“What are you doing?” she snapped, and he flinched at her red eyes and the tear streaks running through her makeup.
Craig sat down on the bench seat beside her and gave the taxi driver her address.
“You want him here, darlin’?” the taxi driver said, eyeing Craig with suspicion.
Rain looked panicked. Probably at the thought of him throwing another punch. “It’s fine.”
The driver pulled off into traffic and Craig stared at his girlfriend’s elegant profile. She refused to turn to him.
“Why?” he said. Not sure if he was asking why she flirted with that arsehole, or why she’d looked at him like he had hurt her, or why she was crying right now when he’d never seen her cry.
“Not here,” she whispered, her fingers curling into the fabric of her dress.
Everything about her was wounded and vulnerable, and despite how angry he was with her, all he wanted to do was pull her against him and take away whatever pain she was feeling.
Instead they sat in absolute silence all the way back to her flat. She paid the expensive cab fare because Craig had left his wallet and keys back at the bar.
Reluctantly she let him into her flat and they strode into her large living area.
“So.” He crossed his arms over his chest and sat on the arm of her couch. “Want to tell me why you thought it was a good idea to let that fucker touch you? And then do you want to tell me why you were so pissed I hit him?”
Rain was walking past him when she caught sight of her face in the mirror above her fireplace. She gave her reflection a bitter smile as she wiped at her smeared makeup. Catching him looking at her through the mirror, her smile fell. “I wasn’t pissed you hit him. I rather enjoyed that part. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he said gruffly. “Now what about the part where you let him touch you?”
She shrugged as if Angus touching her wasn’t a big deal, and Craig wished the arse was in front of him so he could punch him again. “It escalated quickly. He was smarter than I thought. He knew I was up to something. He was being a creep. I was about to push him off.”
Fury suffused him. “So the fucker was attacking you?” He stood up, wanting to go back to the bar to kill him.
She shook her head. “He was just messing with me.”
Craig considered the fact that she’d been in the position to allow Angus to mess with her. “And how did he manage that, eh? I thought we agreed that you were over the whole childish revenge scenario. What made you approach him?”
Her eyes brightened with anger as she whirled to face him. “One, I didn’t approach him, he approached me! And two, I never agreed to let it go.”
“Well you’re fucking letting it go now!” he yelled. “How do you think your sister would feel about this? You really think she’d be okay about you doing whatever it takes to get revenge on her ex-boyfriend? Did you really think she’d been fine with you fucking her ex?”
“I would never have slept with him!” Rain shouted. “I’m not a whore! Unlike some people I know!”
He jerked back, feeling like she’d hit him. “And what the hell does that mean?”
“You know exactly what it means,” she hissed, stepping toward him, her whole body bristling. “I am a complete idiot!”
“What are you talking about?”
“I had to sit there in that bar tonight and watch you with those women.” Her voice cracked as she spoke.
Craig suddenly felt something unpleasant and uneasy settle in his gut at the pain he heard in her voice, the hurt he saw in her eyes. Pain and hurt he’d apparently caused. “The customers?”
“Your customers.” She smiled bitterly. “The one whose hair you touched, the one who touched your chest, and all the others you wink and smile at and call beautiful. Just like you call me beautiful.”
“Rain, it’s not the same.” He shook his head, dumbfounded that she could even think it was the same thing. “It’s work.”
“No.” She shook her head wearily. “You said you’re with me, which means that flirting with women for whatever reason is out of the window. You shouldn’t want to or need to, and you should certainly be mindful of me when I’m in the same fucking room!”
“Rain—”
“You know, Joss and Braden can’t take their eyes off each other,” she suddenly said, confusing him momentarily. “I watched them. Their eyes always finding each other throughout the night. And of course I was watching you. But you rarely looked for me. It would seem you either forgot I was there or you just didn’t care if I saw you flirt. So which was it? Because I don’t know what’s worse.”
“It’s not like that.” He stepped toward her, trying to find the words to explain, to calm her down.
“You punched Angus for touching me,” she said, frowning in what appeared to be confusion. “You stake your claim on me in pubs and eyeball men who look at me. I’m yours. For now. But you’re not mine. You can flirt with other women, and do it front of me, and I’m supposed to be okay with that.”
More uneasiness washed over him because he was starting to see her point. He would have been furious, too, if he’d had to watch her flirt with a bunch of men . . . and more to the point that she’d done it in front of him.
“I’m sorry.” He nodded, taking one final step toward her. He itched to pull her to him, but her body language and expression screamed at him not to touch her just yet. “You’re right. It was thoughtless. But it also didn’t mean anything. I flirt with the customers to get good tips.”
“Well I don’t like it. You hurt me.”
Remorse filled him. “Darlin’, I am so sorry I hurt you. I never meant to do that. I promise.”
Her expression softened a little. “It was just for tips?”
“Of course,” he said emphatically. “I don’t want anyone else but you.”
“So you won’t do it again?”
It was his turn to be confused. “What?”
“You won’t flirt with the customers or any other women for that matter? Out of deference to me.”
“Rain, I need the tips.”
