“Who is it?” Jade peers over my shoulder, just like old times.
“Corey.” My throat tightens around his name. The familiarity of having Jade and Corey in my inner circle again makes my heart bleed a little. So much time lost, so many mistakes made. So much forgiveness being granted to me by the people I’ve loved the most, the longest.
His words are simple, as is the norm with Corey. He asks me if I’m feeling better, and can he come help me plan the next outing for my mentor group. He has a good idea he’d love to share.
I sigh, filling my lungs with all that is pure.
But how did he know I’m back?
I immediately look to Ryder, and by the smug grin on his face, I assume he played a part in this reunion. Of course, my protector. In all ways. He must have alerted Jade and Corey that I needed them.
But even if he facilitated, I know the strength of our friendship, our foundation, is what ultimately makes it possible for us to repair what was broken.
Still, the fact that Ryder took this step to help me heal means more to me than I’d like to admit.
My mom places mugs of hot cocoa with melting whipped cream on the table. As Jade jabbers to my mom about her latest crush, I move to Ryder, who looks alone in the doorway of the kitchen. I want him to enter my world fully, to let himself be part of my everything. But as usual, he is one step removed.
“Go ahead and join your friend. You missed each other.”
I look in Jade’s direction and smile. She would understand why I need to have this moment with Ryder.
“I’ve decided to go to school today.” I say. “No use delaying the inevitable.”
He nods, his hands tucked in the pocket of his jeans. I swear he’s never looked more vulnerable.
“I figure I should talk to my teachers about doing extra- credit work. Now that Meg is out of the picture, I can really focus on school and my friendships.”
His silence is deafening.
“I guess now that Meg isn’t a threat to me, you’ll probably return to your own world…” I let my voice trail off, hoping this is not the case.
“Yes.”
My shoulders slump, but I hope he doesn’t notice. Why did I expect a different answer? I knew in my heart all along this was a job for him. He never even suggested otherwise, so I can’t blame him for my feelings.
It was my own stupidity to fall for a guy who can’t fall for me.
I swallow the tears that threaten to choke me, needing to project an air of confidence. I flip my hair over my shoulder and try to act as though I’m not affected by his one-word answer.
He puts his hand on my chin, lifting my face so I’m forced to look him in the eye. I blink rapidly.
“But if it’s okay with you, I’d like to see you still.” He clears his throat. My heart swells, and I seriously think my chest might burst open. “You’ll need to train.”
Of course. To train.
Damn it all. Why am I letting him make the decisions for our relationship? After everything that’s happened, the one lesson I’ve learned is that I can’t let life happen to me. I need to be the driver.
“Ryder.” I take a step closer to him. He doesn’t back up. I’m totally invading his personal space, and it feels good. “I can already feel you forgetting me. And I’ve decided that I can’t let that happen.”
The need for him to kiss me overwhelms my better judgment. I know my mom and my best friend are in the room, but if I don’t kiss this boy I will live with regret forever.
I push him back into the privacy of the dining room, and he doesn’t fight my advances. This fuels my hope, drives me to be braver and bolder than ever.
I push him gently against the wall, silently daring him to stop me. He doesn’t.
But he doesn’t make any effort to kiss me, either.
“Felicia, believe me when I tell you I want more.” His voice is strained, tight, like he isn’t getting enough air. Good. If he’s about to reject me, he might as well suffer. “But I have loyalties to your biological father. I can’t cross that line, can’t disrespect his wishes.”
I step back, any trace of hope fleeing like a butterfly in the fall. He grabs my arm, and when I face him again I see something dark in his eyes. Remorse? Regret? Desire?
My mom’s voice interrupts our scene.
“Excuse me just a minute. But I believe I am the parent here.”
I jump away from Ryder, shame filling me at my actions. And with her in the other room…what was I thinking?
“I would like to say that I, as the mother, approve fully of a relationship between the two of you. And if Mercy has issues with it, he can take it up with me. This is not going to turn into a tragic Romeo and Juliet scenario.”
Oh my god, she heard us? Embarrassed heat spreads over my whole body.
