I shift my weight and move my head out of her grip. “I do not?” I glance at Seth. “Do I?”
Jenna beams brightly. “See? Now do it.”
I roll my eyes, but oblige them and pout. Seth covers his mouth to hide his laughter, while Jenna claps her hands like she won a prize.
“See? Adorable,” she singsongs, still clapping her hands in front of her.
I shake my head, snatch the photo from Seth, and shove it at her. “There you go.” I head for the curtain. “I’m leaving before the two of you try to make me strip or something.”
“I’m totally down for that,” Seth calls out and Jenna busts up in a fit of giggles.
I’m not really mad, especially since Seth seemed okay with having our picture taken. Earlier, when Jenna suggested I take Seth back there during our date, I was a little hesitant over how he’d react.
I end up waiting for Seth on the other side of the curtain. He comes out moments later, stuffing the photo into his pocket.
“Don’t I at least get to see it?” I cross my arms and stick out my lip.
“In a bit,” he replies in a playful tone, quickly swiping his finger across my lip. “Now, come on. Let’s go get stupidly drunk on wine and make fun of that large and slightly crooked penis statue at the front.”
Laughing, I follow him back over to the wine, where we both get a refill.
We spend the next couple of hours wandering around, looking at art, admiring some, but mostly just making fun of stuff. It’s probably the most fun date I’ve ever had, and by the time we’re headed back to the dorms, I don’t want the night to end.
“If you want, we can go back to my place for a while,” I suggest to Seth in the backseat of Ari’s car.
Ari is driving and is a little grumpy about it, since he was elected DD and is now stuck chauffeuring Jenna, Seth, and I around.
Seth doesn’t answer right away and I can almost feel his anxiety, even sitting a seat length away from him. I wonder exactly what he thinks I’m proposing.
“Okay… Yeah, but only on one condition.” The streetlights from outside reflect in his eyes as he smiles at me.
“And what’s the condition?”
“That we stop and get some ice cream. I have the drunk munchies.”
“Drunk munchies? I didn’t know that was a thing.”
“It’s kind of my thing.” He scoots closer to me. “Every time I get drunk, I feel like I’m starving.”
“Oh! I totally get that!” Jenna exclaims from the front seat and fist pumps the air, but ends up smacking herself in the face. “Ari, to the ice cream store!”
The three of us erupt in laughter and even Ari seems to get a kick out of it.
“I’ll get you ice cream,” he says, steering the car into the store parking lot. “But no more drinks for you.”
She waves him off and hops out of the car before it even comes to a full stop. The rest of us get out and chase her into the store, all the way to the frozen food section. We make our selections and I learn just how big an ice cream junkie Seth is when he chooses three flavors—mint, cookie dough, and chocolate chip.
“Please tell me you’re not going to mix all three together,” I say as we climb back into the car after we’ve paid.
“Of course I am.” He smiles at me as he shuts the door. “What other way is there to eat ice cream?”
“The normal way.” I buckle my seatbelt. “One flavor at a time.”
“This way gives it a kick.”
“Like a kick to the stomach, I bet.”
Biting back a grin, he glares at me. “Because of that little remark, I’m so going to make you try it.”
“No way.
“Want to bet?”
“I think the last time we bet, you lost.”
“Not this time,” he says. “Besides, the last time I let you win.”
I choke on a laugh. “That’s so not true and you know it.”
“No, I know I know that I’m right.”
“Huh?”
We exchange a confused, intoxicated look and then bust up laughing.
We continue to playfully argue during the drive home. The mood between us shifts, though, after we say goodbye to Jenna and Ari and start up the stairway toward my place.
“I bet it’s nice living here,” Seth remarks as he glances around the quiet apartment complex.
“It’s okay.” I shove the key in the lock. “I feel a little out of the loop, though.” After I unlock the door, I push it open and flip on the lights. “Like all the good stuff happens at the dorms and I only hear about it while I’m in class.”
“Trust me, the dorms are boring,” he says, entering my place. He looks around at the sofa, the flat screen television, and the pile of photos on the coffee table. “This photography thing isn’t just about the scholarship or school, is it? You like, really, really enjoy it.” He picks up a picture I took of a garden I passed during my walk to school.
“It’s kind of my version of writing tortured poetry.” I shut the door and slip off my jacket. “It helps me express myself when I can’t seem to verbalize how I feel.”
Seth sets down the photo and reaches into his pocket, retrieving the photo Jenna took of us. He briefly assesses it before placing it down on the table.
“Can I look at it now?” I ask, coming up beside him.
He shrugs, stepping back. “Be my guest.”
