I wandered back to the car and then slumped against the hood and played with the keys.
Maybe I was what Leah thought she was. Some kind of dead end that shouldnt be passed on to another generation. Or maybe it was just that my life was a big, cruel joke, and there was no escape from the punch line.
Hey, you okay? Hello? You there, with the stolen car.
It took me a second to realize that the voice was talking to me, and then another second to decide to raise my head.
A familiar-looking girl was staring at me, her expression kind of anxious. I knew why I recognized her faceId already catalogued this one. Light red-gold hair, fair skin, a few gold-colored freckles sprinkled across her cheeks and nose, and eyes the color of cinnamon.
If youre feeling that remorseful over boosting the car, she said, smiling so that a dimple popped out in her chin, you could always turn yourself in.
Its borrowed, not stolen, I snapped. My voice sounded horriblelike Id been crying or something. Embarrassing.
Sure, thatll hold up in court.
I glowered. You need something?
Not really. I was kidding about the car, you know. Its just that you look really upset about something. Oh, hey, Im Lizzie. She held out her hand.
I looked at it until she let it fall.
Anyway, she said awkwardly, I was just wondering if I could help. Seemed like you were looking for someone before. She gestured toward the park and shrugged.
Yeah.
She waited.
I sighed. I dont need any help. Shes not here.
Oh. Sorry.
Me, too, I muttered.
I looked at the girl again. Lizzie. She was pretty. Nice enough to try to help a grouchy stranger who must seem nuts. Why couldnt she be the one? Why did everything have to be so freaking complicated? Nice girl, pretty, and sort of funny. Why not?
This is a beautiful car, she said. Its really a shame theyre not making them anymore. I mean, the Vantages body styling is gorgeous, too, but theres just something about the Vanquish. . . .
Nice girl who knew cars. Wow. I stared at her face harder, wishing I knew how to make it work. Cmon, Jakeimprint already.
Hows it drive? she asked.
Like you wouldnt believe, I told her.
She grinned her one-dimple smile, clearly pleased to have dragged a halfway civil response out of me, and I gave her a reluctant smile back.
But her smile did nothing about the sharp, cutting blades that raked up and down my body. No matter how much I wanted it to, my life was not going to come together like that.
I wasnt in that healthier place where Leah was headed. I wasnt going to be able to fall in love like a normal person. Not when I was bleeding over someone else. Maybeif it was ten years from now and Bellas heart was long dead and Id hauled myself through the whole grieving process and come out in one piece againmaybe then I could offer Lizzie a ride in a fast car and talk makes and models and get to know something about her and see if I liked her as a person. But that wasnt going to happen now.
Magic wasnt going to save me. I was just going to have to take the torture like a man. Suck it up.
Lizzie waited, maybe hoping I was going to offer her that ride. Or maybe not.
Id better get this car back to the guy I borrowed it from, I muttered.
She smiled again. Glad to hear youre going straight.
Yeah, you convinced me.
She watched me get in the car, still sort of concerned. I probably looked like someone who was about to drive off a cliff. Which maybe I wouldve, if that kind of moved work for a werewolf. She waved once, her eyes trailing after the car.
At first, I drove more sanely on the way back. I wasnt in a rush. I didnt want to go where I was going. Back to that house, back to that forest. Back to the pain Id run from. Back to being absolutely alone with it.
Okay, that was melodramatic. I wouldnt be all alone, but that was a bad thing. Leah and Seth would have to suffer with me. I was glad Seth wouldnt have to suffer long. Kid didnt deserve to have his peace of mind ruined. Leah didnt, either, but at least it was something she understood. Nothing new about pain for Leah.
I sighed big as I thought about what Leah wanted from me, because I knew now that she was going to get it. I was still pissed at her, but I couldnt ignore the fact that I could make her life easier. Andnow that I knew her betterI thought she would probably do this for me, if our positions were reversed.
It would be interesting, at the very least, and strange, too, to have Leah as a companionas a friend. We were going to get under each others skin a lot, that was for sure. She wouldnt be one to let me wallow, but I thought that was a good thing. Id probably need someone to kick my butt now and then. But when it came right down to it, she was really the only friend who had any chance of understanding what I was going through now.
I thought of the hunt this morning, and how close our minds had been for that one moment in time. It hadnt been a bad thing. Different. A little scary, a little awkward. But also nice in a weird way.
I didnt have to be all alone.
And I knew Leah was strong enough to face with me the months that were coming. Months and years. It made me tired to think about it. I felt like I was staring out across an ocean that I was going to have to swim from shore to shore before I could rest again.
So much time coming, and then so little time before it started. Before I was flung into that ocean. Three and a half more days, and here I was, wasting that little bit of time I had.