Ryder grins and reaches out to shake her hand. She shakes her head at him and makes him hug her, then raises her eyebrows toward me, signaling for him to go to me.
And he does. I’m grateful my mom has disappeared again. And that’s my last thought, because when Ryder pulls me to him and lowers his lips to mine, everything around me disappears.
Until the doorbell rings, and a familiar voice joins my mom’s.
Zane.
And a boatload of tension.
Chapter Fifty-two
If life were a movie or a novel, I’d have slapped a big old “The End” right when Ryder kissed me. But since his lips never fully captured mine, I guess the story is not fully told.
So when Zane steps into the room, not only do I notice Ryder’s body tightening, but I feel my own anxiety build, too. I’m not sure if Ryder moves to block me, or if I subconsciously move to hide myself from Zane, but the end result is the same. Ryder clutches my hand, and I am partially obscured from Zane’s view.
Despite my strongest efforts, I can’t keep my curiosity at bay. I don’t want to see Zane, but I need to.
His hands are tucked deeply into his pockets, and with his head lowered he looks like an injured puppy. Who in her right mind can kick a puppy while it’s down?
“What are you doing here?” I have to give myself a little credit; my voice only squeaks a tiny bit.
Ryder squeezes my hand. I squeeze back, trying to remind him that my breakable fingers are still in his grasp.
Zane looks at me through his long, dark lashes. I feel Jade standing next to me, and from the way she’s looking back and forth between the guys and me, I know I have a barrel full of explaining to do.
“You have every right to kick me out.”
Ryder speaks before I can. “Then why don’t you play the part of the gentleman for once and get the hell out before I have to help you leave.”
Zane chuckles, and stands a bit straighter.
“So I see you’ve won the girl. You sure didn’t waste any time moving in.”
I squeeze Ryder’s hand and grab his arm with my other hand to keep him from going after Zane.
Zane holds up a hand in surrender. I chance a glance at my mom, who looks slightly amused, yet ready to jump in if needed.
“I didn’t come here to fight, I swear.”
“Why are you here, Zane?” I reiterate.
“And who did you bring with you?” Mom interjects.
Zane steps further into the room, and for the first time I notice he’s not alone. The sunlight streaming in through the living room window makes Sadie’s blonde hair glow, and the smile on her face is almost as bright when we make eye contact.
I break away from Ryder and squeeze Sadie tight.
After a moment, I introduce Sadie to my mom and Jade. My mom reaches out to shake Sadie’s hand, but Jade hangs back, arms crossed over her chest. Is that distrust I read on her face? Hard to tell when she’s suddenly so closed off.
I move over to Jade, looping my arm through her elbow. No way am I letting anything get between us again.
Zane rubs his hands together, abrasively cutting through the awkward silence.
“Sorry to drop in like this, but when I was kicked out of Meg’s house, I brought Sadie with me.”
“You got kicked out? Why?” I thought Zane was Meg’s number one.
“She has nowhere to go, so I thought you could maybe help her out.” Apparently he’s going to ignore my question. “You know, since she’s your little sister and all.”
The sharp intake of breath is a collective one. Everyone looks shocked, except Sadie. She reddens and studies her feet, shuffling one foot as the rest of us stare at her.
I try to speak, but marbles fill my mouth. My tongue refuses to cooperate.
Ryder stalks toward Zane, his hands balled into fists at his side. I can’t move, and apparently neither can anyone else.
“What are you talking about, Masters?”
“Ha, I like the sound of you calling me master. Has a certain ring to it.”
“Quit your games. What are you talking about?”
My mom regains her senses before the rest of us. She steps right in the middle of the testosterone storm, causing each of the guys to take a step back and to calm their snarls.
“Let’s take this into the kitchen. I’m sure we’d all love to hear more.”
Mom rubs my back as she passes me on her way to the kitchen. She turns and gestures for Sadie to follow her, and Sadie goes without question, head bowed.
Jade and I follow Sadie in, and I think Jade is actually holding me up. I don’t know how else I’m staying vertical.
