“What right do you have to snoop through my computer!”
“I have every right,” he says. I open my mouth to ream him a new one, but he holds up a finger and shushes me. “I have loved you since I was a kid, Katie.” He lays a hand upon his chest. “I still love you.”
My breath hitches. He has no idea how much I needed to hear that.
“Who’s stalking you, why, and why the hell is he telling you he’s going to kill you when he finds you?”
I blow out a breath. “Jake…”
“Katie…”
I point at the picture. “Tell me about her.”
“She was my wife. And she’s not anymore.”
“And?” I roll my finger to make him keep talking.
“And nothing. That’s all there is to it.”
“Liar. There’s more.” I narrow my eyes and stare at him. “She’s why you’re here. She’s why you’re not working. Tell me everything, Jake.”
He glares at me. “You first.”
20
Jake
Thirty hours of labor and my wife Laura was finally sleeping after getting an epidural. I was dead on my feet, but there was too much to do. I couldn’t get in a catnap. Besides, I wasn’t the one who was going to have to push a kid out of my vagina. Laura had to do all that. She deserved to sleep. But while she took a quick rest, I went to the waiting room to tell the family what was up.
We had decided months ago that we would be the only people, aside from doctors and nurses, in the delivery room. We wanted to share the moment together, to bask in the wonder of our new addition. We had tried for so long to get pregnant, and Laura had gone through so many miscarriages that this was a dream come true.
We were going to have a baby.
I was going to be a dad. After years of jizzing into a cup, and years of Laura going through fertility treatments that sent her hormones into a tizzy on a regular basis, this was the final step. She just had to deliver the healthy baby we’d been expecting for nine months, and we would be parents.
I stepped into the waiting room and Fred, my partner at work and my best friend from way back, jumped to his feet. Fred and I went through the police academy together, we went through training together, and we’d worked hard to become a team, fighting crime in the big city of New York. He was my best friend, so it didn’t surprise me that he was still here.
“How is she?” he rushed to ask.
“She’s finally sleeping. They gave her an epidural.”
Fred ran a hand through his bright red hair. “That’s good.” He relaxed a little.
“You okay, buddy?”
He nodded. “Just scared.” He held up a hand like he was surrendering to the cops. “For you. And for Laura. I’m scared for you guys. You’re going to be a dad. God, I can’t believe it.” He avoided my gaze.
A nurse opened the door to Laura’s room and stuck her head out. “Mr. Jacobson, it’s time.”
“It’s time?” Fred ran a hand through his hair again. Sweat sheened his forehead.
“You all right, buddy?” I asked again. I laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.
He didn’t look at me. “Yeah, yeah… Go to your wife.”
“Mr. Jacobson?” the nurse prompted again. “We need you in here.”
Laura’s parents and her sister all stood at the door in the hallway with Fred while I went back inside the room. Laura was awake and they told her it was time to start pushing. She reached for my hand, and I sat down near her head, taking her palm firmly against mine. “You got this,” I told her. “Very soon, you’ll be holding our baby.”
Her eyes welled up with tears. “I’m scared,” she whispered.
“Me too.” I was scared shitless.
I talked her through every contraction. I urged her to push, to breathe, to wait, to push again. I kept her going when she wanted to quit. I consoled her when she told me how much she hated me. I let her squeeze my hand.
Then it was time. I watched the baby come into the world. They lifted it and laid it upon her belly, and then they started to wipe it clean. The baby’s skin was rosy and pink.
“It’s a girl,” the doctor said. We didn’t want to know before the birth. “A healthy baby girl. You want to cut the cord, Dad?”
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything. I watched as they cleaned her hair. Her bright red hair.
Laura laid her hand on the baby’s head and covered up those gleaming, flaming tufts. “Jake,” Laura said, sobbing.
I said nothing.
“You want to cut the cord, Dad?” the doctor asked again.
“No,” I said. I couldn’t breathe.
“I didn’t know, Jake,” Laura said, sobs heaving from her.
I said nothing. I had no words for her at all.
“It was just one time, Jake. Just once. I swear it.”
I looked toward the door where I knew Fred waited. “I’ll get Fred for you,” I said.
Then I walked out.
Fred met me at the door with a red face and sweaty armpits. We could hear the baby crying from the other room. “It’s a healthy baby girl,” I told them all. I held out a hand to Fred to shake. He took it warily. “Congratulations,” I said.
Then I walked out. I went home that night and drank myself stupid. Then I did it again, and every day for two weeks. I drank, took two weeks of vacation from work, and then when it was time to go back, my boss told me I needed a break. That was after I broke Fred’s nose. And his arm. And I tore up part of the office. And then I hit a civilian when he tried to break up the fight that I carried on with even after they threw me out onto the sidewalk. Apparently, I had some anger issues.
Laura never came home from the hospital. I don’t know where she went. She didn’t call. She didn’t come and get the baby stuff we’d collected. She didn’t do anything. She just left. I heard she went with her parents. Then I heard she was with Fred. All I knew was that she wasn’t with me. And she never would be again.
