“Please. Do go on.”
Chapter 11 -Bar-room Priestesses
Joe picked up his coffee container swirled its dregs before speaking.
“Well, I rolled over right there on the curb of the street, onto my knees. I raised my hands way above my head, as far into the sky as I could reach. And I prayed one short, simple prayer.
That was all.
“I prayed, ‘IF anyone is up there at all. If there is a God. Any God, then please help me!’
“That was it. That was all I did. I then thought, with the traffic on Michigan Avenue, people must think I’m crazy. I got up feeling really self-conscious. I picked up my things and began walking down the street not knowing anything more than to follow my nose, as it were.
“Willy, I don’t know you at all, not really, and I feel silly telling you all this. It’s embarrassing. But I must continue. As bad as it had gotten, there was now something different.
I can’t tell you what it was. But it was different enough to get me to pass by all those neighborhood haunts that had led to my lowest of my lows.
“If you’ve ever been to Detroit, to the lower West Side, you may know about these haunts.
“You see, when I couldn’t get enough money for drugs, I could usually beg or finagle enough for a cheap drink in one of these neighborhood dives.
“They are, like in every block, in houses on every block in the Slovakian neighborhood. I think they once were speakeasies during Prohibition days, but they became legit when the dry days ended.
~~~
“I always thought of these haunts as holy sanctuaries. I don’t mean to be blasphemous now in talking in this way. But at the time, I did think of them as holy. The bar seemed to be the altar.
And the bartender — they always seemed to be attractive women — were the priestesses. And they served the Holy Communion, the wine of the Holy Supper. After all, didn’t they dispense spirits? Isn’t that what we call alcoholic drinks? Spirits?
“Talk about twisted! That was what went on in my mind during my days of drinking and drugging.
“This time, though, that day, as I say, I’d managed to walk on by all these neighborhood shrines. I thought about it in that way as I passed them by. Actually they are on residential side streets, off Michigan Avenue. But I never had difficulty getting to them quickly whenever I had wanted.
“That day though, I hustled on by, going straight down Michigan Avenue. And I just lucked upon a storefront where there was a big star atop. And a large white cross above that. You know it wasn’t luck, don’t you? It was more like the Good Lord answering my prayer.”
Chapter 12 -I Can Only Imagine
Joe closed his eyes, a flicker of smile crossed his lips.
He said, “I couldn’t miss this place for the loud singing coming out the door. Gospel singing.
Loud, rollicking, joyous, bring-down-the-rafters Gospel singing.
“I stood at the door, dazed, peering into the darkness, through the crowd of singers. Stood there listening. The longest time. It was grand. Made me feel better.
“Then a man and woman came up behind me, laughing. They seemed to engulf me, sweep me along with them, into the spirit of the thing. I just found myself, I don’t know how, didn’t care how, not in the least, swept away with the gospel singing.
“It was bouncy. They were singing; Let’s Go Down by the River to Pray. Golly, as low as I felt, I still found myself wanting to clap to the rhythm along with them.
“You know that hymn. It’s so rousing. And the words!”
Joe couldn’t help singing in a low voice,
As I went down in the river to pray, Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown, Good Lord, show me the way !”
~~~
He looked up at Willy, an embarrassed grin on his face.
Willy said, “Yes, that is rousing. Really moving. I can just picture how it must have been to hear a whole gospel gathering singing — and clapping to the cadence of the melody! I can only imagine!”
Joe looked at Willy with a knowing grin, said, “Your words!
~~~
“They then sang another, sweet, uplifting tune! You guessed it. Yes, I’ll never forget. This one was I can Only Imagine. Is it just serendipity that you said those words?
“I can still recall the lyrics. After all, we do sing it almost every Sunday these days. But just think of the message in those words, especially for a man in my condition.
I can only imagine…
what it will be like…
when I walk by your side…
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing ‘Hallelujah!? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!
~~~
“I didn’t really hear the words, not really, not then. I just sang along with them what they sang. I didn’t understand, didn’t comprehend, was just swept along with them, feeling oh so good. There I was — carried away. Fully away. The first time in my life!
“As hung-over as I was, it felt real good to be loved in that way. One minute I felt despicable. Hated myself. Next minute swept up in love. By everyone there. By God. Loved!
I wanted it with all my heart.
“It was no option when the pastor, he was a big toothy-grin black man, called to the altar. Just as you witnessed at services this morning. And I was drawn up there as if yanked there by a giant magnet.”
Chapter 13 -The Altar Call
A loud group of teenagers arrived. They lined up at the counter. Willy relaxed his concern about the press of closing time to give Joe more undivided attention.
“That black dude became an important man in my life. Here I was stone-broke, in a town where I knew no one, hugely hung-over. This guy had issued an altar call, to which I responded.
You can’t beat that for the hand of God looking after me.
