“Do you need me to really say it again?”
I shook my head. “No,” I barely spoke.
Scraping my hands down my face, I let out a frustrated sigh. “What in the hell?” Dropping my hands back down, I hit Ava with question after question.
“How far along was she? Why didn’t she tell anyone? Did Jackson know?”
Ava took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I don’t think she was that far along, I’m not sure why she hadn’t told y’all yet other than she thought she had time to figure things out first and then tell everyone. Yes, Jackson knew and he had asked her to marry him.”
“What?” I stood up. “She was only a senior in high school! What in the fuck did she think she was going to do with a baby?”
Ava stood. “Ryder, getting mad about it is not going to make you understand anymore. Your sister was in love with Jackson; they made love in this house more than once and they were going to have a child. The only person who can really answer your questions is Jackson himself.”
I shot my head in her direction as my heart sank. “What? Have you talked to him?”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “No! Of course not.”
I walked back and forth not knowing how I should be feeling. My sister was pregnant. Oh my God. Why did you take them from us?
My throat was burning from the tears I was trying to hold back. I’d never really allowed myself to cry over my sister’s death.
Jumping when I felt Ava’s hand on my arm, I pulled her to me and wrapped her up in my arms. Not being able to hold back my emotions, I let my tears fall as I whispered, “Why did he take them from us, Ava? Why?”
I SAT ON the sofa in the little stone house and stared down at Ryder. He had completely lost it. I’d never seen him so emotional before, and a part of me wondered if I had made a mistake in telling him about Kate’s baby.
Then I realized what was happening. Ryder was finally allowing himself the chance to cry. It was as if the reality of his sister’s death hit him in that moment and he decided to stop pretending Kate had gone away, and accepted the fact that she was gone forever.
My phone buzzed. Picking it up, it was from an unknown number.
Swiping it, I softly said, “Hello?”
“Ms. Moore?”
“Yes, this is Ava Moore.”
“This is Parker, the caretaker of the house in Helena.”
This was strange. Why was he calling me?
“Yes, hello. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing well. Ms. Moore, I know the last time you were at the house we chatted about its history. You had asked me if Kate ever came to the house alone and I couldn’t remember.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. “Yes. I was wondering that. You know she was so intrigued by Lizzy and Robert’s love story as am I.”
Ryder moved about some, but didn’t wake up.
“Yes, she was. Well, I remembered something. I’m not sure why I had forgotten it, maybe because Kate’s death was just a couple days after.”
“What!” I practically screamed.
Parker cleared his throat. “Kate had come to the house. She called and said she was doing a family research paper and would be staying the night in the house. I remember thinking nothing of it. I didn’t normally call Mrs. Montgomery to ask if the kids could stay, because they often did. They are such good kids, you know.”
I tried to keep my voice steady. “Yes I know they are. So, Kate came and stayed at the house. Was she alone?”
“To the best of my memory, yes. She was alone. I do know that was the first time young Kate had stayed at the house alone, but she mentioned her beau would be stopping by later for dinner.”
Why would Kate and Jackson stay the night at the house in Helena? It’s not like they needed a place to be together.
“One more question, Parker. Do you remember what room she stayed in?”
“Oh yes, the master bedroom. Why?”
Lizzy and Robert’s.
“Just curious. Thank you so much, Parker.”
“Your welcome. Did you and Mrs. Montgomery enjoy the old letters from Lizzy and Robert?”
My mind was spinning. There was something missing to all of this. I had felt like there was something Kate was hiding the moment I started reading her diary. At first I thought it was a long-lost secret of Lizzy’s. When I found out she was pregnant, I thought that was it, but it wasn’t. There was something else and I could tell by how conflicted her words were in her diary. I needed to find out what it was.
“Um … oh yes, the letters. They are amazing! We have a few left to read. Did you say that Kate had come to the house before? Was it with her sisters or brothers?”
“Yes, they would come together. Young Kate loved exploring the old house.”
That much I had figured out. Kate must have stumbled upon the letters while exploring. She wrote about some of the things that were in the letters in her own diary.
“Well, it’s an amazing house to say the least. The letters have helped a lot in getting to know Lizzy and Robert.”
“Wonderful! Wonderful. Okay, well that was all I needed to say. Just let me know when you’ll be coming to the house again.”
“Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
I bumped Ryder to wake him up. “Yes, Ryder and I will be heading there tomorrow. He has a business meeting in town, so I think we’ll stay the night.”
“Sounds good. I’ll be sure the heat is turned up for you then.”
Ryder sat up and looked at me with a dazed look. “Thanks, Parker. Have a nice night.”
I hung up the phone and stood. “I think there was something else Kate was hiding. I’ve felt it from the very moment I found her diary. I thought the pregnancy was it, but I can’t shake this feeling there was something else.”
“Oh God,” Ryder moaned. “I don’t know if I can take anymore secrets being found out.”
“I’m going with y’all tomorrow to Helena. Can we stay the night at the house?”
Ryder lifted his eyebrow. “Yes. Why?”
