“He flashed that big winsome, toothy smile and said, ‘and you say music was so much easier for you?’
“I said, ‘Always. Music comes to me like my own breathing. Easy and natural. With no conscious effort. Then, too, I feel that music is a tonic, a very beneficial tonic to those who listen. I saw people relax; enjoy themselves after a day’s work when I was playing at the club. It inspired me to do my best at the keyboard, knowing it helped them. Sounds nuts, I guess, but I actually believed my music had a healing effect for them, helped prevent their need of my father’s cardiology services’”
Chapter 16 -Joe’s Secret Sin
“I was gaining a great deal of trust in the pastor, willing to open up, telling him things I’d never spoken about to anyone before. So, it came as something of a jolt when he said, ‘While your friends were wrong about you having hidden sins, they were right though in seeing that you were living a sinful life.’
“I straightened up, fell deathly still. Couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Especially after this long, long sympathetic session with him.
“Pastor Elihu went to the bookshelves behind the desk and brought a large polished ebony hour glass to the desk. ‘Watch this,’ he said, and turned the glass over. ‘I want you to notice the thin stream of sand running through the tiny aperture of the hour glass from the top into the bottom. Give it your full attention.’
“I watched the glass in silence for some time. I wondered, ‘What in the world does this have to do with my living a sinful life? What did it have to do with what my friends thought?’
“Eventually, he said, ‘Have you noticed how each grain of sand in the top of the glass finds its way through the pile into the center and makes its way finally through the opening, and falls to the bottom?’
“I nodded, dumbfounded as to where he was going with this.”
~~~
“He said, ‘It occurs in an orderly manner. Have you noticed how the larger grains are left aside while the smaller ones make their way across the pile to the opening, and eventually fall through it? And then, as they land in the bottom, how they find their orderly place in the pile?
Yes, it is all governed by their weight, size and shape. But, isn’t it awesome how they instinctually know how to follow the laws governing their weight, size and shape in finding their location in the mass of sand in the top of the glass, their way to the center, through the tiny hole, and then fall onto their orderly place in the pile below?’
“I knew he was trying to show me something, in a seemingly oh-so-commonplace-andunimportant demonstration, though it was still a deep mystery to me.
“He continued with his illustration, ‘This is God’s plan. He created the laws of nature as well as the grains of sand. It is a small example of how He has put the planets in their orbits, the stars in their places, keeps them all there, and moves them according to his laws. It is how the grasses grow, and the steams flow. All according to God’s laws, which they all follow.’
“I had to wonder why he was getting so far off our conversation. It didn’t make sense. But then, he brought it back abruptly, saying, ‘I ask you Joe, who it is that created the laws of our universe? Who was it that put the grasses in the meadows, the birds in their nests, and the water in the oceans? What did you have to do with any of this?’
“I wondered, ‘What the devil did he mean? Of course I didn’t have anything to do with it.
He said, ‘So, Joe, do you see how you have been telling God how to run His universe? I mean, by your complaining about and praying about, circumstances that you have found yourself in —
I mean the bad that has come to you along with the good God has given you? Do you see that you wanted things to go differently, according to your laws? I mean, your idea of what laws ought to have prevailed when your parents were driving that road where they were killed? And what laws should have been in play when your home caught fire and consumed its contents, including your young sons and pets? Do you see?’”
~~~
“Bingo! The light was flickering. I was beginning to see. He said, ‘The height of hubris is arguing with God about how he has arranged things in His creation. Yes, we can pray, and we can grieve over what He dishes out to us when things go so badly. But, we must understand that in so doing, we are pitting ourselves against our Heavenly Father.’
“He then had a few words about my three friends, ‘They were right that you did have hidden sins. Your errors. And these were the sins of your painful agonizing over your tragic circumstances. We would all do the same I’m sure, if we had to suffer as you did. And, most of us would not see what I am telling you, that when we do that we are disputing God’s great wisdom that keeps the worlds in their orbits and light to shine during our days.’
“Suddenly I saw. For sure, it had been my idea of how things ought to have gone, how I’d been against what God had doled out to me — in the loss of my parents, my house afire, the loss of my children, my pets, my illness and even the loss of my control over alcohol and drugs.
“Pastor and I prayed together, ‘Please dear God, forgive our trespasses against your judgment.
Forgive us for challenging your ways. Let us humbly return to you, and grieve no more over our losses.’ We ended this prayer with the one Jesus prayed in the Garden the night before his crucifixion, ‘Thy will be done.’
“This was the beginning of a long and great friendship.”
Willy wanted to know, “You’ve left me with a great leap yet to take — as I say, from the gutter to the pulpit?”
Chapter 17 -The Pastor Repents
Joe held Willy’s attention sufficiently riveted upon his tale to be able to brush off the weariness that was settling in over his shoulders and neck.
Joe said, “The Pastor’s view was encouraging, though I was still not convinced.
“I found it just as difficult for him to awaken me about my alcohol problem. I told him that, ‘I’ve gotten some friendly reminders about my excessive drinking. And some that were not so friendly. They told me what my drinking was doing to me.’”
