"Be honest," I said. "Can your words get me out of trouble either?" When he failed to answer, I said, "Then let me speak."
Under Probus's order, soldiers came forward and lifted me to my feet, though they remained on either side of me. I didn't know why. I was still in chains and still wore the Praetors' armband to keep me from doing magic. I couldn't swat at a fly, much less render any attack.
When I shuffled forward to address the emperor, I became aware of the many people watching me. It wasn't the first time I'd experienced this. Only yesterday when I'd appeared inside the arena of the amphitheater, the eyes of fifty thousand Romans were suddenly on me. But this was different. Here I was expected to speak, to say something intelligent enough to save my life.
The words I intended weren't nearly as eloquent as Crispus used, and certainly wouldn't be what he wanted to hear. But I would speak them anyway.
"All that I am accused of, I have done," I said. "And if you only wish to convict me based on my actions, then no defense can save me. But I hope you will hear my reasons and decide my fate based on those reasons."
"He will lie to Caesar," Brutus said. "The boy admits to his crimes, what more is needed?"
"I will hear his reasons," Probus said.
"I have seen the might and power of Rome. Nothing has ever existed in this world so great as this empire, and perhaps nothing again will ever equal it. If Rome falls, it will not come from the enemy at the city gates. If Rome falls, it will come from within." I grunted a little as I gestured at Brutus. "I am here to tell you that the enemy is already within your gates."
Probus leaned forward. "Oh?"
"Your Praetors have betrayed this empire. They are sworn to a power much higher than yours."
"Lies!" Brutus exclaimed. "The Praetors are bound to serve Rome, as am I."
I turned from Brutus back to Probus. "If you don't believe me, then turn me over to Decimas Brutus, as he asks. Then you will see for yourself his full intentions for Rome, if you are still here to see the end of his plans."
"That sounds like a threat against me." Probus's voice raised in pitch.
"It is a threat, if you give me to Brutus."
Probus arched a brow. "Why do you think Brutus has asked for you?"
"Because he needs my magic. No one in the whole of this empire can do the things I can do, and if you sentence me to death, you will rob your Praetor of my abilities."
"You're convincing him to give you that sentence!" Crispus hissed.
"Hush!" I replied.
"I only want the boy for the glory of Rome," Brutus said. "Nothing more --"
"Close your mouth, or my soldiers will do it for you!" Probus snapped. "Nicolas, why does Decimas Brutus want your magic?"
"He is a descendent of Marcus Brutus, the man who killed Julius Caesar. Marcus descended from the goddess Diana and served her will, as does the man beside me now."
"Don't we all serve the gods?" Probus asked. "It is good for Decimas Brutus to serve Diana, if he has blood ties to her."
"Then it is good for him to use my magic to do her bidding, no?" I smiled over at Brutus. "Tell the emperor what Diana wants. Be sure to include the part about bringing down the empire."
Probus leaned forward. "Speak to me, Brutus."
Brutus stared down at me, feeling the same loss for words that I usually did. But this time, I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I gave my attention back to the emperor.
"He would use my magic to create something called the Jupiter Stone, with powers that will rival those of the gods. Then he will turn it over to a dragon whose only desire is to see the destruction of Rome."
"Save me, destroy the dragon," Atroxia whispered. "Obtain my forgiveness."
In the quietness of her voice, I heard her in a way I never had before. Maybe she was telling me how to destroy the dragon. If I got Probus to forgive her crimes, it might be a step in removing the curse. I was her last chance, her only chance.
I hesitated a moment, then shook her out of my head. Once I'd pulled my thoughts together again, I stared Probus directly in the eyes, something no one should ever do, especially an uneducated former slave of Rome. "If you give me to Brutus, he will bring Rome to its knees. But if you set me free, I can stop him."
Probus looked back at me. "And what if I order your execution? Then he cannot use your magic."