I started driving too fast again.
I saw Sam and Jared, one on either side of the road like sentinels, as I raced up the road toward Forks. They were well hidden in the thick branches, but I was expecting them, and I knew what to look for. I nodded as I blew past them, not bothering to wonder what they made of my day trip.
I nodded to Leah and Seth, too, as I cruised up the Cullens driveway. It was starting to get dark, and the clouds were thick on this side of the sound, but I saw their eyes glitter in the glow of the headlights. I would explain to them later. Thered be plenty of time for that.
It was a surprise to find Edward waiting for me in the garage. I hadnt seen him away from Bella in days. I could tell from his face that nothing bad had happened to her. In fact, he looked more peaceful than before. My stomach tightened as I remembered where that peace came from.
It was too bad thatwith all my broodingId forgotten to wreck the car. Oh well. I probably wouldnt have been able to stand hurting this car, anyway. Maybe hed guessed as much, and thats why hed lent it to me in the first place.
A few things, Jacob, he said as soon as I cut the engine.
I took a deep breath and held it for a minute. Then, slowly, I got out of the car and threw the keys to him.
Thanks for the loan, I said sourly. Apparently, it would have to be repaid. What do you want now?
Firstly I know how averse you are to using your authority with your pack, but . . .
I blinked, astonished that he would even dream of starting in on this one. What?
If you cant or wont control Leah, then I
Leah? I interrupted, speaking through my teeth. What happened?
Edwards face was hard. She came up to see why youd left so abruptly. I tried to explain. I suppose it might not have come out right.
What did she do?
She phased to her human form and
Really? I interrupted again, shocked this time. I couldnt process that. Leah letting her guard down right in the mouth of the enemys lair?
She wanted to speak to Bella.
To Bella?
Edward got all hissy then. I wont let Bella be upset like that again. I dont care how justified Leah thinks she is! I didnt hurt herof course I wouldntbut Ill throw her out of the house if it happens again. Ill launch her right across the river
Hold on. What did she say? None of this was making any sense.
Edward took a deep breath, composing himself. Leah was unnecessarily harsh. Im not going to pret
end that I understand why Bella is unable to let go of you, but I do know that she does not behave this way to hurt you. She suffers a great deal over the pain shes inflicting on you, and on me, by asking you to stay. What Leah said was uncalled for. Bellas been crying
WaitLeah was yelling at Bella about me?
He nodded one sharp nod. You were quite vehemently championed.
Whoa. I didnt ask her to do that.
I know.
I rolled my eyes. Of course he knew. He knew everything.
But that was really something about Leah. Who would have believed it? Leah walking into the bloodsuckers place human to complain about how I was being treated.
I cant promise to control Leah, I told him. I wont do that. But Ill talk to her, okay? And I dont think therell be a repeat. Leahs not one to hold back, so she probably got it all off her chest today.
I would say so.
Anyway, Ill talk to Bella about it, too. She doesnt need to feel bad. This ones on me.
I already told her that.
Of course you did. Is she okay?
Shes sleeping now. Rose is with her.
So the psycho was Rose now. Hed completely crossed over to the dark side.
He ignored that thought, continuing with a more complete answer to my question. Shes better in some ways. Aside from Leahs tirade and the resulting guilt.
Better. Because Edward was hearing the monster and everything was all loveydovey now. Fantastic.
Its a bit more than that, he murmured. Now that I can make out the childs thoughts, its apparent that he or she has remarkably developed mental facilities. He can understand us, to an extent.
My mouth fell open. Are you serious?
Yes. He seems to have a vague sense of what hurts her now. Hes trying to avoid that, as much as possible. He loves her. Already.
I stared at Edward, feeling sort of like my eyes might pop out of their sockets. Underneath that disbelief, I could see right away that this was the critical factor. This was what had changed Edwardthat the monster had convinced him of this love. He couldnt hate what loved Bella. It was probably why he couldnt hate me, either. There was a big difference, though. I wasnt killing her.
Edward went on, acting like he hadnt heard all that. The progress, I believe, is more than wed judged. When Carlisle returns
Theyre not back? I cut in sharply. I thought of Sam and Jared, watching the road. Would they get curious as to what was going on?
Alice and Jasper are. Carlisle sent all the blood he was able to acquire, but it wasnt as much as he was hoping forBella will use up this supply in another day the way her appetite has grown. Carlisle stayed to try another source. I dont think thats necessary now, but he wants to be covered for any eventuality.
Why isnt it necessary? If she needs more?
I could tell he was watching and listening to my reaction carefully as he explained. Im trying to persuade Carlisle to deliver the baby as soon as he is back.
What?
The child seems to be attempting to avoid rough movements, but its difficult. Hes become too big. Its madness to wait, when hes clearly developed beyond what Carlisle had guessed. Bellas too fragile to delay.
