CHAPTER TWENTY: Forever Seventeen
I sat in my room all alone channel surfing. I stopped on some weird cooking show that I had never even heard of before. I wasn't even watching it though. I was thinking of how horrid of a person I was and wondering how I was going to break the news. So many thoughts raced through my heard. If I broke up with Hunter I would still have to see him every day so wouldn't that be awkward? Could we remain friends? I didn't think we could. I hadn't made a very good girlfriend I don't think being his friend would work any better to be honest. What if he kicked me out of the band? What would I do then? Would I have to go back to school? Would I have to face my classmates again? Would they treat me differently now?
I looked at the letter that the fan had handed me. I wondered if I should read it. Maybe it was a hate letter. I got those from time to time. For the most part, the hate had died down some though. Ever since I was named “The It Girl” seems things to have slowed down. I hesitantly unfolded the paper and peered at the words printed inside.
Dear Leslie,
I want you to know I am so happy you make Hunter happy. I wish nothing, but the best for the two of you. But I will admit I spend every living second of my life daydreaming about him and wishing on every star that I could trade places with you. Sometimes, I wake myself up from this daydream I'm living and come to the realization that he does not want me and he is not mine. That's what is so painful about these dreams I have of the boy's... sometimes I have to wake up. I have to come to the painful realization that he is happy with another and it is not me. When I watch their videos on YouTube I have a smile plastered on my face the entire time and sometimes I even have to leave the room to calm myself. I cannot express this love I feel for these four boys, but it is one I have never experienced before. I think these boys are my very first love... and the first cut it always the deepest. Thank-you for your time and thank-you for the joy you've brought Hunter. I can tell by the way he looks at you that he loves you.
Love, your adoring fan Elizabeth
I stared at the letter for what seemed like hours. I had to do it. I couldn't go on like this. I could almost feel her passion and determination for these boys as I read through this sweet handwritten letter. I traced every individual letter on the page with my fingertip and scanned over her pretty handwriting countless times. She loved Hunter... she really, truly loved him. She probably had fake conversations with him, drifted off about him during class, and had watched every interview ever released of him and his band. Sometimes she probably wished she'd never even found this band at all because it brought her so much heartache. She really, truly loved him... and I knew that if it were her in my shoes, she would treat him as he should be treated. To her, this was more than some boy band... it was what kept her going. It was what she had poured her time and effort into. It might just be the one thing that kept her smiling. It was what she wanted and maybe even what she needed. This boy... was truly her world. Then, a thought occurred to me that shattered me. I was just like Ryan. We gave Ryan everything and he always ended up disappointed me. Hunter gave me everything and I always ended up disappointing him. I didn't deserve him. To be honest, I think he should date a fan. One of those would give him the affection and care he truly needed. They could give him everything that would make him happy. Never again would he be disappointed.
A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts as if they were made of thin, worthless glass. I stomped to the door, my mind still elsewhere. I swung the door open only to reveal Kade's grinning face. The sight warmed me and made me forget my previous mental torture. He twirled car keys on his finger.
“Did you buy a car?” I asked.
“No, no, this is a special occasion, but not that special. I borrowed it from Kelly.” He said with a laugh.
“Oh no... so we're going to be driving a pink convertible?” I asked with a giggle.
“Hey, help a brother out. It's the best I could do. I didn't want to drive the motorcycle over there because it's supposed to rain and I didn't wanna get that pretty blonde hair you got wet.” He said, gently tugging on my blonde locks.
“Oh, you think I'm a little princess that's too prissy to get wet?” I questioned. He just laughed. He opened his mouth as if he was ready to say something, but then swiftly shut it again. We walked down to his smoking' hot pink ride. I knew we were under serious circumstances, but I just couldn't look at that bright pink car and take the situation solemnly.
“Your carriage awaits, your highness.” Kade said as he opened the door.
“Oh, why thank-you, sir.” I said, giving him a swallow and awkward curtsy. He laughed as I tripped a little while attempting to rise from my curtsy. I slid into the passenger seat beside him and listened as the engine roared. We rode on in silence for a little while. There was nothing but the steady sound of the tires on the paved road and the hum of the engine. I looked out the window. Silence was never awkward with Kade...always comfortable.
“Are you ready?” I asked finally. Kade waited a moment before answering.
“I think so.” He replied.
“How do you feel?” I inquired.
“I don't really know. I knew I'd have to do this some day, but it just feels so weird now that I'm finally facing it. But I feel better because I'm with you.” Kade stated. I smiled a little at his response.
“Hey, you came with me and it's only fair I come with you. Besides, you got beat up for me.” I said with a smile.
“There will be no beating up this time.” Kade said.
“Promise?” I asked.
“Promise.” He replied with a grin.
“You don't have to do this, you know.” I said.
“Oh, but I do. I've needed to do this for a while. I can never move on if I don't let go first. I know that Jade would want it this way. I heard a soft patter on the roof and rolled down the window. I felt cold droplets of water hitting my skin.
“It's raining.” I said. Kade glanced up at the sky.
“Oh, it's only a drizzle. We're fine.” He said. After what seemed like ages, he stopped the car. I looked out. We were in a wide valley that had what looked like hundreds of tombstones. There were little gray stones lined together perfectly as far as I could see. I looked at Kade. Little rain droplets were now beating on his head and forming at the end of his hair. I could tell if the dampness on his cheeks were tears or rain. He looked handsome though. He went into the car and pulled a red rose from the glove compartment. He sniffed it and closed his eyes as he inhaled the scent.
