CHAPTER XV.
_ALAS FOR CHARLIE!_
In spite of much internal rebellion, Charlie held fast to hisresolution; and Aunt Clara, finding all persuasions vain, gave in, andprepared to accompany him, in a state of chronic indignation againstthe world in general and Rose in particular. The poor girl had a hardtime of it, and, but for her uncle, would have fared still worse. Hewas a sort of shield, upon which Mrs. Clara's lamentations,reproaches, and irate glances fell unavailingly, instead of woundingthe heart against which they were aimed.
The days passed very quickly now; for every one seemed anxious to havethe parting over, and preparations went on rapidly. The big house wasmade ready to shut up for a year at least, comforts for the longvoyage laid in, and farewell visits paid. The general activity andexcitement rendered it impossible for Charlie to lead the life of anartistic hermit any longer: and he fell into a restless condition,which caused Rose to long for the departure of the "Rajah," when shefelt that he would be safe; for these farewell festivities weredangerous to one who was just learning to say "No."
"Half the month safely gone. If we can only get well over these lastweeks, a great weight will be off my mind," thought Rose, as she wentdown one wild, wet morning toward the end of February.
Opening the study-door to greet her uncle, she exclaimed, "Why,Archie!" then paused upon the threshold, transfixed by fear; for inher cousin's white face she read the tidings of some great affliction.
"Hush! don't be frightened. Come in and I'll tell you," he whispered,putting down the bottle he had just taken from the doctor'smedicine-closet.
Rose understood and obeyed; for Aunt Plenty was poorly with herrheumatism, and depended on her morning doze.
"What is it?" she said, looking about the room with a shiver, as ifexpecting to see again what she saw there New-Year's night. Archie wasalone, however, and, drawing her toward the closet, answered, with anevident effort to be quite calm and steady,--
"Charlie is hurt! Uncle wants more ether, and the wide bandages insome drawer or other. He told me, but I forget. You keep this place inorder: find them for me. Quick!"
Before he had done, Rose was at the drawer, turning over the bandageswith hands that trembled as they searched.
"All narrow! I must make some. Can you wait?" And, catching up a pieceof old linen, she tore it into wide strips, adding, in the same quicktone, as she began to roll them,--
"Now tell me."
"I can wait: those are not needed just yet. I didn't mean any oneshould know, you least of all," began Archie, smoothing out the stripsas they lay across the table, and evidently surprised at the girl'snerve and skill.
"I can bear it: make haste! Is he much hurt?"
"I'm afraid he is. Uncle looks sober, and the poor boy suffers so Icouldn't stay," answered Archie, turning still whiter about the lipsthat never had so hard a tale to tell before.
"You see, he went to town last evening to meet the man who is going tobuy Brutus--"
"And Brutus did it? I knew he would!" cried Rose, dropping her work towring her hands, as if she guessed the ending of the story now.
"Yes, and if he wasn't shot already I'd do it myself with pleasure;for he's done his best to kill Charlie," muttered Charlie's mate witha grim look; then gave a great sigh, and added with averted face,--
"I shouldn't blame the brute; it wasn't his fault: he needed a firmhand, and--" he stopped there, but Rose said quickly,--"Go on. I_must_ know."
"Charlie met some of his old cronies, quite by accident; there was adinner-party, and they made him go, just for a good-by they said. Hecouldn't refuse, and it was too much for him. He would come home alonein the storm, though they tried to keep him as he wasn't fit. Down bythe new bridge,--that high embankment you know,--the wind had put thelantern out--he forgot--or something scared Brutus, and all went downtogether."
Archie had spoken fast and brokenly; but Rose understood, and at thelast word hid her face with a little moan, as if she saw it all.
"Drink this and never mind the rest," he said, dashing into the nextroom and coming back with a glass of water, longing to be done andaway; for this sort of pain seemed almost as bad as that he had left.
Rose drank, but held his arm tightly as he would have turned away,saying in a tone of command he could not disobey,--
"Don't keep any thing back: tell me the worst at once."
"We knew nothing of it," he went on obediently. "Aunt Clara thought hewas with me, and no one found him till early this morning. A workmanrecognized him; and he was brought home, dead they thought. I came foruncle an hour ago. Charlie is conscious now, but awfully hurt; and I'mafraid from the way Mac and uncle look at one another that--Oh! Oh!think of it, Rose! crushed and helpless, alone in the rain all night,and I never knew, I never knew!"
