And another. And another.
"I'm going to have to call Derek to take us home," Ashtyn says. "I'm already feeling dizzy."
"I'm good," I say, liking the warm feeling rushing through my body. I'm not feeling any pain right now--none at all.
"Wanna dance?" some guy with messy brown hair and beer dripping down his chin asks me.
Umm... "I'm good."
"Go dance, Monika!" Bree says, pushing me toward the guy.
How did I get myself into this situation? It's not like I haven't drank before. I have. It's just...I've only drank a few times with my friends. I've never drank with a bunch of strangers in a club.
He leads me to the dance floor, and we start dancing. I try not to think about his hands on my waist or the fact that I think he just felt my butt. I step away from him, but he pulls me back with an overly tight grip on my arm.
"Come on, be nice and give me some sugar," he says into my ear.
I'm not good at pretending like Bree is. I take his hand, the one that's got a grip on my arm, and scratch him with my nails.
"Ow! Bitch!" he screams over the loud music.
When he releases me, I weave through the crowd and stumble a couple of times along the way.
I think I'm drunk.
But when I see a girl with bright pink hair, my mind sobers up. She's in the corner, popping a yellow pill into her mouth. When our eyes meet, she ducks through the crowd.
"Zara!" I call out as loud as I can over the music as I try my best to follow her through the sea of people drinking and dancing.
For a minute I think I've lost her, but then I catch a glimpse of that pink hair as she escapes into the bathroom. Wasting no time, I push through until I'm in the bathroom, too. No pink hair in here. She must be in one of the stalls.
"Hey, Zara," I say, trying not to slur my words. "I need to talk to you. I'm not leaving here until we talk."
Suddenly the door to one of the stalls opens. Zara Hughes--the pretty girl in the pictures with Trey. Forever and always.
"Do you know who I am?" I ask her.
"Yeah." She looks nervous and her eyes focus on the door. Is she planning her escape to avoid this confrontation? "I know who you are," she says.
Girls waiting in line for an open stall are listening to us. It's not like there's any place we can talk in private, so I'm gonna do it right here and now.
"I, um..." I think of what to say, but my brain is foggy and I'm aware that people are starting to stare.
I look at Zara's pink hair, pink lips, and her flawless skin. Despite what I want to think, she doesn't look like a slut or manipulative. She looks sad, like she's just lost the love of her life.
I don't need to interrogate her. Just by looking at the tears pooling in her eyes, I know the truth. She was in love with Trey. From the pictures I found in his room, I can tell he was in love with her.
I reach into my purse and pull out the pictures of the two of them. "Here," I say. "I found these in Trey's room."
She tentatively takes the pictures from my hands. A tear falls down her face when she stares longingly at each one.
"Thank you," she says, holding the pictures to her chest.
I'm about to leave when Zara calls out, "I'm so sorry, Monika."
I nod. And look at her for a long time. "Me too."
Back in the main area of the club, I spot Ashtyn and Bree, who are on the dance floor with a bunch of people from Fremont. They wave me over, but as I'm heading toward them a guy wearing a gray hoodie bumps into me on his way through the sea of people.
His face is partially concealed by the hood, but when I glance at him his head slowly raises, revealing dark, blazing eyes.
I gasp.
I'm not too drunk to know those black eyes can only belong to one person.
Victor Salazar.
Chapter Forty-three
VICTOR
All I want to do is leave this club, but I'm not leaving without my sister. Club Mystique. Hell, I've gone here a bunch of times with my friends over the years--the club where teens can party with the over-21 crowd.
This gringo with the words WEED-WHACKER on his shirt comes up to me. "You got anythin' to smoke, man?"
Smoke?
"No. I'm lookin' for someone," I tell him.
"Aren't we all," WEED-WHACKER replies.
Someone taps on my shoulder and yells something I can't hear over the music.
I turn around, annoyed. "What the fuck do you wa--"
My tongue forgets to work, because standing in front of me is a goddess come to life. Monika Fox couldn't blend into this crowd even if she wanted to. The girl's curly hair is long and beautiful, her red dress is sexy as hell, and she's got this aura about her that makes everyone in the room stare.