“He anointed my head with oil, said a prayer for me with his hand resting atop my head. An usher reached down to help me up from my knees. He led me to the aisle toward my seat. He asked in a low voice, ‘Would you like more help?’ I said, ‘No, my legs are steady enough,’ to which he replied, ‘Would you like more prayer? And support?’ I shook my head rather automatically.
“When the service ended the usher was back by my seat, said, ‘Pastor Elihu can see you in the side chapel.’ He took my arm, said, ‘Follow me.’ There must have been a half-dozen of us in the side chapel. The pastor came in and was off to one side, talking to someone in a low voice, inaudible to us. When through with that person, he took us each, one at a time.
“At my turn he again, placed his wide, warm hand upon my head, said a prayer, and then asked, ‘What is troubling you? What is it you would like to bring to the Lord and leave today?’
That surprised me. I wasn’t ready. Yet, out of my mouth flowed three simple words, ‘I’m an alcoholic.’”
~~~
“He studied my face for a while before speaking, and then said, ‘There is a solution. You need God, and you have already taken the first step toward Him, just by coming to the altar and admitting you are powerless over alcohol. Do you admit that your life is unmanageable?’ I nodded.
“‘You need all the help you can get, if you want freedom from your addiction. I mean all the earthly help you can get, as well as faith and our healing prayers.
“‘God works through people. Are you willing to go to any length to deal with your alcoholism?’
“I nodded, said, ‘Yes.’ I was too choked up to speak more than this. It was all too touching.
I hadn’t given this church a nickel. I didn’t have a nickel to give. And here a complete stranger was offering me hope. And help. Real help. As slim as that now seems, it was the ray of hope that I hadn’t known for a long, long time. I could see he was still studying me, with eyes piercing me from his deep bla
ck face.
“After a few moments of silence, which at the time seemed days long, he leaned toward me, and in almost a whisper, said, ‘It may surprise you to know that I too, am an alcoholic. I had a problem with drink for years. Then I found the Lord and a way out of my darkness. It may help you, too. Would you like to hear more about it?’
“I was shocked. That a man of his position, with a large congregation to serve, would take a particular interest in a stranger, like me. And a white man at that. I found my voice, and said, perhaps too eagerly, ‘Yes, of course I would.’
“He said, ‘Can you stay away from a drink or drug until 6:00 this evening?’
“I said, ‘I have to. I don’t have any money.’
“He said, ‘Good. Then come back to the church this evening at 6:00, around by the side door.’
Chapter 14 -Pastor Elihu Jones
“The day went by surprisingly fast. Despite my enormous hang-over, shaking out-of-control, a head-full of horrid delusions, I was at the chapel’s side door at 5:15. I waited, which wasn’t so easy. Time snuck by at a sluggish pace until a young black man arrived, turned a key in the door lock, and looked at me quizzically before opening it.
“‘Waiting for someone?’ he asked.
“I said. ‘I guess I’m frightfully early. I’m supposed to meet Pastor Elihu at six.’
“He looked at his wrist watch, which I noticed was a flashy expensive gold Rolex.
“He said, ‘It’s a quarter-to already. Why don’t you come inside?’
“He put out his hand, said, ‘My name is Josh Templeton.’
“‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘I’m Joe Blaylock.’ He directed me to a seat inside.
“‘Give me a minute. I’ll go see if I can find him.’ He wasn’t gone more than five minutes when he returned and said, ‘Pastor would like to see you now, if that’s alright.’”
“I followed Josh to a room at the back of the hall. I was surprised to enter a homey office that was very different from the sanctuary, appearing more like a cozy living room with an overstuffed sofa and armchair upholstered in vintage Ralph Lauren patterned fabric. There were fine mahogany end tables at each side of the sofa, with a simple, period-piece lamp on one. A matching floor-lamp stood beside the armchair.”
~~~
“When we entered Pastor Elihu was at his desk in front of a wall of bookshelves opposite the sofa. He rose, walked around to greet us, and offered me a seat in the arm chair, the most commanding position in the room, while he seated himself at the end of the sofa nearest me.
“Pastor said, ‘Would you bring us some refreshments, Josh?’ Turning to me he said, ‘Would you like a soda? Or tea? We can probably rustle up coffee, if you’d rather. I think I’ll have a cup myself.’
“I took him up on the coffee. My stomach was quite restless that late in the afternoon.
“While we waited for Josh to bring coffee, Pastor Elihu made a touching gesture. He excused himself, punched a number on his cell phone.
“He said, ‘Hello Gloria. I’ll be in an important meeting awhile. So please, you and the kids go ahead and eat without me.’
“Consider the impact this had upon me. Imagine! A total stranger telling his wife that our meeting is so important he won’t be home for dinner! I immediately began feeling comfortable enough to talk more freely about whatever I liked.
“But about what?
“I was a cynical sort, even at this. I wondered, momentarily at least, ‘What’s in it for him?
What could be so important for him in talking to me?
“I soon dropped these reservations, though. He knew about alcoholism, being in recovery himself. I also knew I would not be able to put anything over on him. He’d see right through it.