With that poor Archie broke down entirely; and, flinging himself intoa chair, laid his face on the table, sobbing like a girl. Rose hadnever seen a man cry before, and it was so unlike a woman's gentlergrief that it moved her very much. Putting by her own anguish, shetried to comfort his, and going to him lifted up his head and made himlean on her; for in such hours as this women are the stronger. It wasa very little to do, but it did comfort Archie; for the poor fellowfelt as if fate was very hard upon him just then, and into thisfaithful bosom he could pour his brief but pathetic plaint.
"Phebe's gone, and now if Charlie's taken I don't see how I _can_ bearit!"
"Phebe will come back, dear, and let us hope poor Charlie isn't goingto be taken yet. Such things always seem worse at first, I've heardpeople say; so cheer up and hope for the best," answered Rose, seekingfor some comfortable words to say, and finding very few.
They took effect, however; for Archie did cheer up like a man. Wipingaway the tears which he so seldom shed that they did not know where togo, he got up, gave himself a little shake, and said with a longbreath, as if he had been under water,--
"Now I'm all right, thank you. I couldn't help it: the shock of beingwaked suddenly to find the dear old fellow in such a pitiful stateupset me. I ought to go: are these ready?"
"In a minute. Tell uncle to send for me if I can be of any use. Oh,poor Aunt Clara! how does she bear it?"
"Almost distracted. I took mother to her, and she will do all thatanybody can. Heaven only knows what aunt will do if--"
"And Heaven only can help her," added Rose, as Archie stopped at thewords he could not utter. "Now take them, and let me know often."
"You brave little soul, I will," and Archie went away through the rainwith his sad burden, wondering how Rose could be so calm, when thebeloved Prince might be dying.
A long dark day followed, with nothing to break its melancholymonotony except the bulletins that came from hour to hour, reportinglittle change either for better or for worse. Rose broke the newsgently to Aunt Plenty, and set herself to the task of keeping up theold lady's spirits; for, being helpless, the good soul felt as ifevery thing would go wrong without her. At dusk she fell asleep, andRose went down to order lights and fire in the parlor, with tea readyto serve at any moment; for she felt sure some of the men would come,and that a cheerful greeting and creature comforts would suit thembetter than tears, darkness, and desolation.
Presently Mac arrived, saying the instant he entered the room,--
"More comfortable, cousin."
"Thank Heaven!" cried Rose, unclasping her hands. Then seeing how wornout, wet, and weary Mac looked as he came into the light, she added ina tone that was a cordial in itself, "Poor boy, how tired you are!Come here, and let me make you comfortable."
"I was going home to freshen up a bit; for I must be back in an hour.Mother took my place so I could be spared, and came off, as unclerefused to stir."
"Don't go home; for if aunty isn't there it will be very dismal. Stepinto uncle's room and refresh, then come back and I'll give you yourtea. Let me, let me! I can't help in any other way; and I _must_ dosomething, this waiting is so dreadful."
Her last words betrayed how much suspense w
as trying her; and Macyielded at once, glad to comfort and be comforted. When he came back,looking much revived, a tempting little tea-table stood before thefire; and Rose went to meet him, saying with a faint smile, as sheliberally bedewed him with the contents of a cologne flask,--
"I can't bear the smell of ether: it suggests such dreadful things."
"What curious creatures women are! Archie told us you bore the newslike a hero, and now you turn pale at a whiff of bad air. I can'texplain it," mused Mac, as he meekly endured the fragrant shower-bath.
"Neither can I; but I've been imagining horrors all day, and mademyself nervous. Don't let us talk about it; but come and have sometea."
"That's another queer thing. Tea is your panacea for all human ills;yet there isn't any nourishment in it. I'd rather have a glass ofmilk, thank you," said Mac, taking an easy-chair and stretching hisfeet to the fire.
She brought it to him and made him eat something; then, as he shut hiseyes wearily, she went away to the piano, and having no heart to sing,played softly till he seemed asleep. But, at the stroke of six, he wasup and ready to be off again.
"He gave me that: take it with you and put some on his hair; he likesit, and I do so want to help a little," she said, slipping the prettyflagon into his pocket, with such a wistful look, Mac never thought ofsmiling at this very feminine request.
