"I didn't know whether he'd gone into the Army, Navy, or Air Force, so I called them all. I even went to recruiting offices for help. Finally, someone was able to tell me that he was in the Army, but he'd gotten out nine years ago." She'd spent hours on library computers until she'd saved enough from Daniel's scholarships for a laptop she'd waited for six hours in a Black Friday line to buy. "I've used free people searches and a few cheap subscriptions. I sent emails and letters, or called if I could find a phone number." She felt as helpless after three years of searching as she had in the beginning. "But nothing."
The frustration of all those years welled up in her. But Matt's hand was still on hers, warm, reassuring, the soft cadence of his voice soothing. "I've got a private investigator. Rafe Sullivan has access to special databases." Before she could say she didn't have the money for an investigator, he added, "He's on retainer whether I use him or not."
She still didn't know how to thank him. "I tried everything. Gideon Jones. G. Jones. Gideon R. Jones. G.R. Jones. Gideon Randolph Jones."
"Randolph?"
It was a relief to smile. She felt like she'd put too much emotion into the air, clouding everything. "My mom loved old Westerns, and Randolph Scott was her favorite cowboy."
She'd watched with her mom, who usually wasn't capable of doing more than lying on the couch. Ari loved books, and her mother loved movies. They couldn't afford cable, so they'd watched TV on an ancient black and white that still had rabbit ears. That TV was the only thing they took with them when they left yet another apartment, and it had worked for years, even if it was a little snowy.
Oddly, those Saturday afternoon matinees had been some of their best times together. Her ribs squeezed tight around her heart. Gideon had watched too. He hadn't been like regular brothers who found their little sisters totally annoying. Maybe it was because he was so much older. He was her big protector, watching over her. Always there. Until suddenly he wasn't anymore. He'd been gone twice as long now as she'd even known him, but he would always be in her heart. And she would keep on looking for him, no matter what.
"It'll be okay, Ari." Matt looked deep into her eyes. "We'll find him."
Oh God, she was going to cry. He was so good to her. Without any strings attached. Not that she wouldn't give him anything he asked for.
She needed a moment, alone, without his kind eyes on her, or the waterworks would really start flowing. "Popcorn. Noah needs popcorn. I'll be right back."
She dashed for the kitchen. There had to be microwave popcorn somewhere.
"Ari."
Matt's voice stilled her. Hands on the two open doors of the fully stocked pantry, she stared at shelves of canned goods, sacks of flour, sugar, oatmeal, boxes of cereal--enough food to feed an army. She felt him so close behind her that her hair ruffled with his breath.
"Family is the most important thing in the world. I want nothing more than to help you find your brother."
"Thank you." She sniffed softly as she turned to face him. "No one's ever done anything like that for me." She bit her lip as a tear slid down her cheek. In Matt's arms, for a few wonderful hours, she'd felt like she mattered. But this was more. "Thank you," she whispered again. From the bottom of her heart, from the well of her soul, and from her gut, which had suffered the worst. "I'll never be able to thank you enough."
He brushed the wetness from her cheeks. "We haven't found him yet."
"But you will." She blinked through her tears into his breathtakingly handsome face and what she saw in his eyes made kissing him again completely unstoppable.
Up on her toes, she wound her arms around his neck and hung on through the storm raging inside her as she kissed him. No one had ever tasted like Matt. No one had ever felt so hard or so perfect against her. No one had ever consumed her. She wanted him ferociously.
Fearlessly.
Matt backed her up against the shelves. The cans wobbled, but he cupped her face and kissed her openmouthed, stealing her breath, making her knees weak. With her palms to the backs of his hands, she held him close. She didn't hear the clatter of cans falling on the shelves or the doors banging against the wall--there was only him, his delicious scent, his roughened hands, his hard body pressed against her.
She couldn't help herself. Didn't even want to. Not when the only place that felt right anymore was in his arms.
She was his.
All he had to do was take her.
*
Matt wanted Ari so badly that he was almost beyond reason. She was so beautiful. So sweet. So perfect.