My face curved with a smile. “We’re going exploring.”
“DON’T EXPLORE WITHOUT me.”
My jaw dropped. “That’s like asking me to never eat chocolate again!”
Ryder furrowed his brows. “Really? I’m just asking that you don’t try to find anything until I get back.”
“What am I supposed to do until you get back?”
He shrugged. “See if Jennifer wants to meet for lunch. Or Dani and the baby.”
Dani had a little girl a few days after Christmas she named Lindsay. She was adorable and the moment I held her in my arms, something weird happened. I wanted a baby. Not that I would ever admit that to anyone.
“I guess I could do that,” I somberly said.
Pulling me closer to him, Ryder held my eyes with his. “I want to be here if you find something.”
His eyes looked so sad. There was no way I would ever go against his wishes. “I’ll call Jennifer and Dani. Maybe they can both sneak away for lunch.”
His hand came up to my face where I leaned into it. “Thank you.”
Smiling, I closed my eyes and let the moment between us settle in my heart.
“One more thing.”
Opening my eyes, I looked at him skeptically. “What?”
“I called Jackson.”
Gasping, I replied, “When?”
“This morning. I asked him if he would join us for dinner. I didn’t ask him to come to the house. Not really knowing what happened here between them, I wasn’t sure how he would feel.”
“That was sweet of you to think that way. What are you planning on saying to him?”
I couldn’t imagine how Ryder was feeling or what he was even thinking. Even more so, I couldn’t imagine what information he thought he would get from Jackson.
“I’m not sure. I guess I want to ask him about the baby. Was Kate scared? Was she happy? What in the hell were they thinkin
g?”
With a slight frown, I placed my hands on his chest. “Will you do me one favor?”
His face softened. “Of course.”
“Remember he suffered a loss as well and he had to hide part of that loss. Put yourself in his shoes, Ryder. He lost the girl he loved and his child.”
His eyes fought back the tears that were welling up. “I know. I promise I’ll remember that.”
Reaching up on my toes, I gently kissed him. “You better go before you’re late.”
With a nod, he replied, “I’ll call you when the meetings over.”
Following him back out to his truck, I watched him drive off. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Vanessa. Peeking over, I watched her wave and smile as Ryder drove off.
Ugh.
Before she could see me, I quickly turned and headed back into the house.
“Ava? Ava wait!”
Shit. Put on your happy face, Ava.
Plastering on a fake ass smile, I turned to face her.
“I thought that was you. I see you got your cast off.”
The way she made her breasts bounce when she walked turned my stomach. She was the last person I wanted to see and probably the only reason I would not ever move into this house permanently. “Yep, I got it off about two weeks ago.”
She let out a fake chuckle. “I bet you’re happy to get it off.”
I wiggled my eyebrows and replied, “I am. It makes everything so much easier. Even Ryder agrees.”
Her smile faltered for a moment. “What brings you and Ryder here?”
I could tell her Ryder was here for a lunch meeting, but I thought I would put this bitch in her place once and for all. “Lucy has a friend who is making my wedding dress.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Your what?” Shaking her head, she let out a dry laugh as she said, “I swear you said wedding dress.”
Holding up my left hand, I smiled as big as I possibly could. I could have let out my old cheerleader personality with an Oh my gawd, Ryder asked me to marry him! Ahh! Instead, I simply said, “You heard right. Ryder and I are getting married on Valentine’s Day.”
I don’t know why, but her deer-in-the-headlights look made me want to do a little dance. I wonder if I asked her to give me a tour of my future home again if she would be down for it?
“Vanessa? Are you okay? You seem a little … stunned.”
Her eyes flicked between the ring, the house, and me. Clearing her throat, she forced a smile. “I’m fine. I was just taken aback I guess. I didn’t realize he was that serious about you.”
You. Did. Not. You. Bitch.
Narrowing my eyes at her, I stated, “I didn’t realize you were that close to him to make that assumption.”
With a look that honestly should have had me falling over dead, she screwed her face and shot daggers at me. “We’re not. I just didn’t picture Ryder settling.”
“You mean settling down.”
“No, I meant settling.”
Oh, hell no.
Walking toward her, I stopped just short. “Listen here, Vanessa. I’ve got your number. I grew up with a brother and a best friend who taught me how to throw a right hook, and trust me when I say I am not afraid to use it.”
Her mouth fell open. “Are you threatening to hit me?”
“I’m just telling you that if you think you can fuck around with me, I’m here to tell you you cannot. I love Ryder and he loves me. I’m wearing his ring on my finger and if we’re going to be neighbors someday I suggest you get it through your damn head now that you will never get your greedy little paws on this house or my fiancé. Am I making myself clear?”
Vanessa took a step back. “I’ve never.”
“And you never will.” Lifting my hand, I waved my fingers and said, “Bye, neighbor.”
Spinning on my heels, I couldn’t help but do an internal jump and fist pump. I’ve always wanted to tell someone off. Damn, it felt good; she was the first one I tried it out on.
