Chapter 19
Stacy watched Evie ramble on with excitement. It was Saturday again, and they’d just gotten back from Jamie’s third T-ball practice. Madeline had taken Jamie for ice cream as soon they’d gotten to the house, which left him and Evie alone for the first time since their kiss.
They hadn’t talked about the kiss, or talked much at all since that evening. And now as he stood in the kitchen listening to her, he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to kiss her again. But as quickly as the thought popped into his mind, it was promptly replaced with the conversation he and Madeline had a few days ago. The one thing that stood out: “You tell her.”
“I’m really excited about this school,” said Evie. “I think it’ll be a much better fit for Jamie. God knows they had my number on speed dial over at Little Angels. And I think the sports are really helping. Did you see how tired he was today after practice? He fell asleep in the car; he never does that.”
She was thrilled and he was happy for her. Her high was too good to disrupt, still for whatever reason he decided it was time to tell her. After their kiss last week, he knew where they were headed. He was no fool. He liked her. But Madeleine knew now and just about everything was out in the open. Evie deserved to know the truth, and he knew that she needed to hear it from him—not from Jasmine King, not from some newspaper column or website, and not from her mother.
He just hoped that by some miracle she would forgive him. He took a deep breath trying to work up enough courage to say the words he needed to say. He let her continue talking for a few moments. He could tell her rambling was nervous energy, and it was likely the result of them not having addressed the kiss before reencountering one another again.
“Evie,” he interrupted. She stopped talking immediately as if she’d been waiting for his interruption.
“I need to tell you something.”
“Oh, okay,” she said slowly with her eyes locked on him.
As he searched for the words he needed to say, he remembered something else Madeline told him in their conversation, and it helped him find a place to begin.
“Why do you read that letter every night?”
Evie’s face changed immediately. What was nervous and anxious energy suddenly dissolved into something low and guarded.
“What letter?” she whispered in a flat tone.
He knew she knew exactly what he was talking about.
“The anonymous letter written to you by one of the cops who killed your husband.”
She gasped.
“How did you know that? Did my mother tell you?”
He noticed she was gripping the counter so hard that her knuckles were turning white.
“No. She only told me you read it every night. I knew about the letter long before that. “
“I don’t understand.”
Yes, she did. He could see it in her face; she just didn’t want to.
“You do understand, Evie.”
“What are you telling me?”
Her voice began to rise and he noticed she started shaking. He wanted to go to her and hold her, but he knew that was not an option right now.
“I wrote the letter. I sent it to you four months ago. I’m one of the officers who shot your husband that night.”
And just like that a great weight was lifted up off him. Although that allowed him to breathe a bit easier, he knew he was going to go through the fire right now.
“I don’t understand. How could you be the one who killed James but you’re here with me right now. You’ve been here with me and Jamie. You…you kissed me. You made me like you. What kind of sick, twisted game is this?”
Her voice had was low and menacing now. Her eyes narrowed to slits as she regarded him.
“It’s not a game.”
“The hell it is!” she suddenly shouted, coming from behind the counter so suddenly it startled him. She shoved him as hard as she could in his chest and he stumbled back a bit, but not because of her strength, more because of the element of surprise. Never had he pegged her for a violent woman, but then he’d just admitted to shooting her husband so what could he expect?
“What is this? Tell me now? Are you playing mind games with me? ANSWER ME! WHAT IS IT?!”
“I’m not playing games with! I was there that night with Officer Walker. I shot your husband. I didn’t meant-,”
Stacy didn’t see Evie’s small fist coming at him until it was too late. As soon as her knuckles connected with his eye he cursed and grabbed his face, someone had taught her how to punch. But she wasn’t done yet. She began to slap him over and over again until he managed to grab her arms and pin them behind her back, putting them face to face with only a few inches between them. He could feel his left eye beginning to swell as she tried to wiggle out of his grasp.
“What do you want from me?!” she screamed, “why are you doing this?”
He allowed her to break away. She backed up against the counter, breathing hard. Anger was pouring from her.
“Why are you doing this?” she yelled again, this time demanding a response.
“I want to try and make things right!” he shouted back.
