CHAPTER XIV.
_AUNT CLARA'S PLAN._
Being seriously alarmed by the fear of losing the desire of his heart,Charlie had gone resolutely to work, and, like many another youngreformer, he rather overdid the matter; for, in trying to keep out ofthe way of temptation, he denied himself much innocent enjoyment. Theartistic fit was a good excuse for the seclusion which he fanciedwould be a proper penance; and he sat listlessly plying crayon orpaint-brush, with daily wild rides on black Brutus, which seemed to dohim good; for danger of that sort was his delight.
People were used to his whims, and made light of what they considereda new one; but, when it lasted week after week and all attempts todraw him out were vain, his jolly comrades gave him up, and the familybegan to say approvingly,--"Now he really _is_ going to settle downand do something." Fortunately, his mother let him alone; for thoughDr. Alec had not "thundered in her ear," as he threatened, he _had_talked with her in a way which first made her very angry, thenanxious, and, lastly, quite submissive; for her heart was set on herboy's winning Rose, and she would have had him put on sackcloth andashes if that would have secured the prize. She made light of thecause of Rose's displeasure, considering her extremely foolish andstraitlaced; "for all young men of any spirit had their little vices,and came out well enough when the wild oats were sowed." So sheindulged Charlie in his new vagary, as she had in all his others, andtreated him like an ill-used being, which was neither an inspiring norhelpful course on her part. Poor soul! she saw her mistake by and by,and when too late repented of it bitterly.
Rose wanted to be kind, and tried in various ways to help her cousin,feeling very sure she should succeed as many another hopeful woman hasdone, quite unconscious how much stronger an undisciplined will isthan the truest love; and what a difficult task the wisest find it toundo the mistakes of a bad education. But it was a hard thing to do:for, at the least hint of commendation or encouragement, he looked sohopeful that she was afraid of seeming to promise too much; and, ofall things, she desired to escape the accusation of having trifledwith him.
So life was not very comfortable to either just then; and, whileCharlie was "mortifying soul and body" to please her, she was studyinghow to serve him best. Aunt Jessie helped her very much, and no oneguessed, when they saw pretty Miss Campbell going up and down the hillwith such a serious face, that she was intent on any thing excepttaking, with praiseworthy regularity, the constitutionals which gaveher such a charming color.
Matters were in this state, when one day a note came to Rose from Mrs.Clara.
"MY SWEET CHILD,--Do take pity on my poor boy, and cheer him up with a sight of you; for he is so _triste_ it breaks my heart to see him. He has a new plan in his head, which strikes me as an excellent one, if you will only favor it. Let him come and take you for a drive this fine afternoon, and talk things over. It will do him a world of good and deeply oblige
"Your ever loving
"AUNT CLARA."
Rose read the note twice, and stood a moment pondering, with her eyesabsently fixed on the little bay before her window. The sight ofseveral black figures moving briskly to and fro across its frozensurface seemed to suggest a mode of escape from the drive she dreadedin more ways than one. "That will be safer and pleasanter," she said,and going to her desk wrote her answer.
"DEAR AUNTY,--I'm afraid of Brutus; but, if Charlie will go skating with me, I should enjoy it very much, and it would do us both good. I can listen to the new plan with an undivided mind there; so give him my love, please, and say I shall expect him at three.
"Affectionately,
"ROSE."
Punctually at three, Charlie appeared with his skates over his arm,and a very contented face, which brightened wonderfully as Rose camedownstairs in a seal-skin suit and scarlet skirt, so like the one shewore years ago that he involuntarily exclaimed as he took herskates,--
"You look so like little Rose I hardly know you; and it seems so likeold times I feel sixteen again."
"That is just the way one ought to feel such a day as this. Now let usbe off and have a good spin before any one comes. There are only a fewchildren there now; but it is Saturday, you know, and everybody willbe out before long," answered Rose, carefully putting on her mittensas she talked: for her heart was not as light as the one little Rosecarried under the brown jacket; and the boy of sixteen never looked ather with the love and longing she read in the eyes of the young manbefore her.
Away they went, and were soon almost as merry and warm as the childrenround them; for the ice was in good condition, the February sunshinebrilliant, and the keen wind set their blood a-tingle with a healthfulglow.
"Now tell me the plan your mother spoke of," began Rose, as they wentgliding across the wide expanse before them; for Charlie seemed tohave forgotten every thing but the bliss of having her all to himselffor a little while.
"Plan? Oh, yes! it is simply this. I'm going out to father nextmonth."
"Really?" and Rose looked both surprised and incredulous; for thisplan was not a new one.
"Really. You don't believe it, but I am; and mother means to go withme. We've had another letter from the governor, and he says if shecan't part from her big baby to come along too, and all be happytogether. What do you think of that?" he asked, eying her intently;for they were face to face, as she went backward and he held both herhands to steer and steady her.
"I like it immensely, and I do believe it now: only it rather takes mybreath away to think of aunty's going, when she never would hear of itbefore."
"She doesn't like the plan very well now, and consents to go only onone condition."
"What is that?" asked Rose, trying to free her hands; for a look atCharlie made her suspect what was coming.
