me around for Sunday lunch tomorrow. I have accepted, but wish to god now that I hadn’t. The last time I was invited to dinner it really did not go well at all. In fact, I am surprised that I have been invited back at all.
This time I will have to make sure I don’t step on any pets, swear or break the crockery.
Sunday, March 19th
I arrived at Sasha’s for Sunday lunch at 12:00 on the dot, precisely as instructed, I was very nervous. Sasha’s mum opened the door and gave me a huge hug and said, “It’s great to see you again, Matt, come on in. But watch the cat’s tail this time.” I laughed and immediately felt 150% better.
I really need not have worried at all, the afternoon went really well. The food was great and the company was great and completely relaxed. As it turns out Sasha’s dad is a bit of a Red Dwarf nerd just like me, so we spent a lot of the afternoon discussing favourite episodes and the books. He even went so far as to lend me a couple of books that Rob Grant had written solo, Fat and Incompetance (deliberately spelt that way, dear diary). Sasha’s mum pulled out my mum’s party trick and dug out all of the most embarrassing baby pictures of Sasha. I have to say, I am certain Sasha’s pictures are a lot more embarrassing than mine, for a start none of my pictures featured me in the middle of having a piss!
Dad picked me up around 4:00pm and my ribs are still hurting now from laughing so much over the weekend. I am definitely going to school tomorrow, this weekend has done me the world of good.
Monday, March 20th
It was certainly good to be back in school again today, I never want to sit through daytime TV again. I spoke with Sasha about my two days off at lunchtime and how it was driving me mad and making me feel worse the longer I stayed away from everything. Sasha explained that she thought being around people was the healthiest way to deal with problems like mine. She said that locking yourself away you can end up in a bit of a downwards spiral of depression. She went on to explain that she had seen the effects that depression has first-hand when her dad lost his job a few years ago. She said, “He was out of work and the family was really struggling financially. His moods were getting darker and darker and he was drinking every day, often starting in the morning and then straight through. Some days he would just sit stare at nothing. He would shout at everyone, nobody could do anything right. At the depression’s darkest point I didn’t want to come home from school in case I found my dad dead, really scary times.”
This had really shaken her and I think seeing me starting to lock myself away started to bring back some of these old feelings. I reassured her that I was fine and that I could never be unhappy whilst I had her. We ignored the head of years close proximity warnings and snuggled up for the rest of the lunch break.
I am slightly anxious about tomorrow as my dad has to go up to Birmingham for a training day with his company, so he won’t be able to give me a lift in the morning, or more worryingly, pick me up afterwards.
I am not quite sure how I am going to deal with the after school situation tomorrow. Staying in the school library to do some revision at the end of the day is one option. Legging it straight out of the gates and through the lanes is another option. At the moment I am undecided. Sasha definitely thinks the library option is the best, but I am of the opinion of if they are there, they are there and why should I go out of my way to avoid them. I suppose that I could always order a taxi. I will sleep on it.
Tuesday, March 21st
I killed someone today. I am too tired to write now, I will have to try and sleep a little first.
Wednesday, March 22nd
Dear diary, I am not quite sure where to start with this one.
I am sat in a tent in the woods at the moment. It is 9:14am and it’s very cold here in my sleeping bag. I didn’t sleep very well at all last night, probably only around two and a half hours tops. I have had so much to try and get my head around. I suppose I should start from the beginning, if anything at least it will help to get things straight in my head:
An ordinary day to begin with. I met Martin in the morning and walked into school. We talked on the way into school about Newsnight which was on TV last night (quite intellectual for us I suppose), they were debating about whether it was right for Asian women to wear a hijabs in the workplace and schools in Britain. I say live and let live, but Martin for some reason had a bee in his bonnet about this issue and cannot understand why they are allowed, I never had him down as a racist.
