11th January
I meant to write to you from the city, Daddy, but New York is anengrossing place.
I had an interesting--and illuminating--time, but I'm glad I don'tbelong to such a family! I should truly rather have the John GrierHome for a background. Whatever the drawbacks of my bringing up, therewas at least no pretence about it. I know now what people mean whenthey say they are weighed down by Things. The material atmosphere ofthat house was crushing; I didn't draw a deep breath until I was on anexpress train coming back. All the furniture was carved andupholstered and gorgeous; the people I met were beautifully dressed andlow-voiced and well-bred, but it's the truth, Daddy, I never heard oneword of real talk from the time we arrived until we left. I don'tthink an idea ever entered the front door.
Mrs. Pendleton never thinks of anything but jewels and dressmakers andsocial engagements. She did seem a different kind of mother from Mrs.McBride! If I ever marry and have a family, I'm going to make them asexactly like the McBrides as I can. Not for all the money in the worldwould I ever let any children of mine develop into Pendletons. Maybeit isn't polite to criticize people you've been visiting? If it isn't,please excuse. This is very confidential, between you and me.
I only saw Master Jervie once when he called at tea time, and then Ididn't have a chance to speak to him alone. It was reallydisappointing after our nice time last summer. I don't think he caresmuch for his relatives--and I am sure they don't care much for him!Julia's mother says he's unbalanced. He's a Socialist--except, thankHeaven, he doesn't let his hair grow and wear red ties. She can'timagine where he picked up his queer ideas; the family have been Churchof England for generations. He throws away his money on every sort ofcrazy reform, instead of spending it on such sensible things as yachtsand automobiles and polo ponies. He does buy candy with it though! Hesent Julia and me each a box for Christmas.
You know, I think I'll be a Socialist, too. You wouldn't mind, wouldyou, Daddy? They're quite different from Anarchists; they don'tbelieve in blowing people up. Probably I am one by rights; I belong tothe proletariat. I haven't determined yet just which kind I am goingto be. I will look into the subject over Sunday, and declare myprinciples in my next.
I've seen loads of theatres and hotels and beautiful houses. My mindis a confused jumble of onyx and gilding and mosaic floors and palms.I'm still pretty breathless but I am glad to get back to college and mybooks--I believe that I really am a student; this atmosphere ofacademic calm I find more bracing than New York. College is a verysatisfying sort of life; the books and study and regular classes keepyou alive mentally, and then when your mind gets tired, you have thegymnasium and outdoor athletics, and always plenty of congenial friendswho are thinking about the same things you are. We spend a wholeevening in nothing but talk--talk--talk--and go to bed with a veryuplifted feeling, as though we had settled permanently some pressingworld problems. And filling in every crevice, there is always such alot of nonsense--just silly jokes about the little things that come upbut very satisfying. We do appreciate our own witticisms!
It isn't the great big pleasures that count the most; it's making agreat deal out of the little ones--I've discovered the true secret ofhappiness, Daddy, and that is to live in the now. Not to be for everregretting the past, or anticipating the future; but to get the mostthat you can out of this very instant. It's like farming. You canhave extensive farming and intensive farming; well, I am going to haveintensive living after this. I'm going to enjoy every second, and I'mgoing to KNOW I'm enjoying it while I'm enjoying it. Most people don'tlive; they just race. They are trying to reach some goal far away onthe horizon, and in the heat of the going they get so breathless andpanting that they lose all sight of the beautiful, tranquil countrythey are passing through; and then the first thing they know, they areold and worn out, and it doesn't make any difference whether they'vereached the goal or not. I've decided to sit down by the way and pileup a lot of little happinesses, even if I never become a Great Author.Did you ever know such a philosopheress as I am developing into?
Yours ever, Judy
PS. It's raining cats and dogs tonight. Two puppies and a kitten havejust landed on the window-sill.