“Do you know where her grave is?” I asked. He nodded.
“I know exactly where is it by heart. I come here often.” He responded. I followed him through the damp and grass until we stopped in front of a stone. “Jade Elise Thomas” was engraved on the stone. Kade dropped to his knees right in the mud before the stone as if it were some sort of holy land. He brushed the words lightly with his fingertips. He touched them so tenderly as if her grave were made of glass and if he didn't treat her gently enough it would crumble right his eyes. I stood behind him and bit my lip, I was getting a bit emotional just watching him.
“I miss you.” He whispered. His voice was barely audible over the sound of the rain on the concrete. He seemed as if in that moment he didn't even realize I was there. H gently set the rose in front of the grave stone. It was covered in tiny little rain droplets and looked so majestic against the the shimmering gray stone. He stooped down as if he were praying them slowly lifted his head to eye level with Jade's name.
“I love you... but I'm moving on because I love. I know that's what you'd want, baby.” He said gently. His voice quivered and I hoped to goodness he wouldn't cry. I knew I'd break down as well if I so much as saw a single tear slid down his face. He slowly rose to his feet and looked down at Jade. Water streamed from the tips of his hair down his face. His hair looked an even deeper jet black when it was wet.
“Are you ready?” I whispered faintly
. He nodded.
“Good-bye, Jade.” He said softly. As soon as he did a loud clap of thunder sounded.
“What was that?” He cried. We both looked up at the same time to see the bottom drop from the sky and release buckets of rain that it seemed to have been storing for months. It poured down mercilessly on both our faces. Rolls of thunder sounded like banging drums off in the distance and flashes of lightning flickered in the sky.
Kade grabbed my hand and sprinted down the hill. Somewhere along the way he lost his footing and we both went skidding down the hill right into an enormous mud puddle. He laughed a little and I could only faintly hear the joyous sound over the constant rumble of thunder. He helped me up as well, but refused to let go even when I was steady on my feet. He just stood there looking at me and holding my arms. Slowly, his hands traveled up my shoulders, to my neck, and then to my face. He cupped both sides of my face and stared at me with those beautiful, coal-black eyes. It still made my heart flutter when he did that. He looked awfully handsome with his dripping wet shaggy hair sticking to his face, rain droplets on his skin, mud smeared on that flawless face of his, and that signature crooked grin.
“I've proved myself.” I said finally. He raised a brow.
“What do you mean?” He asked, inching closer.
“I'm not a little princess that doesn't want to get wet.” I said.
“You're my princess.” He whispered, pulling me close to him. Butterflies exploded within me when he said that word. I longed for him to call me that for so long. My breathe caught in my throat and although I opened my mouth to say something, no words came out. I parted my lips and tried again, but still no luck. It didn't matter then though because he did something I would have never expected. As I opened my mouth to say something, he pulled me close and kissed me. My heart leaped in my chest and I suddenly grew extremely weak at the knees. I could hardly stand on my own two feet and I can't describe what was happening inside me. It wasn't like when Hunter kissed me. When Kade kissed me, I felt like the only girl in the entire world. If this was what love felt like then I never wanted it to stop. For once, if my life I was feeling and I liked it. I loved it. I loved him. There was no confusion on the matter anymore, I knew right then and there what love felt like. I knew I was head over heels in it as well. I didn't want to fight it, I wasn't scared. For once in my life, I felt safe. I felt protected. I felt like I had found my prince. Sudden a horn blared, and Kade pulled away from me quickly. His eyes were as wide as saucers, but I didn't follow his eyes to where his gaze lay because mine was set on him. When I looked at him he seemed to sparkle, he glew like an angel. In a way he was an angel... he was my angel. My heart seemed to leap into my throat and I had no words to say. I slowly tilted my head to the side and nearly had a stroke at what I saw.
Hunter was sprinting toward Kade with all his might. He had such a vicious look in his eyes as if he was ready to devour someone. Icy fear trickled down my spine and paralyzed me. Kade pushed me out of the way right in time. Hunter came leaping onto Kade like a tiger on it's prey before it tears it apart. His hands were clenched into tight fists as he raised his hand to strike Kade. I was absolutely horrified, but there was no way I could stop it.
“HUNTER, STOP!” I shrieked. He punched Kade right in the nose. Kade let out a shrill noise, like a puppy dog getting his tail ran over. Kade rolled over on top of Hunter and this cycle contained for quite some time, each feeling a dominance over the brief seconds they spent on top. They wallowed in the mud like swine, screaming, shrieking, and raising fist to pound one another. Kade got on top and struck Hunter a few times in the face. I screamed and fell to my knees, trying to tear the two of them apart.
“PLEASE, STOP!” I sobbed. Loud crashed of thunder sounded like clanging cymbals, drowning out my cries and making them sound like a hoarse whisper. Hunter shoved me away as I tried to pry them apart and I stumbled back, landing in the mud myself. I struggled to get back up and make a second attempt to rip them away from one another. They were buried in the mud and I couldn't quite see what was going on, but I did hear their cries of pain and grunts.
“HUNTER, HE'S HAD ENOUGH!” I wailed. I looked up at the sky. It was so dark that it almost looked black. It was as dark and heavy as this atmosphere right now. Kade popped up from out of the mud. He looked at me as if I had just committed some crime. He had blood smeared on his face, it ran down him along with the water. Hunter popped up as well with an equal amount of blood dripping from him. Kade retreated to his car. Hunter grabbed both my arms.