But somehow, some way he had to find the self-control to do the right thing...even if nothing had ever felt more wrong than the two of them going to separate bedrooms tonight.
It nearly killed him to step back from her. His breath was harsh and hard in his throat as she stared up at him with half-closed lids, her lips red and lush from his kiss, her skin flushed.
There was so much more to her than a typical twenty-four-year-old. She'd suffered, she'd overcome, and she'd kept her humanity.
Yet again he had to remind himself that she was not only his son's nanny...but that he was a man who would inevitably suck all the joy out of her. Because while she had overcome her past, he still lived with all its vivid scars.
"Ari, I promised you I wouldn't--" he began, but she shook her head to cut him off.
"I should probably go to bed now," she said in a shaky voice.
She was right. It wasn't safe for the two of them to sit in the family room on the couch together. Even with Noah in the room, Matt would drink her in. Want her. Need her.
God, yes, he needed her.
But he wasn't good enough for her.
*
God, that kiss.
Ari put her fingers to her lips. Even after she'd made herself walk away, she still tasted him, still felt his hard body against her.
As she turned over in her dark bedroom, the covers tangled around her legs. The soft sheets caressed her skin, and she imagined his flesh on hers.
That kiss hadn't been about comfort, or even gratitude. It was pure desire. Instinctive need. Hot emotion ready to boil over.
She knew all the arguments. He was her boss. She was Noah's nanny. This was supposed to be business. He was paying her. She was a decade younger than he was. He couldn't take advantage of her. She didn't need to hear him say it all.
But after that kiss, none of it mattered. Not after the way he'd looked at her. As though he wanted to sink inside her right there against the shelves.
And as though helping her find her brother was now as important to him as it was to her. She was positive that Matt would find Gideon.
And she would help Matt find his way to her.
Chapter Fifteen
Over the next couple of weeks, Matt had to make two business trips, but he was home on the weekends. Ari took Noah to school, returned to set lunch and dinner menus with Cookie, then made up lesson plans for the afternoon.
There was plenty of playtime as well. Noah loved his huge sandbox and was quite the little builder, making tunnels to drive his trucks through and shoring them up with big cardboard tubes. He built sand skyscrapers and roads and stuck in red, green, and yellow lollipops for signal lights. Someday, he told her, he wanted to build real skyscrapers, and she encouraged him to dream big. After all, look at what his father had accomplished.
Noah was interested in everything. When Cookie was baking one afternoon, he wanted to help. The three of them had a wonderful time, even if there was cake batter all over the backsplash because Noah lifted the beaters before they were turned off. And he'd learned another lesson by helping to clean up the mess.
They kept up their swimming too, but when Ari mentioned the water wings to Matt, his answer was, "When he's a little older. Maybe next summer." She had to bite her tongue to keep herself from saying, Next summer? He's a strong enough swimmer now.
The trampoline still remained, though Irene hadn't called Noah or texted. She'd flown off to Pari
s and disappeared. Ari's heart ached every time Noah asked when his mom would be back.
When Ari suggested a net would make the trampoline safe, Matt's answer was, "I'm getting rid of it. The removal company said they'd be here within the week." There would be no bouncing in Noah's future. The only thing she could do was wean Noah off his training wheels and hope Matt saw the light, finally understanding his son was capable of so much more.
That was life with Noah. But there were also her evenings with Matt when he was in town. They talked about Noah and Ari's favorite parts of the day and after dinner, the three of them would play a game or go for a walk. After story time, when Noah was asleep, Matt would give her an update from his private investigator, Rafe Sullivan, who was tracing Gideon's military record. The information Matt relayed to her each night made her feel as if they were actually getting closer to finding her brother.
And every single moment they were together--and most of the moments they weren't--Ari dreamed of Matt kissing her. Touching her. Whispering sensual commands like, Go to my room, strip off your clothes, and be waiting naked for me when I get there.
Alas, he always said a polite good night and went to his room alone. There were no intimate evening conversations. No glasses of wine. No more baring of souls and confidences.