As I move forward to look at the picture, he walks around my small living room, checking out my collection of shot glasses, countless pictures, and DVDs. I lean down to look at the photo and smile. We look so into the kiss and all that tension Seth carries is gone. Tomorrow, I’ll make sure to tell Jenna how brilliant she is.
When I stand up straight, I notice Seth is staring at a framed picture of my parents and me near the beach. It was taken on a timer, but turned out to be a pretty amazing photo.
“This is your mom and dad?” he asks quietly.
“Yeah, that was taken on the beach not too far from where I grew up.”
“It’s pretty... And you all look so happy.” He steps back from the picture and faces me. “So, now what do we do?”
I shrug, pretending I have no idea, when really I do. I have tons and tons of fucking ideas of what the two of us could do together. “We could watch a movie or something.”
Seth contemplates my offer. “I’m down for a movie just as long as it’s a comedy and,” a conniving grin spreads across his face, “You eat my ice cream concoction.”
I make a gag face. “I seriously don’t know if I can do it.”
He rolls his eyes at me. “Quit being a baby.” He swings around me, collects the bag of ice cream off the coffee table, then heads to the kitchen.
I follow after him and when I enter, he’s opening and shutting cupboards.
“Where the hell are your bowls?” he asks through a huff.
I open the dishwasher, grab a large red bowl and spoon, and set them down on the counter. Grinning, he opens the tubs of ice cream and scoops a spoonful of each flavor into the bowl. Once he’s finished, he stirs it around, mixing it all together, and then scoots the bowl toward me.
“Dig in.” He grins.
I frown at the bowl. “I find it kind of twisted that you’re enjoying this so much.”
“I thought we clarified at the art show that it was fun watching you pout.”
I rub my hand across my face and sigh. “Fine, you win this one.”
“And I thought we also clarified at the art show that I win everything,” he says, fully entertained.
Shaking my head, I scoop up a spoonful of the ice cream. Then, holding my breath, I take a taste.
“So?” Seth waits eagerly for me to answer.
“It’s about as disgusting as I thought.” I reach for a paper towel and spit the ice cream in it.
Seth laughs in shock before turning his nose up at the contents of the bowl. “I can’t believe you ate that. That looks so gross.”
I lower the
paper towel from my face and arch an eyebrow. “Why are you acting like you never eat this?”
“Because I don’t. I mean, I’ll put it all in a bowl and eat it separately, but I don’t mix it together like that.” He covers his mouth as he tries to silence his laughter. “I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t think you would eat it.”
“Now you owe me.” I slide the bowl across the counter toward him. “Dig in.”
His nose crinkles. “I’d rather not.”
I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the counter, pretending to be more upset than I really am. “Then I’m not going to forgive you.”
“Yeah, right. You’re too nice not to.” But he picks up the bowl, dips the spoon into the ice cream, and takes bite. He wavers as he swallows it. “It’s really not that bad. Totally works for the munchies.”
He eats half the bowl while I dish up my own ice cream then we wander into the living room and sit down in front of the shelf that has my DVDs on it.
“So, a comedy, huh?” I skim the titles, searching for one I think would be good.
“I like funny movies. Life’s depressing enough without spending time watching movies that suck the life from your soul.”
I glance up at him and find him staring at his scars again. “Seth… I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I wish you would. I can handle the ugly stuff… I know it exists.”
“Knowing it exists and experiencing it are two different things… it changes you, you know?” When I don’t say anything, he sets his bowl down and sighs. “I’m still not ready to tell you where the scars came from, but if you want, I can tell you a little bit about myself.”
I nod, inching closer to him. “You know I want to hear it.”
He blows a stressed breath as he rests back on his hands. “I used to be this really funny person.”
“What do you mean used to? You still are.”
“No, I’m different now. I mean, I’m still funny and everything, but half the time it feels like I’m running on autopilot. Jokes come naturally to me and it’s easier just to laugh stuff off.” He leans forward and rubs his arm. “I didn’t tell my mother I was gay. She just sort of found out after… something happened. She wasn’t happy at all. Told me I deserved what happened to me. She almost threw me out of the house, but after some pathetic begging on my part, she let me stay. Honestly, I wish I could’ve left sooner, but I didn’t have anywhere to go.” He shrugs. “And that’s pretty much the gist of it.”
My heart aches for him to the point that my chest actually hurts. “The thing that happened… does it have to do with how you got the scars on your arm?”
He nods, swallowing hard.
“Did you…” I shift my weight so that I’m facing him. “Did your mom hurt you?”
“No, it was nothing like that.”
I think about asking him if it was the guy he dated. When he briefly talked about him while we were at the Red Ink, I got the sense something bad happened between the two of them.