“Did he hurt you, babe?” Hunter asked. I ripped away from Hunter and ran toward his car. Kade peeled out of the narrow walkway and skidded down the road. I hopped into Hunter's car. He had left the keys in the ignition. I heard him screaming and me and commanding I come out, but I wasn't listening. I had one ambition and one ambition only... to not let Kade go. I had let so many people walk out of my life... I just couldn't let him slip through my fingertips. I looked back and saw Hunter helplessly standing there in the rain. He looked like a lonely, hurt, confused puppy dog. Part of me, felt bad. It was wrong to steal his car. I had to do it though. There was no way I was letting fall right through my hands. I couldn't let my prince go. I booked it going dozens and dozens of miles over the speed limit. If I got pulled over, my excuse would be I did it for love... that seemed like a valid one anyway. Kade continued rolling down the road at an unfathomable speed. Maybe he'd get pulled over... I could catch him then. Then, I saw something that saved my day. The light in front of us, turned red. He was forced to stop the car. He slammed on his breaks. I swerved into the lane beside him, cutting the car next to me off. A stream of unkind words seemed to be flowing from her mouth. I screeched to a stop beside Kade. I rolled my window down. He didn't even seem to see me. I leaned out of my car and tapped on his window. He looked over at me and jumped in surprise. He looked hesitantly at me then back at the light. He slowly inched toward the passenger seat and with great reluctance rolled his window down. He leaned out of the car and so did I. He put his hand to the back of my head, pulling me close and kissed me once more. It felt so right with his lips on mine.
As the rained poured down on our heads, it felt like a magic moment. I put my hand on the back of his head as well, running my fingers through his slightly spiked, wet, ruffled, dark hair. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want this moment to end. I felt like it I let him go now, I'd loose him forever. My heart skipped a beat and fluttered inside my chest again. It was a feeling I enjoyed more than anything. It was a feeling I had only ever experienced with Kade. A feeling I had been fighting all along. I felt like a jolt of electricity had just been shot through my entire body. I never wanted to stop feeling this way. I felt as if I were flying or floating on a cloud. I traced his deformed collar bone lightly. Kade pulled back from me suddenly.
“We can't go on.” He whispered. I felt my heart had leaped into my throat after that kiss, and I could hardly speak.
“Wh-what?” I stammered.
“Sam, I'm gonna get kicked out of the band and so are you. It's over. We're gonna have to go our on separate ways. Listen, I love you, but we can't go on like this. It's not right.” He said. My hand still rest of the back of his head stuck in his wet, slightly spiked, jet black hair. He removed my hand and held my wrist. He looked at the “Forever” bracelet Hunter had given me months ago. I hadn't taken it off since. He ran his finger gently over the engraved word, then looked at me solemnly.
“This isn't right, Sam. Face it, we've been sneaking around and that's wrong. We just can't do this anymore. I can't.” Kade said.
“Kade, no! If we get kicked out we can be together. Please-” The light turned green right then.
“I have to go. Good-bye, Sam.” He said. With that, he slid into the driver's seat and drove away. I reached for his car. It brushed my fingertips as he drove away. I tried to grip the bumper as if that would make him stay, but my grip was far too weak. I watched with blurry vision as his convertib
le faded into nothing, but a speck. I could hardly see through my tears anyway. That kiss he gave me... that magic kiss, who would have ever though it would be our last?
“Your broke your promise...” I whispered softly. Horns blared at me and the people behind me were screaming at me that the light was green. I could hardly even hear the threats being hurled at me though. I didn't even care. The one thing I actually cared about had driven off, never to be called mine again... if he ever even was mine to begin with. I pulled over to the side of the road, much to the delight of the cars behind me. I honestly had never been in so much mental pain before. It was this stinging empty sensation within me. I drove numbly back to the hotel. The thought crossed my mind that Hunter didn't have a ride home. I knew I should give him his car back. He was probably sitting alone in the rain still. I knew what I had done was wrong, but I just couldn't deal with right now.
I parked the car, pulling the keys out of the ignition, and lugged myself to the elevator. I felt like a lifeless zombie. I couldn't even take in anything happening around me. The world seemed like a hazy blur. The feeling I got so long ago of being unloved returned. Now it was true though. I was unloved by Kade and now by Hunter as well. Nobody loved me. It was as if I was right back to square one again. I let my mind drift to the hospital when Kade announced he was in love with me. Was it real? Was he only caught up in the moment? I didn't say it back then because I was scared. I was cared of rejection. It was my ultimate fear. Now, here I stood... facing my ultimate fear. It was so much worse than I possibly imagined it being. When I saw all these movies of girls falling in love then having a traumatic heartbreak, I always thought of how that would never be me. I thought of how I wouldn't fall in love in the first place, I thought of how I'd never take that risk. But here I was falling like a fool before I even knew it. I was just like those girls in those Rom-coms left broken and alone... again.
I had slid Hunter's car keys under his door so he'd have them tomorrow. For the first time in a long time, I cried myself to sleep. It had been a very long time since I'd last done that. As a matter of fact, the last few months here had been pretty wonderful and lacked tears of any sort. But tonight... tonight I let it all out. I didn't want anyone to hear me or see me like this. I woke up the next morning with a very sore throat and complete exhaustion. I rolled over in my bed and tossed a pillow over my head to hide from the sunlight streaming through my window. I didn't want the sun to shine so brightly today. Why would it be so glorious when I was so miserable. There was a light knock at my door. I wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone right now.