“Make things right?” she screeched, looking as if she was going to fly into another murderous rage. Then all of a sudden she got quiet, as if realizing something for the first time.
“I am so stupid!” she suddenly laughed. “You told me that didn’t you? On our first date at the restaurant you said you want to make up for everything, or something like that. I thought you were just being really nice, but now I see. You had this sick, stupid plan all along and you pulled me into it—me and my son!”
“No…no…it’s not like that,” he struggled to say, holding up his hands in a defensive position. “Please let me explain.”
“Explain? Explain what? By all means go ahead and justify what you’ve done!”
“Evie, that whole incident with your husband was a mistake. I was a rookie…I…..there are no excuses. I was wrong; you know that from my letter. I had no idea he had a family. When my partner and I were under investigation it was revealed that he had a wife who was a nurse. Your name was mentioned, but I didn’t know where you worked. And while I admit I did get your husband’s address to send you the letter, I didn’t even know if you still lived there or not. The day I met you in the hospital was pure coincidence. Do you remember my reaction when you said your name? I didn’t know you worked at that hospital. I didn’t seek you out, not until after I met you.”
He could see her face changing. Unable to decipher what the expressions were, he rushed on.
“After I met you in the hospital, I admit I did engage in some stalker-like behavior because….well, I don’t know. In a way I felt I had to know you, to see if you were okay.”
“Are you crazy?” she interrupted. “See if I was okay? After you killed my husband? Oh yes, that was the noble thing to do.”
“I know it’s absolutely insane. Believe it or not, but my life was ruined the day I killed your husband. I can’t sleep more than a few hours at a time. I have nightmares every night about James. I shut myself off from everybody.”
“So when were you going to tell me?” Evie interjected. “Maybe before after you kissed me again? Or maybe after you slept with me? Was that part of your little plan too?
Stacy faltered for a moment. “God, no Evie! What happened between us wasn’t planned. It was always my intention to tell you what happened at some point. I was never going to keep it from you. Your mom-,”
“Of course, my mom!” she sneered. “She knew didn’t she? Was I the only one being played for a fool?”
“She came and spoke to me. She was the one who encouraged me to tell you.”
“When?”
“A few days ago.”
“Right. A few days ago,” she scoffed.
He saw her suck in a deep breath and move around the counter, back into the kitchen. She stood in the middle of the l
inoleum floor looking at nothing. Then her eyes flashed at him. They were filled with so much hate and malice that he was taken aback for a moment.
“We don’t need you, Stacy! We don’t need you! We still belong to HIM!”
She began to wail, sinking to the floor. She disappeared behind the counter but Stacy could hear her sobs loud and clear.
Stacy closed his eyes briefly, his left one stinging. Somehow the pain was nothing compared to the twinge his soul felt after hearing the words that had come from Evie’s mouth.
Stacy stayed in the living room for several minutes, debating what to do. Leave and never contact her again was, of course, the most rational option. But nothing about this whole situation was rational. Besides, he couldn’t leave her—not like this.
Knowing good and well that he was risking his physical safety, he finally decided to go to her. He found her on the floor of the kitchen with her knees pulled up to her chest and her face buried in them. Her body shook violently as she sobbed. Closing his eyes and silently praying she didn’t attack him, he sank to the floor in front of her. She didn’t even look up.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Just go. Please.”
Defeated, he made his way back to the living room and silently slipped out of the house. Madeline pulled up into the drive way just as he was pulling the front door shut.
“Oh, Stacy, good.” She called to him as she hopped out of her car. She waved him over. “Jamie fell asleep in the car. Can you carry him inside for me? I have groceries-”
She stopped talking when she saw his face.
“You told her, didn’t you?”
Stacy didn’t need to say anything.
“Where is she now?”
“On the kitchen floor where I left her.”
“By the looks of that eye, I assume she took it well.”
He sighed long and heavy, running his hands through his hair.
“Hold on a minute.”
Madeline reached into the backseat of the car into a grocery bag and pulled out a bag of frozen peas. She approached him and pressed it to his eye gently.
The cold sting of the frozen vegetables shocked his system at first, but after a moment, they started to relieve some of the throbbing pain in his eye.
“Keep that on it for a bit and it should make some of the swelling go down.”