Including me.
Her eyes are glassy though, and she looks like she's about to stumble. I reach out to steady her, but she swats my hand away. "Don't touch me!" Her words are slurred.
"You're drunk."
"I'm buzzed," she says, slowly. "There's a difference."
"Okay, whatever you say." I glance behind her and see my sister in the corner of the club. Bonk has his arms around her like she's his, and my veins fire up.
"Do you have somewhere to go?"
I don't answer.
"Don't ignore me, Vic."
"I'm not ignoring you."
She grabs my shoulder and urges me to lean down so I can hear her.
"I'm not leaving, and I'm not letting you leave me," she practically screams over the music. "You can't hide forever."
I abandon my mission to rescue Dani and take Monika by the hand.
She pulls her hand back. "Where are you taking me?"
"Outside."
"Maybe I don't want to go outside." She cranes her neck to see the dance floor. "I came here with Bree and Ashtyn. My friends."
"And you're leavin' with me." Taking Monika by the hand again, I lead her outside. She stumbles a few times, tripping over her own feet.
"How much did you drink?" I ask her.
"Don't know," she says, holding her free hand up as if she's under arrest. "Enough to feel really, really, really good and really, really pissed."
Oh, hell.
"I don't even know why I care that you're here or why it bothers me that you hate me."
"I don't hate you," I tell her in a low voice as we weave through the crowd.
Monika looks up at me with a mixture of anger and defiance. "I kissed you and you could care less. In fact, you said it was a mistake."
She leans back and looks right into my eyes. Oh, man, I'm in trouble. Especially when she stumbles backward and I have to reach out to catch her.
Monika glances at a bunch of people walking around us, then looks up at me with those eyes that seem to sparkle on their own. "You're fucking up your life. Trey would beat the shit out of you if he knew what you turned into." She squints, gauging my reaction. "It doesn't matter if you hate me or not, Vic. I hate you."
"Yeah, well, it's a good thing you hate me."
"Why?"
"Because you're still my best friend's girlfriend," I tell her simply. "That's why."
"Hey!" I hear someone call out. "Is that Vic Salazar? Yo, I saw your sister with Matthew Bonk. They were sucking face by the bar."
Oh, shit.
I hold Monika and look into her eyes. I want to be close to her again, to tell her that I'll be there for her no matter what. But it would complicate everything if I were honest with her. "I've got to go rescue my sister from Bonk," I tell her. "But I'm not leavin' you like this."
"I changed my mind. Just go. Leave. I don't need you or your stupid kisses." She pushes my hands off her. "You're good at leaving when people need you, Vic. That's your specialty."
"You don't understand. Trey and I were best friends." I'm feeling more than defeated at this point. "I can't... I can't do this."
"You don't know anything about me and Trey!" Monika calls out.
"I know he l
oved you," I tell her.
"You don't know shit, Vic. You think you do, but you got duped just like me. You thought you knew Trey, but he was a stranger to both of us." She glances at the front of the club where Bree and Ashtyn are standing, waving her over. But then Ashtyn must recognize me, because she comes running over.
"Oh my God! Vic!" Ash cries out. I haven't seen her since the accident, but this isn't the time to talk. Not now.
"Take her, Ash," I say as I put Monika in Ashtyn's arms.
"Wait, are you leaving?"
"After I take care of business." I head to the bar.
Because Bonk has a date with my sister--and with my fist.
Chapter Forty-four
MONIKA
"Have you ever fallen in love with someone you hate?" I ask Isa on Monday as we work on a car together.
"Oh, chica, I've fallen in love with many men who I've hated."
"Who was your first boyfriend?"
She puts down the wrench in her hand and sighs. "His name was Paco. We weren't official or anythin', but I was seventeen and totally in love with him. I imagined us gettin' married and havin' kids one day."
"What happened?"
"He was murdered." She sniffs a few times, then picks the wrench back up and starts working on the car again. "I got out of the gang after that, but it didn't bring him back."