“GET OUT!” I shrieked as I heaved a pillow at the door.
“It's Kade.” A voice said weakly. I wiped my eyes quickly. I didn't want him to get the idea that I cared at all. That was usually the impression I gave to everyone... that I just didn't care. I didn't care about anyone or anything. I looked at my puffy, swollen, red, gritty eyes in the mirror. I jogged to the bathroom and washed my face with cold water. I pulled my hair up nicely and forced a smile on my lips. I no longer looked like a miserable heartbroken girl. I looked like... me.
“Sam?” I heard him say through the door.
“I'm really busy. What do you want?” I said, refusing to let him in. He knocked again.
“Please let me in. I want to talk to you.” Kade pleaded.
“I said I'm busy.” I snapped. There was a long pause and I waited beside the door as a wall of silence jutted between us.
“Are you okay?” He asked finally.
“Why wouldn't I be?” I asked in reply.
“I heard you crying last night. I don't ever wanna be the reason you cry.” Kade said, softly. I could hear his lips were probably pressed closely to the door so I could hear his soft whispers.
“I'd never cry over you. I just hurt myself... I-I was looking for a band-aid.” I lied.
“Let me be your band-aid... let me bandage you.” He whispered.
“I don't need you.” I scoffed.
“I didn't say you did. I just wanna talk to you.” He said. I didn't respond. I just stood there frozen on the other side of the door. I hesitantly grabbed the knob then slowly with much resistance, twisted it and opened the door a crack. I saw his dark eyes flicker with pleasure through the small crack. He push on the door and it swung wide open. I tried to keep my hand firmly on it to show I was only comfortable with the amount the door was opened at the moment, but I wasn't strong enough.
“Hey...” He said softly. I didn't respond.
“Look, I think I owe it to you to tell you this.” Kade said.
“Tell me what?” I asked, without much interest.
“I'm leaving tomorrow.” Kade blurted out. I felt my heart drop to my knees.
I choked on my own spit a little bit.
“What do you mean?” I sputtered.
“I've been kicked out of the band for fighting Hunter. They already booked my flight home tomorrow.” Kade replied. I felt the world grow a little hazy. I gripped the door frame. I thought that I just might pass out. My words were stuck in my throat. Though my mouth move no words came from it.
“Where will you go?” I croaked.
“I don't really know. I'm sure I'll figure something out.” Kade said with a shrug. I shook my head.
“How? How can he do this?” I questioned.
“It actually wasn't his choice. It's true he doesn't like me much, but management was the one who made the ultimate decision. I'm really lucky actually, I should probably do time for it, but they said they'd drop all charges if I was out of here by tomorrow. I'm thankful really.” Kade replied. I was trying to maintain my cool. I wasn't about to let him think that I cared he was leaving.
“That's just too bad.” I said with a shrug. He looked at me dead in the eyes with his tongue in his cheek.
“Yeah... it is.” He said.
“What about me?” I asked, selfishly.
“What do you mean?” He questioned back.
“Where will I go?” I inquired.
“I guess you'll stay here. Hunter seems to think the whole thing was my fault. I told him I was the one who kissed you so you're allowed to stay.” Kade replied.
“I can't stay here... it would be dishonest.” I replied.
“Well, it's your choice.” Kade said with a shrug.
“Then again, they can't kick me out for one little mistake.” I said cockily.
“That's what they're doing to me.” Kade fired back. There was a linger silence before Kade took a step closer to me and looked at me. I felt I would melt under the strong light of his gaze. I tried to break eye contact, but I remained hypnotized.
“Was it a mistake, Sam? Do you regret it?” He whispered. If anyone heard us we were both dead. We were in enough trouble already.
“I don't guess it really matter now, does it? You're leaving tomorrow... that's that, end of story.” I replied coldly. Kade nodded slowly, he looked as if he'd just been slapped in the face. He slowly stumbled backward toward his room without breaking my gaze. He shoved his hands deep in his front pockets.
“Well, then, I guess you're right. You really don't need me. Good-bye, Samantha Baker. I wish you and Hunter the best.” With that, he turned and slammed his door. I stood there paralyzed by my own stupidity. I didn't mean what I had said, I just wanted to look strong. I wanted to be a warrior. That's what I always had been anyway. I didn't know love was a completely different battlefield from what I was used to.
We had rehearsals that night, but Kade didn't show up. Connie said she was scheduling a meeting later on that night for all of us. All the boys would be there, Kelly, Connie, even the creepy management man. I wasn't in the mood for a meeting and even considered skipping, but the “invitation” Connie gave me was more of a command. I knew I'd better not miss it. Kade was of course, uninvited as well. We stood in a dark room with dull white walls that were peeling paint like crazy. I looked down at the splintery table in front of me. The atmosphere a
ll around was very stiff and uncomfortable.
“Sam, this meeting today has been called together because of you.” Connie said, getting in front of everyone.
“Me?” I squeaked. Connie nodded.
“Your behavior this past month has been completely and utterly inappropriate. I think you've forgotten how incredibly blessed you are to have landed this job. I hope you know this is a highly coveted position.” Connie said sternly. I could feel my cheeks warm as I felt everyone's eyes burning holes into me.
“Now, as you may have been informed Kade will be taking a flight home tomorrow. If you'd like you may join him... or you can get your act together and stay here. It is absolutely your choice. I hope you know this job is a privilege... one that can be provoked extremely quickly.” Connie said giving me a filthy look. I didn't nod or respond whatsoever. I just stared at her.