I hesitated. This was what Crispus had warned me about, and now he stepped forward, a last effort to save me from myself. "If those are your orders, then Diana will find another way to get what she wants. And you will have executed the one person capable of stopping the Praetors. Nic can destroy this empire, but he is also the only one who can save it."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Probus said. "Has he not already told us he values his family more than the empire?"
"If you value the empire, then listen to me," I said, still looking directly at the emperor. "I ask Caesar for only two things. The first is that you arrest Decimas Brutus. Stop him before he carries out his evil plans."
"Of course the slave boy accuses me!" Brutus sputtered. "He lies! He lies to Caesar!"
"Then he lies with conviction," Probus said. "He lies with the boldness of looking me in the eye." He nodded in the direction of his soldiers. "Guards, arrest Decimas Brutus. I have many questions for him."
"I am a descendent of Diana!" Brutus shouted. "I am a Praetor of Rome. You would not dare!"
Probus stood. "And who am I but your emperor? Fall on your knees to me!"
Brutus looked around him as the emperor's soldiers moved in closer. Finally, he went to his knees and lowered his head. "I only meant ... Caesar, this slave boy is a criminal and an enemy to Rome. He is no hero."
"I will determine that." Probus's eyes darkened. "And determine who you are as well."
With a nod of the emperor's head, his soldiers surrounded Brutus. His body had stiffened almost to corpse stage, enough that they clearly had trouble getting his hands in front of him to bind them. But they did, and once they brought him back to his feet, he stared across at me, tears streaming down his face. "I will answer the emperor's questions until he is satisfied of my innocence," he said, softly enough that only I could hear him. "He will release me, and the moment he does, I will come after you with a vengeance you have never seen before. You will make that Jupiter Stone for me, Nicolas. You will kneel before the Mistress and pledge your loyalty to her every wish. Of course, that is only if you are still alive by the end of this hour, which I most sincerely doubt."
I smiled over at him. "My final memory of you will be the way you cried like a baby when the soldiers led you away."
He lunged for me, but the soldiers held him back and quickly steered him out of the comitium. I hoped they were taking him back to the carcer, this time for a more permanent stay inside the prison.
Once he was gone, Probus leaned in to me again. "You said you have two requests. I assume the second is for your freedom."
Crispus bowed again, perhaps hoping if he did it often enough, it would save my life. "Caesar can see that Nicolas Calva is concerned for the protection of Rome. He is not a slave anymore, but a freeman and a citizen of the empire. Reward him for his loyalty and his bravery."
Probus nodded and considered that before he looked at me again. "There is no need for the judgment of the Praetors here -- considering they are probably not fair judges at this trial, I will decide your fate alone. Your reasons are honorable, Nicolas Calva, and I respect you for them."
Crispus nudged me with his elbow, and for the first time, I allowed myself to hope. Was it possible I would escape this trial, and what's more, with Brutus under arrest? It seemed like too much.
It was too much. The emperor continued, his face turning more grim, "If all the empire had to contend with were the reasons for your actions, I would release you at once. There is logic to the things you have done. From what I've been told, you have acted in defense only, never to attack the empire, but to stop the attacks upon you. I cannot fault y
ou for defending your life, or the lives of those you love. And yet, I must convict you. Not for what you have done, but for what you are capable of doing. You cannot be allowed to live while having powers that may even rival the gods. Nicolas, my sentence upon you is not a punishment for any crimes of magic, only a consequence for having magic in the first place. I sentence you to death, with full expectation that you will rise up in the Elysian Fields. And from that place of peace, I hope you will forgive the choice I've had to make this day. Long live the empire of Rome!"
Soon die the boy who tried to save it.
The emperor's guards still remaining in the area immediately laid hands on me, but I struggled against them and shouted, "I said I had two requests of Caesar. You have not heard my second!"
"It was for your release," Probus calmly replied. "I have ruled against you."
"That wasn't my other request," I said. "Please hear me."
Probus arched a brow, curious. But he nodded, and the guards let me continue standing to address him, though their grip on my arms remained just as firm.