"I'll tell him. Is there any thing else I can do for you, cousin?" heasked, holding the cold hand that had been serving him so helpfully.
"Only this: if there is any sudden change, promise to send for me, nomatter at what hour it is: I _must_ say 'Good-by.'"
"I will come for you. But, Rose, I am sure you may sleep in peaceto-night; and I hope to have good news for you in the morning."
"Bless you for that! Come early, and let me see him soon. I will bevery good, and I know it will not do him any harm."
"No fear of that: the first thing he said when he could speak was,'Tell Rose carefully;' and, as I came away, he guessed where I wasgoing, and tried to kiss his hand in the old way, you know."
Mac thought it would cheer her to hear that Charlie remembered her;but the sudden thought that she might never see that familiar littlegesture any more was the last drop that made her full heart overflow,and Mac saw the "hero" of the morning sink down at his feet in apassion of tears that frightened him. He took her to the sofa, andtried to comfort her; but, as soon as the bitter sobbing quieted, shelooked up and said quite steadily, great drops rolling down her cheeksthe while,--
"Let me cry: it is what I need, and I shall be all the better for itby and by. Go to Charlie now, and tell him I said with all my heart,'Good-night!'"
"I will!" and Mac trudged away, marvelling in his turn at thecuriously blended strength and weakness of womankind.
That was the longest night Rose ever spent; but joy came in themorning with the early message, "He is better. You are to come by andby." Then Aunt Plenty forgot her lumbago and arose; Aunt Myra, who hadcome to have a social croak, took off her black bonnet as if it wouldnot be needed at present, and the girl made ready to go and say"Welcome back," not the hard "Good-by."
It seemed very long to wait; for no summons came till afternoon, thenher uncle arrived, and at the first sight of his face Rose began totremble.
"I came for my little girl myself, because we must go back at once,"he said, as she hurried toward him hat in hand.
"I'm ready, sir;" but her hands shook as she tried to tie the ribbons,and her eyes never left the face that was so full of tender pity forher.
He took her quickly into the carriage, and, as they rolled away, saidwith the quiet directness which soothes such agitation better than anysympathetic demonstration,--
"Charlie is worse. I feared it when the pain went so suddenly thismorning; but the chief injuries are internal, and one can never tellwhat the chances are. He insists that he is better, but will soonbegin to fail, I fear; become unconscious, and slip away without moresuffering. This is the time for you to see him; for he has set hisheart on it, and nothing can hurt him now. My child, it is very hard;but we must help each other bear it."
Rose tried to say, "Yes, uncle," bravely; but the words would notcome; and she could only slip her hand into his with a look of mutesubmission. He laid her head on his shoulder, and went on talking soquietly that any one who did not see how worn and haggard his face hadgrown with two days and a night of sharp anxiety might have thoughthim cold.
"Jessie has gone home to rest, and Jane is with poor Clara, who hasdropped asleep at last. I've sent for Steve and the other boys. Therewill be time for them later; but he so begged to see you now, Ithought it best to come while this temporary strength keeps him up. Ihave told him how it is, but he will not believe me. If he asks you,answer honestly; and try to fit him a little for this sudden ending ofso many hopes."
"How soon, uncle?"
"A few hours, probably. This tranquil moment is yours: make the mostof it; and, when we can do no more for him, we'll comfort oneanother."
Mac met them in the hall: but Rose hardly saw him; she was consciousonly of the task before her; and, when her uncle led her to the door,she said quietly,--
"Let me go in alone, please."
Archie, who had been hanging over the bed, slipped away into the innerroom as she appeared; and Rose found Charlie waiting for her with sucha happy face, she could not believe what she had heard, and found iteasy to say almost cheerfully, as she took his eager hand in both ofhers,--
"Dear Charlie, I'm so glad you sent for me. I longed to come, butwaited till you were better. You surely are?" she added, as a secondglance showed her the indescribable change which had come upon theface which at first seemed to have both light and color in it.
"Uncle says not: but I think he is mistaken, because the agony is allgone; and, except for this odd sinking now and then, I don't feel somuch amiss," he answered feebly, but with something of the oldlightness in his voice.