Glancing back to where she had been standing, I smiled when I saw her walking away. Looking forward, I made a mental note to tell Walker his baby sister was a bad ass!
I STARED AT the middle of the table as my father spoke about the use of vaccines on the cattle being raised on organic farms.
My head was going off in a million different directions as I tried to focus on what my father was saying. It’s not like I could afford to be daydreaming. If I planned on running the ranch someday, I needed to stay focused.
The next thing I knew, Dad was standing and thanking everyone for taking the time out of their busy day.
When the last person left, he turned and looked at me. “Where in the hell where you during that?”
I pulled my head back and looked at him like I had no clue what he was talking about. “Don’t pull that look with me Ryder. I’m not your mother. You were a million miles away.”
Pushing my fingers through my hair, I blew out a breath. “Dad, if I tell you something, will you swear not to share it with Mom?”
He lifted a brow. “It depends. If I deem it something she doesn’t need to know, then yes.”
“Well, how do I know if you will deem it something she needs to know or not before I tell you?”
He shrugged. “Don’t know. Guess you’ll have to tell me to find out.”
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I shook my head. “Never mind. I’ll deal with it.”
The papers he had been looking at dropped to the desk. “Would it make you feel better if I promised not to tell her?”
“Yes. It really would. I’m not even sure I should be telling you.”
He leaned back in the chair and rested his chin on his fingers like he always does when he is intrigued. “Well hell, now I want to know.”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure you do, but I feel like I need to tell you.”
He dropped his hands. “Ryder, is everything okay? You look a bit lost.”
Swallowing hard, I took in a deep breath. Was this right of me to be telling my father Kate was pregnant when she died? I’d hardly slept a wink last night thinking about it. If it would have been my daughter, I think I would have wanted to know. My mother on the other hand, I didn’t think she should know. It would only make the loss that much more.
“I am, Dad. I’m so conflicted on if I should say anything or keep this to myself.”
“Only you can decide.”
I nodded. “Ava found a diary hidden in a secret compartment of the desk in the old stone house.”
“Who’s diary was it?”
Swallowing hard, I barely spoke the word, “Kate’s.”
He sat forward. “Kate’s? She found a diary that was Kate’s?”
I nodded.
“When?”
“The same day she found the family Bible.”
He constricted his face. “Why didn’t she tell anyone?”
“She did. She told me and Jennifer and we both agreed because of the very private things written in the diary, and the fact that Kate hid it so well, that she would not want Mom of all people reading it.”
He looked out the window for a moment before agreeing. “I agree. I don’t think your mother should know about it. Has Ava read it?”
“Yes. It’s weird that she even found it, Dad. Ever since the first day we stayed in that cabin, Ava’s been saying she feels a presence there and she swears it’s Kate.”
My father smiled warmly. “They are so much alike. Even down to the designing. It’s as if fate brought her into your life.”
“I know. But Ava told me something last night that she herself has been debating about.”
His eyes filled with worry. “Ryder, is this something Kate would want me to know?”
My heart ached. It would have been something she would have wanted all of us to know … but on her terms.
“I think so … eventually. She’d want us to know in her own little way. Her terms.”
With a chuckle, he closed his eyes. “I miss he
r. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. Sometimes I think I see her in a crowd and I have to catch my breath.”
I knew exactly what he meant. “There was this one time, at a concert I was at with Nate and Jennifer, and I swear I saw her. I even walked up to the girl, took her by the arm and turned her to face me. She looked exactly like Kate.”
We sat for a few moments, lost in our own memories of her. “Back to what Ava found out. Um … well … shit I don’t know how to say this so I’ll just say it like Ava did. Dad, Kate was pregnant when she died.”
His face turned white immediately. “What did you say?”
Jesus, I really am just like my father. “Kate, was pregnant. Jackson was the father. She wasn’t that far along, and from what Ava said, Kate had planned on telling the family but thought she had time to get things settled. Whatever she meant by that.”
He sat there staring at me. “Dad? You’re not having a heart attack or anything are you because I totally didn’t pay attention to a damn thing you said in that meeting just now.”
He blinked a few times and looked at me. “No … I’m not having a heart attack. I’m in shock. Let it sink in please before you start cracking jokes.”
“Sorry. I’m just unsure myself how to process this and it’s been over twenty-four hours since I found out.”
My father stood. “I agree, your mother shouldn’t know about this … at least not right now. Let me think about this. Have you told anyone else?”
“No. Ava’s only told me and we are having dinner with Jackson tonight.”
His eyes widened in horror. “What? Why?”
“I want answers.”
He frowned. “What kind of answers? Your sister was pregnant. Do you want Jackson to describe what they did?”
My stomach turned. “Ugh. Really, Dad? No, I want to know how she felt about it. Was she happy? Did they tell Jackson’s parents? What in the hell was she going to do being pregnant at seventeen and in high school?”
Shaking his head slowly, he walked up to me. “Ryder, what does any of that matter?”
The lump in my throat made it hard to talk. “I don’t know how to explain it, Dad, but I have to know.”