Is this another manipulation? Or is Zane disclosing the truth? And which would be worse?
Ryder helps my mom pull extra chairs in from the dining room to the kitchen, and Jade gently nudges me into a seat. My feet are numb, unable to keep me upright.
Mom pours fresh cups of cocoa for Sadie and Zane, then sits and leans forward over her own mug.
“Go ahead and drink. The cocoa is still warm.”
Mom sips as we all stare into space.
I search Sadie’s face for answers. I didn’t see any of myself in her before, but when I look closely, I notice her bone structure is similar to mine. And is it my imagination, or are her eyes the same shape as my own?
She looks at me and smiles, interrupting my not-too-subtle perusal.
“I wanted to tell you. When you rescued me. When you treated me like a person. I wanted to tell you that we’re blood.”
“So you’re Meg’s daughter?”
She casts her eyes downward again, flinching when Meg’s name is spoken.
“By birth, anyway. Only I didn’t have the advantage of being cast out. She kept me so she could punish me for having the nerve to be born without the Fury.”
My hand shoots out to cover hers.
“I’m so sorry you had to live with her. To be treated that way is horrible, but by your own mother. I can’t imagine…”
Mom and I make eye contact, and I realize that even though I was thrown out of the heavens and could have been killed, I’m the lucky one.
“You were her pride and joy, once she discovered that you had a Fury and that it had emerged. She punished me more for being so useless to her.”
Guilt floods me, and it must show because Ryder’s hand comes down hard on the table and he states, “It’s not your fault, Felicia. Don’t you dare go down that path.”
“Of course it’s not your fault.” Sadie’s eyes fill with tears, and all I want to do is protect her.
“Well, my mind is made up. You will stay here. I’ll empty out my sewing room, and you can have your own room.” Mom pushes her chair away from the table and leans over Sadie, hugging her from behind.
Sadie flinches at first, but settles into the hug, putting her hand on Mom’s arm. A tear runs down her face, and before I know it, all of the women in the room are wrapped up in a group hug and the guys are looking uncomfortable.
“I don’t want to impose. I’m sure I can find someplace—”
“Don’t even try to change her mind. Won’t work.” I smile at Mom.
“Really, it’s no imposition. I haven’t sewn in years.”
“Yeah, when did you ever sew?”
“I’m sure I did before you came along. Can’t remember when I have since…didn’t I make you a Halloween costume one time?”
“You were going to when I was five, but we ended up buying one because you said you didn’t know how to use the machine.”
We erupt into laughter, and Sadie joins, fitting in perfectly. And when our laughter turns raucous, I realize she has my laugh.
Chapter Fifty-three
When Jade’s mom calls because the school phoned to ask why Jade was absent, my mom decides it’s time to wrap up the pow-wow and send us off to be educated.
Ryder insists on driving me and Jade, and my mom invites Sadie to stay with her for the day until they can figure out a way to get her signed up for school.
When we’re on the way out the door, Zane steps out of the shadows of the dining room, asking if he can have a moment to speak to me. Alone.
Ryder starts to get all huffy and puffy, but I tell him I’ll be fine and I’ll meet him in the car. I know he doesn’t like it, but he respects me enough to head to the car anyway. He only glares over his shoulder three or four times.
Zane reaches out as if to grab my hand, but I pull back because I know his touch will poison me as it has in the recent past. I am done with him. He’s no good for me, and I don’t want to fall into his trap again.
Zane looks down, and I wonder if I’m seeing shame on his face or if he’s just that good an actor.
“I…” He shoves his hands almost violently into his pockets. “I wanted to…” What is this? A speechless smooth talker?
“Zane, you have to hurry. They’re waiting for me and I’m already late.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” He looks up, making eye contact and sending zings to my belly. “I hope someday you can believe that I’m sorry for all of it.”
I don’t know why, and I know it probably makes me stupid, but I believe him.
“And I hope you know that nothing, um, happened that night. I had a servant change you into my shirt to mess with Ryder’s head. I had a feeling he’d show.”
I nod, grateful for his admission, even though I knew nothing physical happened.
