She drops her pen on the table and tucks a strand of her shoulder-length brown hair behind her ear. “Are you mad at him or something?”
“No, it’s nothing like that.” I fiddle with the thin leather bracelet around my wrist. “It’s… what happened with Braiden. It’s affecting how I react to Greyson. I know I can trust him, but I can’t seem to let go and be comfortable with who I am when we’re around people.”
She shoves her books aside and rests her elbows on the table. “Have you talked to him about this?”
I trace the thin scars crisscrossing my arm and hand. “No… I haven’t even told him about Braiden.”
“Seth, I know it’s hard to really open up to someone, but,” she slides her arm across the table, grabs my hand, and gives it a squeeze, “It’s like you’re always telling me. You can’t let the past own you. If you want to move forward, especially with Greyson, you’re going to have to start by telling him what happened to you.”
“I know I do.” I free a trapped breath. “But I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of… opening myself up like that again and getting broken. Besides, Greyson’s so good, you know. He has these really amazing parents who have always been there for him and he’s had a pretty good life. I don’t want to taint that for him by bringing my shitty life into the mix.”
“Seth, look at me.” She tugs on my arm until I finally meet her gaze. What I see startles me. My tiny, shy Callie has turned into an intense firecracker. “You don’t have a shitty life anymore. Yes, shitty stuff happened to you and yes, your mother is a… bitch.” She looks guilty for saying the curse word, which makes me smile. “But you have me, Greyson, Luke, and even Kayden, and we all care about you because you’re a good person worth caring for.” By the time she’s finished, she’s so worked up she’s gasping for air.
I raise my free hand in front of me. “Easy there, my little sparkler, before you explode.”
“I just want you to be happy,” she says, gripping onto my hand. “And I hate Braiden and all those stupid guys that did this to you. You don’t deserve to be afraid all the time. You deserve to be the Seth I get to see and love.”
“I love you too, baby girl.” I smile at her and she returns my smile wholly. “How did you get to be so wise?”
“Hmmm…” She taps her finger against her lips. “I must have had a really great teacher, I guess.”
“Must have.”
“He’s actually the best there is.”
“Sounds like a great guy,” I reply with a hint of amusement. “What’s his number? Maybe I’ll give him a call.”
We giggle then sit back in our chairs. Outside the window, the setting sun paints the sky with pinks and golds.
“What time is it?” I check the clock on my phone then scoot back from the table. “Shit, I was supposed to meet Greyson like fifteen minutes ago.”
Callie stands up and gathers her books in her arms. “You better talk to him tonight; otherwise, I’m going to add it to the list and make you.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” But just thinking about it sends my stomach dancing, and not the good kind of dancing, either. The flailing arms, bobbing head, offbeat kind of dancing. “What about you? Have any plans for tonight?” I waggle my eyebrows suggestively as we exit the library and step outside into the cool fall air.
She casually shrugs, tucking her books under her arm. “I might meet up with Kayden later.”
I playfully bump my shoulder into hers. “You two have been spending a lot of time together.”
She fights back a silly grin. “We’re just friends.”
“Friends with benefits.”
Her cheeks flush as she avoids my gaze. “We haven’t had… sex yet.”
I slam to a halt in the middle of the grass. “Yet? That means you’ve been thinking about it.”
Her blush spreads across her face as she stops in front of me and stares out at the street. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“But you’ve thought about it?” I try to hide my excitement, but the fact that she’s thought about it means she’s making progress.
“Sometimes… but it seems so… I don’t know. I just never planned on ever feeling this way about a guy.”
“Kayden’s a good guy.” And I mean it.
Not too long ago, Callie told Kayden about how she was raped, and he’s been nothing but kind, considerate and understanding with her. That makes the guy cool in my book, which is a pretty damn fabulous book and kind of hard to earn a place in.
She plucks strands of her hair out of her mouth before looking at me again. “I don’t even know what I’m doing… I mean, he’s so experienced and I’m…” She gestures at herself and shrugs.
“What? Gorgeous? Kind? Smart? Funny?” I slip my arm around her and start toward the parking lot. “Any guy would be lucky to have you.”
She slides her arm around my back and gives me a hug. “You, too.” We break apart at the front of my car and she backs up toward the dorms, pointing her finger sternly at me. “Now tell Greyson. I know it’ll make you feel better.”
I wave at her and climb into the car, crossing my fingers that she’s right.
***
“I can’t believe we’re not going to see each other for an entire week,” I sulk as I rummage through Greyson’s fridge. We’re spending our last night together before we head back to our homes. I grab a beer, bump the fridge door shut with my hip, and pop the top of the bottle. Taking a swig, I shiver from the bitter taste. “You really need to get something besides beer.”