“Samantha, what will it?” She asked. Everyone turned to face me. It was by far the most awkward position I'd ever been put in.
“I'll do better.” I half muttered. Connie clasped her hands together happily.
“Good, so we're all in agreement?” She said. I starred at the table, trying my best not to make any eye contact with anyone in this room. Hunter caught my eye briefly and then looked away just as quickly. I couldn't quite read the look he gave me, but it kind of looked like a painful one. I could still feel my cheeks burning as I got up and scurried out of the room. Hunter jogged to catch up with me. I couldn't believe he was walking beside me... after all I'd done to him. I do the guy's car and left him all alone in the rain. I kissed another boy right in front of him... but now he was running to catch up with me?
“Hey.” He said. I didn't say anything back. I didn't know what to say. Was he going to bring up what I did last night?
“Do you need a ride back home?” He asked. I looked at him hesitantly. Was this a trap or something? Was he going to like kill me on the way there?
“I kind of do, but I'll get one from someone else. It's fine.” I said quickly. I quickened my pace a little trying to run off, but he grabbed my wrist. I stopped cold at his touch. I turned around slowly.
“Sam, just get in my car. Please... I just need to talk to you.” I nodded and walked silently to his car. He didn't bother to open the door for me this time. He was no long my little gentleman. I sat there quietly with my hands folded nicely as he started the car up. He didn't begin to speak until we had reached the highway.
“I saw your little documentary you filmed while getting a dressed last night... it was nice.” He said softly. I nodded my gratitude.
“Did you mean it?” He asked.
“Did I mean what?” I inquired in response.
“Everything you said about me saving your life and how you loved me.” Hunter said. I hesitated. Hunter sighed.
“I knew it.” He muttered.
“I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it.” I replied quickly.
“So you did?” He asked hopefully. I couldn't lie to his face. I may have meant it then, but I certainly didn't mean it now.
“Sam, I need to know... do you love me or not? You've done some pretty horrible things to me and a guy can only take so much. I mean... you stole my car... to run after some other guy. That's not exactly a romantic gesture.” Hunter said. He was getting angry.
“I know.” I replied calmly.
“You know? Well, why don't you ever do anything about it? Do you not see what you're doing to me? You're tearing me apart!” He spat.
“Hunter, I love him.” I blurted out. All the anger left Hunter's face. Instead his entire body flushed a bright white color. He gripped the steering wheel, tightly. A single tear slid down his cheek.
“No, Hunter, please don't-”
“I knew it.” He interrupted. His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper. He pulled the car over. Luckily, we were close to the hotel. I could scarcely believe the words that came from my mouth either.
“I knew this would happen. I could just feel it.” Hunter squeaked.
“Knew what would happen?” I asked. He brushed angrily at his tears, but they wouldn't stop flowing.
“I knew I'd loose you. We can work this out, you know?” Hunter said. I shook my head.
“Hunter, it wouldn't be fair to you. You deserve better than me anyway.” I stated.
“But after all I've done for us to be together. I went against management to be with you, ya know. I just... I thought I could change your mind.” Hunter said. He looked at me with blood-shot eyes. A lump grew in my throat as I saw his tear-stained face. I gripped the sides of my seat so tightly that when I released it, marks still remained in the hard leather. This was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
“I know, Hunter. I just... don't feel it anymore. Do you only want to stay with me because the tabloids know we're together? Is all this just because you're gonna have to face the world and tell them “Hollywood's It Couple” broke up?” I questioned. He looked at with me complete utter, and pure disgust.
“Is this really what you think this is all about?” A strange look flickered in his eyes as he said this. It only lasted momentarily, but it kind of looked like hatred. I didn't want him to hate me. I didn't want to break him like Bailey had done. I was trying my best to be gentle.
“Sam, this isn't about the fame. This isn't about my fortune or career. For once in my life this was about me and what made me happy. The one thing that makes me happy is you... I just don't know how I can do this without you.” He whispered. He looked at the floor to scared to face me.
“Will you? Please?” He begged. Again, he didn't look at me because he knew what my reply would be. I was stubborn and just wouldn't budge on most things. This was certainly no different.
“Hunter, I'm sorry.” I whispered back. Hunter let his head fall back on his seat slowly. He took in a deep breathe.
“Sam, I loved you, you know. I loved you a lot.. certainly a whole lot more than you loved me. I knew that though. I knew that from the start.” He said as he slowly turned to look at me. When he looked at me with those tear feared puppy dog eyes it almost broke me. I almost told him that I was wrong and wanted to be with him. But then I thought of the way I felt when Kade kissed me. I thought of how sparks exploded when he touched me.
“I know... thank-you for that. Thanks for loving me through my imperfections.” I said softly.
“I love you because of your imperfections.” He stated.
“Really? Is that the only reason? I questioned. He shook his head.
“I just don't know what it really was about you to be honest, Sam.” Hunter said hoarsely.
“I do.” I replied. He waited for me to continue.
“Good, tell me because I honestly don't know.” Hunter said, brushing back the last of the tears.
“I think you thought you could make me fall in love with you. But I'm just a rebel, Hunter. I'm messed up and I'm not perfect like you. I just need a little more time with someone a little more like me.” I replied.
“Is there anything I can say to make you stay?” He asked. I shook my head. His head fell and bit down hard on his lip to stop the tears. They come anyway though. He wasn’t very good at containing his emotion.
“I'm sorry, Hunter... I really am. I hope one day you can understand.” I said. He sighed.
