home that I received an almighty bollocking from my dad, “Where the bloody hell have you been? You are supposed to be grounded! Anything could have happened to you!” Etc. etc. – you get the point.
I am now grounded for another week. All being well, I should be allowed to go out again when I reach 26.
Friday, January 20th
These dark winter days really are getting a bit much, it’s just so depressing.
I was cheered up slightly on my way to Maths for period five though. I walked into the Math’s block and just happened to glance up the stairwell as I entered. Amy Williams (very cute girl in the sixth form!) was walking upstairs in a very short skirt. All I can say is that they were white, lacy and made it very difficult for me to walk up the stairs myself.
It’s 10 o’clock on a Friday night and I am in bed just about to read a book (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy). What a sad and dull life I lead.
Now I’m having trouble trying to get the stairwell image out of my head.
Very white and so very, very lacy.
Saturday, January 21st
What a horrible week. I think I have actually done alright in the mocks considering the utter lack of effort I put in. I will definitely have to put a bit more effort in very soon, as the real exams are not far away. I would like to stay on for sixth form and do some A levels, so I will need to gain at last five C grades and above. Not too sure what I will do though, Biology and Chemistry are possibilities but definitely not Physics (Physics is basically Maths plus a load of complicated shitty bollocks, right?). Maths, English and Geography are the other possibilities, but I don’t have a real passion for them. Perhaps I should just get a job. Even if I did get some A levels, I have no idea what I would do with them. I feel another New Year’s resolution coming on: generally sort out my life and develop some aims.
If all that is not bad enough, my goldfish died today. I say today but I suppose, technically, he could have died about a week or so ago and floated there unnoticed. My bedroom had developed a bit of a musky smell over the last week, perhaps that’s down to the fish’s bloated, floating carcass rotting away. I have sworn to myself never to own a pet again and never to have children. If I can’t be trusted to put a pinch of food in a bowl once a day to keep a fish alive, I should never be allowed to have kids, no really!
Sunday, January 22nd
All things considered this will have to go down as one of the most unexciting days in history. I did nothing today apart from mope around the house feeling sorry for myself. Outside it was dark and rainy, so indoors I stayed and quite literally did bugger all. Quite often on days like today I enjoy doing a bit of reading, but today I didn’t even have the energy to hold a book, much less read it.
Out of the 24 uneventful hours available today, I must have slept or dozed for about 20 of them. Although I did managed to read a little bit more of Hitchhiker’s – very funny!
Monday, January 23rd
I got into a fight today. Todd was in the corridor with a bunch of his henchmen and a few giggly girls. I had to walk past them on my way to my Maths exam and couldn’t really go any other way (and, more to the point why the hell should I). The group went silent as I walked by and I stared dead ahead trying to blank them out of sight and mind. I was concentrating on looking dead ahead and doing by best to shut out the silence so much so that I didn’t notice Ryan Meed’s (a Todd henchman) foot slide in front of mine. I literally flew. Fair play to Ryan for the trip, it was very skilfully executed. He managed to simultaneously wrap his foot around mine and give me a good shove on the back. Needless to say the corridor erupted with laughter. I lost it. I got up and marched straight at Ryan with a complete red mist, and he was still laughing as I put my fist straight through his nose, dropping him to the floor.
I just about saw Todd’s fist in the nick of time and managed to get most of my head out of the way. His punch glanced across my bottom lip splitting it slightly. I pulled my right arm back fast, and with real venom I let it fly, only for it to be caught by our deputy head Mr Thomas.
The three of us were whisked off to Mr Thomas’s office, and to be fair to Ryan, he didn’t bullshit and came straight out with the truth. He explained that we didn’t like each other and that I was rude to them the other day at the swimming pool (I knew they would remember this) and that I had it coming. He went on to explain that his only regret was that he did it on school property. Mr Thomas seemed to pretty much accept this and then proceeded to lay into Todd (verbally of course). “As for you, lad, what a pathetic coward you are! This wasn’t your fight to fight, lad. How dare you swing a punch when someone isn’t looking, you are a pathetic coward!” This had clearly wound Thomas up and there was definite venom on his tongue, plus I don’t think any of the staff liked Todd. Todd had clearly decided that he had had enough of listening to Mr Thomas and walked out of the office, calling out as he left: “I’m not the pathetic one, you sad fat wanker!”