But she did catch him watching her when he thought she didn't notice. With a very male get-her-down-to-her-bare-skin look that made her whole body tingle with awareness. It was just enough to help keep hope alive that he might someday stop looking at being with her as a mistake.
She'd dreamed about those looks every one of the three nights he'd been gone on his latest business trip and was impatiently waiting for his return tonight. She and Noah were spending the afternoon at Rosie's so the kids could play. Chi had dropped by too, and they all sat on Rosie's tiny patio, drinking lemonade and watching the boys.
"Is Jorge still using training wheels on his bike?" Ari asked.
With her Latino heritage, Rosie was a beauty, with thick, curly dark hair and cocoa eyes. "He's been off them since he started kindergarten in September. But I still watch out."
"You're just a nervous mama," Chi said.
Chi was short for the Asian name her first foster parents refused to pronounce correctly. But Chi had liked the new name. She said it was like Tai Chi, calming yet powerful. Her silky black hair hung straight down her back, and she had smooth, flawless skin. She'd been in foster care since she was eight. Rosie lost her parents when she was eleven. They'd all found each other at Ari's second foster home. When they'd eventually been split up, they'd sworn to stay best friends. And they had, through thick and thin.
"I'm not nervous," Rosie huffed, smiling as she did so. "Why do you want to know about the training wheels, Ari?"
"I'm weaning Noah off his." He was more interested in his sandbox buildings so far, though, and they hadn't spent much time on it yet.
"He's a smart, agile kid. He'll be on two wheels in no time." They all reached in with their lemonade and clinked glasses to Noah's eventual success. Education was fabulous, but firsthand experience like Rosie's was the best kind of backup to go along with Ari's gut feelings.
Ari still had dreams of teaching someday, but right now there was only Noah and Matt. Maybe when Noah was in school full time...
If she was still working for Matt, that was. She couldn't bear to think of a time when she wouldn't be.
She pushed those thoughts away when Chi said, "Thanks for recommending me to your ladies." She nannied part time while she was working on her degree.
"Only for my bestie." Ari tapped her fist to Chi's upper arm. "You'll be great for the kids."
"So how's the billionaire working out?"
"It's amazing. I get to eat anything I want. I live in a suite that's three times the size of my studio. Noah is a doll. And I'm getting paid a ridiculous amount of money. What more could a girl ask for?" Okay, so Ari could ask for more--another night in Matt's bed followed by a morning where he didn't kick her out of it.
"Doesn't hurt that the billionaire is awesomely hot," Rosie said to Chi in an aside behind her hand.
"Ooh." Chi's eyes grew big. "Has he hit on you yet?"
Ari's blush was enough to give her away.
"Oh my God." Chi gasped. "He did hit on you."
"He did not." Smack between the two of them, Ari was in the hot seat.
"Look at that." Rosie pointed. "Her cheeks are totally red."
"Come on. We know there's something. Dish," Chi demanded.
Ari glanced at the boys, who were happily engaged. "It was only once." Twice, if she counted the kiss in the pantry. "And he didn't hit on me." She squeezed her eyes shut before admitting, "I hit on him." She licked her lips and admitted in a low voice, "I didn't just hit on him. I went to bed with him."
Both of her friends were silent a long time. A very long time that spoke volumes about how crazy they thought she was.
Finally, Rosie said, "You actually slept with him? With your billionaire boss?"
"It was an accident," she tried to protest.
"An accident?" Chi scrunched her forehead. "Like you were both naked and just happened to trip into each other's arms?"
"No." Ari would have laughed, but her stomach was twisted up. "Noah had an accident by the pool."
When both women looked over at Noah, who was playing cheerfully, she said, "He's okay, thank God. But after we took him to the emergency room, Matt was really upset. I just wanted to comfort him."
"So you're saying it was a simple hug for comfort that went off course?" Rosie looked at her over the rims of her sunglasses.
"Yes. No." She buried her face in her hands. "Stop giving me a bad time," she begged.