Her eyes narrowed. “And what about me? Do you need me?”
Renewed anger swept over him. “I won’t be told by anyone what to do. This is my job we’re talking about. This has nothing to do with our relationship.”
Rain flinched as though he’d hit her, and he might as well have for all the guilt that kicked him in the gut. She looked away and he glanced down to see her curling her hands into fists. When he looked back at her profile he saw her jaw was taut and tears trembled on her eyelashes. She was fighting the tears. And losing.
Tears he’d caused. “Rain,” he pleaded. “It’s just for my job. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“But it should!” she cried, turning to face him now as the tears slipped down her cheeks. “It should matter to you that it makes me feel badly.”
“Darlin’, you’re putting whatever issues you had before you met me on to our relationship,” he said as gently as possible. “That’s not fair.”
She glared at him like he was the lowliest scum on the earth. “You’re right,” she said, the bitterness he hated so much back in her voice. “I lost my whole world when I was little and I was left to an alcoholic aunt who knew better how to slap me than hug me, to verbally cut me than praise me. That’s what Darraign is.” She pointed to the tattoo on her arm. “That’s what my company is. It’s vindication. She told me I was worthless, desperate to make me believe it. She told me I would never make anything of myself. That I was unworthy of greatness.
“Darraign proves her wrong. But worse, the only affection I received as a child was from Darcy, who was just a baby herself. My aunt not only refused to love me but she told me nearly every day that no one else could love me. It didn’t make me cold, though, it didn’t make me build defenses against being hurt again . . . Instead I’m the stupid one. It made me want affection all the more, it made me want to find someone who loved me so much
it would prove her wrong.” She sobbed and he couldn’t help but reach for her. Rain struggled out of his grasp, though, as if she couldn’t bear his touch, and he felt gutted by her rejection. “Maybe it makes me naïve and silly but I want it all. I want for once in this god-awful lonely existence to have one person love me so entirely that it consumes him. I want that. I want him to hurt when I hurt. I want him to do anything in his power to never be the one who hurts me.” She took two more steps away from him. “You’re not that man. And I won’t settle for less.”
Instead of fearing the enormity of what she was asking, Craig was enraged that she was dismissing him as the man who she was looking to love. Wasn’t his heart pounding so hard in his chest he thought it might shatter? Wasn’t his chest aching because he’d hurt her and he fucking hated that he hurt her? Wasn’t that enough?
“I am that man,” he promised hoarsely. “I hate that I hurt you tonight. I hate it. And I want to be all that you want, and all that you deserve. But, darlin’, you’ve got to compromise here. You’ve got to step into reality, too, and realize that no man is perfect.”
“I’m not asking for perfect,” she snapped. “I’m asking for monogamy in every way. I’m not daft, Craig, I know that men and women are always going to notice if a member of the opposite sex is attractive. I’m not asking for the impossible. I’m just asking you not to do anything about that attraction. I’m asking for a man who wouldn’t want to because he loves me.”
“I don’t want to!” he yelled in frustration. “It’s for my fucking job. It’s tip money!”
“Do you really need tips that badly?”
“I really need you to trust me!”
“How can I when you’re not willing to see this from my perspective?” She wiped at her cheeks. “How dare you?” she whispered brokenly. “How dare you make me feel crazy for asking this? For making me feel like shit.”
Panic started to take hold. He felt gutted that he’d hurt her, and he wanted to comfort her, but at the same time he needed to stand up for what he believed. He couldn’t let his love for her make him a weak pushover. “I didn’t mean to. But now you know for damn sure that it doesn’t mean anything. You have to accept that. Accept it, Rain, please. I don’t want any woman to dictate how I do my job or how I live my life. Not even you. That’s not what a relationship is about.”
Just like that a wave of coldness seemed to seep through Rain. She shivered before him and her words came out like shards of ice. “Get out of my flat and out of my life. Don’t come back.”
Craig
Three days.
Three shitty, goddamn awful days.
That’s how long it had been since Rain threw him out of her flat.
Craig still couldn’t wrap his head around it . . . how much it hurt that she didn’t trust him.
He’d picked up his phone so many times over the last seventy-two hours, wanting to call her, to hear her voice, to sort this mess out. But his pride and hurt stopped him.
He was the walking wounded and it turned out he was a bit of a grumpy bastard when he was crossed in love.
“Just call her already,” Joss had snapped at him at the bar when he’d been short with her.
“Mind your own business,” he’d snapped back.
“I’m letting your attitude go since I remember being a bit of bitch when Braden and I were going through some stuff. But I’ll only take so much crap, Craig. Sort your shit out or leave it at home.”
Leave it at home.
Those words led him exactly to that—to his mum, whose phone calls he’d been ignoring for the past few days too.
“I’ve been worried¸” she said as soon as he stepped through her door.
“I’m sorry.” He pulled her in for a hug, and she seemed startled before hugging him back.
“I’m worried,” she repeated softly. “What’s going on?”
He released his hold on her and sighed wearily. “Coffee first?”
Sitting in his mum’s kitchen, Craig watched as she made them coffee, her gaze darting to him in concern. Finally she sat down at the table beside him.
