I started to smile, but it vanished as it sunk in.
“I’m real and I’m never going—”
I pushed him away. “You’ve been alive all this time.”
“Elena!”
“Don’t Elena me. I needed you! Where the hell were you?”
“I …”
“Get the fuck out of my room.”
He just stared at me.
“Leave, you are not my dragon, just go.”
He turned around and walked out of the room.
My knees gave in and I fell next to the bed. I sobbed again and I could feel Constance’s arms around me.
“He tried to—”
“Don’t you dare stand up for him. He wasn’t there. He never cared. He would’ve found me if he’d just looked and…” The image of what Billy and Seymour had done, and then all the others, jumped through my mind. It angered me even more.
If I never knew how much Blake despised me, he’d made that perfectly clear by not coming.
“I have no dragon.” And I was going to see Billy every time I looked at Blake. This nightmare was never going to end.
THE FIRST THING that connected with my hands was a bunch of files.
They skidded all over the place making a couple of the nurses jump.
If I was the old Rubicon, I would’ve incinerated something.
Flashes of how hard she’d tried to make me care flew through my mind. I’d chucked all those attempts back into her face.
I went down on my haunches and muffled my anger.
I knew she was going to be angry that I hadn’t found her. Fuck, I was angry with myself.
To think that she’d thought I was dead all this time, and to make her think that she was dead too just by seeing me, it broke my heart, especially when she’d asked for her mother.
She would never trust me; never know how I felt, as she would never give me another chance. She’d given me way too many chances already and I’d screwed all of them up.
A bond that would’ve been the strongest in the history of Paegeia was broken. It would never mend, as I couldn’t fulfill my duty to her. And it was all my fault.
A soft hand touched my arm. I knew it was Samantha. Her sweet lily scent had filled my nostrils moments earlier.
She hugged me as I started to shake softly.
Suddenly Elena’s pain and hatred towards me flowed through my core as if it was my own – her anger too. I’d only felt this once before, when they’d forced this world down her throat. Was the bond starting to heal? I tried to listen for her thoughts, to apologize, but nothing. This was so messed up. I felt broken. “She is never going to forgive me for this.”
“You didn’t do this to her.”
“Yes, I did, Samantha. I let this happen because I couldn’t find her.”
She pushed me back to look at me. She was angry, something that didn’t belong to her. It was something that only Tabitha could bring out, and occasionally the old Blake.
“We’ve been over this so many times, Blake. You tried.”
I stood straight. “Not hard enough.”
“Bullshit. You almost died a couple of times. If Emanual hadn’t been there…” She didn’t finish her sentence. “I will make her see that, Blake, I will tell her, and so will everyone else.”
I took a deep breath. Telling her wasn’t going to make her trust me.
“No, you won’t.”
Samantha just stared at me. “What are you saying? Don’t tell Elena that you almost died trying to find her?”
“Don’t tell her anything, how I changed, who I am.” I looked at my sister with begging eyes. “It’s not going to change anything.”
I knew Elena well. She wasn’t the type of girl that believed stories; she would think this was one to force her to trust me again.
“Blake you don’t know that.”
I wanted to say I did, but then more questions would come, and I wouldn’t be able to tell them, because I would rather die than tell anyone who didn’t already know what the Dent procedure was. I wouldn’t put her in more danger because I wanted her.
“Don’t tell her. Promise me.”
“This is nuts.”
“I mean it Samantha. If she is going to trust me again, she has to do it on her own terms and because I deserve it.”
“You do deserve it.”
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened them. “Not according to her. Just keep your mouth shut.”
“And then what Blake, listen to her talk shit about you, hate you?”
“If that’s the way she wants to do things, then yes. You listen to Elena and help her get rid of some of her resentment.”
“You are not that Blake anymore.”
“I’ll be whatever she needs me to be. Please, I’m begging you, just do this for me.”
“This is insane, you know that, right?”
“It doesn’t matter what you think. She needs to trust me on her own terms, not through the stories you guys tell her.”
“Blake…”
“Trust me, please.”
She looked at Elena’s room. Her curtains were drawn.
“Is she going to be okay?” she asked and wiped away a tear that had rolled over her cheek.
“My ability to see into the future still sucks a little.” I showed her how much with my fingers inches apart.
She giggled and I wrapped my arms around her.
“But she will be, eventually. That’s a promise.”
WE WENT BACK to the waiting room and I made all of them promise not to tell Elena anything, how Emanual and I had searched for her, how I’d almost died. Everyone, except George, protested, fought even, especially my mom and dad, not to mention Becky, but they all made the promise eventually.
Becky just stared at George as he begged her not to spill it. She didn’t understand it, and it was making her frustrated.
I knew he hadn’t told her either. George was in many ways like Elena. Actions spoke louder than words.
I went to sit next to my mom on the first chair closest to the door.
