ability to read my mind, because at the moment it’s absolutely filthy!
Thursday, January 12th
A dull day today. The only thing of real note was that Todd found his way to school and gave me a dirty look in the science corridor, I looked away. Not worth the grief.
He does try to intimidate me, but it never actually works. I really am not scared of him, which I think annoys him all the more. I am pretty sure that if we did come to blows that I could have him.
I had a very rude dream last night about Sasha, nakedness and oil. It was fantastic! So much so that I think I will sign off and try hard to have a similar one.
Friday, January 13th
Well I certainly didn’t dream about asses and oil!
What I did dream about, however, was the following:
• Being trapped in a kind of bottle-shaped swimming pool with no way to get to the top and take a breath.
• A large armour plated killing machine that caught me in some kind of trap and started eating me from the feet up.
• Being caught at the top of a skyscraper on fire. If that wasn’t enough, it was also populated by flesh eating aliens!
Each of these absolute horrors of dreams woke me up and it took me ages to get back to sleep again. I spent the best part of the day trying to keep my eyes open. I am just about to get into bed and it is only 9:48pm, pathetic really.
Saturday, January 14th
Thank god for weekends! I stayed in bed until 11:30 today, had some tea and toast and had to wander into town with Oliver so he could have his hair cut. Pretty painless really and I even treated him to a CD from HMV to make up for the whole pissy pants issue last week. For some reason he is into rap at the moment and chose an old Snoop Dogg album. I myself am not into this kind of music, in fact I despise everything about it and insisted that he went to the counter and paid for it himself (I obviously gave him the money). Sadly my plan was flawed as he is only seven and the CD he was buying was a ‘parent advisory’ stickered title, no doubt full of swearing and songs about women with giant asses. So, buy it for him I did. The shame of it.
I also bought myself a game for the PS Vita (not that I have actually played it that much since buying it). But this is a problem-solving game, and I am much more likely to play that (I think).
£15 and a bit of loose change left.
Sunday, January15th
The fucking grief that CD has caused is unreal!
I was woken from blissful dreams about Sasha by the lyrics: “So just put your hands way up in the ayer (air) and wave the motherfuckers like you just don’t cayer (care), yeaer (yeah)”. Apparently my parents heard this too and were not supportive of my little brother’s musical choices.
“You can take this shit straight back to the shops after school on Monday!” was my dad’s take on the matter. My mum, however, decided to take things further; I think the conversation went a bit like this:
Mum: why would you buy him something like that, what were you thinking?
Me: I didn’t know it was so bad. Besides, it was him that wanted it.
Mum: did you not see the huge sticker on it? What were you thinking?
Me: I was actually trying to do something nice. Do you not get that? I’m not sure I get why I am suddenly in trouble here!
Mum: well, buy him an ice cream then, he is seven, you idiot, not a gangster rapper!
Me: yes, you’re right, I really am ever so sorry.
Mum: are you trying to be funny?
Me: not at all, unless, you find my agreeing with you and apologising hilarious?
Mum: you are getting far too mouthy! Don’t speak to me like that!
Me: yes I know, I am sorry, I promise I will change. It is my fault, of course you’re right.
Mum: you are grounded, one week.
Me: I accept my punishment, thank you. I will do my best to change and I am sorry if I am in any way a disappointment to you.
Mum: do you want me to make it two weeks?
Me: It’s your justice system and I am of course only too happy to support it, but it would not be fair for me to make a comment. You must take these kinds of decisions yourself I’m afraid.
At this point Dad decided to join in and back-up his wife.
Dad: Matthew, can you speak properly to your mother and stop being so damn cheeky.
Me: yes, Dad, I am sorry; I will of course speak properly to Mum. Sorry, Mum, it won’t happen again. I will, as I have already promised, try to change. I do so want to be a better boy.
This went on for quite a while and the grand result was my being grounded for three weeks and forced to stay in my room for all meals. Suits me, it’s what I do most of the time anyway.
