She cocked her head, looked at him. "I'm not that surprised, actually. You do have a sort of latent wild look about you," she teased.
"If you're not careful I'm going to shove the rest of that s'more into your mouth just to keep you quiet."
"I can think of something else you could shove into my mouth to keep me quiet," she offered wickedly.
"Don't tempt me," he growled, pulling her back against his chest. And, of course, he wanted to feel her taking his cock into her mouth. Who wouldn't?
The thing was, right now he wanted to talk to her even more.
You're asking for trouble, a voice in the back of his head that had joined the warning bell cautioned him, but then she was saying, "Tell me more about all the trouble you got Travis in."
"I learned to swim before he did, which he hated because he always liked to think of himself as the older brother. Those sixty seconds before I came out are really important to him, you know."
"Figures," she said.
Laughing, he said, "Anyway, one afternoon when he was being a real piece of work, we were out by the pool and I dared him to jump into the deep end."
"The idiot jumped, didn't he?"
Luke laughed too, remembering. "Of course he did. But in the end, it all worked out just fine for him."
"Why? Because you saved him?"
"Yeah, I saved him. But it was our busty young babysitter who made his day. I swear he sat there with his head between her breasts the rest of the afternoon."
"How old were you?"
"Six. Seven, maybe."
Janica giggled. "Come on. He was just a kid. He couldn't have already been such a dog. Now you're just talking smack about him because you know I like to hear it." And then she said, "But I'll admit, it was pretty weird when he started dating my sister. I guess I always thought that she'd end up with you."
"No chance," he said. "Lily and I were only friends."
"But you spent so much time together. How could nothing have happened? Something had to have happened at some point."
Fuck. This was awkward.
"We kissed once," he admitted.
"Aha! I knew it."
"We had zero chemistry, Janica."
"How could someone have zero chemistry with you?"
He had to kiss her. "I'm flattered."
"Flattery has nothing to do with it, Luke." She ran the pad of her thumb across his lips. "You're the best kisser I've ever known."
He leaned in to capture her sugary lips and it was the sweetest kiss they'd ever shared.
"I love you," she whispered against his lips.
The three words ricocheted through him just as they always did. And each time something inside of him shifted a little bit more.
Allowing himself one more sensuous sweep of his tongue against hers, he pulled back. "Janica, I--"
Her eyes were dilated, her cheeks so flushed with arousal that he could see the heightened color on her face even in the dim firelight.
"Shut up and kiss me some more, Luke."
Every time she gave him an out.
And every time he deserved it less.
But the worst part of it was that he knew he was going to take it anyway.
His mouth never leaving hers, he laid her back on the blanket. He wanted to look at her, this beautiful miracle in his arms. Shifting so that he could run his hands over her shoulders, slowly down her arms, he drank in the sight of her.
Firelight made her skin glow, but she didn't need it, didn't need anything other than the fire that was already inside of her.
"I'm so damn lucky you're here." His statement was out there before he could think better of saying it.
She blinked up at him, her big brown eyes warm with arousal--and love. "You are?"
Her response took him by surprise, the fact that she didn't know it already.
And it made him want her even more. It made him want to show her how lucky he was, rather than just tell her with words.
The surf crashed around them as he slowly stripped off her clothes. The moon shined down over them as he ran kisses over her skin. The fire flickered as she cried out with pleasure in his arms.
As he made love to Janica Ellis, the warning bells and lights clanged and chimed and shined as loudly as they could, trying to remind him that the higher the heights, the bigger the fall. But with Janica moving beneath him and the stars up above in a cloudless sky, he couldn't stop himself from feeling greater pleasure--and deeper peace--than he ever had before.
Chapter Seventeen
"Go back to sleep," Janica murmured as she felt Luke shift against her the following morning.
In the past few days she'd learned that her lover was an early bird. No matter how late they went to bed, no matter how little sleep they got, he was up with the sun.
The only thing that made it slightly palatable was the fact that other parts of him were up too.
"I'll let you sleep again soon," he said, but she was already shifting her hips against his.
Her pussy was deliciously sensitive as he moved into her. She gasped at the wonderful feeling of fullness and he stilled behind her.
She knew he was worried that he was hurting her. His concern was so sweet.
And so misplaced.
"Don't hold back." When he still didn't move, she actually found herself begging him. "Please, Luke. Please."
And then his hand gripped her raised hipbone hard, his fingers digging into her skin right before he thrust into her so deep, so fast that his weight would have pushed her off the bed if he hadn't been holding her steady.
"More," she pleaded. "Give me more."
A second later he had her on her stomach, gripping the sheets with clenched hands as he drove into her from behind. She took everything he had to give and her body silently begged for more as she lifted her hips up off the bed for even deeper penetration.
"Jesus, Janica," he groaned and she was almost too far gone to feel his teeth sink into the curve of her neck as they both exploded with pleasure.
She loved it, loved knowing that she was the only one who could make him lose control like this. She fell back asleep with a smile on her lips.