“Did something happen between you and Rain?”
The question brought on a sudden but familiar panic. Every time he let himself think he’d never see Rain again, he felt like his chest was caving in. “We broke up.” He somehow managed to say the words.
His mum covered his hand with hers. “What happened?”
And so he told her everything, needing her comfort and consolation.
To his surprise that’s not what he got.
She scowled at him instead. “You stubborn, stubborn boy.”
Anger shot through him. “What?”
His mum pulled away from the table to stand up and pace, like she always did when she was agitated. “Relationships are about compromise, Craig! I can’t believe you find someone, you’re the absolute happiest I’ve ever seen you, Mags said Rain was wonderful, and you go and blow it by being an arrogant idiot!”
Craig sat in stunned silence.
She wasn’t finished either. Leaning her hands on the table, she brought her face close to his. “Rule number one in a monogamous relationship: You never flirt with another woman, especially in front of your current woman. There are no exceptions to this rule.”
“Mum, my tips—”
“Your tips can take a flying jump out of the window! Are you really telling me that tips are more important than the woman you love?”
He flushed hot with frustration. “It’s not about the tips. It’s about the principle of the thing.”
“Rain might be overly romantic, I don’t know. But asking you to respect her enough not to flirt with someone in front of her isn’t being overly romantic. It’s what most women would ask of you. It’s what I asked of your dad when we first started seeing each other and he was playing it cool. He’d never dated just one woman before. Never got serious. I told him it was me and only me or nothing at all. He swallowed his damn pride and got serious with me. And you . . . you are going to swallow your damn pride and beg and grovel until that girl takes you back. Or do you not love her after all?”
Panic set in immediately as he digested her words. He’d been so convinced that Rain was being overly sensitive that it never even occurred to him he was the one in the wrong. “I don’t know if she’ll take me back.”
“You won’t know until you try.”
Rain
I missed him. I missed him and I ached all over with it. When I thought I’d lost Darcy forever I’d felt this kind of gnawing feeling of powerlessness in my gut, my chest, even in the muscles in my jaw. Now I felt that way again, except this time that pain was spiced with a burning longing.
And I hated him for it.
But I hated him because I really loved him.
It was my own fault, I decided. I knew from the moment I met him that Craig Lanaghan was the biggest flirt to grace God’s green earth. He was heartbreak waiting to happen. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Yet I’d walked into his open arms with a smile and practically set him up to disappoint me.
Where had all my promises to myself gone? They’d been so easily swept aside, and for what? Orgasms?
No. That wasn’t fair. Craig had given me more than that. He’d made me laugh, he listened, he was easier to be around than anyone I’d ever met, and he’d made me feel special for a time. Until he stopped, that is.
I winced, staring at my phone screen. It told me I had three missed calls from Craig.
The familiar burn of unshed tears stung my eyes. “Goddamnit!” I hissed and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. I’d cried for almost forty-eight hours non-stop and I was more than sick of it.
I was stronger than this. I was. But it would help if Craig would just stay out of my life completely from now on. I didn’t know why he was calling. Possibly because he’d left some clothes at my flat. I was going to get his stuff back to him, however, I’d planned to do it when I could face him without wanting to burst
into tears.
“Leave me alone,” I whispered at my phone when it started to ring again.
I could just pick it up and see what the hell he wanted, I supposed, but again, I was afraid my voice would crack on a sob as soon as I heard his familiar voice.
The buzzer to my flat went off and I tensed in my chair.
The phone calls and now the buzzer? No one buzzed up to my flat during the day on a weekday. The very small handful of friends I had worked weekdays, and anyhow, I couldn’t imagine I was very popular with them these days since I’d broken the cardinal rule of friendship and let myself become so immersed in Craig I’d barely been in touch with them.
The only person it could be at my door . . . I looked at my phone. Surely he wouldn’t just turn up like that.
However, this was Craig after all. When he wanted something he didn’t back down. I had to wonder what the hell he still wanted from me.
My phone started ringing in conjunction with my buzzer.
I found myself getting more and more uptight, not knowing what was the best thing to do. My toes curled inside my socks in agitation.
And then the buzzer and the phone stopped.
I waited, tense, and after a moment I let myself sag with relief. That relief made me realize I’d done the right thing ignoring him. It was clear I really wasn’t ready to face him.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
I jumped and my heart jumped with me.
“Rain!” Craig’s voice shouted from the other side of my flat door.
One of my annoying neighbors had obviously let him in.
“Rain! Are you in there, darlin’? You’re worrying me!”
His concern attempted to pierce the hate I was determined to hold on to, but I wouldn’t let it. To my surprise, instead of falling apart at the sound of his voice like I thought I would, I found my anger thicken my skin.
I pushed away from my office desk and strode down the hallway to face him after all. And I did not care that I was wearing sweatpants and an ancient Daria T-shirt. Other than naked, Craig had never seen me dressed down without makeup on. In the past I’d have cared what my boyfriend thought of me without my armor on, but Craig was no longer my boyfriend so I could give two shits.