was not how Christmas was supposed to be. Christmas was supposed to be a happy time with family. Christmas was about celebrating the Savior’s birth.
This Christmas was supposed to be celebrated with Albert. Perhaps he would have proposed. But he didn’t love her, not anymore.
“This isn’t fair, God! Why is my life all jumbled up?” No one answered her, not that she was expecting anything. She, who was always content, now found herself questioning God’s plan.
The box grew awkward in her lap and after blinking her tears away to clear her vision, Bethany took the lid off. Inside were letters. Letters written to her. As she leafed through them, Bethany saw that they were dated before the Civil War even began. Jeremy began writing her before she even began going out with Albert.
Even though she was aching to read the letters, Bethany decided to read them later. She had a guess at what they contained and her mind was already so muddled to add more information.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Despite the situation brewing between the sisters, everyone still came over the night before St. Lucia. Momma, Heather, and Bethany were busy in the kitchen while Carolyn had Rosie standing on the table to get her St. Lucia dress trimmed. The aroma of sweet buns filled the kitchen along with an assortment of pies. Surely they had enough for an army, but right now, no one really cared. The happiness that filled the room was enough, but Bethany wondered what would happen when Laura came back from town. Jake was supposed to go to reason with her and prepare her when he picked her up. She could only pray it would be enough.
“Rosie, stop fidgeting,” Carolyn muttered with her mouth full of pins.
“But I’ve been standing foreeeevvvverrr!”
The pins out of her mouth now, Carolyn gave Rosie a quick kiss on her head. “Now, now, it’s barely been ten minutes and I’m almost done. What an angel you look like in this dress!”
“Exactly what am I supposed to do again?”
“On St. Lucia day, usually the oldest girl in the family carries coffee and buns to her family in bed. It’s a tradition that was celebrated in Sweden and has been in our family for years.” Carolyn had a faraway look in her eyes. “If only I still had my first St. Lucia gown. Alas, it must still be in Sweden.”
Rosie crossed her arms and twisted, earning a look of disapproval from Carolyn. “So who is St. Lucia? And why am I playing her?”
“St. Lucia is…oh, Bethy! Do you remember that letter Mormor sent to us years ago explaining St. Lucia and her story?”
Bethany turned from her position of rolling out more buns and thought, “I supposed it would be upstairs somewhere with our things. No wait, I placed it in my diary!” Bethany flew from the room and hurried up to the loft. It must be somewhere. She, Carolyn, and Laura saved all of Mormor’s letters from Sweden and this one would be no exception. When they were younger, Bethany’s first Momma would always read them this story to remind them why they were celebrating St. Lucia’s day.
Why…that was it! Perhaps if Laura remembered why St. Lucia’s day was celebrated, she wouldn’t be so against the idea. But Laura was seldom at home and when she was, she made it clear she didn’t want to talk with Bethany.
The same was with Jeremy. It had been three days since she had seen him last and Bethany wondered if she had made a huge mistake. Of course, she should be the one to go and see him, and deep down, she knew what she wanted to say. Or did she?
“Bethy! Any luck?” Carolyn’s voice carried up the loft and Bethany knew she shouldn’t dally any long. Opening the box of letters from Mormor, Bethany found what she was searching for right on the bottom of the pile.
Clasping the letter which still smelled like Mormor, she hurried back to the kitchen. All eyes were on her with anticipation as she held up the letter. Bethany held out the letter for Momma or Carolyn to read, but Momma smiled. “You do us the honor, Bethany. You always had a gift of story telling.”
“Very well,” Bethany sat down at the table across from Rosie and Carolyn. “Here, Rosie, I’m going to tell you about St. Lucia. Now this is in letter form, so it will be as if Mormor is talking to you. You remember Mormor?” Though Mormor only passed away a year ago, Rosie didn’t seem certain. But Bethany proceeded with her letter.
“It was a dark morning on December 13 when the story begins. St. Lucia, or Lucy as she was called, lived in the Roman Empire when persecution of Christians was quite popular. As a young girl, Lucy led a life devoted to God. She loved her faith and she loved the poor – willing to do all that she could to help them.
“Life was dangerous for Lucy, especially now that she was a Christian. But Lucy was not deterred. In fact, the danger spurred her on even more.
The night was falling fast and Lucy knew that she must act now or risk being caught. Without a second thought, she slipped into the underground catacombs. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the tunnel. Would she ever get used to such pitch darkness? Thank goodness for the candles upon her wreath.
A deep breath calmed her nerves. Lucy gathered up her basket of buns and drink, she made her way through the dark catacombs. A noise of shuffling feet startled her, but as she believed the presence of God about her, she knew she had nothing to fear.
“Hello? It is only me, Lucy, come to you bearing food and drink.”
The shuffling sound appeared then to be the Christians whom she sought. As Lucy watched them pray over the food she brought, thankfulness filled her heart. How wonderful to serve God in this way.
“Unfortunately, her mother didn’t understand Lucy’s Christian faith. When Lucy asked to give all of her dowry to the poor, her mother declined. She wanted Lucy to be protected and cared for. So in doing that, she arranged for Lucy to be married to a wealthy heathen.