Chi put her hand on Ari's arm. "We don't want to give you a bad time. But we're worried about you. You know what happens to girls who sleep with the boss."
Ari dropped her hands. "I know." She breathed deeply and let it out in a long sigh. "But I honestly don't think he's going to fire me. Even though..."
"Even though?" Rosie prompted.
"I kissed him again the other night," Ari whispered. "In the pantry."
Chi shook her head. "Girl, I'm not being mean. But that's two strikes already. Not only is he your boss, he's a totally over-the-top rich guy who probably goes through women like tissue paper."
Chi was just trying to help, but Ari had to argue, "He's not like that. He doesn't take his money for granted. And I haven't seen any other women coming around. In fact, I don't think he's gone on a date since I've been there."
Before Chi could do more than roll her eyes at Ari's protests, Rosie asked, "How do you feel about everything that's happened?"
"I don't know." Liar. She didn't wait for one of the girls to say that. "All right, I admit I've got hopes."
"Oh. My. God." Chi was always the more dramatic of her two BFFs.
"Not just because of how amazing it was to be with him," Ari protested. "But because he's offered to find my brother. Why would he do that if he didn't have feelings for me?"
"Maybe because he feels guilty for taking advantage of his nanny and wants to make it up to her?" Chi suggested.
Rosie sent Chi a dirty look before folding her hand over Ari's. "I'm sure his motives for finding your brother are nothing but kind. Who wouldn't want to help you? But be careful. We don't want you to get hurt."
Rosie had met Jorge's daddy when she was nineteen. She'd fallen hopelessly. When the bastard found out she was pregnant, he ran. Rosie had just finished her AA degree in bookkeeping when Jorge was born, and with Chi's and Ari's help, she'd eked out enough time to find a really great accounting job she'd held for the last five years. It made sense that she'd worry about Ari getting hurt after she'd been hurt so badly herself.
Chi had never dated--had never even seen a good relationship up close, only the bad ones. No wonder she was so quick to assume that Matt's motives weren't pure.
Ari understood her friends' caution. She'd seen her fair share of b
ad relationships too, but she still couldn't help hoping the fairy tale would actually come true. Hope was the one thing she'd always vowed to hold on to.
"I don't want to be careful," she admitted, looking out at Noah playing blissfully. She didn't only want to build tunnels and roads and castles in the sand with him--she also wanted to build dreams that came true.
Before she'd met Matt and Noah, she'd always told herself dreams were better than reality because you couldn't be disappointed. But if you were never disappointed, maybe that meant you never risked anything.
And Matt--and Noah--were worth risking it all.
"Even if I think you're acting crazy, we'll be here no matter how it works out," Chi said, and Rosie nodded her agreement.
"I love you guys." Ari blinked through the emotion flooding her eyes.
She could dream all she wanted, but the one thing she could count on was that her friends would be there for her if she bounced herself right off love's trampoline and landed hard enough to break her heart.
*
After an inspection of his Florida plant on Friday, Matt's pilot had orders to get him home by six that night. He missed his kid like crazy.
And missed Noah's nanny like crazy too.
Working around the clock should have driven thoughts of her out of his mind. Instead, he pretty much lived for her nine p.m. checkin calls, when she ran him through the day's activities and he let her know about any new lead his investigator was following regarding her brother. And every time they hung up the phone, he'd needed to stand beneath a freezing shower spray for ten minutes to give himself some semblance of control.
His foster mother had always helped him get his head on straight. Taking advantage of the long flight, he called her from the quiet of the luxurious lounge on his private plane.
"I know she drives you crazy, honey," Susan said after he finished telling her what had happened with Noah during, and after, Irene's latest visit.
"You could have a kegger on that trampoline. And of course, she just dumped it and ran."
It shouldn't still make him angry, but during last night's phone call, Noah had once again asked if Mommy was coming back soon to teach him how to jump on the trampoline. It could be months before Irene showed up. Matt hated being helpless in the face of his son's pain.