I kept getting my legs knocked out from under me. First, counting on Edwards hatred of the thing so much. Now, Id realized that I thought of those four days as a sure thing. Id banked on them.
The endless ocean of grief that waited stretched out before me.
I tried to catch my breath.
Edward waited. I stared at his face while I recovered, recognizing another change there.
You think shes going to make it, I whispered.
Yes. That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.
I couldnt say anything. After a minute, he went on.
Yes, he said again. Waiting, as we have been, for the child to be ready, that was insanely dangerous. At any moment it could have been too late. But if were proactive about this, if we act quickly, I see no reason why it should not go well. Knowing the childs mind is unbelievably helpful. Thankfully, Bella and Rose agree with me. Now that Ive convinced them its safe for the child if we proceed, theres nothing to keep this from working.
When will Carlisle be back? I asked, still whispering. I hadnt got my breath back yet.
By noon tomorrow.
My knees buckled. I had to grab the car to hold myself up. Edward reached out like he was offering support, but then he thought better of it and dropped his hands.
Im sorry, he whispered. I am truly sorry for the pain this causes you, Jacob. Though you hate me, I must admit that I dont feel the same about you. I think of you as a a brother in many ways. A comrade in arms, at the very least. I regret your suffering more than you realize. But Bella is going to survivewhen he said that his voice was fierce, even violentand I know thats what really matters to you.
He was probably right. It was hard to tell. My head was spinning.
So I hate to do this now, while youre already dealing with too much, but, clearly, there is little time. I have to ask you for somethingto beg, if I must.
I dont have anything left, I choked out.
He lifted his hand again, as if to put it on my shoulder, but then let it drop like before and sighed.
I know how much you have given, he said quietly. But this is something you do have, and only you. Im asking this of the true Alpha, Jacob. Im asking this of Ephraims heir.
I was way past being able to respond.
I want your permission to deviate from what we agreed to in our treaty with Ephraim. I want you to grant us an exception. I want your permission to save her life. You know Ill do it anyway, but I dont want to break faith with you if there is any way to avoid it. We never intended to go back on our word, and we dont do it lightly now. I want your understanding, Jacob, because you know exactly why we do this. I want the alliance between our families to survive when this is over.
I tried to swallow. Sam, I thought. Its Sam you want.
No. Sams authority is assumed. It belongs to you. Youll never take it from him, but no one can rightfully agree to what Im asking except for you.
Its not my decision.
It is, Jacob, and you know it. Your word on this will condemn us or absolve us. Only you can give this to me.
I cant think. I dont know.
We dont have much time. He glanced back toward the house.
No, there was no time. My few days had become a few hours.
I dont know. Let me think. Just give me a minute here, okay?
Yes.
I started walking to the house, and he followed. Crazy how easy it was, walking through the dark with a vampire right beside me. It didnt feel unsafe, or even uncomfortable, really. It felt like walking next to anybody. Well, anybody who smelled bad.
There was a movement in the brush at the edge of the big lawn, and then a low whimper. Seth shrugged through the ferns and loped over to us.
Hey, kid, I muttered.
He dipped his head, and I patted his shoulder.
Sall cool, I lied. Ill tell you about it later. Sorry to take off on you like that.
He grinned at me.
Hey, tell your sister to back off now, okay? Enough.
Seth nodded once.
I shoved against his shoulder this time. Get back to work. Ill spell you in a bit.
Seth leaned against me, shoving back, and then he galloped into the trees.
He has one of the purest, sincerest, kindest minds Ive ever heard, Edward murmured when he was out of sight. Youre lucky to have his thoughts to share.
I know that, I grunted.
We started toward the house, and both of our heads snapped up when we heard the sound of someone sucking through a straw. Edward was in a hurry then. He darted up the porch stairs and was gone.
Bella, love, I thought you were sleeping, I heard him say. Im sorry, I wouldnt have left.
Dont worry. I just got so thirstyit woke me up. Its a good thing Carlisle is bringing more. This kid is going
to need it when he gets out of me.
True. Thats a good point.
I wonder if hell want anything else, she mused.
I suppose well find out.
I walked through the door.
Alice said, Finally, and Bellas eyes flashed to me. That infuriating, irresistible smile broke across her face for one second. Then it faltered, and her face fell. Her lips puckered, like she was trying not to cry.
I wanted to punch Leah right in her stupid mouth.
Hey, Bells, I said quickly. How ya doing?
Im fine, she said.
Big day today, huh? Lots of new stuff.
You dont have to do that, Jacob.
Dont know what youre talking about, I said, going to sit on the arm of the sofa by her head. Edward had the floor there already.