Emanual just stared at me, but I didn’t meet his gaze. I knew he was wondering about things, he always wondered. Heck, he should’ve been a Crown Tail with all his theories and shit. Still he had become a really good friend, not just to me, but to Elena too.
I still needed that one more favor of his, to be there for her whenever she needed him. As hard as this was, I knew she would feel safe with him and that he would never take advantage of her. He was way too kind, and not to mention shit scared of what it was I would do.
I got up and paced around in the waiting area before the door opened and Constance entered.
She sighed and plopped down onto the chair I’d sat in moments ago.
I just stared at her and she looked at me.
“She was in one of the Wyvern cities. She didn’t give a name, but she said that things are bad, real bad.”
“Wyverns?” I asked and looked at Emanual. I should’ve gone to the Wyvern cities. He didn’t meet my gaze, just closed his eyes and looked at the ceiling.
She nodded.
I started to pace. I should’ve looked in the Wyvern cities but I didn’t want to start a war. I thought she wouldn’t be in one because of Paul. Shit, what if he had found her? The scenarios in my head just turned worse. Why she couldn’t come back…
“Finding out that she didn’t kill you…” She shook her head.
“I know, I saw that Constance.”
“And now you don’t want us to tell her anything: who you are and what you did for her,” Becky snapped.
“Becky,” George said softly.
“No, George, this is insane.”
“Blake knows what is best, okay? Just do as he fucking asks.” She jumped as he said those words and we all watched him get up and leave.
“Is this true?” Constance asked.
“Yeah, I hope you didn’t say anything.”
“She didn’t want to hear it.?
??
“See.” I looked at Becky.
She just shook her head with her arms folded in front of her.
“Did she tell you what happened?”
Constance shook her head. “But I know it’s not going to be an easy road, Blake. She has a lot of anger in her and it’s not going to disappear quickly.”
“Okay, I can deal with it.”
“Blake.”
“Constance, she is safe. She’s where I can see her, it’s enough for now.”
She blew out a gush of air and her lip started to quiver. Tears spilled over her cheeks and I got up, went over to her and pulled my aunt from her chair. I wrapped my arms around her.
“Promise me you are going to find whoever did this to her.”
“I promise, and I will make them wish they were never born or hatched. I’ll do whatever it takes to make them feel the pain we all do now.”
A KNOCK ON the door came and Constance entered.
I didn’t want to speak to her anymore about anything; I didn’t want to speak to anyone. I’d said way too much already.
“Elena,” she said. “Matt is here, please speak to him. We want to help find who did this to you.”
I didn’t answer, just lay with my back to her and heard the door close.
I saw his hands first, clutching a board with forms filled with questions. He looked at me and smiled softly. His large nose was the only thing I focused on.
“Good Evening Princess.” He smiled, sighed and took the chair that was right in front of my bed. “If you had told me that Herbert was Jako and that your father was actually King Albert, I would’ve probably laughed.”
I smiled. “Who would’ve thought, huh?”
“Maybe I would have. You know you have his eyes, right? I bet you must have heard that a million times by now.”
“Don’t forget my mother’s grace.”
He chuckled.
“She was an amazing woman, Elena. I wish you’d had the chance to meet them.”
“I did, through her journals and the day I ascended, I saw my Dad.”
“He was a handsome bugger, right.”
“Ew.”
He laughed.
It was silent for a while.
“Please tell me who did this to you. Give me their names and I will do whatever is in my power to catch them, Elena. I promise you they will pay.”
I huffed. “They won’t. They live by different standards, different laws. The weak don’t get justice.”
“Constance told me it was one of the Wyvern cities, which one, a name is all I need.”
“I don’t know which one. I didn’t get time to explore and I didn’t want to find out as I thought I was safe from the Council.”
He squinted and plucked his eyebrows with his fingers as he stared at my bed. Telling him the names of the cities I knew was going to be a waste. They didn’t even have the Wyvern names right, what were the chances that the cities were.
“Then tell me North or West.”
“You are going to waste your time. It will mean war and I don’t have the strength or the ability to start one. I’ll be fine, Matt.”
It was a lie but I didn’t want him to know what had really happened. I didn’t want that pitying look on everyone’s faces as they stared at me, to hear their whispers that would be so loud in my ears. It was my own fault. I shouldn’t have run. I should’ve taken responsibility for my actions.
“Elena, please.”
“No, Matt. I just want to forget about it. Please.”
He nodded after a couple of seconds. “If that is your wish. If you change your mind, please ask anyone to give me a call. I want to catch them, Elena. They don’t deserve to live.”
It was really good to hear someone say it, wanting justice, but it wasn’t enough. There were too many casualties and Paul was right, every war had its casualties, plus I didn’t want Seymour or Billy to know I was alive. I’d rather die than see their faces again.
“Stay strong, Elena and I hope to see you again real soon.”
To my surprise, he left and I closed my eyes again and just thought of nothing. The voices outside were making me hate all of them. Why hadn’t they looked harder? When I heard Blake’s voice saying something, I wielded my shield around me and everything went silent.
