Almost.
When I yanked open the door he took me in from head to toe, his expression changing from annoyed concern to tender affection. He sighed, sounding relieved. “Thank God.”
“You’ve seen me, now go.” I moved to close the door and he put an arm out to halt me.
“Please, darlin’. We need to talk.”
Instead of seeing the pleading expression on his face or the loving tone in his voice, I remembered the stubborn anger in his eyes during our last meeting, and his absolutely selfish disregard for my feelings.
“Go home, Craig.”
“Not until you let me say what I came here to say.”
I looked down at the foot he now had wedged against my door so I couldn’t close it. “I could call the police.” I gestured to his foot. “Some might call this harassment.”
“And others might call it desperation.”
I narrowed my eyes on him. “Why are you here? I thought we said all we needed to say. You and I are not compatible.”
“Yes, we are. I’m just a clueless prick.” He pushed inside so I had no choice but to stumble back and let him in.
Even if he hadn’t pushed, his words might have done the trick. My pulse started to race even harder than it already was.
Was he here to try to win me back?
And why the hell did I suddenly feel so elated by that?
Flirting bastard, flirting bastard, flirting bastard, I chanted in reminder as I shut my door and followed him into the living room.
“I’ve missed you,” he said as soon as I entered the room.
“Craig—”
“And I know I was completely in the wrong.” He held up his hands in placation and took a tentative step toward me. “You were right. I shouldn’t have disrespected you like that by flirting with other women, even if it was just for my job. When I think about it, it seems like such a small, stupid thing, and I can’t lose you over something that idiotic. Something I can change. Because I can.”
Although his words soothed some of the hurt he’d caused me the other night, I found myself shaking my head. “You’re not all in the wrong, Craig. You’re right about me . . . I have issues and they would only become a problem between us. We’re too different. I’m a romantic, remember?”
“I am too.” He closed the gap between us and I felt his strong hands wrap around my biceps. I closed my eyes briefly, savoring his touch before pulling away. “Rain . . .”
“You’re not a romantic. You’re a realist. You tell me you want to be in a relationship with me but you can’t promise me the future. I’m not asking you to promise me the future—it’s impossible. But I want you to feel like I’m your future. And you obviously don’t.”
Craig gave a harsh bark of laughter, his expression incredulous. “You have no fucking clue, do you?”
Confused, I scowled at him. “What are you talking about?”
“The night we had sex in your hall . . . The morning after, actually. I realized I was in love with you. I watched you sleep for a couple of hours and I knew that you were it. My mum called that morning and the exact words I said were, ‘I’ve found her, Mum.’ So don’t stand there and tell me what I feel. Because, yes, I can’t promise you that this is forever but I can tell you that I hope to God it’s forever.” His eyes gleamed with emotion and I felt the answering burn of tears in my throat. I felt like my heart was going to smash out of my chest and my hands were shaking so hard. “I can’t imagine ever loving another woman the way that I love you.”
My tears escaped and I bit my lip to hold in a sob.
Craig closed the gap between us in less than a second and I found myself wrapped in his arms, holding on tight. I sucked in a breath, trying to collect myself, but I was overwhelmed with relief and a happiness I couldn’t remember ever feeling before. “I love you too,” I choked out, burying my nose against his neck. “I love you so much.”
“Thank God,” he whispered back, his hold on me tightening. “I don’t want to be without you ever. These last three days have been hell.”
“I know.” I pushed back a little so I could look into his handsome face. I clasped his cheeks in my hands and pressed my mouth to his. It started off as a gentle, loving kiss and then it turned desperate as he tasted the tears on my lips.
He broke away, voice hoarse as he said, “I’m going to try my hardest to never hurt you again.”
I nodded. “Me too.”
He ran his hands over my hair, then down my body, his touch just as desperate as his kiss had been. “I want to know everything about you. I want to love every little bit of you.”
My chest squeezed in a delicious ache at his romantic words. “Just get a couple of glasses of wine in me and I won’t shut up.”
He laughed at my teasing and suddenly swung me up into his arms. I gave a little squeal as I wrapped my arms around his neck, clinging onto him. “First I’m going to make love to you, then I’m going to fuck you, and then you can tell me everything there is to know about you.”
I grinned, feeling the familiar tingle of excited arousal between my legs. “Well the first two things will tell you a little something about me.”
“Oh darlin’, the first two things are going to last long enough to tell me a lot of something about you.”
I laughed happily, the moment feeling so surreal. This morning I’d felt heavy with despair and now I’d never felt lighter in life.
But then, I thought as Craig kissed me long and deep, the opposite extremes of emotion did make sense.
After all . . . I was in love.
Rain
“You look fantastic,” I said to my sister.
We were on an early morning Skype call for the first time since Darcy had gone out to Australia. Well, early morning for me, evening for her. We’d stayed in contact via phone calls and emails, but they’d been brief because when Darcy was depressed she went into herself. I’d noticed our last few phone calls had been better, however, and I began to hope that she was coming out of the dark place Angus’s betrayal had sent her into.