“Well, I guess this is goodbye, Ms. Madeline. I really appreciate you taking me into your home and for keeping my secret and letting me tell Evie in my own time. Not a lot of people would have done that. In fact, nobody I know would have done anything like that.”
“Oh Stacy, this isn’t goodbye. This may sound crazy, but I know my daughter will come around.”
Stacy laughed cynically.
“Ms. Madeline you don’t come around from somebody shooting your husband.”
She pat his shoulder.
“All things work together for those who love Him, and my daughter does indeed love Him. I think one day you will too. She’ll come to terms with everything; she just needs time. God can work miracles.”
“I think it might just be better this way. What about when Jamie grows up and finds out the truth?”
“We will cross that bridge when we get to it. Today’s troubles are sufficient for this day. Don’t go borrowing tomorrow’s. Do you still want to be around my daughter and grandson?”
He didn’t even have to think twice about that answer.
“Yes.”
“Then pray about it. And give my child some time. Let her come to you. She will eventually.”
Stacy wished that this woman’s words could make him feel better, but they just didn’t. Nevertheless, he knew in his heart she was remarkable for allowing him into her family’s life after knowing his past, and for standing here talking to him after everything.
“You know what, Madeline?”
“What?”
“My mother would have loved you. You’re one of the good ones.”
Madeline smiled as Stacy removed the bag of frozen peas from his face and bent over to kiss her cheek.
“You are too, honey, you just don’t realize it yet. Not many men would do what you did.”
___________________________________________________________________________
He hadn’t drank like this since the night Evie’s husband died. He was a lightweight, and always has been. But on this day, it seemed like it was taking way more alcohol than normal to make him numb. He clutched the bottle of whiskey in his hand and took another swig. The liquid didn’t even burn going down his throat now. Unfortunately, he was still able to think somewhat clearly.
What am I supposed to do now, God? Huh?
Stacy laughed to himself. As if God would answer him now. He’d done one bad thing, tried to make it right, and then ended up doing another bad thing. Evie would never forgive him, no matter what Madeline said. He’d seen enough death in his line of work to know that the relatives and family of those who were killed or hurt did not easily forgive the offenders, if ever.
Pain sliced through him as he thought about what Evie was doing right now, and he brought the bottle up to his lips again.
“Stacy.”
Stacy didn’t even bother to turn around. Though he didn’t hear his brother come into the house, he knew he was in no mood for round two tonight.
“How did you get in here?” Stacy asked, without even turning around.
“You left the door unlocked.”
He frowned. He never left the door unlocked. He was really messed up tonight.
He groaned wearily, “Leave me alone, Greg.”
Without a word, his brother flipped on the den lights and came around the couch. He stood in front of the coffee table looking down at the bottle of Jack Daniels.
“Damn it Greg, turn off the light.”
Stacy squinted as he looked up at his brother. “What in the hell could you possibly want? You got your money. Did you come back to blame me for your failed love life again?”
“Don’t be stupid,” his brother said, acting as if he hadn’t even heard his brother’s plea. “Ma said you had stopped drinking.”
Stacy ignored him.
“Why are you drinking?”
Stacy disregarded his brother again and attempted to reach for the bottle on the table, but before he could take another swig, Greg snatched it from his grasp.
“Greg! I’m not trying to get into it with you tonight!” Stacy roared, jumping up from the couch and getting into his brother’s face.
They were toe to toe and even though Stacy was in good shape and a foot taller than his brother, Greg was Army and there was no doubt in his mind that his brother could take him right now.
“Sit down brother. I’m not gonna fight the drunk man tonight,” Greg said.
Stacy stumbled back a couple of feet, then collapsed onto the couch, the fight gone out of him just like that.
“Just leave me alone, please.”
His brother set the bottle of whiskey onto the coffee table, just out of his brother’s reach.
“Mom said you were doing a lot better. But you don’t look like it, not right now.”
Stacy breathed heavily as he stroked a hand over his face.
“I really don’t care what you think. Just go, and stop acting like you actually give a damn.”
Looking up at his brother, Stacy was surprised to see pity in his face.
“You’re a bastard and in all honesty I hate you for what you did, but it’s pathetic to see you sitting here like this.”