“What? Like those disgusting fruity drinks you were drinking the other day?” he teases from the sofa. He’s got his arms folded and the short-sleeved shirt he’s wearing makes his biceps looking amazing.
“Hey, those aren’t half bad.” I drop down on the sofa beside him and lean forward to glance over the stack of DVDs on the coffee table. “Which one are we watching tonight?”
His eyes are fixed on me, watching my every move so intently that I’m almost afraid to look up at him. “Your pick.”
“Hmmm…” I skim my finger over the titles. “I’m not really sure what I’m in the mood for. Definitely not an action, but that’s a given. Not a romance… not a comedy.”
Greyson lets out a low chuckle. “It sounds like you’re not in the mood for a movie.”
I think about what Callie urged me to do and her promise to put it on the list if I didn’t tell Greyson tonight. I know once the task makes it on the list, she’s going to bug me until I complete it because that’s what I do with her.
Taking a deep, shaky breath, I shift my weight and turn in the seat, bringing my leg onto the cushion. “I actually thought we could talk for a bit?”
“Talk about something specific?” he questions. “Or just talk, talk.”
I recline against the armrest, trying to get comfortable. “Talk about something specific.”
Something in my tone must warn him that we’re about to have a serious talk because he rotates toward me and gives me his undivided attention. “All right, I’m all yours for the night. Talk away.”
My stomach does the bad dance moves again, and I seriously wish I had an antacid or something, because I feel like I’m one foul taste away from barfing up beer. My gaze falls to the scars on my arm. The tiny white marks seem so insignificant, but I feel like they’re a brand, blazing for the entire world to see.
“It’s about my scars…” I trace my fingertip along the longest one, the one Braiden left when he stomped on my arm, crushing it into the dirt alongside my heart. “And about Braiden.”
“Can I ask… Who’s Braiden?” Greyson questions cautiously.
I summon another breath, and then force myself to look at him. “He’s the guy I used to date.”
He swallows hard, his gaze trailing over my arm before returning to mine, his eyes full of sympathy. A beat of silence goes by, and my heart dances like a lunatic inside my chest.
“I’m n
ot sure how much of the story you want to hear,” I mutter. “I can give you the short version, if you want. It might be easier to take.”
“Easier to take?” He scoots across the sofa until our knees touch. “Seth, I’m not afraid of your past… It just hurts to imagine you being in that kind of pain, that a guy you cared about caused those scars.”
“Braiden didn’t act alone,” I explain. “His friends were there, too. They never really liked me, anyway.”
“That doesn’t make it any better.”
“I’m not saying it is… I’m just saying there were other people there and I didn’t care about any of them except…” I force down the lump welling in my throat and lower my head, staring at my hands. “Except Braiden.”
Greyson cups my face between his hands and forces me to look at him. “What did he do to you?”
The compassion in his eyes makes it easier to open my mouth and spill my soul. If I look too deeply, though, I see something else. Love, maybe. And that… Well, that makes me afraid. Blindly, breathlessly afraid, yet at the same time, I feel completely safe.
“We’d been seeing each other for a few months, using the excuse that I was his tutor to hook up while we were supposed to be studying. Braiden was… Well, he was the popular jock loved by all and completely heterosexual to everyone but me. Even though I hadn’t came out to my mother yet, there were kids at school who realized I’m gay. Word got around that Braiden and I were seeing each other.” I roll my eyes. “Because that’s what happens in Mapleville. When Braiden’s friends found out, they confronted him and he, of course, denied it. They told him to prove it and the proof they wanted was my blood on all their hands.” I shrug because I can’t think of anything else to say. “And there you go.”
“Seth.” His voice carries a gentleness to it, as if he’s afraid I’m about to break.
I realize I’m crying. “Oh, my God, this is so embarrassing.” I reach up to wipe the tears away, but he holds my face firmly in his hands.
“You should never be embarrassed for being who you are.” His words strike my heart, but I nearly fall apart when he wipes my tears away with his fingertips.
“I just want to forget it ever happened… But I have all these scars on my arm that won’t allow it… It’s why I’m so afraid to be with you. Like be with you, be with you.”
“God, I hate that they did this to you,” he says as he finishes drying my tears. “I wish I could make it go away somehow. Tell me what to do. Please.”
“I wish you could make it go away, too, but unfortunately you can’t… You can make it better for a little while, though.”
“How?”
Without giving a verbal answer, I lean forward and smash my lips to his. With a gasp, he splays his fingers across my cheeks and opens his mouth, deepening the kiss. At first I take my time, kissing him slowly, savoring each movement of his tongue, the warmth of his skin when I run my hands up his arms. The best part about it all is the sense of security I feel. I never felt this safe with Braiden. It was always, “Shut and lock the door. I don’t want anyone finding out about us.”