I said, "For as long as she is condemned by Rome, the dragon I spoke of will seek her revenge. This dragon is no ordinary creature. She was a young vestal who fell in love with Marcus Brutus and assisted him in Julius Caesar's assassination. For his greater crime, Brutus went free. The vestal, named Atroxia, was buried alive and cursed by Diana to become what she is today." By now my heart was racing, yet I had to keep speaking. "I ask you to pardon her for the crime. She has been punished enough."
"Where is this dragon, Nicolas?"
I shook my head, not as a refusal to answer, but simply a refusal to answer as completely as he wanted. "For now she is trapped, but once she gets free, she will seek the destruction of this empire. Perhaps if she had your forgiveness, it would give her peace to move on to the next life. You will save her, but not only her. Allowing her to pass into the next life might also save Rome."
"They will not forgive me." The Mistress was speaking into my head now, her tone cold and bitter. "Just as they will not forgive you. The empire does not understand forgiveness."
Probus placed a finger against his jaw. "I will consider your request, but that still does not change my verdict. You must die today."
A desperate voice called out behind us. "No!" I couldn't see her, but that was Aurelia's cry. Pain and sorrow carried from her voice directly to my heart. I didn't want her to be here, not for this.
Probus only momentarily glanced in her direction before adding, "The executioner awaits you now."
Behind me, Crispus went to his knees. "Reconsider, Caesar, I beg you. He is innocent."
But I wasn't. And it didn't matter anyway. Probus had already turned his back on me. His orders would be carried out.
The crowd that had been behind me parted, and when it did, I first saw the platform that must've been brought here during my short trial. In contrast to the elegance and beauty of most other symbols of Rome, this was a simple raised wooden block, built for no other purpose but death. The executioner was already there, dressed in a simple long black tunic and with an ax balanced in both hands, waiting for me. Of course he was already here. The outcome of my trial had been settled before the first word was even spoken.
Aurelia pushed forward through the crowd. In her hands was the same satchel as before. I had a guess what was in there now, and it concerned me. Although Brutus had been taken away, dozens of other Praetors still surrounded her. I hoped she had not brought the amulets into the forum, even if they were meant to save me. It wouldn't matter anyway. As long as Diana's band remained locked on my arm, the bulla and the Malice were useless.
She got close enough to grab me around the shoulders but was quickly pushed away by one of the emperor's guards. "You cannot save him!" he shouted at her.
The look in her eyes told me otherwise. Saving me was obviously her plan. She definitely had the amulets with her. Even if she meant well, she could find herself in more trouble and still fail to do anything for me.
Even as the soldiers pulled me onward, I looked back at her and firmly shook my head. Revealing she had the amulets would endanger her life, and certainly she'd lose them before they ever got into my hands. It wasn't worth the risk.
Crispus caught up to me, and since he had defended me in the trial, he was allowed to continue walking at my side.
"You only need enough magic to break that armband," he whispered. "I know it's in you somewhere. Please just find it and use it!"
I was stumbling against the fierce hold of the soldiers and their insistent march forward. With my still injured back, and the exhaustion and hunger of the past two days, I found it hard enough simply to remain on my feet. The idea that I might summon magic where there wasn't any was an utter joke. But I wasn't angry with him for asking. We both knew it was my last chance.
Seeing my failure to do as he asked, Crispus said, "I will take care of both Livia and Aurelia. And your mother and Radulf too; they will all remain safe for as long as I live."
"Thank you." I didn't ask him to marry Aurelia or refuse him permission to marry Livia. As far as I was concerned, Crispus had done more than enough to prove himself my truest friend. Whatever path made him happiest, I couldn't refuse him. I only regretted that at the end of his decision, either Livia or Aurelia would end up alone.
Aurelia tore through the crowd again, and this time I followed her eye to the sword at the side of the soldier standing between us.
"Stop her," I whispered to Crispus. "For her sake."