"I'm sorry."
"Me too." She looks at me sideways. "So what's the deal with you and my cousin?"
I can feel blood rushing to my cheeks. "Nothing."
"Don't give me that 'nothin' crap. I see the way you look at him."
"We're just friends, I guess." Although that's not exactly true. "Actually, right now I hate him. We're not really friends anymore."
She nods in acknowledgment. "Alex, come here!"
Alex, who came to help out again today, walks over from the car he's been working on. "Tell Monika how it was love at first sight with you and Brit."
"I hated her," he says. "And she hated me. We came from opposite sides of town, and I thought we were so different." He laughs. "Who knew she was my soul mate."
"I did," Isa tells him.
He laughs. "True."
"As a guy, do you got any advice for Monika?"
"Yeah," Alex says. "My wife never stopped challengin' me. Made me want to be a better man."
I tried to challenge Vic, but instead of making him want to be a better man he's given up.
Suddenly the door to the garage opens. Bernie appears in a tailored suit, and he's holding a huge bouquet of roses in his hand.
"Did you just come from a funeral?" Isa jokes.
"No," Bernie says, completely serious. "I came to take you on a date."
Isa backs up. "I told you I don't date." She narrows her eyes at Alex. "Don't you dare say a word, Alex."
Alex holds his hands up. "I'm not sayin' anything, Isa."
Bernie hands Isa the flowers. "Go on a date with me."
"I can't," she says.
"Why not?"
"Because..." Isa tosses the flowers in the trash. She starts walking away, but then rushes back to the garbage can and pulls them out. "Fuck you for doin' this to me, Bernie."
"I'm just trying to love you," he says.
"Yeah, well all the guys I've loved die. You want to die?"
"I will eventually," he says. "I'm not afraid of dying. And I'm not afraid of you. Go out with me."
"I have work to do."
"I'll help you catch up on work."
"I fired you, asshole." Isa's words are harsh, but the way she's cradling the huge bouquet, as if it's her lifeline to happiness, shows her true feelings.
"You can fire me a thousand times, and I'll still come back," Bernie says. "You and I can make a great team. Just go out with me tonight. If you want me to leave you alone after tonight, well, I'll consider it."
"Do it," Alex says. "Give the poor gringo a chance."
Isa glares at him. "I didn't ask your opinion, Fuentes."
Alex shrugs.
I'm afraid to give Isa my own advice for fear she'll yell at me or fire me on the spot. But I do it anyways. "He's not going to give up," I tell her. "And those flowers are gorgeous."
Isa sighs loudly. It takes a long time for her to respond. Finally, she swallows and says in a weak voice. "Fine. Let me change first."
"Don't change," Bernie says, taking her by the hand and stopping her. "I'll take you just the way you are."
"You're a geek," she says.
"I know. I'll bet you never went out with a geek before, Isa. Let me give you a hint. Geeks make the best husbands."
Isa rolls her eyes, then turns to me as Bernie leads her outside. "If you want to come by to talk to Vic tonight, you can. I'll be back late, I guess."
I bite my bottom lip nervously as she hands me a key to the shop. "You sure?"
"Hell, if anyone can pull him out of his darkness it's you."
"How do you know?"
Isa winks. "I don't know a lot, but I do know you scare the shit out of him. And he ain't afraid of anything."
*
At eleven o'clock, I sneak out of my house with Isa and Alex's words echoing in my head. My intent is to find Vic and challenge him, no matter what it takes. I'm going to make him see that there's so much more to life that he's missing.
I also need to find out if these feelings I have for him are real or imagined.
I drive to Fairfield, my heart pounding and my hands shaking. I hold onto the steering wheel tightly to mask my nervousness. My joints ache because I've been tense all night.
I park in front and enter the dark garage. There's a small light leading upstairs to Isa's apartment, which has become Vic's cave.
I'm about to walk upstairs when a voice echoes through the darkness. "Monika?"
I turn to the sound of Vic's voice. He's leaning against the bumper of one of the cars.
"We need to talk, Vic."