I heard Oliver going to bed a few moments ago so thought it best to let him know the grief he had caused. “Look at the shit you got me into, you pissy bed little shit,” not the most articulate statement, but I felt it needed saying. His response was beautiful, “Fuck you, anus!” Which to be fair, was a little harsh from a seven-year-old (and more than a little worrying), but a great comeback from one so young, fair play. I have now developed a new found love for my little gangster rapping brother! I simply smirked at him and said, “Goodnight, Ollie.”
I have mock GCSEs starting on Tuesday, tomorrow I must revise. I must also find out what exams I have and when they are, god I’m crap sometimes.
“Fuck you, anus!” – Brilliant!
Monday, January 16th
I finally did some revision today and found out what exams I have. My first one is tomorrow and it’s French, I am not even bothering to revise for that! My exam on Wednesday is Science so I decided to revise for that instead, I figure that at least I have some hope of passing that one. I managed one hour 35 minutes (yes I actually timed it) before I got bored and picked up this month’s Viz and fell asleep at my desk reading the ‘Fat Slags’. My dad woke me up with a rather harsh whack on the head with my Science revision guide. He then proceeded to have a good old go at me about how just how lazy I am saying, “Is this what you call revision?” Making sure to throw in a couple of “Do you want to work in a supermarket stacking shelves for a living?” and a few “I wish I was back at school again, you do not know how easy you have it!” for good measure.
Thursday is History, which I’m okayish at; one hour of blankly looking at a History revision book should just about do it. Geography on Friday morning and Music in the afternoon which is a bit harsh, I didn’t think you were supposed to have two exams in one day, I’m sure that’s against my human rights – so one hour of half-arsed revision for Geography and that’s this week done. A bit of sitting in my room staring at the wall instead of studying for English and Maths the following week and that’s the mocks completed.
I think I have actually mastered the art of ‘not revising’, I have constructed all manner of games and pastimes that act as the perfect means of sitting at my desk and achieving absolutely nothing, while at the same time convincing my parents that I am doing something of use to keep them off my back.
Tuesday, January 17th
French exam today, I don’t even want to think about it let alone write about it.
I think I cracked a rib at karate tonight, I’m not sure if this continual battering I am receiving is worth it! They do say “No pain, no gain!” Not too sure I want the gain if it feels like this.
My bath and two ibuprofen have had no effect, if this does not improve overnight I do think I will have to go and see the doctor. I haven’t bothered telling my parents as they are not the most supportive about my doing karate at the best of times (which at the moment, this clearly isn’t!), they also think I am a bit of a hypochondriac too. So much so that when I cut my finger last year in a Science lesson with a scalpel and was sent home, my dad wouldn’t even come and pick me up. I had to walk all the way home with blood literally pissing out of the wound. It was only when he got home and actually saw just how bad it was that he bothered taking me to the hospital. Once there, the doctors quickly r
evealed that I had indeed cut a tendon in half and needed microsurgery to repair it. Apart from the fact that I had to wear a kind of weird spatula like devise on my hand for a month it healed pretty well.
After that incident I decided to keep all injuries and ailments to myself. Especially the rather embarrassing case of piles I developed after sitting on a cold concrete wall for four hours. They don’t care, so I don’t tell them.
Suppose I had better do a tad of revision before I crash out.
Wednesday, January 18th
My ribs felt a bit better today; I have been taking ibuprofen all day though. Obviously my dad naturally thinks I’m a wimp and my mum thinks I should stop going to karate altogether. It is lovely to have such supportive parents!
Today pretty much didn’t happen. One of those horrid dark and rainy days, when you open the curtains in the morning and it still looks like it’s midnight outside. I really did feel like having a duvet day today, but it would just have caused more hassle than it’s worth.
I went to school, did bugger all and came home.
Thursday, January 19th
Another dark and bleak day today. School was just as dull and bleak again today, but after school I popped round Martin’s and played on his old PlayStation (yes, that’s right, the first one). He had dug it out of his attic the day before and it was caked in dust and even had a bit of mould growing on it. I was amazed to see that it actually still worked. We played on it for hours and I was so late getting