She wasn't surprised that his side of the bed was empty when she finally woke up. After a shower she walked out of the kitchen to make herself something to eat and found a note on the counter.
"Heading out for a run. Hoping I still have the energy."
She smiled at the note and enjoyed the thought of seeing him return sweaty and out of breath. It was one of her favorite looks on him.
But as she grabbed a banana off of the counter and peeled it, her smile fell away. Making love on the beach in front of the fire with Luke had been way beyond her wildest fantasies. She'd felt special. No other man had ever made her feel like that.
And yet...
She couldn't stop thinking about their conversation about Lily and Travis and how they'd found true love together. Their siblings were the last two people on earth that should have ended up blissfully happy together. Instead, they had disproved every cynic.
More than once during the past five years, Janica had been, well, not jealous, exactly. But wanting. Wanting what her older sister had. Wanting someone who would walk through flames for her.
Could Luke ever be that person?
Could Luke ever love her? If they left Big Sur and went back to San Francisco, back to their lives, was there any way they could still be together? Or would she forever exist for him in this little cabin by the beach, and only there?
She put the banana down without taking a bite.
She rewound through the past three days and nights, through laughter and loving. And uncertainty, too. Because they were wading through deep, confusing waters together.
After they'd made love out on the beach, when they'd gotten chilly lying naked in each other's arms with only the corners of the blanket to pull up around them, they'd gathered up their things and Luke had gotten a bucket and poured sea water over the bonfi
re.
Fear had hit her, a punch straight to the solar plexus, as she watched the beautiful flames smolder, smoke, and then sizzle away to nothing.
Please, she'd silently prayed up to the stars in the dark night sky above, don't let that happen to us.
This wasn't like her, sitting around worrying, acting scared. It also wasn't like her to neglect her business, so she picked up the phone on the counter and checked her messages. If it were anyone but Luke, she would head straight back and not leave her office for a week.
But she couldn't even think of leaving him. He was too important. And he still needed her. The demons he'd been fighting that first night in her apartment were still there, just pushed into the background.
Besides, wasn't that supposed to be one of the perks of having her own business? That she could walk away from it and trust her excellent employees to take care of things if she really needed to?
Fortunately, today there was nothing too pressing for her to deal with. Just a friend in the business who was wondering if she knew anyone who could fill in as a volunteer for "A Day in The Life of a Fashion Designer" at a teen center in Monterey.
She was just finishing up her conversation with him, saying, "No. It's no problem. I'll be there soon," when Luke walked in the door.
"You're leaving."
This was the second time he'd assumed she was halfway out the door. And both times he'd looked pretty darn devastated.
Interesting....
It shouldn't have made her so happy to see how upset he was. But it did. Which was why she let him hang there for a little while longer with a simple, "Yup."
His jaw tightened, a muscle jumping in the hollow beneath his cheekbone. "This morning. I shouldn't have--"
She took pity on him. How could she not?
"Oh yes you should have," she said with a smile. "In fact I'd be begging you to do the exact same thing to me again right now if we weren't going to be late."
"What are we late for?"
He was clearly confused, but just as clearly relieved that she wasn't leaving.
Laughing, she said, "We've got a hot date with a teen center in Monterey. You'd better get yourself into the shower before I drag you there myself."
But when he held out a hand to her and said, "We'd better get clean, then," even though she knew they were barely going to make it to the teen center on time, she couldn't resist joining him.
*
Janica was fantastic with kids.
She was fantastic with everyone, actually. In the first half hour she'd managed to teach Luke enough for him to work with the kids one-on-one as they cut and stitched fabric.
Hours later as they ate clam chowder out of bread bowls at a restaurant on the wharf, he said, "Looks like you've done a lot of volunteering with kids. I'm really impressed."
"Right back at you," she said. "I don't think any of them knew you were really a stuffy doctor."
He knew he hadn't caught his hurt reaction in time by the way she looked at him and the fact that she covered his hand with hers.
"Sorry, I was just teasing. I really appreciate you helping out today. I know it's a lot of work. If you're ever looking to get out of the ER, you should consider being a pediatrician."
"I loved working with the kids, teaching them what you were teaching me, too." And he had, but that wasn't the full truth. "What I really loved was being with you."
"You loved being with me," she repeated in a hollow voice. "Is that it?"
He frowned, his frown deepening as her face lost all color. God, he hated doing this to her. Especially when he'd known all along that he couldn't give her what she wanted.
"Janica." Fuck. He didn't have the first clue what to say to her.
Because he didn't have the first clue about what was going on inside his own screwed up head.
"I need to get some air," she said, pushing away from the table.
She was fast enough that he couldn't catch her until she was halfway down a public dock. She didn't stop when he called out her name several times and he had no choice but to grab her arm and force her to look at him.
"What's wrong?"
"Me. I'm what's wrong."
"No. You're perfect."
"Then why don't you love me?"
He crushed her mouth beneath his without thinking. He kissed her savagely, ruthlessly. They were both panting when he finally drew away from her bruised and swollen lips.