“I'm sure I will, Sam. I'll tell you one thing, he's a lucky guy. He also much be something really special to be able to capture that difficult you have." Hunter said. I blushed and nodded.
“He is.” I said softly. Hunter nodded, but I knew the words hurt.
“I could feel you slipping from the start, you know. I just didn't know what to do though. I thought it would get better.” He said softly.
“There's nothing you could have done.” I said gently. He nodded.
“Can I ask you something?” He said hesitantly.
“Sure, anything.” I replied.
“Did you ever really love me? Or was
this just all in my head?” He questioned. I shook my head. I remembered the fluttery sensation I woke up with in the morning when he had kissed me the night before. It was an amazing feeling. It was love.
“I-I... I did. I know I did. The moment I knew I felt nothing anymore was when we got off the bus to the hotel and all those fans were outside. I used to be so jealous whenever a girl so much as touched you, but then... I wasn't jealous. I was happy for them. I was happy for you. There was this girl there that even said to be careful because when I held you I was holding her world in my arms. That scared me. I don't wanna have someone's reason to live in my arms.” I replied.
“Then... can you lie to me? Lie to me just one last time.” He whispered. I looked him in the eyes.
“I love you.” I whispered softly. He looked at me with compressed lips and angry tears, but nodded anyway. Silence filled the car for a few brief moments.
“Here.” I said, handing him a slip of paper.
“What is this?” He asked, glancing at it.
“It's Leslie's number. You know, she really likes you. You didn't seem like you thought she was half bad either.” I said, giving nudging him playfully.
“Oh, yeah I remember! Someone was jealous.” He said, playfully nudging me back.
“Yeah, you guys really hit it off. I saw the sparks there... everyone did. I think you're fine off without me.” I said.
“I don't think so, but that's fine... I can change you know. I can become more like Kade if that's what you really want.” Hunter offered.
“Hunter, you're wonderful. I don't want you to change. The world loves you, I love-” I stopped. He looked at me hopefully, but I couldn't finish the sentence.
“Now, stop. You're too pretty to beg.” I said, patting his knee. He smiled.
“Good-bye, Sam.” He said softly. I pecked him lightly on the cheek. He closed his eyes and seemed to be savoring the moment. He knew it was the last one he'd ever get from me. I opened the car door, but before I got out I looked back at him.
“You promise you'll call Leslie?” I asked.
“I promise.” He said with a nod.
“She likes you a lot... I can tell.” I stated.
“I'm flattered.” He said, but the pain was clear in his tone.
“Thank-you... for everything. You've let me live my dream.” I said. I shut the car door and started my walk toward the hotel. I had gotten a little ways when he pulled up beside me again.
“Even though you hurt me, I can't let you walk the whole way back. It's just not right.” He said as he unlocked the doors.
“I'm fine, I like to walk.” I said.
“Sam, I won't beg you. Please just get in the car.” Hunter pleaded. I shrugged a little and slid into the seat. The ride back was extremely awkward and no talking went on except for the soft murmur of the radio. After what seemed like ages, we reached the hotel. I opened the door to slid out of there, but Hunter put his hand on my knee. I stopped cold.
“Don't let me go.” He whispered.
“Hunter, I-” I began.
“Please.” He interrupted. I didn't know quite what to say.
“I'm so tired of being so empty and alone. No one makes me feel the way you do. Please... you don't have to go.” He whispered.
I could see both the tears start to form in his eyes so I cupped both sides of his face as he usually did to me.
“Listen to me, you are Hunter Thompson. You are strong and I admire you a whole lot. As a matter of fact, I wish I was more like you. Maybe one day this will work out again, but for now... right now, I need a little time. I need to be with someone that will influence me and change me for the better. You've changed me so much and I feel like you've watched me grow up these past few months, but that's the thing. Your time is over. You've showed me I can be the best and now I need someone who truly understands and can encourage me. Hunter, you're busy and I've been distracted you from your career. This is best for both us. You just need a little time alone to focus on what really matters... and that's your fans.” I whispered. He nodded in agreement with me.
“Remember when you said you wanted to be looked at in that special way that all the other boy's girlfriends looked at them?” I asked. He nodded.
“I never looked at you that way, did I?” I questioned. He shook his head.
“No, but I thought I could make you.” He whispered.
“That's the thing, Hunter. You just can't make someone love you. It takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work to be honest.” I stated.
“I tried.” He said softly.
“Love shouldn't be work.” I protested.
“You're right. It shouldn't be.” He mumbled.
“I think maybe you should go out and find someone who will look at you like that.” I stated. He nodded, but still didn't look at me.
“Are you okay?” I asked. He nodded.
“Yeah... I'm fine.” He assured.
“Here, maybe you should take this.” I said, offering him the bracelet. I fumbled with the clasp, but he put his hand over mine and stopped me.
“No, you keep it.” He said.
“I shouldn't really-” I protested.
“I want you to keep it to remember me by.” He interrupted.
“Thanks, Hunter. Now don't forget to call her.” I warned.
“I won't.” He assured. I felt him watching me as I walked back into the hotel room.
It was over. I knew that there would be no getting back together or second chances. I was almost positive Hunter would find someone else to take my place, but my heart belonged to another as well. You pretty much got one chance with Hunter Thompson and for practically every girl in the world it was a very coveted chance. This chance had been granted to me and I had given it up for another man. I knew that this was the final good-bye and maybe he had come to the realization as well. Maybe that's why it hurt him so. Maybe that's why he begged me to stay. Because this was it. No turning back.