“Lucy, I will not have you give your life away like that. I must live out the rest of my days knowing that you will be all right.”
“Momma, I will. God will see to my protection and provision. He always has. Nothing will change that fact.”
Momma’s eyes took on a steely look as she leveled her view at Lucy. “A Christian will suffer. If you are found out, who knows what the Romans will do to you.”
“Is that why you want me to marry one of them? So I’ll be forced to deny Christ? Well it won’t work. I will never deny my Savior.”
“Lucy was in utter distress and though she vowed to stay true to her Savior, her mother was going through some serious health issues. No matter the treatment, the cure was not found. Finally, Lucy took her mother to St. Agatha where she prayed for her mother’s healing.
“Lucy. Lucy. God has heard your intercession. Your mother will be healed and you will be the glory of Syracuse.”
Lucy awoke with a start, realizing the voice she heard in her dream could be none other than St. Agatha herself. “Bless you, St. Agatha.” Turning to her mother, she shook her awake. “Momma. Momma! How are you feeling?”
Momma stirred ever so slightly, than opened her eyes. “Dotter, it was a miracle!”
“Because of the miracle that took place, Lucy’s mother gave Lucy permission to give her wealth to the poor. This didn’t sit well with everyone though. Lucy’s betrothed was enraged. He went to the Governor of Syracuse and told the Governor of Lucy’s Christian faith. This didn’t sit well with the Governor and he sent soldiers to arrest her.
The pounding at the door startled Lucy and her mother. They at once knew it was the soldiers. As Lucy calmly rose to open the
door, Momma began to panic. “I knew this would happen. They’ve come to take you away! Oh Lucy, why didn’t you listen to me?”
Momma’s worrying couldn’t faze Lucy. She opened the door and a group of soldiers met her.
“Lucy of Syracuse?”
“Yes, soldier.”
“The governor has requested your presence.”
“You may take me then if you can.”
The soldiers tried but they could not budge Lucy from her position. “Why don’t you move, girl? This won’t make the governor pleased.”
“Well then the governor didn’t expect he’d be dealing with the Lord Jesus Christ.”
“Even in the face of death, Lucy wouldn’t deny her faith. Lucy is an example to all which is why we remember her as we celebrate St. Lucia’s day.”
There was silence in the kitchen as Bethany finished the letter and she slowly lowered the letter to the table. Carolyn was holding Rosie in her lap, the hemming brought to a pause. Heather and Momma were both watching her as well, and tears were streaming down Heather’s face.
“Jesse told me her story before, but never like that. What a life to live! The abandon Lucy had for Christ is something to be admired.” Heather reached for a cloth, dabbing the tears from her face. “I can see now why Jesse wants to begin that tradition with our children.”
Momma reached out and clasped Heather’s hand, “It is an act of serving, Rosie. Tomorrow morning when you go about delivering buns and coffee, you can imagine what Lucy might have felt as she visited the Christians hiding in the catacombs.”
Rosie’s mouth dropped, “I must carry all this upstairs to everyone? I need more hands.”
The innocence in her words caused them all to burst out laughing. Carolyn squeezed Rosie’s hands, “Well, I was thinking that perhaps Bethany or Laura wanted to go with you.” Carolyn met Bethany’s eyes, and right then, Bethany could see that she wanted Laura to feel a part of it.
Bethany nodded, “I shall see what Laura wants to do. Something tells me that she would love to play the part with Rosie.” At least, Bethany hoped. Though she had before, Bethany had no idea what her sister was thinking these days. With only fourteen days till Christmas, there wasn’t much time left to find out.
CHAPTER NINE
And so, diary, with only five days till Christmas, I am worrying even more that things will still not be resolved with Carolyn and Laura. St. Lucia’s day went okay, but Laura passed on the role to me and so I assisted Rosie and Adam with the rounds. Not that I minded, but I wished Laura had seen Carolyn’s gesture as an opportunity to mend some bridges. As we moved forward in preparing for Christmas, Laura seemed to withdraw more and more. I only wish I could get her to see that we are all hurting and that the only way to make it better is to be together. We all went to cut down a tree and tomorrow night we shall all gather together, including Jesse and Carolyn’s families, to decorate it. It was decided to make popcorn garlands and display white candles as we always have. I know Laura had some ideas on decorating, but so far she has made no mention. I pray that she will come tomorrow night and we will all have an open mind and be willing to accept whatever Laura’s ideas are. In all us Woodsmalls, someone is sure to have an idea on how to create some new-fangled traditions.
A horse’s whinny came from outside bringing Bethany from her diary writing. Poppa, Momma, and Rosie had gone to Aunt Maria’s and said they wouldn’t be back till late. Jake and Laura were supposedly in town visiting the post office and going on other errands for Momma, so Bethany had no idea who to expect.