“Our women have to wear what their women wear in their country, so I don’t see why they should be anything different and besides it’s a security issue. Motorcyclists have to take off their helmets when they go into a shop, where’s the difference?” I wasn’t too sure I wanted to get into a big discussion on this, but I really didn’t like Martin’s argument so we finally agreed to disagree on this one.
School was pretty normal for a Friday. One monotonous blur of five lessons with a typically bland packed lunch and break time sprinkled on top. And then home time. It’s safe to say that home time was a lot different.
At the end of school I foolishly opted for the ‘scarpering straight out of the gates and through the lanes’ option and that was exactly where he was. The steady jog I had maintained since leaving the school gates stopped as I turned the corner and saw him. I was left with two choices:
1. Turn and run – not a great choice given the fact that there was three of them and they all had bikes.
2. Walk past them with my head held high and hope for the best – not a great choice either, but maybe the last encounter at the campsite would have left a doubt in the back of Todd’s head that attacking me wasn’t a great idea.
I chose option two.
As I walked up the lane I did my best to try and avoid Todd’s glare, but he was more than determined enough to ensure that something was going to happen. He was sat on a recycling bin with his mate Ryan drinking a can of Stella and smoking a cigarette. “Look at this fucking dickhead, bad lane to walk down, mate. I’m gonna fucking shank you right up, I told you I’d fucking shank you!” I tried to keep my eyes down, and increased my speed a bit, to just get past him as quick as possible. My heart was thumping; I could feel the pulse in my neck and the taste of metal in my mouth. I thought about turning and running, but I couldn’t, something was pushing me on, I didn’t have to take this, I didn’t have to be scared, I was not going to be bullied. I got within five metres of the pair of them and they jumped off of the bin and walked out into the lane as if to block my way.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you, dick head!”
I glanced up at him and said, “I don’t want any trouble, just let me go by.” The rage I had felt against Todd after he slapped Sasha had all gone, I just wanted out of this situation. It didn’t feel right, there was something nastier about Todd if that’s possible. I guessed that he had probably had a bit to drink and a few spliffs too, minimum. Who knows what this nutter was into?
He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a knife which he skilfully opened with a slick move of his thumb and I heard it click as it locked into place. His mate dropped back a step and laughed too hard, full of nerves.
I ached to get out of the lane, but I was rooted and my heart was beating so fast that I was starting to feel dizzy.
His hand clenched the knife tight and he opened up his posture, slouching and coiling as if to strike at any moment. I took a step back to make sure I was out of range.
“You best fuck off where you came from, you ain’t getting past, I will stab your fucking eyes out.”
Then it happened.
He made a fake step towards me as if to pretend to attack, I flinched and he turned and shot a laugh at Ryan. My nerves stopped and I attacked.
As he turned his head back to me I was on him. I smashed my left fist down on the hand holding the knife and punched him straight under the chin with my right fist. I heard his teeth rock together and panic glaze across his eyes. He started to rock back, off balance, and I kicked his stomach
to send him to the ground. Ryan just looked in a trance and started backing away. I grabbed the knife stood my ground and waited.
Todd picked himself up and felt at his jaw. “You are a fucking dead man.” He let out a scream and ran at me, fists raised, clenched and full of hate, his eyes burning. I stepped to my right and swung the knife at him.
It struck him in the left side of his neck. The blade must have been about three inches long, all of it went in.
I let go of the knife immediately with panic and realization of just how real things had become and what I had just done.
Todd slumped against the wall eyes and mouth wide open. Eyes searching everywhere but no noise.
Ryan ran.
Todd started flapping on the floor, but couldn’t seem to move his arms. He inhaled sharply and held it. He started shaking and smacking his lips as if trying to taste something in the air. He began flapping again, but still no noise, no movement from his arms.
I stood unable to do anything but watch what I had done to him. I didn’t mean to have done this.
Blood started to come out of Todd’s mouth and he began to writhe about arching his neck backwards as if straining for breath. Air started bubbling out of the deep wound in his neck.
His lips started turning blue and the colour drained completely from his face. His eyes still