I didn't dare look back as I walked away. Right now, I was looking into my future and not back on my past. I wasn't going to let anyone or anything distract me. I walked right up to Kade's door and knocked firmly on it. When I did, I realized a sticky note attached to his door. I cocked my head to one side in curiosity then read the note in his neatly crafted hand writing.
To whom it may concern:
I caught an early flight and am headed out right about now. If you're reading this I'm probably already on the plane home. Thanks for the many years with this band. I'm grateful. -Kade
I knew that he had probably left that note there a few hours ago. It was probably too late by now, anyway. I felt like my entire world had just ended. I stood there frozen with absolutely no clue what to say or do. I literally felt my heart shatter within me. My stomach twisted and turned. I felt like I was going to be sick. I knew what I had to do.
“Forgive me, Hunter... forgive me one last time.” I whispered. I flew down the stairs, bolted across the lobby, and darted to Hunter's car. He was still packing up and his keys were left in the car so he could listen to the radio while packing. Hunter ran out to the car.
“What are you doing?!” He cried.
“I'm so sorry, Hunter. But I have to do this... for love.” I shouted back as I sped away. When I looked back, I saw him with a smile on his face. I expect him to be shouting, cursing, or waving his fist at me. But none of those things seemed to be happening. He looked like he was content and at peace. I could pretty much tell what was happening in that pretty little head of his. He knew that I had finally for once in my life found someone who had made me divinely happy. He wanted my happiness just as badly as I desired it for myself. Who would he be to take that happiness away from me anyway? He knew what I wanted and I knew it too.
I sped down the road at earth shattering speed. I broke practically every light and swerved in and out of lanes. The drivers beside me screamed and shook their fists at me, but I didn't even care. I had my eyes focused on
one thing and one thing only... that was Kade. I pressed down harder on the pedal and was practically flooring it down the highway. Just then, I heard sirens behind me.
“You have got to be kidding me.” I muttered. There was no way I was stopping... not now anyway. I jerked the wheel to the right, cutting multiple people off and making a quick break for the other lane.
I busted another red light. Now I was really in trouble. I heard a beeping noise and glance down. I was low on fuel. This was going to be interesting. I was in complete panic mode. The roar of the engine, the blaring sirens, and Kade's sweet voice all seemed to echo in my ears. I just wanted it all to stop. I shot a quick look at the sign beside me. It was only about a mile to the airport. I yanked on the steering wheel and swerve to the side of the road. I opened the door, jumped out, tucked and rolled, and hit the ground running. I didn't even wait for the car to stop. I could feel my arm bleeding, but I didn't care. I grabbed my bleeding shoulder and winced. I could see the blood through my white T-shirt. I found myself running through a wooded area. Tree branches hit my face and left painful scratches. I pushed on though until I got to the other side of the woods and found another highway. It was a four way line with cars going at every direction... it was jay walking time. I darted across the busy road with car horns blaring at me every which way. It was a miracle I wasn't road kill. I saw a little rundown apartment building with a small alley. I dashed into the alley and knelt beside the dumpster to catch my breathe.
“WHERE IS SHE?!” I heard an officer cry. How had they found me? These guys were good. I panicked and smooshed myself flat against the dumpster. The stench was awful. I heard quick footsteps coming nearer to the alley. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the worst. Suddenly, I saw an old lady emerge from an unseen door behind me. She gasped and dropped the bag of garbage that was in her hand when she saw me.
“I'm so sorry, ma'am! I can explain, you see I'm in love with this boy and his flight is taking off right now and-” I rambled. The lady grabbed my arm and dragged me inside. Before I knew it, she was lugging me up the fire escape and into a little room.
“Um, excuse me... but where are we?” I asked. She opened the curtain and light poured in. I covered my eyes from the brightness.
“We're at the highest point in Raleigh.” She said. I went to the window and looked out. You could see practically the entire state from here.
“Wow...” I muttered.
“You see this apartment has been vacant for ages. Nobody will ever know you're here so there's no need to worry now... you're safe.” The old lady said as she patted my arm.
“Couldn't you get arrested for being up here?” I questioned.
“I'm an old woman, what could they do with me anyway? I haven't got that many years left you know.” She said wearily. I smiled.
“Why did you help me?” I asked.
“Because I know what's it's like to be in love. You see... that's why I come up here every day. This room right here was where my husband and I used to live. When we started out, we had no money when we started out so this apartment was like like a mansion to us.” She said. I looked around. It certainly looked like no mansion.
“There are so many memories in this little old place. I can't stop myself from coming. But let me tell you... time goes by so quickly when you're with the one you love. So don't waste it... go. Go find your man.” She said shooing me out the door. I glanced out the window to check for the cops. There were none in sight. The view was so beautiful that I was almost tempted to linger there and drink it in for a moment, but I knew I had to go.
“Thank-you so much! You saved my life!” I cried as I hustled out the door.
“And your love!” I heard her call before I was out of complete earshot. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I dashed down the stairs and sprinted down the road. Everything in my body ached. My side felt like it had been split, my legs felt like jelly, I couldn't breathe, my throat was as dry as dust, and my heart felt like a bolder in the middle of my chest. I keeled over in pain and gasped for breathe. I felt my blood throbbing in my head and pounding in my ears. I was dehydrated and had barely any water in my body. I felt lightheaded and dizzy. I started seeing little speckles of black. But then I thought of Kade's beautiful face and some how I mustered up the stamina to go on. It wasn't far now.