Something strange resounded in her and Bethany hoped that it might be Jeremy. Though they had mended their relationship, it was still not quite the same and Bethany knew that it had to do with her. She should really stop comparing Jeremy to Albert. It’s not as though she tried. Sometimes it’s just her way of processing everything. Just yesterday, Jeremy had suggested ice-skating. Bethany claimed she couldn’t go, especially this close to Christmas, because that was what she first did when she began courting Albert.
“So I can’t do anything that you may have done with Albert? Bethany, you are being entirely unreasonable!” Jeremy left in a huff and maybe he was right though. She was being slightly unreasonable. If only her mind could move past him like her heart has.
A knock sounded on the door. So it must not be family or Jeremy. They all walked in without knocking. Bethany opened the door slowly and discovered a tall young man with his back to the door. His wavy brown hair made her heart stop and when he turned around, the hazel eyes that were so familiar— “Albert.” She didn’t quite know what to say and didn’t even know what to do.
Albert stood there, silently watching her. His eyes seemed to be attempting to answer all her questions. In the next instant, he pulled her into a crushing hug. “Oh Bethy, I’ve missed you so.”
It seemed as if all Bethany could do was to remain in his embrace. What could she possibly think of doing otherwise? She had waited months to see him, smell him, and touch his wavy hair. In his embrace, all seemed as it should. Albert was back. Her heart began sending off warning signals though and she pulled back. “Albert, I hardly expected to see you here. What brings you back from the city?” Now that she had a chance to regard him, she noticed his fine clothes and the way he held himself. Without having to hear it from him, Bethany knew that he was doing well in Washington.
Albert reached up to touch her cheek. “Can we talk, Bethany? I have a lot to tell you.”
“I should think so. I mean the war did end eight months ago.” Over her shock, the hurt began to settle in. Bethany hoped her heart would not let Albert in so soon.
Sorrow flashed through Albert’s eyes. “I can’t possibly begin to say how sorry I am, Bethy, and I pray you will give me a chance to explain it all to you. Come for a ride, please?”
Looking into his eyes, Bethany knew that deep down, she needed this as much as he did. “Very well,” she grabbed her shawl and followed him outside. Albert’s sleigh was waiting for them, and as she climbed in old memories began to surface, but Bethany quickly stuffed them away. Reminiscing would do her no good right now. It had already caused her enough trouble with Jeremy.
Jeremy. Whatever would he think of her now that Albert was back? She could only pray that he would let her explain herself before he saw Albert.
The ride began with silence, much like it had with Jeremy. Oh, she must stop comparing the two all the time!
“So how have you been doing, Bethany?”
So he wanted to begin with pleasantries. “As well as one might expect. A lot has happened, Albert.”
“I’m sure. Your family doing well?”
“Please, Albert, tell me what you are doing here and why you didn’t come home to me earlier?” She wanted to remain strong, but the tears began to fall regardless of her resolve.
Albert stopped the sleigh and turned to grasp her hands, “When I left, there was no understanding between us…”
“But I cared for you! I wrote you all the time!”
“I know, me too. You don’t understand, Bethy, I did it for you.”
“No, you did it for you.”
“Would you stop interrupting me? I’m trying to explain it to you.”
Biting back her retort, Bethany settled for a nod and allowed Albert to continue on with his explanation.
“I broke off our courtship when I left because I didn’t want you to feel attached to me if something had happened if…I was killed. But that didn’t mean that I stopped caring for you. You were what kept me going through all the fighting, poor rations, and sleeping on a cold ground. Before the war ended, my general offered me a job working under him in Washington. Though I agonized over it, I decided to take it. I wrote to you, Bethy, honest. I told you all about the job and asked you to wait for me and told you that I still loved you and would come back for you. I take it you never received that letter.”
“I didn’t know. The last letter I rec
eived was in December.”
“I only meant to stay a bit and try it out, but when I didn’t hear from you, I assumed you decided to move on without me. And right you should, even though I didn’t want you too.”
“Didn’t Nettie tell you how much I wanted you to come? I told her everything!”
“Don’t blame her. She didn’t tell me all that exactly, just that she couldn’t believe I would desert you all. I didn’t know she meant you.”
Bethany lowered her head, trying to process all that he was telling her. Could Albert still love her? “So why didn’t you come back sooner?”
“I told myself that I was building a life for me — for you. When you never wrote, I decided that I would get settled there and then come back to win you back.”
Bethany felt her heart drop. “Win me back?”
Albert looked at her a long moment, before leaping out of the sleigh. Grasping Bethany’s hand, he got down to one knee in the snow. “Marry me, Bethany Woodsmall. I love you so and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Come back to Washington with me — as my wife. I promise I will never hurt you so again.”
The tears began to course down her cheeks. Albert was proposing. Here. Now. Oh what was she to think or even say. Her mind, let alone her heart, could hardly make sense of it. “Albert, I’m touched, truly. Give me some time to think and pray. Please?”
Albert stood and grasped both of her shoulders, “I’ll wait for you, Bethy, I will. I know I hurt you terribly and I can only pray that you’ll forgive me and love me in spite of all that I’ve done.”
Bethany closed her eyes and let herself rest against Albert. Oh God! Now what am I to do?
CHAPTER TEN