Before I can say anything, he sits up straight and says, “Can we drop it, please? I’d rather do anything else than talk about my depressing life.”
I don’t want to drop it at all. I want to find out who hurt him. Find out what’s causing all that pain in his eyes right now. But I don’t think pushing him is going to help.
“What movie do you want to watch?” I set my ice cream down. “Any one you want, I’ll watch.”
“I’m actually not really in the mood to watch a movie anymore,” he mumbles, staring at the window just over my shoulder.
Figuring he means he wants to go back to his dorm, I start to get to my feet, even though I’m not ready for him to go. “Okay, I’ll walk you.”
“Greyson, that’s not what I meant.” Without warning, his fingers wrap around my arm and he pulls me straight down to his mouth.
I worry the kiss might be a distraction from whatever he’s running from, but I get too lost in the feel of his lips to stop it. I kiss him back, our tongues tangling as he grips at my arms. My muscles flex under his hands and he constricts his grasp.
We kiss and kiss and kiss, just like I’ve imagined doing tons of times. Somehow, we end up lying on the floor, a mess of tangled arms and legs. I only move back to reach around and tug my shirt over my head. He follows my lead and peels his off, too.
My fingers travel over his lean muscles as he slips his hand across my abs. They tauten as his fingers start to drift downward to the button of my jeans. I realize where this is heading, but I’m not sure I want to go there yet. In the past, I rushed into the physical aspects of a relationship without really taking the time to get to know someone. I probably know Seth better than I know anyone else, but it still feels like there’s so much more to discover.
“I think…” I’m so wound up that I can barely get the words out. “I think maybe we should…”
“Yeah, we should…” Seth breathes between the kisses, grasping onto me tighter.
At first, I think he’s misunderstanding me, but then he pushes away. He rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, gasping for air. His eyes are huge and flooded with panic as he places a hand on his forehead.
I rotate on my side and prop up on my elbow. “Are you okay?”
His gaze glides to me. “I’m fine, I just… I need to take things a little slower.” He sits up, grabs his shirt, and pulls it on. “Can we watch that movie now… or I can go home if you want. I don’t want to be sitting here, bugging you with my awkwardness.”
I reach for my shirt. “Seth, I think we already established that I’m the awkward one.” When he meets my gaze, I wink at him, trying to alleviate the tension in the air.
His shoulders relax as a laugh slips from his lips. “Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that. Guess I’ll have to settle for second best, then.”
“Guess so.” I slip my shirt over my head, grab a movie from the shelf, and pull him up. “I know you said you weren’t in the mood, but I promise this is a good one.”
When he gets to his feet, he plops down on the sofa. “I’ll stay for one, but then I should probably head back.”
“Sounds good.” I pop the DVD in and settle on the sofa beside him as the movie clicks on.
Halfway through the movie, Seth dozes off on my shoulder. Instead of waking him up, I grab a blanket from the floor, lie down with him, and wrap my arms around him, simply holding him. I’ve never been in love before, but as the most calming feeling settles over me as I start to fall asleep, I have to wonder if maybe this is it.
Chapter 11
Seth
The next few weeks drift by in a daze of autumn colors and new fall wardrobes. Greyson and I spend a lot of time together, studying and hanging out at his place, but I still haven’t introduced him to Callie, nor have we done anything more than kiss. Crossing that bridge means making a commitment to Greyson, which goes hand-in-hand with opening my heart up to him. I don’t think I’m ready for that, especially when I can’t even hold his hand in public without going into a full-blown anxiety attack.
Even though Greyson insists he’s okay with how things are proceeding, I can tell it bothers him every time I let go of his hand, move back from a kiss, or slide away from him in the seat.
“You look sad… What’s wrong? Is it because you have to go home tomorrow?” Callie asks one day while we’re studying in the library.
Thanksgiving is this week, so most of the campus has cleared out. Everyone is excited to be going home for the holidays. Me, not so much. In fact, I’d stay here, but my mother’s forcing me to go back and suffer through a mind-numbing week of Mapleville gossip and family drama.
I force a cheery smile. “I’m fine. I was just spacing out.”
She chews on the end of her pen while eyeing me perceptively. “Seth, I know you love helping me, but I want to be there for you sometimes, too. It feels good when I’m able to help you and makes me feel like less of a taker.”
“Taker?”
“
Yeah, the kind of person that’s always taking and never gives anything in return. You’re always giving, giving, giving, and I’m taking, taking, taking.”
“I like giving stuff to you.” My eyes trail over the shelves and front desk of the quiet library before I shut my textbook and fold my arms on top of it. “But if you really want to know what’s bothering me… It’s Greyson.”