I received a day in the internal exclusion room for my reaction (I suppose I should have said thank you for this in retrospect as I really did hit Ryan pretty hard). Ryan had two days’ external exclusion and a nice fat red nose for instigating the situation. Todd was given a full week of external for his ‘sad fat wanker’ outburst. Nice.
I am still not entirely sure why Todd and his mates hate me so much, it really is an irrational hatred, and I have literally done nothing to have provoked this. I am however reassured that I am not his only target, he is generally pretty nasty to everyone he meets. One thing is for certain though; he really does hate me now! It feels to me that we have now officially locked horns and I don’t for a moment expect this to be the end of it. He is going to be on my case more now and will definitely want some kind of retribution for Ryan’s nose. He will definitely have it in his head that I have one over him, a worry really as this kid is in a really dark place and I think he is capable of doing something very silly.
Finally got around to giving my ex-goldfish a watery send off this evening. It was definitely him (or her, I suppose; just how do you tell?) making my room smell a bit funky!
Tuesday, January 24th
The ‘Unit’ as the teachers (and detritus of the school) refer to it wasn’t that bad but the grief I had from my dad for getting ‘thrown in’ was. “Why do you want to start acting like all the other useless tossers around here? Their fathers are down the pub all day, and all they do is bugger around on the streets causing trouble. Do you want to be like that? Because I tell you now, if you do, you can bloody well do it under someone else’s roof, not mine!”
Don’t get me wrong; I am not one for getting into trouble often. Just the odd detention for missing homework or for chatting a little too much in class. I did get in trouble when I was in year eight for fighting, but it was not that bad, just two detentions and a letter home. I was grounded for a month for that, and it wasn’t even my fault!
I was talking to my friends at lunchtime eating a Mars bar and three year nine boys came over and demanded I hand it over. I told them to ‘fuck off’ and licked the Mars bar all over with an ‘mmmmm’ noise to show how nice my chocolate bar was. The roughest-looking one (Gary Mason I think his name was – he was later expelled for bringing a knife into school! Lovely school.) threw a punch at me, which I just managed to step back from. I ran at him and tackled him around the waist knocking him to the floor and threw about 50 punches in three seconds before the duty teacher pulled me off – by my hair! (I should have sued.)
I remember being spoken to by the Headteacher and him saying, “That is a particularly nasty temper you have, Matthew! We shall have to keep an eye on you. That boy has had to have four stitches in his lip, you had better hope his parents don’t tell the police and press charges!” I remember being particularly shaken by that statement. I had heard of those ‘young people prisons’ and I certainly didn’t fancy being sent to one. The thing I remember the most is just how good the rest of that Mars bar tasted as I ate it walking home. It had no wrapper,
was covered in fluff from my pocket, had a stone embedded in it, but it was the best I have ever had. I think it had the taste of victory on it. I have never had trouble with bullies in school since, until now.
The Headteacher was right however, I do have a pretty bad temper, but I think I keep it under control. I don’t often lose it, and if I do it is because I have been pushed too far. The last time I lost it (apart from the recent fight, that is) was about a year ago. My brother slept all night with the light on in his room and apparently it was me that turned it on. This being because I am a ‘spiteful older brother’ and was trying ‘to get him back for pouring water on my bed’. Utter rubbish! It must have been my mother or father forgetting to turn it off in their hurry to plonk themselves back in front of the bloody television.
This argument went on all day and I was forced to stay in my room (in the height of summer!) until I owned up to it. So I smashed up my room. I picked up my trusty hockey stick and started to hit everything. The desk broke in half, the plastic chair shattered, my hi-fi sparked and smoke came out of it, the walls were on the receiving end of some big dents, the TV was cracked and my wardrobe door ripped off. All this and