"What do you want to talk about?" he asks, walking up to me.
"Stuff. Important stuff."
"I'm not going back to Fremont, so you might as well save your breath."
"I know." I glance at him. "We need to have a serious talk."
I'm gathering enough courage to be honest with Vic about everything. I already feel like I've held too much back.
I'm going to put it all out there and tell Vic how I feel.
Even if it pushes him away.
Chapter Forty-five
VICTOR
The soft illumination from the streetlights streaming in through the frosted garage windows provides just enough light to make out what Monika's wearing.
I'm trying to ignore the fact that we're alone. I have no clue why she came here or what she wants. Whatever it is, I have to stay unemotional and detached. I'm not about to drag Monika into my fucked-up life.
She walks over to an old rusty truck on one of the racks. "I've been working on this car."
"Cool," I say, eyeing the truck. "I know it makes me feel useful when I can fix somethin' that's broken. I'm sure you feel the same way."
"Speaking about something broken--I wanted to ask you something," she says. "Did you know Trey was cheating on me?"
"No. There's no way he'd cheat." Trey was into Monika from day one. Hell, when they started dating our freshman year, we had to come up with rules on how many times he could say her name or bring her up. Jet used to laugh at how whipped he was.
"Then you didn't know him very well."
He was my best friend. Of course I knew him. There's a bunch of chairs lined up in the waiting area of the garage. I sit on one, stretch my legs out, and watch Monika through lidded eyes as she explores the garage.
Looking at Monika next to the truck is like seeing a butterfly next to an old beat-up shoe. The two don't mix, but there's beauty to be found in both. She turns around and catches me watching her.
"Just be honest with me," she says.
Honestly I want to hold her in my arms.
But righ
t now the only honest thing I can share is: "Honestly, I hate cheese when it's in block form but don't mind it when it's melted."
Her mouth quirks up into a smile and she nods. "I was talking about Trey cheating on me."
"I know nothin' about that. I'm talkin' about cheese."
The light shines on her hands, which are clenched tight. "I don't want to talk about your weird cheese issues. I want to talk about Trey, because you and I can't move forward unless you know the truth. Trey cheated on me with a girl named Zara Hughes. Do you know her?"
"Zara Hughes?"
She stands up straight and takes a deep breath, as if she's bracing herself for all the bad news I'll give her about Zara and Trey. "Tell me everything. Don't hold back."
"Okay," I finally say. "I know her. Trey texted her a bunch, but he said they were just friends. She goes to Fairfield."
"Where did they meet?"
"Don't know. Lollapalooza, I think."
She nods as she takes in all the information.
"He was in love with her, Vic," she finally says. "I found pictures of the two of them from a while ago. He was looking at her like... well, let's just say he hadn't looked at me that way for a long time."
I focus on the tool chest. Hell, I don't want her analyzing the way I look at her.
All this is just playing with my head. Trey was in love with Monika. I mean, yeah, he talked to Zara and maybe hung out with her a few times, but...
I don't want to think that Trey was fucking around on Monika. How could he? Why would he? Monika is the most loyal, dedicated girl who gave Trey everything a guy would want. She's supportive and funny and smart, not to mention beautiful.
She's the girl that dreams and fantasies are made of.
"He wasn't perfect, you know," she whispers in a soft, vulnerable voice.
He was in my eyes. He had the life I always wanted. Parents who cared, natural athletic talent, and a brain that could rival Einstein's. To top it off, he had the perfect girl.
"I'd know if he was screwin' around on you, Monika," I say confidently. "There's no way he'd be able to hide that fact from me."
"You're wrong." She tilts her head to the side, and a stream of light shines on her curious eyes.
I can't do this. Not here, not now, when I have the urge to comfort her.
Her eyes are filled with tears and frustration now. Oh, man, I can't stand watching her break down. It's killing me. "We broke up before he died, Vic. He wanted me to keep it a secret from everyone until after homecoming."
"No." I walk up to her and cup her chin tenderly in my hand, urging her to look up at me. "Trey wanted to make you happy. He loved you."