I saw the airport off in the distance and I thought it my mind must be playing tricks on me. I sprinted toward it even though my legs were burning and there was a stabbing pain in my chest. The sun was beating down on my head and my hair was damp with sweat. I rocketed over the steep hill and felt a burning sensation in my thighs and calves. I burst through those doors and found myself swimming in a sea of people. I pushed my way through the crowd, bouncing left and right to avoid running into anyone. I searched through every face I saw. None of them were the one I was hoping for. I spun in complete circles making a full scan of the area. Kade was nowhere to be found. I shoved my way to the front of the crowd and flopped on the counter. I barely had the strength to stand. Then... I saw him. I saw him standing there in line just about to set foot on the plane. My heart fluttered at the sight of him. Suddenly, I felt all this work had been worth it. I knew he might not want me though I was sweaty, my face was red, I probably smelled awful, and my hair was frizzy and windblown. I kind of looked like a hobo that had just crawled into the airport for shelter. He looked back slowly and hesitantly as if he was regretting his decision. Now was my chance.
“Kade!” I cried as I ran up to him. His eyes were wide as saucers and for a moment I wondered if I had made a mistake by coming here. I knew rejection would be more than I could take.
“Okay, I know you're probably gonna hate me and I'm sorry, but I just thought I'd try and stop you. I actually kind of did a lot to come here. I mean, I sped in my car, went in an old lady's apartment, ran two miles, and-” He interrupted me with a passionate kiss. I suddenly felt my knees go weak. It was hard for me to stand. My eyelids fluttered closed quickly. When he finally pulled away from me, I stared at him in surprise.
“I thought you'd be mad. I didn't mean a word I said, I'm sorry-” He interrupted me again with another kiss. If I could get kisses by talking I'd never shut up. Everyone around us was clapping now at this display of love. I blushed and looked behind me. We were in the front of a very long and crowded line. Usually, I'd hate the attention, but right now I loved it. Right now, I was with the one person I cared about more than anything.
“I knew you didn't mean it... to be honest, I was hoping you'd come back for me.” Kade said, stroking my hair back. I grabbed self-consciously at my sweaty head.
“Sorry, it was quite the run up here.” I stated.
“I think you're perfect no matter how you look. You're beautiful... wait, you ran for me?” He asked. I nodded.
“Wow, you must really be smitten.” He said with a grin.
“I am.” I whispered. He grinned again cheekily.
“I love your smile.” I said softly.
“Good, because you are absolutely the reason for it.” He replied. I smiled and looked at the ground. When my eyes met his again, they were full of anxiety.
“Kade... where will we go?” I asked.
“I don't really know to be honest. I've been kicked out of the band and I'm guessing you are as well.” Kade said.
“Yeah, I dumped Hunter. I'm assuming he never wants to see my face again so... so much for touring with the world's biggest boy.” I said with a shrug.
“Eh, it was fun while it lasting. Anyway... we can be together now.” Kade said.
“Yeah... but what's next?” I questioned.
“I don't know, but I've been doing a little thinking. That one night at church sticks in my mind and I don't think I'll ever forget it. I was wondering if maybe we could start an orphanage and share the Gospel. We could be missionaries.” Kade said. His eyes lit up when he talked about missions. I could tell he'd found a new passion.
“Oh, Kade!
That would be wonderful. Just think of the lives we would touch.” I squealed.
“Speaking of lives... why don't we start one of our own? I was thinking maybe when the times right we could settle down, get married, and start a family. Right now, money seems to sort of be an issue... but if everything goes as plan it won't for long.” Kade said, cupping my face and looking me deeply in the eyes.
“When you were in the hospital, I realized how much I didn't wanna loose you. I've never been more scared in my life. I thought you were gone. Kade, I would love to spend the rest of my life with you.” I admitted.
“And I'd love to spend mine with you. I love you, Sam.” He said boldly.
“I love you too, Kade.” I whispered back. He dipped me and kissed me, causing another roar of applause.
“I've been looking for you, princess.” He whispered. Butterflies exploded in me when he called me princess... because I knew I had finally found my prince. I giggled like a little girl and at that moment I was changed. I knew I wasn't emotionless, unlovable, or number. I was loved, I was happy, I was free, and for one moment in my life I was with someone who made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.
So there I stood telling this story to my grandchild Sadie. By now, my entire family and all the attendants of the funeral had gathered around. I was surrounded by a wall of people. They were all sniffle, crying, and hugging one another. I had captivated their attention for the past two hours telling them Kade and I's story.
“So that's really how you and Grandpa met?” Sadie asked.
“Yes, Sadie it is.” I replied. She jumped up and down giddily.
“Will I have a prince one day?” Sadie asked. I smiled down at her.
“One day, Sadie... but not too soon. I don't want you growing up and leaving me to fast.” I said with a weary laugh.
“I want someone just like Grandpa Kade!” She cheered.
“That's a good idea.” I said. I looked around at all the people crying from my story... our story. Everyone here had loved Kade just as much as I had. I could see from the tears in their eyes that he had touched and changed their lives as he had done mine.
I stayed by his grave far after everyone else had left. I just couldn't tear myself away from him. When I looked at that fresh spot in the ground I felt those familiar feelings that had warmed me for so long. I knew in my heart I'd stay seventeen forever... forever seventeen. And as I whispered his name into the wind I could almost hear him whisper in reply...
“Forever seventeen, Sam... forever seventeen.”
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