Crispus left me and ran to her, closing her in his arms and pressing her back into the crowd. At first she fought him, attempting to cross past him and get to that sword. But he held her tight and whispered something to her; then she let the tears fall and embraced him. Her shoulders were shaking with sorrow as I passed them, and only in the last moment of my passing did she look up. Her eyes were red and already swollen.
I pulled back from the soldiers, long enough to say, "Don't tell my family what happened here. Tell them anything about this moment, except the truth."
She nodded, allowing more tears to fall, but didn't seem to trust herself with words and only embraced Crispus again, burying her head in his shoulder. This time, I didn't mind that. I wanted someone there to comfort her, and I was glad it could be him. In his own way, he loved her too.
The platform was accessed by three wooden steps. Here at the base, they seemed as tall as a mountain, one from which I would never descend. I hesitated for a moment, searching within myself for the courage to climb them so I would not have to be carried up there like a coward. A soldier nudged my back, and then I somehow made it to the first step. After that, it was easier to climb the rest.
The executioner waiting at the top was almost as still as a statue. His eyes staring back at me seemed lifeless, and I wondered, with every execution he had performed, if a bit of his own life had been taken too. Perhaps that was the reason the vestalis had not wanted me to kill Brutus in the arena. Perhaps she understood that no matter what it did to Brutus, what it would take from me was far worse.
Although if I was being honest, it didn't seem that way at the moment. Nothing seemed worse than where I now stood. Crispus still stared at me from the crowd, and I could almost picture him telling me that of all the methods of execution Rome might have used, this was one of the more preferred. By whom? I wondered. Who would prefer this?
A flat stone was set in the center of the platform with a basket in the front of it. I knew how this would go. I would be made to kneel before the stone and lay my head upon it. The executioner's ax would fall upon my neck, separating two halves of my body that I would have preferred to keep in one piece. I hoped that at least I'd bleed all over the executioner and ruin his tunic. It wasn't much payback for what he was about to do, but it was the last thing I had left.
"Kneel," a soldier ordered.
I remained on my feet. "Before I do, I must hear Caesar's decision. Will he pardon Atroxia? She has bee
n punished long enough." When that still failed to get the emperor's attention, even more loudly, I called, "Pardon her, Caesar! You must, because if you don't, after my death, nothing will save you from her revenge."
Far behind me, Probus gestured with his hands, an acknowledgment of what I had asked. A silent but clear pardon of Atroxia's crimes.
Inside my head, Atroxia's voice returned. "I am forgiven?" she asked. "It is over?"
It was better, but far from over. Diana's curse remained upon her, and there was nothing I could do about that, not anymore. I didn't know whether the pardon would allow Atroxia's soul to journey to the Elysian Fields, but I hoped so. I hoped that despite my crimes, I might wake up there too.
"Now you will kneel," the executioner said. "I can do this while on your feet, but if I miss, you pay the price for it."
"Remove the Praetor's armband first," Crispus said, stepping forward again. Aurelia remained back amongst the crowd, refusing to look at me. But he had Aurelia's satchel, which meant the amulets were only a few feet away from me. If the armband was removed, and if he could get an amulet into my hand, I had a chance.
To the executioner, Crispus added, "Give this boy that one dignity, of dying without the token of his enemy on his arm."
The executioner raised his blade and wedged it between the slit of the thin silver band. He angled the blade enough to separate the pieces until the lock broke, and he pulled it from my arm.
It was as if he had removed a thousand-pound weight from me, one that had affected my ability to think and even to breathe. I felt an immediate spark within the Divine Star, and Crispus grinned and nodded very slightly at the satchel. He loosened the string around it and moved as if to reach inside it. Already I could sense the magic he held, close enough to save my life.
But it was not to be. The soldiers who had dragged me here came down the steps and grabbed Crispus by the arms, forcing him back to the crowd that had surrounded this platform. They stood in front of him, preventing either him or Aurelia from darting forward with the amulets.
He still stood close enough that I could feel the yearning of the amulets to return to me. At the same time, they were so far away. Like a scent of fresh baked bread that I would never be allowed to taste.