21
Katie
“You were going to be a dad, Jake,” I whisper. I cover my mouth. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.”
He shrugs. “It wasn’t meant to be.”
“You had no idea she was sleeping with Fred?”
He shakes his head. “None at all.”
“You and Fred were friends before I even met you.” I can see how fast his heart is beating by the vein in his neck. Jump, jump, jump.
“About twenty years or so.” He shrugs again.
“You must have been floored.”
“I saw that perfect little baby lying there on its mom’s chest, and all I could think was that Fred should be in the room. Not me. It was his kid. I could see it immediately. It wasn’t just because of the color of her hair. It was all over Laura’s face. She was devastated.” He shoves his hands deep into his pockets. “But underneath it all, she was a mom finally. And it wasn’t my place to ruin her day, so I left.”
“Do you ever wish she had told you before the delivery? That she’d told you about the ‘one time’ and given you a choice whether or not you’d stay? Do you think you would have? Stayed, I mean?”
He shakes his head again. “No. I wouldn’t have stayed.”
“Why not?”
“We’d been through too much. We’d lost four babies, gone through years of fertility treatments, and we’d lost all of what we’d had in the very beginning. Everything I loved about her was gone by the time we got pregnant.” He snorts. “Or by the time they got pregnant. We weren’t the same people. We resented the hell out of one another.”
I point to the picture. “You looked pretty happy here.”
“She was smiling into the camera at Fred.” He makes a rude sound in his throat. “She slept with my best friend. My best friend slept with my wife.” He picks up the picture, stares at it for a moment, and puts it away in a drawer.
“Then what happened? After the hospital?” I sit down on the edge of his bed and he sits down next to me. He scratch
es his nose.
“I went home and she didn’t. That was the end of it.”
“It’s not the end of it,” I tell him.
“Yes, it was the end of it. I haven’t seen her since.”
“Why aren’t you working?”
“I drank myself into a stupor, taking vacation so I could do it up right, and then I went back to work. But I didn’t quit drinking. When I was off duty, I would drink, and then I would drag my ass to work the next day.”
“You got into a fight with Fred at work.”
He nods. “I broke the bastard’s nose.”
“Good.” I feel a certain sense of satisfaction that he did that.
He shakes his head. “Not good. I hit him because he put a picture of the baby on his desk. That’s all he did. He put a picture of his kid on his desk.” He sighs. “So my drinking, my dragging ass, the fight, and the mistakes I was making led to me being put on administrative leave. My superior told me that I needed to get my shit together. Then Pop called and he needed me to come home. And then when I got here, you were here.” He holds his hands out. “And here we are. You and me. Sitting on my bed.”
“Just like old times.” I lay my hands on my belly. “Well, almost.” I laugh.
Jake chuckles. “If it was like old times, I’d be trying to get in your pants.”
I fake a gasp. “You mean you’re not trying to get in my pants?”
He leans over and kisses my forehead. Then he says quietly, “If I was trying to get in your pants, you would definitely know it.”
Butterflies take flight in my belly. “I wish things were different.”
“I don’t,” he says. “I like them just fine the way they are.” He brushes a lock of hair behind my ear.
“I’m feeling really fat and really pregnant and really needy, Jake, so I’m going to get out of here before I start to cry, okay?”
“Wait,” he says as I stand up. He grabs my hand. “You owe me some secrets.”
My belly jumps as the baby lands a solid kick. “I would love to tell you some secrets, Jake. I’d love to tell you all of them, but right now, I really have to pee.”
He laughs and spins me around. Then he pops me gently on the bottom. “Go pee. We’ll talk when you’re done.”
I go to the bathroom down the hallway, and Jake is waiting for me when I come out. “I think I’m going to go home, Jake. My back is killing me.”
His brow furrows. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Unless you have a masseuse in your pocket, I doubt it.” I arch my back, trying to relieve some of the strain.
He wiggles his fingers. “I just happen to have magical hands.” He tilts his head to the side like a playful puppy. “You talk. I’ll rub.”
“Really?” No one has taken care of me in a really long time. Just the idea of a massage from Jake has my insides trembling and my heart melting all at once. “You want to give me a back rub?”
“I’d give you just about anything you asked for, Katie,” he says softly. “You should know that by now.”
He holds out his hand for mine, and I lay my palm against his. He gives it a tug, and I walk slowly toward him. His eyes are hot and strong and so full of caring that my eyes well up with gratitude. I need for someone to take care of me even if it’s only for a few minutes.
Take care of me, Jake. Please take care of me. Just for a little bit.
“Where do you want me?” I ask.
22
Jake
The words “I want you on top of me” come unbidden to my mind. Instead, I point to the bed. “On your side, here?” I wait for her reply. She sits down on the edge of the bed and rolls, lifting her feet. She lies flat on her back, her big basketball of a stomach lifting up high and round. I laugh at her. I can’t help it.
“Are you laughing at my belly?” she asks, but she’s smiling too. It’s a tired, needy kind of smile, but still a smile.
“I love your belly,” I admit. I’m fascinated by it. I want to touch it and look at it, and… I kind of wish it was mine.