“This prompted the Reverend Elihu to confess his own alcoholic past.
“‘One friend,’ Pastor Ely said, ‘was so bold as to bring me a copy of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous. We call it The Big Book. I was polite. I even read it and I counseled many of our congregation who were suffering from alcoholism with what I learned from that book. But it still hadn’t dawned on me that I too had an alcohol problem. I hung onto the view that the donor of the Big Book had simply been trying to help me guide our congregation, and was not implying that I too needed help with my drinking!’
“The pastor got right down in the mud with me. He said, ‘I thought I had things pretty much under control. Yet, I am now able to admit that I had tried numerous techniques to bring my drinking under control. I had tried first to limit the number of drinks I took at any one time. I tried putting off taking the first drink until after business hours. I chose to drink only on my days off. I took all the bottles out of the house. I switched from whiskey to scotch. I tried drinking only wine. There were all manner of tricks I tried. But none of them ever seemed to work. I just could not drink like a gentleman. When I had just one, I had a compulsive desire for another.’”
~~~
“If you can imagine it,” Joe said, ‘if you can imagine darkness coming upon an ebony-skinned black man’s face, that murky shadow fell upon the pastor’s face before he went on with his counseling.
“He said, ‘We never know when an awakening will occur. Or how. As Jesus said, it can come as a thief in the night. That is exactly how it came. And, for me, as it does for many others afflicted — if not by drugs or alcohol — when it comes it can heal us. I don’t mean that we don’t have to do our part. We certainly do. Just like a man who has lost his leg, we may well need to use crutches when we are well again. This is why I’ve been leaning on AA ever since I got sober.’
“He said, ‘It wasn’t until I hit bottom that I
was able to accept real help. And Joe, I have to confess to you that accepting the help I was offered was the first humbling experience I’d ever really accepted.
“‘It was our janitor who offered help. Do you realize what that seemed like to me? A janitor?
He saw me drinking one evening after we had closed the sanctuary. I was alone in my office at the time. Guess what happened.
“‘His name is Suitcase. Don’t ask me how he got that name. But that is what we all call him.
Anyway, he came to clean my office, and I told him to go right to it. We exchanged a few polite words with each other. I swayed back and forth a bit when I got up from my desk to replace some books onto the bookshelves. I caught myself, and sort of offhandedly commented that I was tired and a little rocky from a strenuous week. I asked him, if he would be willing to drive me home.”
~~~
“‘He of course agreed, and when we were on our way, he said, ‘Pastor Ely.’ T’hey all call me by my nickname. ‘It probably is none of my business, but when I’ve been tired and stressed out from a hard week’s work I find it is not a good idea for me to drink. A doctor told me that my drinking had gotten too heavy and that I might have an allergy to alcohol which causes a craving for more after I’ve had one or two.”
“‘Well, I thought at the time that Suitcase was being a bit too forward, speaking to me from his lowly position as janitor. But, it happened once again that I needed a ride home and he drove me. In time he shared more of his own disastrous drinking. And then, one time when I was really out of it, had far more than usual, and knew it, he told me how he had managed to deal with his alcoholism. He actually got me to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Would you believe!
“‘And that was the start of it for me. I learned that while other pastors had confided to me that all I needed was a deeper faith in Jesus which could heal my drinking, that it wasn’t as simple as that. I learned that alcoholism is a disease, you know. And that it was the company of other alcoholics who had found their way to God that helped me most.’”
~~~
“We talked for three hours. I felt endeared to Pastor Elihu in such a way that he’d understand and sympathize with anything I would tell him.
“What amazed me was that here was a total stranger, willing to listen to my troubles without looking at a clock, and without handing me a bill for therapy!”
Chapter 18 -Church or AA?
“There isn’t much more,” Joe said. “I’ll be quick. I can see you are tired,”
Willy admitted to himself that he was growing weary of listening. But he was surprisingly curious about the man’s story.
“No, please tell me the rest of your story.” Willy looked at his watch and said, “We have time.”
Joe said, “The pastor was great at allusions. He said God’s creation could be compared to a World Series baseball game. He said, ‘Teams all play by a pre-determined set of rules. The umpires, too.
“‘There is even a set of rules for fans. The procedure calls for fans to pay for admission and get assigned seating. If anyone violates the rules, they are corrected. Players are called out by umpires. Fans are not allowed in the stadium if they don’t pay, and ejected if they disrupt procedures. All World Series events are conducted according to rules.’
“The pastor then said, ‘That’s what happened when God created the world and all that’s in it.
Everything plays according to His rules, the natural laws that God created. But He allows free choice for humans. His work has been marred by people He created, those who believe they have a better way of running things. As Isaiah put it: They have turned, every one, to his own way.’
“Pastor Elihu said, ‘Mankind went so far astray that God sent Jesus down to earth to help get them back on track. God is justified in saving bad men, only as He makes them good. So, our Lord does not pretend we are all right when we are bad.’”