"That you go with us;" and, holding the hands fast, he added rapidly,"Let me finish before you speak. I don't mean that any thing is to bechanged till you are ready; but if _you_ go I'm willing to give upevery thing else, and live anywhere as long as you like. Why shouldn'tyou come to us for a year or two? We've never had our share. Fatherwould be delighted, mother contented, and I the happiest man alive."
"Who made this plan?" asked Rose, as soon as she got the breath whichcertainly _had_ been rather taken away by this entirely new and by nomeans agreeable scheme.
"Mother suggested it: I shouldn't have dared to even dream of suchrichness. I'd made up my mind to go alone; and when I told her she wasin despair, till this superb idea came into her head. After that, ofcourse it was easy enough for me to stick to the resolution I'd made."
"Why did _you_ decide to go, Charlie?" and Rose looked up into theeyes that were fixed beseechingly on hers.
They wavered and glanced aside; then met hers honestly, yet full of ahumility which made her own fall as he answered very low,--
"Because I don't _dare_ to stay."
"Is it so hard?" she said pitifully.
"Very hard. I haven't the moral courage to own up and face ridicule,and it seems so mean to hide for fear of breaking my word. I _will_keep it this time, Rose, if I go to the ends of the earth to do it."
"It is not cowardly to flee temptation; and nobody whose opinion isworth having will ridicule any brave attempt to conquer one's self.Don't mind it, Charlie, but stand fast; and I am sure you willsucceed."
"You don't know what it is, and I can't tell you; for till I tried togive it up I never guessed what a grip it had on me. I thought it wasonly a habit, easy to drop when I liked: but it is stronger than I;and sometimes I feel as if possessed of a devil that _will_ get thebetter of me, try as I may."
He dropped her hands abruptly as he said that, with the energy ofdespair; and, as if afraid of saying too much, he left her for aminute, striking away at full speed, as if in truth he would "go tothe ends of the earth" to escape the enemy within himself.
Rose stood still, appalled by this sudden knowledge of how muchgreater the evil was than she had dreamed. What ought she to do? Gowith
her cousin, and by so doing tacitly pledge herself as hiscompanion on that longer journey for which he was as yet so poorlyequipped? Both heart and conscience protested against this so stronglythat she put the thought away. But compassion pleaded for himtenderly; and the spirit of self-sacrifice, which makes women love togive more than they receive, caused her to feel as if in a measurethis man's fate lay in her hands, to be decided for good or illthrough her. How should she be true both to him and to herself?
Before this question could be answered, he was back again, looking asif he had left his care behind him; for his moods varied like thewind. Her attitude, as she stood motionless and alone with downcastface, was so unlike the cheerful creature who came to meet him an hourago, it filled him with self-reproach; and, coming up, he drew onehand through his arm, saying, as she involuntarily followed him,--
"You must not stand still. Forget my heroics, and answer my question.Will you go with us, Rose?"
"Not now: that is asking too much, Charlie, and I will promisenothing, because I cannot do it honestly," she answered, so firmlythat he knew appeal was useless.
"Am I to go alone, then, leaving all I care for behind me?"
"No, take your mother with you, and do your best to reunite yourparents. You could not give yourself to a better task."
"She won't go without you."
"I think she will if you hold fast to your resolution. You won't givethat up, I hope?"
"No: I must go somewhere, for I can't stay here; and it may as well beIndia, since that pleases father," answered Charlie, doggedly.
"It will more than you can imagine. Tell him all the truth, and seehow glad he will be to help you, and how sincerely he will respect youfor what you've done."
"If you respect me, I don't care much about the opinion of any oneelse," answered Charlie, clinging with a lover's pertinacity to thehope that was dearest.
"I shall, if you go manfully away, and do the duty you owe your fatherand yourself."
"And, when I've done it, may I come back to be rewarded, Rose?" heasked, taking possession of the hand on his arm, as if it was alreadyhis.
"I wish I could say what you want me to. But how can I promise when Iam not sure of any thing? I don't love you as I ought, and perhaps Inever shall: so why persist in making me bind myself in this way? Begenerous, Charlie, and don't ask it," implored Rose, much afflicted byhis persistence.
"I thought you did love me: it looked very like it a month ago, unlessyou have turned coquette, and I can't quite believe that," he answeredbitterly.
"I _was_ beginning to love you, but you made me afraid to go on,"murmured Rose, trying to tell the truth kindly.
"That cursed custom! What _can_ a man do when his hostess asks him todrink wine with her?" And Charlie looked as if he could have cursedhimself even more heartily.
"He can say 'No.'"
"I can't."
"Ah, that's the trouble! You never learned to say it even to yourself;and now it is so hard you want me to help you."
"And you won't."
"Yes, I will, by showing you that I _can_ say it to myself, for yoursake." And Rose looked up with a face so full of tender sorrow hecould not doubt the words which both reproached and comforted him.
"My little saint! I don't deserve one half your goodness to me; but Iwill, and go away without one complaint to do my best, for your sake,"he cried, touched by her grief, and stirred to emulation by theexample of courage and integrity she tried to set him.
Here Steve and Kitty bore down upon them; and, obeying the impulse toput care behind them which makes it possible for young hearts to acheone minute and dance the next, Rose and Charlie banished theirtroubles, joined in the sport that soon turned the lonely little bayinto a ballroom, and enjoyed the splendors of a winter sunset,forgetful of separation and Calcutta.