"You will hardly be able to sail in the 'Rajah,' I fear; but you won'tmind waiting a little, while we nurse you," said poor Rose, trying totalk on quietly, with her heart growing heavier every minute.
"I shall go if I'm carried! I'll keep that promise, though it costs memy life. O Rose! you know? they've told you?" and, with a suddenmemory of what brought him there, he hid his face in the pillow.
"You broke no promise; for I would not let you make one, you remember.Forget all that, and let us talk about the better time that may becoming for you."
"Always so generous, so kind!" he murmured, with her hand against hisfeverish cheek; then, looking up, he went on in a tone so humblycontrite it made her eyes fill with slow, hot tears.
"I tried to flee temptation: I tried to say 'No;' but I am so pitiablyweak, I couldn't. You must despise me. But don't give me up entirely:for, if I live, I'll do better; I'll go away to father and beginagain."
Rose tried to keep back the bitter drops; but they would fall, to hearhim still speak hopefully when there was no hope. Something in themute anguish of her face seemed to tell him what she could not speak;and a quick change came over him as he grasped her hand tighter,saying in a sharp whisper,--
"Have I really got to die, Rose?"
Her only answer was to kneel down and put her arms about him, as ifshe tried to keep death away a little longer. He believed it then, andlay so still, she looked up in a moment, fearing she knew not what.
But Charlie bore it manfully; for he had the courage which can face agreat danger bravely, though not the strength to fight a bosom-sin andconquer it. His eyes were fixed, as if trying to look into the unseenworld whither he was going, and his lips firmly set that no word ofcomplaint should spoil the proof he meant to give that, though he hadnot known how to live, he did know how to die. It seemed to Rose as iffor one brief instant she saw the man that might have been, if earlytraining had taught him how to rule himself; and the first words heuttered with a long sigh, as his eye came back to her, showed that hefelt the failure and owned it with pathetic candor. br />
"Better so, perhaps; better go before I bring any more sorrow to you,and shame to myself. I'd like to stay a little longer, and try toredeem the past; it seems so wasted now: but, if I can't, don'tgrieve, Rose; I'm no loss to any one, and perhaps it _is_ too late tomend."
"Oh, don't say that! no one will fill your place among us: we nevercan forget how much we loved you; and you must believe how freely weforgive as we would be forgiven," cried Rose, steadied by the paledespair that had fallen on Charlie's face with those bitter words.
"'Forgive us our trespasses!' Yes, I should say that. Rose, I'm notready; it is so sudden: what can I do?" he whispered, clinging to her,as if he had no anchor except the creature whom he loved so much.
"Uncle will tell you: I am not good enough; I can only pray for you,"and she moved as if to call in the help so sorely needed.
"No, no, not yet! stay by me, darling: read something; there, ingrandfather's old book, some prayer for such as I. It will do me moregood from you than any minister alive."
She got the venerable book,--given to Charlie because he bore the goodman's name,--and, turning to the "Prayer for the Dying," read itbrokenly; while the voice beside her echoed now and then some wordthat reproved or comforted.
"The testimony of a good conscience." "By the sadness of hiscountenance may his heart be made better." "Christian patience andfortitude." "Leave the world in peace." "Amen."
There was silence for a little; then Rose, seeing how wan he looked,said softly, "Shall I call uncle now?"
"If you will; but first--don't smile at my foolishness, dear--I wantmy little heart. They took it off: please give it back, and let mekeep it always," he answered, with the old fondness strong as ever,even when he could only show it by holding fast the childish trinketwhich she found and gave him,--the old agate heart with the fadedribbon. "Put it on, and never let them take it off," he said; and,when she asked if there was any thing else she could do for him, hetried to stretch out his arms to her with a look which asked for more.
She kissed him very tenderly on lips and forehead; tried to say"Good-by," but could not speak, and groped her way to the door.Turning for a last look, Charlie's hopeful spirit rose for a moment,as if anxious to send her away more cheerful, and he said with ashadow of the old blithe smile, a feeble attempt at the familiarfarewell gesture,--
"Till to-morrow, Rose."
Alas, for Charlie! his to-morrow never came: and, when she saw himnext, he lay there looking so serene and noble, it seemed as if itmust be well with him: for all the pain was past; temptation ended;doubt and fear, hope and love, could no more stir his quiet heart, andin solemn truth he _had_ gone to meet his Father, and begin again.