"I'm hurting you," he said, the words low and raw. "Just like I knew I would. I don't want to hurt you, sweetheart."
"I know you don't," she said, and then she surprised him by taking his hand and saying, "Let's go back to the cabin and you can make it up to me."
He didn't deserve her. Didn't deserve how open and loving she was.
And yet, even knowing that, even knowing he was hurting her, wasn't enough to make him give her up.
Chapter Eighteen
She felt nervous. God, how she hated feeling nervous. They hadn't said a word to each other the whole drive back home. And now they were standing in the cabin staring at each other, like two strangers who didn't know how or where to start. It didn't matter that they knew each other's bodies intimately. Somewhere along the way, their relationship had changed from being purely physical.
Moving straight into the gray area.
A gray area where it felt like her heart might break at any moment.
Where there was more than a slight chance that it already had.
"This shouldn't be so complicated," she said, forcing herself to reach for the zipper on the front of her dress and pull it down, just as she would with any other guy she wanted to sleep with. "I'm a girl and you're a boy and we want each other."
But even as she said the words she knew it wasn't Luke she was trying to convince.
She was trying to convince herself.
"Janica, stop."
Her fingers stilled on her zipper. He moved across the room, his eyes dark with desire and something else that she couldn't read. And then the next thing she knew he was lifting her in his arms and walking back to the bedroom. Gently, so gently she could hardly believe it, he laid her down on the bed.
She felt like her heart was going to pound out of her chest.
"You don't have to do this." But he didn't stop the slow shift of her dress off of her shoulders, not even when she added, "Please don't do this just because of what I said on the wharf."
His mouth was hot on her shoulder, his lips teasing her skin, and then he was shifting her dress down further, down over her breasts, past her nipples. The pads of his thumbs brushed over her first, followed by his tongue, swirling, tasting.
His sweet touch felt so good she lost her breath.
A while later he lifted his head from her chest. "What were you saying?"
She looked up into his eyes and she was surprised to see the playful glint in the green depths. But, for the first time in a very long time, she didn't want to laugh away her feelings.
"You don't have anything to make up to me, Luke. It's been my decision to be with you. Because I want to."
The sentence was barely out of her mouth before his mouth was back on her breasts, hot and demanding. From one to the other he nipped, kissed, sucked, until she was nearly delirious with pleasure.
Finally, he looked up at her again. "Anything else?"
What had she been about to say? Lust, arousal had her brain all fogged up.
Still, she managed, "It's okay if it's just sex."
It wasn't. Not at all. But she felt she needed to say it. That maybe then she might be able to believe it.
His hands were gentle, but her dress was still gone by the time she blinked, her panties going a moment later. Moving down between her thighs, he lifted her legs up, one over each shoulder. Her body wept with need for this complex, beautiful man between her legs.
A muscle jumped in his jaw and his eyes were dark. "This isn't just sex."
She barely had time to process his words when he
ran his tongue over her in one long, steady stroke across her labia and over her clit.
Her hips bucked up into his mouth and he held her closer with his hands on her ass, sucking her in between his tongue and the roof of his mouth. Just like that, she came, exploding into him. Spasms of ecstasy racked her body, and it was too much, too much pleasure. But when she tried to shift away, he wouldn't let her go, wouldn't let her escape the almost painful pleasure of his tongue, his lips, the slight scratch of his teeth against her incredibly aroused flesh.
Again she came, hard on the heels of her first orgasm, and she was so lost in feeling, so utterly unable to do anything but try to withstand the waves of pleasure that were rolling over her, that she was caught utterly unaware by the long, hard thrust of Luke's cock inside her.
Her eyes shot open to find him levered over her, his eyes dangerous as he held himself deep inside of her.
She held her breath. Waiting as he continued to watch her, his hard shaft pulsing inside her body, his muscles taut above hers. Waiting for whatever it was he needed to say.
"Luke?"
"I'm almost there," he said softly, and then he started to move, the long slide of his cock out of her slick heat, then back in, so deep that she lost her breath with every single stroke.
And yet, even as she climbed higher and higher, even as her muscles tightened on him, even as their mouths found each other and they swallowed each other's groans of pleasure, even as he pulled her into his arms and exhaustion swept over her and she started to fall asleep, she wondered what he really meant by I'm almost there.
Had he been trying to say that he was almost in love with her?
Or was it simply his body that couldn't get enough?
Chapter Nineteen
The next morning, Janica still felt unsettled from their lovemaking.
It was always incredible and explosive between them. But last night was different.
Almost as if Luke's body was trying to express love where the man who lived in it couldn't.
Waking up alone beneath the thick bedspread, she could smell breakfast wafting in from the kitchen. Her muscles were achy, well used and stretched out in a really good way. It sure beat the hell out of running on a treadmill.
Five minutes later she was freshly showered and wearing one of Luke's T-shirts with nothing else under it. Fresh out of clean clothes, she had grabbed one of his belts and wrapped it twice around her waist to finish off the outfit.