Their sudden concern was making me think about that night. I didn’t want to think about what had happened, and the more people asked that question, the more it played through my mind. The more it played through my mind, the angrier I got, as I had a vicious dragon that could’ve saved me from this. He could’ve saved so many, but didn’t even think once about doing so. What was he even doing here?
Lucian was so wrong about him ever loving me like nobody else would. That would never happen, not now, not ever. I released him that day and that was how it was going to stay.
OPENED MY eyes again and it was dark. My heart beat fast again as I could sense someone inside my room.
I lifted my head up slightly and saw the arm of a figure standing right in front of my bed.
I swallowed hard as I searched for the panic button.
“Looking for this?” Seymour asked with the button in his hands.
“How did you survive, my little bird?”
I found my voice and screamed. I jolted up in bed. Seymour was gone and Constance barged into the room.
“It’s just a dream, you are safe, Elena. You are safe,” she whispered and I started to sob again. I’d been so strong and now, it was as if I’d gone back to being the old Elena who’d just discovered dragons were real. Worse, I was so much weaker than she had ever been.
I didn’t want to fall asleep but fatigue always came and it took over.
I woke up constantly from dreams of Seymour visiting me and they felt so real. And if it wasn’t Seymour it was images of what happened that night in the forest.
I would never be able to look at trees the same way ever again.
The only thing that constantly did pop up in my mind was what that one girl said the night Annie and I were taken. They were going to break me, and hard too.
I was broken, and to be honest, I didn’t think that this time I could pick up the pieces.
For four months the cockroaches had had nothing to print of me inside the tabloids, except WHERE IS SHE? Now I was back and they couldn’t wait to torture me again.
Becky and Sammy came every day but I didn’t want to see them. I wasn’t ready.
I didn’t give a crap about Blake. As far as I was concerned he should just stay as far away from me as he could. I didn’t even want to see him. I constantly wielded my shield to drown out background noises.
Constance came in too, so many times, but not once did she fight with me, interrupt me or tell me that this had to stop. Not once.
Queen Margerite and King Helmut wanted to take me back to the palace and to be honest that was a great idea, but the Council had given their verdict already.
I had to go back to the academy. Too much time had already been wasted, whatever that meant.
So on the tenth day, I had no choice but to pack my bags and wait for Master Longwei and Constance to come and get me.
One of the nurses brought in the release papers.
I missed Annie and worried about her. I was sure that Seymour was going to take it out on her. He knew that she was like a sister to me. I pushed her to the back of my mind. She wouldn’t make it this time. They would kill her. I couldn’t help her.
Jimmy and Monique had also visited me, while I was in the hospital.
Monique tried hard not to cry, and she was speaking about everything that had happened over the past four months, business wise. I didn’t want to hear anything about Blake and cut her off the first time she mentioned his name. Jimmy shook his head and smiled at me.
It was the most I’d got from him too. He had hardly spoken.
Isabel and Sir Robert also popped in on a daily basis.
Sir Robert tried on numerous occasions
to find out the name of the Wyvern city, but I refused. I knew I was being selfish and that was the part he struggled with. When the fighting got too much, I would close my eyes and wield my shield. They all knew that whenever I did that, they had to go.
Plenty of people visited me and reporters sometimes just barged through.
Those pictures always landed up on the front page. It used to be embarrassing, but I didn’t care anymore.
I packed the last of my clothes in my leather bag that either Becky or Sammy had brought. I knew they meant well but I wasn’t ready.
I didn’t want to hear how they’d searched for me; they should’ve found me.
George was one of the best damn trackers in Dragonia Academy, if not one of the best in Paegeia. Paul was right, in that dream I’d had in the cave. My friends didn’t really care about me.
King Helmut tried to speak to me about him searching too.
He told me that he had sent out search parties, but that they would always come back empty handed.
He even asked me once if I was sure I was inside one of the Wyvern cities.
Wyverns weren’t fond of humans at all.
I knew where I was, it was a Wyvern city all right and one where humans rode on their backs.
I didn’t want them to find anything.
Yep, I said those words to King Helmut. I didn’t care about anything or about anyone anymore.
“Elena.” Constance’s soft voice came from the door, pulling me back to reality.
I turned around and found her smiling sweetly. It was so hard.
It felt as if they had all betrayed me because nobody really looked for me.
“You ready?”
I nodded, just to make her shut up really. I looked back at my bag on the bed. I put on my jersey and the glasses in my hand.
Becky had bought the glasses for my birthday and I sighed as I put them on.
Outside, every doctor and nurse that had cared for me the past ten days smiled.
They didn’t say anything. What could they say? Get well soon? I wasn’t sick, I had been assaulted. I hated that and hated the scum more.
It was one of the reasons I didn’t want to see Blake. He looked so much like Billy. It was because of Blake, because I’d been missing his face, that I’d trusted him, that I’d believed him when he said he would help me.