~~~
“It wasn’t long before the pastor brought up the subject of alcohol again. He said, ‘Joe, there is a difference between church and AA. Let me see if I can put it simply. We go to church to learn about the Bible and the teachings of Jesus. We go to the doctor for our cuts, bruises and diseases. And like we go to the doctor and the hospital for our illnesses, we go to AA for our allergic reaction to alcohol. Neither the doctor, hospital, nor AA is a substitute for God. They are just tools the Lord uses. Just as Jesus used mud to heal the blind man.
“‘AA gives us another dose of what we have gotten in church, faith in God. AA, too, has a set of rules that simply apply the teachings of Jesus. Unless an alcoholic hits a bottom at which he is willing to give up doing things his own way – unless he repents – he won’t be able to accept God as wholly as AA requires, in order to achieve lasting sobriety.’”
~~~
“But the Pastor was not just words. Rather early in our conversation he asked when I had my last drink. I told him that I couldn’t quite recall, but guessed it was sometime about eight the night before.
“He said, ‘Good. Now you and I have exactly the same thing. Neither of us has had a drink since eight last night.’ And looking at his watch he said, ‘We’ve both been sober for a full day, twenty-four hours.’
“And then, just before we parted that evening, the pastor asked, ‘Do you think you can stay away from a drink until six tomorrow evening?’
“Since I was still woozy from my last-night’s drunk, but now feeling a lot better after our three-hour chat, I thought I would be able to make it through til then."
“The pastor said, ‘Good, then come back tomorrow at six and we’ll go to an AA meeting.’”
~~~
“So next day began an incredible journey for me, not just spirituality, but in a whole new way of living.”
Chapter 19 -Joe’s First AA Meeting
“I got a bed at a homeless shelter that night, had breakfast there and lunch at a soup kitchen on Michigan Avenue. I was too embarrassed to let Pastor Elihu know how desperate I was. But at quarter to six that evening I was there to meet him at the chapel.
“He was a humble enough fellow to take me under his wing to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous in the basement of a Catholic Church in a run-down section of town near the baseball stadium.
“There were four others there when we entered. One was making coffee in a large urn. Others were chatting seated around the end of a long trestle table. They saw us, greeted the pastor familiarly, ‘Hi Ely,’ and eyed me with interest.
“Within ten to fifteen minutes others arrived filling all the seats around the table. Before the meeting began Pastor Elihu beckoned me to come with him and a group of four others to a side room.
“Pastor said, ‘We are old school AA here in this group. We go through a ritual that most groups have long ago forgotten. If you will, we’d like you to kneel down here.’ One of the men placed a small pillow on the floor.
I was not prepared for this. But did as I was asked. The five stood in a circle around me.
Each put a hand upon my head.
“One said, ‘Tell us Joe, do you admit you are powerless over alcohol?’ to which I replied, ‘Yes.’ He then asked, ‘Do you admit that your life has become unmanageable?’ ‘Yes,’ I said.
‘And do you believe that a Power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity?’ I assumed he meant ‘God,’ and I again replied, ‘Yes.’”
“He then said, ‘Will you make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God?’ Again, I thought it strange to make a vow publicly like this, but said, ‘Yes.’
“The five said in unison, ‘Amen. Welcome, brother. You are now a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. We have no dues or fees for membership. Our only requirement is that you have a desire to stop drinking. Please join us in the meeting.’ And we returned to the meeting room.
“I swear that Pastor told them all about me before we got there, for they each said things that seemed aimed directly at me, mostly about how they had manage
d to stay away from a drink after their first meeting. I forgot all my troubles while at that meeting. But as soon as they closed the meeting with us all reciting together the Lord’s Prayer, my worries returned full blown.
“Pastor took me to his car, and began driving back toward the shelter. He said, ‘Would you like to chat a bit more over a cup of coffee?’
“I agreed it would be useful. Why not? I only had a shelter to go to for the night. And that was not particularly appealing.”
Chapter 20 -Keep It Simple
“We stopped at a White Tower hamburger joint. We sat at the end of the counter where we had relative privacy inasmuch as there was only one other person there at that hour. Pastor Elihu treated me to a couple of burgers and coffee.
“He said, ‘How’d you like the meeting?’
“‘Fine,’ I said.
“He said, ‘Can you stay away from a drink until tomorrow evening?’
“I said I could.
“He said, ‘Then, meet me at the church again at six tomorrow night, and we’ll go to one. This is how we do it. One day at a time.’
“But there was much more to our conversation that evening. He told me more about himself, and how he got into the program.
“He said, ‘We say, if you can get to a meeting a day for the first ninety days you’ve got a better chance of keeping your sobriety. So, just stay away from a drink and go to a meeting. If you have trouble believing in God, that’s no problem. We use the term Higher Power for that reason.
“‘Higher Power is God, of course. But, if, as you indicated the other night, you have difficulty with the idea of a personal God who looks after you, then simply consider the AA group as your Higher Power. See what you can learn each time you go to a meeting. The people in AA are not saints. They mostly are not well-educated along religious lines. Some even are hostile toward any idea of God. But, to all those who have doubt or non-belief, we suggest they simply act as if there is a God, and pray as if there is someone listening to their prayers.’”