She lifts a brow at me. “You love my belly.” Her curiosity turns into a glare. “Be serious, Jake. I’m like a beached whale.”
I sit down next to her and reach down to touch her belly, but at the last minute I stop because I should probably ask for permission. I can’t just fondle her belly. “You’re getting an outie,” I tell her as I stick the tip of my finger against her belly button. She laughs and grabs my hand. I hold hers tightly. “Your belly button is like one of those plastic timers that come with a turkey.” I wriggle my hand free and poke her again. “Yours has popped.”
She rests the back of her head in the palm of her hand, her elbow pointed to the side, toward my nightstand. “You really know how to sweet-talk a girl, Jake,” she replies. “I’m all giddy with butterflies and shit, because you’re that smooth. Your milkshake must bring all the girls to your yard.” She lays a hand over her outie.
Sudden stillness falls over me. “I loved it when Laura was pregnant,” I admit. “I watched her belly every day, feeling to see if it was bigger, making her lie there for me so I could talk to her belly, no matter how big or how small. I kind of miss it.”
Katie lifts her other hand to rest behind her head, and now has both elbows pointed out. “You loved your wife.” Her voice is soft and low, almost like I’m a feral animal she’s trying to catch.
“Yeah, I loved her. Then, even after my feelings for her changed, I loved that baby. I loved the idea of a new life, and I was hopeful that it could fix us.”
“Is there a chance that you’ll reconcile?” she asks. “Have you tried?”
“No, there’s no chance.”
“Are you certain?”
“Positive.” She lifts one hand from behind her head and takes my hand. She places it flat against her stomach. The corners of my lips twitch. “Thank you,” I say.
I really, really wanted to touch her, but I didn’t want to seem like some creeper who gets off on pregnant bellies. I only get off on my pregnant bellies, and in this case, for some reason, Katie feels like an extension of me.
The baby bops my hand, and I lift another palm to lie on the other side of her stomach. I realize that even with my thumbs touching, my hands don’t cover all of her belly. “You really are huge, Katie,” I say.
She chuckles which makes her belly bounce. “There you go again with the flattery.”
I let my hand sweep down her side and she flinches and laughs. “Oh my gosh, you’re still ticklish right here!” Then I do it again. She giggles and when I hear it, it’s like falling back in time. “I remember the first time I ever tickled you,” I say. “Do you?”
“Clear as day,” she says. “You grazed my boob.”
“What little bit of boob there was.” I let my eyes fall on the nice rack she has now, which she definitely didn’t have then, and I lick my lips like a total perv. “Now I’d be hard pressed to miss your boob.”
She yawns, but talks over it. “Are you just about done groping my belly and ogling my boobs? You promised me a back rub.”
I give her belly a little nudge. “Roll over some, you killjoy. I can’t get to your back if you’re lying on it.”
She tips over, and I brush her hair over her shoulder. “That feels nice already.”
“You always did like having your hair stroked. You want me to start there?”
She sucks in a quick breath. “Would you?”
I don’t even hesitate. I brush my hand down the length of Katie’s hair. She relaxes, her eyes closing. “Nobody has done this for me in a long time,” she says quietly. “Not since the last time my husband was home on leave.”
Time stops. It’s like someone scratched a record in my head. “Would he be jealous if he knew you were with me?” I ask.
She yawns. “No. I think he’d be happy.”
My hand stalls in surprise, but only for a moment, because she reaches back and bumps me, like she’s kick-starting my strokes. I rub her s
calp, massaging gently, tangling her hair around my fingertips until it pulls tight, and then I untangle it by stroking down again. She yawns and settles a little deeper into the covers.
“Tell me about your husband,” I say.
“Mm,” she mumbles. “Later.”
“You promise?”
She nods into the pillow, and tucks her hands beneath her chin. “I need to go home,” she mutters.
“Okay. Just let me finish this.”
A soft snore breaks from her mouth and I know she’s asleep. She’s soft and curvy and she’s in my bed and my fingers are sliding through her hair and her hips are so round and perfect and she’s full of life and…she’s asleep.
So I continue, like the total perv I am, soaking up all the Katie I can while I have her here, because I know soon enough that it will be over.
23
Katie
I wake up to a dark room and blink my eyes, trying to figure out where I am. I reach behind me, feeling for Jake, but my hand swipes air. The last thing I remember is Jake stroking my hair. I roll to my back and get wrapped up in the blanket someone laid over me.
The hallway light is on, casting a small amount of light in the room. A flash of white on the bed catches my attention. In big, dark letters, there’s a note.
You–sleeping like a really pregnant, debauched angel
Me–on your couch, wishing like a total perv that I was in bed with you
Your kids–safely tucked in their beds, with Sally guarding them
Rest for as long as you want. I’ll watch over your kids.
Oh, my God. I left my kids at home while I fell asleep in Jake’s bed. I turn my wrist over so I can see my watch. It’s two in the morning. Tossing the covers back, I get up and stretch. I can’t believe I fell asleep in Jake’s bed.
My back doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did before I fell asleep. I make a quick stop in the bathroom and then go to collect my computer.