When she suggested we Skype call because she missed my face, I knew for certain she was coming back to herself. I was excited that my little sister was going to be okay. I was excited to see her because I missed her face, too, and I was excited because I finally felt like I could tell her about Craig.
It had been six weeks since we’d told each other we loved each other, and for those six weeks we’d been practically inseparable. I’d met his mother, Karen, and fallen in love with her, too, and thankfully she seemed to like me a lot.
The only person of importance between us who didn’t know we were together and in love was Darcy. I’d felt she was in too fragile a place to start waxing lyrical about my love affair.
But now . . . now I could see for myself that she was getting back to herself again, and I couldn’t wait to tell her about Craig.
My beautiful sister beamed at me. “You always look fantastic. It’s so good to see you.”
“You too. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too. A hell of a lot.” Darcy leaned in toward the screen. “I need to tell you something and then I need to ask you something.”
There was a glitter of excitement and apprehension in her eyes. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m not coming back to Edinburgh.”
I stared stupidly at the screen, trying to make her abrupt declaration make sense.
“Rain, I don’t want to come back. It holds bad memories now. And I love it here in Sydney.”
I felt a sharp pain in my chest. “But what about us?”
“I don’t want to lose you again. I can’t lose you again. You’re my other half. That’s why I’m asking you to move out here. We can run Darraign from anywhere, you know we can.”
My heart was pounding. “Move to Australia?”
She misinterpreted my reluctant tone. “I know it seems like a huge move but, Rain, you’ll love it here. The sun, the people,
the lifestyle. You’ll fit in great. Please, please think about it.”
“But whether or not I say yes, you’re staying out there?” I said, needing to clarify.
When she nodded that pain in my chest turned into a burning ache. “I’ve thought about this long and hard. I’ve been over and over it. There’s no changing my mind, Rain. I’m so happy here. But I’d be happier if you were here with me. You know how much I need you.”
Darcy. I felt like crying at her words because . . .
Craig.
Craig would never leave his family behind in Scotland. He’d never make that move.
So it was either Craig or Darcy.
Oh God.
I thought I might be sick.
“You look a bit peaky. Are you okay?”
I looked away, trying to think. Think! THINK! “I had dodgy takeout last night.”
Darcy chuckled. “Oh, babe, another reason you should move out here. The food is so good and I know all the best takeout places.”
I gave her a weak smile. “Another point for the plus column.”
“I’m assuming I’m worth ten points for the plus column?” Darcy winked.
I looked at her, my heart filled with love and a terrible sadness. “Babe, you are the plus column.”
She grinned at me. “Is that a yes, then? Please say yes.”
I thought about leaving Craig and the pressure I felt on my chest was unbearable.
As though Darcy saw my hesitation, she leaned closer in to the screen. “Please, Rain. I’ve . . . Well.” She smiled unsurely. “I’ve met someone. He makes me happy. I’d really like you to meet him.”
Fear knifed through me.
I’d heard Darcy say those words once before. The result was her fleeing to Australia.
And just like that I knew I couldn’t fail her again.
If I signed off, telling her I’d think about it, I knew what conclusion all my to-ing and fro-ing would eventually bring me to: I’d once left Darcy behind, I’d put her last, and it had taken me a long time to regain my sister, the only family I had. She needed me and I couldn’t let her down again. I had to make sure this new guy was actually a decent one. I had to protect her, even if it was from her own choices.
I felt winded as this wave of emotion crashed over me. My eyes filled with tears and I did my best to make them seem like happy tears as I gave my sister a watery smile. “Yes. I’ll move out there.”
Darcy let out a squeal of happiness, clapping her hands like a little girl, and I gave a strangled laugh, the tears spilling down my cheeks. “Look, I have to go because I have a phone meeting with our manufacturer, but I’ll call you tomorrow morning your time to iron out the details, okay?”
“Okay, go, go! We’ll speak soon.” She waved enthusiastically and I waved back before shutting my laptop closed.
As soon as her face was gone, I broke out into harsh sobs, trying to let go of the pain I felt in every muscle, every nerve, every inch of my body.
It was agony.
The agony of having to choose between the two people I loved most in the world
It was the agony of agreeing to let go of the man I loved.
* * *
After I cried, feeling despairing and dramatic, I tried to calm myself down. I attempted to wrap my head around the situation, wondering if there was any possible way around it.
I couldn’t find any.
I just kept seeing my sister’s expression the day I finally came back to Inverness for her. It had taken me a minute to process her expression because I was so taken aback by how gaunt and tired she looked. And then I’d focused on her eyes and they were like knives, slicing me to punishing ribbons for the crime of abandonment.
I couldn’t see that look on her face again. I couldn’t put my needs before hers again.
The last thread of hope I was holding on to was the miniscule possibility that Craig would follow me across the world.
