Standing, he walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t know if Jackson is going to be able to tell you anything that is going to help.”
“I know.”
“All right, I don’t want you hanging on to some false hope that he can give you the answers you’re looking for.”
I nodded.
With a sigh, he said, “I’m heading back home. Kiss that beautiful fiancée of yours.”
He reached out his hand for mine. With a quick shake, he turned and grabbed his stuff and was out the door.
Walking over to the window, I looked out over the city. Helena was nothing compared to Austin, yet it was home and I loved it. What would life had been like for Kate had she lived? Would she have stayed here and gotten married?
I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the empty spot in my heart. “Damn it, Kate. Why did you leave us?”
I SAT ACROSS the table from Dani and Jennifer and listened to the two sisters go about some local event happening. Dani lived about an hour or so from Helena, so her coming in was not something she did often, but today she was thrilled to bring Lindsay in. Jennifer was currently holding the sleeping baby I couldn’t stop staring at.
The ache in my chest was strong as I started daydreaming about what a baby with Ryder would look like.
Light-brown hair. For sure her hair would be curly. Yes … she would have curly light-brown hair and blue eyes.
“Ava? You seem a million miles away,” Dani said with a concerned look.
Looking up from Lindsay, I forced a smile.
“Yep, totally fine. Sorry, I was just looking at Lindsay. She’s so beautiful.”
Something moved across Dani’s face. Looking at Lindsay, she looked back at me. “Ava. Are you pregnant?”
She asked exactly as I was taking a drink of Diet Coke. I started choking as she jumped up. “Are you okay?”
After I finally got done hacking up my right lung, I looked at her. “Why would you ask me that?”
Jennifer started laughing. “I was about to ask the same thing, truth be told. The way you’ve been eyeing Lindsay, and you have that look.”
I swear my voice raised in pitch. “I don’t have a look!”
Dani sat back down. “Oh yes you do, Ava Moore. I know that look, I’ve seen it on my own face.”
A heavy feeling settled in my stomach while my eyes darted back and forth between the two of them. “You’re both crazy. That’s like saying Nate is going to settle down and get married.”
Both of them started laughing. “Yeah, that’s not happening any time soon,” Jennifer said.
“Neither is a baby. Let me get through marrying your brother and trying not to beat Vanessa’s ass.”
Dani’s eyes darkened. “Vanessa, huh. She has been after Ryder for as long as I can remember.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure after today she knows that is not going to happen. Or she put a restraining order out against me.”
Both girls chuckled. “Why, what happened?”
I shook my head and took a sip of soda. “She rubbed me the wrong way and I may have gone off on her while flashing my engagement ring in her face.”
“God, I knew I liked you the moment we first met. I’ve always wanted to just walk up to Vanessa and punch her right in the mouth,” Dani said while motioning with her hands like she was punching someone.
“Holy shit balls, Dani. What did the girl ever do to you?”
She rolled her eyes. “That little bitch cut off my Barbie’s hair and then said Ken would never love my Barbie like he did her Barbie ‘cause her bitch Barbie had hair. That … that … C-word!”
I forced myself not to start laughing. Holding up my hands I said, “Whoa, bring it back in, Rocky. Deep breath in and blow it out.”
Jennifer shook her head. “Do you remember when that little boy, Tommy, moved in across the street and every time we came into town he would come over to play. I had the biggest crush on him. He even tried to kiss me once. He told me I was the prettiest girl in the world. Problem was he said it in front of Vanessa. The next day she told him I was actually a boy and he stopped talking to me. Still to this day, if I run into him he will totally cross the street to avoid talking to me.”
Dani gasped. “Is that why he stopped coming over?”
“Yep. Sucks too, because he is drop dead handsome now. And single!”
With a giggle, I said, “Man she is a cu—”
“No!” Dani and Jennifer yelled out. I wasn’t sure how Lindsay slept through that outburst but she did.
Jennifer frantically shook her head. “Don’t use that word. I hate that word.”
My phone buzzed. Pulling it out of my purse, I saw Ryder’s name.
Ryder: Heading home, buttercup.
Ugh. I was feeling so many different emotions today. The pull to have a baby, the excitement of what I might find in the house that Kate left behind, the nervousness of meeting Jackson for dinner, guilt for not telling Jennifer and Dani about their sister Kate’s pregnancy, and to top it off, planning a wedding that was just a couple weeks away.
“Ryder is on his way back to the house. This was so much fun. Dani, thank you for driving in.”
I pulled enough money out of my purse to cover lunch. Standing, I walked over and kissed them both on the cheek and then kissed the baby on top of her head. I took in a long deep breath.
Oh lord … she smells so good.
“Tell Ryder we said hi,” Jennifer said.
With a smile, I nodded and replied, “I sure will. Bye, girls.”
As I walked off, Dani called out, “Don’t think I didn’t notice you smelling her! You’ve got the baby bug, admit it!”
Without turning around, I lifted my hand and waved.