“When are you going to get over that? I didn’t make Jasmine leave you.”
Greg shook his head.
“Of course you didn’t. But who wants to be married to a man with a racist brother who goes around shooting black men and getting away with it.”
Stacy laughed.
“Racist? You know I’m not racist. You of all people should know. Wha
t I did was out of stupidity, not prejudice.”
“She didn’t see it like that, Stacey,” Greg said softly.
And it was then that Stacy realized that his brother was still in love with his old girlfriend. The pain was fresh in his eyes, as if she had just broken up with him yesterday.
Leaning his head back onto the sofa, Stacy said, “I did stop drinking. I stopped the night after everything happened. This is the first drink I’ve had in three years.”
His brother’s eyes constricted. “Why are you drinking now? You didn’t shoot anybody else did you?”
“No. I’ve taken to harassing their families instead,” he muttered.
“What?”
Taking a deep breath, Stacy figured he might as well tell his brother everything. Why not? Greg’s opinion of him couldn’t get any lower.
“Three months ago I arrested this kid who got shot. I stayed with him in the hospital since he was a possible suspect in a robbery. While I was with him a nurse came in to bandage him up. The nurse’s name was Evelyn Tyrell, James Tyrell’s widow.”
His brother gasped.
“Are you kidding me? Are you sure it was her?”
Stacy laughed.
“Yeah, it was her. I knew without a doubt it was her.”
The sofa sank in next to Stacy as his brother sat down.
“Tell me you didn’t do anything stupid.”
“Beyond stupid. You don’t know it, but I’ve been messed up real bad since that night. The only thing that made me feel like I had any worth was taking care of Mom.”
Stacy heard his brother respire.
“I know. Mom told me how you were. She begged me to come back and make things right with you.”
Stacy stared at his brother. He had no idea his mother had done that.
“Well,” Stacy continued, “after I met Evelyn I don’t know what happened. I suddenly got it into my head that I needed to help her, to make things right.”
“What exactly did you do?”
The whole story began pouring from Stacy’s mouth, and he left nothing out this time. He told his brother about Jamie, the kiss, how they made him happy, Madeleine finding out what he’d done, and finally him telling Evelyn.”
“Damn, brother,” Greg said after taking a moment to digest what he had just heard. “I’ve never heard nothing like that before.”
“I don’t think anyone has.”
“As much as I hate to say it, you didn’t do a bad thing. You did a stupid thing, but not a bad thing.”
“Right.” Stacy deadpanned, “My heart was in the right place, huh? Maybe I should have told Evie that.”
“I take it she gave you that black eye.”
Stacy didn’t respond.
“How do you exactly feel about this woman?” his brother asked. Finally, he asked the million dollar question.
He remembered Madeleine’s words ‘do it, before you get married and give me more grandchildren.’ And without even meaning to, the image of Evie in that sundress and the smile she gave him that first time he went to church assaulted his mind. It had started out innocent enough—his relationship with her. Well, as innocent as something like this could be.
But that day he’d seen her at church, had given birth to something else and Stacy knew it. It had been growing for three months under the radar and Stacy had used the excuse of helping her and being there for her to cover up what was really developing within him.
“I take it by your silence you’re still trying to figure that out. If this woman forgives you—which I doubt she ever will—you really don’t deserve her and I would really like to meet her.”
Stacy frowned and looked at his brother. This was probably the most decent conversation they’d had for the last three years, and he hated to ruin it, but he knew he had to tell Greg.
“A journalist interviewed Evie about four months ago. Her mother told me the lady was kind of pushy and kept trying to tell them about my involvement in the incident.”
Greg’s face became blank.
“It was Jasmine.”
His brother didn’t respond just stood up and said, “Stay away from this stuff. It’s not going to help.”
Then he scooped up the bottle of whiskey and walked out of the room, flipping off the den light as he went.
“Greg, wait.” Stacy wasn’t sure his brother had actually stopped until he yelled “What?” from the doorway.
“Do you think that God forgives you of all your sins? Even something as wrong as I did?”
There was a long pause. Stacy rotated around to see Greg now in the doorway.
“Yeah, I think so,” he said. I guess He wouldn’t be God if he didn’t.”