By the time Craig turned up at my flat that afternoon before his shift, I was huddled on the big comfy armchair in my living room with a cold mug of tea between my hands. I was jittery as hell, feeling so nervous I was queasy and shaky.
“Darlin’, it’s me,” he called as he entered my flat.
For a while there I’d truly believed I’d get to hear him greet me this way every day. I felt a fresh well of tears spring to my eyes.
“There you are.” He strode into the living room, coming toward me with purpose. Last night he’d done overtime and he’d gone back to his flat instead of waking me up in the wee hours of the morning. A long kiss at the very least was in order.
But Craig stopped suddenly, taking in my face. “Darlin’?” Concern flashed across his expression and he was suddenly by my side, gently tipping my face up to the light. He took in my red eyes. “What happened? Who do I need to kill?”
I gave him a watery smile at his protectiveness and nuzzled into his hand like a cat. “Just me,” I said, my voice hoarse.
“Rain.” He maneuvered into the seat, lifting me up gently before taking my spot and then settling me on his lap. I immediately buried my face in his neck, breathing him in, feeling his warm strength wrap around me.
I started to cry again.
Craig ran his hand up and down my spine. “Okay, now you’re really starting to worry me.”
It took me a moment to grab hold of my runaway emotions. Finally I managed to contain the tears to sniffles, and Craig gently eased my head back so he could see me.
My eyes washed over his handsome, familiar face, and I swear I felt and heard a crack in my chest. Tense now as I tried to keep it together long enough to explain, I clenched my jaw against the tears. “Darcy called.”
“Your Skype chat?”
He’d called me last night on his break and he knew how excited I was to see her again and to tell her about him.
“She’s staying,” I whispered, biting my lip against more tears.
“In Australia?”
I nodded, the tears escaping.
Sweet sympathy and tenderness filled Craig’s eyes. “Oh, darlin’, I’m so sorry. I know how much you miss her.”
“That’s not it.” I swallowed hard and then took a big deep breath. “I didn’t get a chance to tell her about you and me because she dropped her bomb . . .” I brushed impatiently at my tears, forcing myself to meet his eyes even though I thought I might die watching his expression when he learned I hadn’t chosen him. “She said she needs me. She asked me to go out there and run the company with her from Sydney.”
I felt Craig tense beneath me, a light of disbelief entering his eyes. “Go out there? For good?”
My mouth trembled. “Yes. She’s also met someone. She wants me to meet him.” And I knew the answer I’d given my sister was now written across my face.
And he looked heartbroken.
A sob burst forth before I could stop it and Craig yanked me against him, holding me so tight I could barely breathe, but I didn’t care. I clung to him just as hard.
We sat together for a long time, not saying a word, just holding on for dear life.
* * *
Some time later Craig finally spoke and his voice was thick with emotion. “I can’t go with you. I know you need to go because of your history with Darcy . . . but just as you’ve got to look out for your family I have to look out for mine. They need me like she needs you.”
That hope, as miniscule as it was, went up in a puff of smoke and the crack that had emerged inside me split apart, leaving me with only half of myself.
I was leaving the other half with this man.
And I didn’t want to believe I’d never get him or it back. “Maybe after a while she’ll change her mind.”
He cupped my face in his hands and pressed a soft, sweet kiss to my lips. When he pulled back he said sadly, “We can’t live on maybes, darlin’. It would only hurt us more.”
I nodded, needing to cry again and wondering if the tears would ever stop. “A clean break, then???
?
His grip on me automatically tightened, his fingers digging in. The muscles in his jaw flexed as he struggled with his own emotions. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Me neither.”
“When will you go out to her?”
“I’m calling her back this evening. We’re going to discuss the arrangements but I’d imagine it will be as soon as possible.”
“Then we’ll have that time.”
“You can just leave if you want,” I offered even though I hated to do so. “Now. If it makes it easier. Clean break now.”
“No,” he growled, pulling me against him. “We’ll spend the rest of your time here together, and I will take you to the airport and we won’t say good-bye until you need to get on that plane.”
The tears came again like I knew they would, but Craig was done with the tears. He kissed them away and stood up with me in his arms. Holding me close, he carried me to my bed and laid me down.
He made love to me with thoroughness and a raw need that I’d never experienced before. Afterward, instead of leaving, he called in sick to work, and he spent the rest of the night showing me how much he never wanted to let me go.
Rain
It was winter in Sydney but the month of August was fairly mild, reminding me of April and May back home.
I loved the fact that winter wasn’t freezing-your-arse-off cold. In the three weeks I’d been living in the ridiculously expensive flat a few blocks from George Street (a flat my sister chose and one we’d be moving out of when the six months were up), I’d reluctantly come to admire Sydney.
I liked the warmth of the Australians. We shared a similar sense of humor, no one looked twice at my clothes and hair but instead accepted my style as nothing out of the ordinary, the food was great, I loved being so close to the water, and there was a bustling vibrancy about the city that I didn’t even realize I was missing in Edinburgh.
But none of that mattered.