As I lie down on the sofa, Greyson moves over me, covering my body with his. I run my fingers through his hair, tugging hard, and bite at his lip. He groans, grinding against me, and my pulse quickens in both fear and excitement at the feel of him. The slow, teasing burn suddenly shifts to uncontrollable want and I get rock hard inside my jeans. I tug off his shirt and pull him closer, never wanting to let him go.
“Seth,” he whispers through ragged breaths when I trail my hand down his sexy-as-hell stomach.
“You know, you made it sound like you went to the gym every so often.” I trace his muscles with my fingers. “But I’m thinking you must be one of those people who are workout psychotic.”
“Maybe… just… a… little…” He seems severely distracted as I fiddle with the button of his jeans.
I mess around with the button just a bit longer before I undo it, drag down his zipper, and slip my hand down his boxers. He groans when I grasp him, rocking into me. I get lost in the feel of him as I move my hand up and down, getting more turned on by the second.
I raise my head to kiss him, but he pushes back, grabbing the bottom of my shirt and jerking it over my head. He rolls over beside me and I move with him, confused about his intent until he undoes the button of my jeans and gives me exactly what I’m giving him.
I don’t know how to react. Braiden was never like this with me. He was always a taker and I the giver. I think about telling Greyson that, that he’s the only guy that’s ever touched me like this, but my lips can’t seem to function.
I’m not sure how I went from being afraid to kiss and tell my secrets to pouring my heart out and being with him like this. My mind is racing so quickly I can’t keep up, and rather than getting lost in my own head, I cling to Greyson, holding tight all the way to the end.
After things settle down, we lie on the sofa with our foreheads pressed together.
“You okay?” he asks as he struggles to catch his breath.
My heart is trying to beat its way out of my chest as I nod. “I’m more than okay… I’m perfect.”
When I say it, I realize how much truth those words carry and how long it’s been since I felt this way about someone. In fact, I don’t think I ever have. Whatever I’m feeling is completely new and raw and terrifying, but in the best way possible.
I just hope that I can hold onto it.
Chapter 12
Seth
Going home. Le sigh. What can I say about that other than it’s absolute, one hundred percent suckage? My mother is pretending I’m the son she wishes she had, telling every relative that came over for dinner that I fell in love with a girl at college and that I’m majoring in math, of all things. It’s annoying and degrading and I’m one step away from screaming at the top of my lungs who I’m really seeing. I swear to God, I’m going to do it right here in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner.
“Seth, did you hear what your grandmother said?” my mom asks from across the table covered with pies, side dishes, and a turkey.
I look up from my plate and shake my head. “But it doesn’t matter since she can’t even hear with her hearing aide.”
My grandmother smiles at me, confusion swirling in her eyes, while my mother looks she’s contemplating stabbing me with her fork.
“Watch it, young man,” she warns, cutting a piece of turkey. “I’m not going to tolerate your attitude.”
“Then I guess I better not talk.” I stab my fork into my salad, stuff my mouth full, and sarcastically grin at her.
She glares at me, but not wanting to cause a scene, drops the conversation and focuses on my aunt, who’s getting ready to marry husband number five.
After dinner, the family gathers into the living room to reminisce. Half the stories are either embellished, complete bullshit, or just plain dull. Bored out of my mind, I decide to text Callie and see if her trip home is going any better.
Me: Hey, darling. How’s it going? Good, I hope. Did you eat some delicious treats?
Callie: Maybe… But what kind of treats r u talking about?
Me: OMFG!!! Did u? Because I had this really weird feeling that you did.
Callie: Did what?
Me: U know what.
When she doesn’t answer me back, I can’t help but smile. She’s come so far from the girl I met back in the summer and I wish I could be there to hug her or something. Honestly, what I wish is that I could be as brave as she is, say to hell with fear, flip it the bird, and put myself out there for the world to see. Whatever happens, happens and I’d be able to handle it. Instead, I’m sitting in a living room filled with people who believe I’m a math major dating a girl named Sally.
Swiping my finger over the screen, I start a new message.
Me: Hey! How’s the vacation going?
Greyson: Mine’s going good. I’m actually sitting on the beach right now.
Me: That’s so
not fair. I’m jealous :(
Greyson: If it makes you feel better, I’m thinking about u. Have been ever since I got here.
Me. Ha, ha, you’re such a sap. JK, I’ve been thinking about u, too.
Greyson: What are u doing right now?
Me: Sitting in the living room, listening to my mother tell fake stories about my college life.
Greyson. Seth… I’m so sorry.
Me: It’s not your fault. It’s my own damn fault for letting her. I just want to stand up and scream the truth.
Greyson: It has to be hard when it’s your own mother. I can’t even imagine. I can’t imagine a lot of stuff that you’ve gone through. You’re so strong.