“He said, ‘Before we talk, let us pray.’ He set his cup down on the end table, stood up, and eased down onto his knees. I followed, felt silly at first, but he carried us into a solemn place, eyes closed, hands clasped before his breast.”
~~~
“He prayed for our meeting, that we’d both offer up our words and our thinking to our Heavenly Father, and be guided throughout with all we said and heard during our session in complete surrender to Him .
“After we returned to our seats, I opened up, mostly apologizing for my stumble-down drunkenness. Before going very far though, he said, ‘We all make mistakes. Just like King David. Golly, he made so many errors. He lied, murdered thousands, betrayed his own people.
Yet, in spite of his huge mistakes, he still was a man after God’s heart. That was because he listened. He listened to Abigail and he listened to God’s Spirit.
“‘We make our mistakes. But when we learn to listen, we’re on the right track to God’s heart.
You, my dear fellow, are no different than David. Please know that you will never be free of making mistakes. We all make them. Jesus gave His life on the cross to redeem us from whatever errors we make, if we have faith and determine to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try again — if we try to do the right thing.’
“A sense of relief settled all around me. I truly felt cared for by this smiling black man.
“It mystifies me even today at how anyone can loosen a man’s tongue as easily as he did mine. I talked so freely. I shared with him everything that had happened — the sudden death of my mom and dad, the fire destroying our home, taking the lives of our two sons and all our pets, my work at the club, and at parties.
“I told him of my bout with shingles and its unrelenting itching, even my thoughts of suicide and my deep depression which had me a whole week in bed. I told him of my friends sitting continuous vigil with me that week. I told him of their counsel about my tragedies, and their urging me to confess sins which each believed I was concealing deep within myself, and which they were sure was causing the tragedies in my life.”
Chapter 15 -The Pastor Listens
“Pastor Elihu was a calm, self-possessed man. He listened attentively. Whenever I hesitated, he waited patiently for what I’d say next.
“I told him that all I had been through had made me very skeptical about God and religion.
When I told him this he told me not to worry, many people are skeptical. But if they have faith, they work their way through their doubts.
“He said, ‘Those who are flippant about religion have never yet known Jesus. They may delight in knowing what Jesus does, but still be a long way from realizing who Jesus is.
“‘If they have never taken off their commonplace religious shoes from their commonplace religious feet, and gotten rid of all their usual approach to God, it’s questionable whether they have ever known His presence.’
“The pastor went further, ‘There are even those who study the Bible who don’t get it. I mean they study it through and through. That’s a good start, of course. But in studying the Bible, they see just so many words. They learn nothing about the spirit of the Bible until they do have an awakening.
“‘At the moment of our awakening the words spring to life. The clouds and darkness are suddenly lifted. God speaks to us. Not in visions and dreams. But in a meaningful way. Whenever a man gets to God like this his divine experience is well beyond the words of Scripture.’”
~~~
“I felt comfortable enough to talk more about how I believe that the pain I had suffered led to me to drink. Once more I told Pastor Elihu that my three friends had been wrong, that I hadn’t harbored any secret sins.
“‘After all,’ I said, ‘I was a model of moral rectitude, even more so since I’d been out to prove my folks wrong. I tried desperately to show that I could be highly moral despite my working in a nightclub and playing at parties. I wanted to show them that despite the free flow of alcohol and loose talk all around me I could withstand these temptations.’
“Mostly though, I said, ‘I’d had serious quarrels with God for allowing all of my misfortunes.
I prayed to Him often throughout my earthly ordeals. Over and over again, I reminded God of
my good behavior, reminded Him that because I lived such a virtuous life I did not deserve such harsh treatment. I couldn’t help comparing myself with others around me. And I could see the great difference of living my good intentions compared to the laxness of others.’
“Pastor Elihu said he understood. He asked what my life had been like at home when I was growing up, had I been respectful of my parents.
“He said, ‘Did you obey them?’
“Well that raised a big issue. I said, ‘It’s a tricky question. I did obey them in obviously important matters, of course. I did my homework, was polite to guests in our home, told the truth, did not steal, and avoided bad company that would lead me to hurt others in some way or other. But, what made the word ‘obey’ difficult was that I did not enroll in medical school as they wanted. ‘Was that disobedience, Pastor?’
“He said, ‘Not exactly. That was your career choice as an adult. You very likely didn’t feel you had the aptitude for medicine. Is that what you meant?’
“I said, ‘Yes, of course. I had neither the aptitude. Nor the temperament. I did not like math and there would be a fair amount of math in the technical courses in med school. I could do trig and calculus well enough, it is true. But it took so much effort!”
~~~
“‘Do I have to tell you too, that I hated the thought of being cooped up in an examining room or a hospital all day, every day? I had rubber knees and about threw-up at the sight of gaping wounds and blood. I don’t think I could have made it through medical school without passing out at least a dozen times in the labs.’