“What are you going to do now?” I have to know that he’ll be okay, even if he won’t be part of my life.
“Not sure. I think I’ll stay around here. I already have the place I’ve been staying in for me and Mom. I might finish school so I can get one of those earthly diplomas you all care so much about.” His smile is barely there, but I notice the ghostly trace of his laugh line anyway. “If I’m stuck in this realm, I guess I might as well make the most of it.”
“Not a bad plan.” I try to be hopeful that he’ll reform himself, but the thought of having to see him every day cuts me. Couldn’t he choose another town to start over in?
I glance out the door and see Ryder staring at us, tapping the steering wheel.
“I’ve gotta go. Take care. And thank you for bringing Sadie here with you. That means a lot.”
I start down the walkway but stop when he calls my name again. Something about my name in his voice always gets me.
“Felicia, wait one sec.” He walks toward me, and I hear the car door open behind me. “I’m letting you go, but I need to know if you hate me.”
And they say school is complicated? Even AP classes can’t touch this challenge.
Something in his eyes sparkles, and I wonder if he’s even capable of caring as much as he appears to. Is this another way to manipulate me, or is he truly near tears? Why does he care so much how I feel about him, anyway?
Ryder is approaching. I hear the thud of his boots on the walkway, so I invoke every last bit of Mercy within me and leap into Zane’s arms for one last hug. His stunned look as I close in on him doesn’t go unnoticed, but I owe it to myself to offer this closure, to put an end to his suffering, no matter how false it may be
. I can only be myself, and my Self is telling me that forgiveness is the only thing I really have to offer Zane. I know I don’t owe it to him, but I owe it to me.
Ryder’s footsteps have ceased, and Zane takes advantage of the extra time to hold me a little tighter than he should. I pat him on the back to signal the end of the embrace, and surprisingly he releases me.
There are no words left to be said, so I rush down the walkway and grab Ryder’s hand, entangling my fingers in his while pulling him toward the car. He looks at Zane over his shoulder, but rubs my thumb with his.
He continues to watch Zane as he gets in the car after holding the door for me, then places his large, tanned hand on my knee possessively.
We have a lot to work on when it comes to taming this tension and possessiveness, but for now I settle in and enjoy the comfort as Jade gives me the wagging eyebrow expression from the backseat.
Chapter Fifty-four
The return to school is largely uneventful. Strange how someone’s personal life can spin out of control, yet the world can maintain the natural order, day after day.
On the short ride to school, Jade filled me in on what the rumor mill had been spitting out about me. She also shared with me how she and Corey had fun making up their own far-fetched stories just to see what would stick. Her personal fave was the one about me being abducted by aliens (close!) and being tested on for science. (I shuddered a little when I heard her describe this one!)
Even lunch goes smoothly. I sit with Ryder, Jade, and Corey and his new/old girlfriend, and though she doesn’t speak to me, at least she doesn’t show any animosity. I send him a text when she isn’t looking saying, “Look out, geek, you’re glowing!”
He blushes when he reads it, then sends me a text in return saying to watch my back or he’ll send me back with the aliens.
Laughing has never felt this good.
Ryder and I are on our way out of the cafeteria when I hear the old familiar quarterback bully, Jake, picking on some shy little freshman. My snakes tickle my scalp, but I don’t get the overpowering headache or the urge to drive Jake insane (though I’d sort of like to drive him off a short pier, but that’s a very human feeling, I think.)
I walk up to him, and though Ryder tries to hold me back, I give him a look that says, “I’ve got this.”
The fact that he lets me go without a fight and stands back to let me do my thing warms me. He trusts me.
I straighten my shoulders, convince the Fury to go to sleep, and intervene.
Jake doesn’t know what to do with himself when I tell him to buzz off, and quite honestly, the looks on the faces of his groupies when I approach makes me want to giggle. Guess they haven’t completely forgotten the last episode. Only I’m determined that this one will end better, that I’m stronger and more likely to make a positive impact. I have no intention of ending up in the nurse’s office again, thank you very much.