I did have the damn baby bug, but I would never admit it. At least not right now.
WALKING INTO THE house, Ryder was sitting on the sofa in the front living room reading something. He looked completely focused on it.
Oh. My. God. He started looking and found something without me! I’m going to kill him!
“Hey, what are you reading?”
He looked up and frowned. “Did you threaten Vanessa today with bodily harm?”
Placing my hand on my hip, I narrowed my eyes as anger swept up to my face, heating my cheeks. “I knew it. I knew that little bitch would do something.” Walking up to him, I asked, “What is it? A restraining order or something?”
Ryder laughed. “What? Why would she do that? Jesus, Ava. What did you say to her?”
“Wait. How do you know?”
“She practically attacked me when I pulled up. She said she was innocently standing outside when you walked up to her and threatened to punch her if she ever talked to me again.”
My mouth dropped open. If he took her side I was taking this diamond and chucking it in his face.
“I can’t believe this. You’re actually going to sit there and tell me you believe I would ever do something like that?”
Ryder stood up and smiled. “No, I don’t believe her, but I do believe she got you so mad you probably did threaten her.”
“I did, but she started it. When she found out we were getting married, she said she couldn’t believe you would settle for someone like me.”
He pinched his eyebrows. “Damn, baby, please don’t let anything she says get to you. She doesn’t matter and what comes out of her mouth really doesn’t matter either.”
Grinning, I glanced down at the paper. “What were you reading?”
He quickly picked up the paper and folded it. “Nothing.”
Lifting my eyebrows, I lowered my head and looked at him. “Really? Cause you were very focused on that piece of paper when I walked in.”
The cutest damn smile spread over his face. Pulling me to him, he kissed me softly and then whispered, “They’re my vows.”
Plunk. That was my heart dropping. Just like that, I was swept off my feet. “Your vows?”
“Yeah, I wrote them last night when I couldn?
??t sleep. I need to polish it up a bit. Actually a lot. I can’t make heads or tails of the whole second half. I must have been dozing off.”
I melted right there on the spot. “If I didn’t want to search this house so badly, I’d totally push you down and rip your clothes off.”
His face lit up. “I like the sound of that.”
I slapped him on the chest. “Later! Let’s go exploring.”
THIRTY MINUTES LATER we were standing in the middle of the master bedroom looking around. “Okay, so we checked all the drawers in the dressers. The closet is empty, and the desk doesn’t have any secret doors. Now what?” Ryder asked.
“I guess we could ask Jackson if he knows if Kate left anything in the house.” I sat down on the bed and looked around. I had this overwhelming feeling there was something in this room and Kate wanted us to find it.
Shaking my head, I closed my eyes. Show me, Kate. You have to show me.
Opening my eyes again, I got up and started walking around the room. I walked over to a painting and stopped in front of it.
“Who painted this?” I asked leaning in and seeing the initials LM.
“Lizzy, I believe. She painted a lot of the pictures in the house.”
My breath caught. “Can we take it down?”
Ryder walked over and grabbed it. “Sure.”
He took it down and turned just enough for me to see the manila envelope taped to the back. My hands came up to my mouth.
“Ryder,” I whispered.
He turned the painting and saw it. “Holy shit.”
Carefully, Ryder set the picture down on the bed. We stood there and stared at the envelope. I knew the writing the moment I saw it. It was Kate’s.
My chest rose and fell with each labored breath. I had no idea what we would find in that envelope. Ryder reached for my hand and whispered, “It’s Kate’s handwriting.” He turned and looked at me. I could see the fear in his eyes, but something told me this was nothing to fear. At least I prayed like hell it wasn’t.
I smiled and squeezed his hand.
“I can’t do it, Ava. You have to see what’s in there.”
I nodded as my pulse raced. My voice was caught in my throat. “O-okay.”
With shaking hands, I gently pulled the envelope off the back of the painting. Ryder took the painting and hung it back up. Sitting down in the chair, I pulled in a deep breath while Ryder walked across the room and stared out the window.
I reached in and pulled out a stack of papers. It was legal papers … a contract.
Oh my God. Smiling, I covered my mouth with my hand as it hit me what I was looking at. It was a contract between Amour Des Lettres and Kate. My heart was pounding so loudly I was surprised Ryder couldn’t hear it.
Scanning the contract, I felt the tears building in my eyes. I had never even met Kate, but it was as if she was my own sister. The pride I was feeling was beyond anything I’d ever felt before. My goodness. She was only seventeen.
Amour Des Lettres was a design company in France. They were the one design company everyone dreamed of being in with. Even me. I interviewed for a position with them when I was in France. It was there I ran into Maurice and ended up working for him.
They wanted four of Kate’s designs. What must she had felt when she got this contract in her hands and at such a young age.
I looked up and felt the tears falling down my face. “Ryder. It’s not bad at all. It’s the most amazing thing ever.”
He spun around and his face fell when he saw me crying. “Why are you crying? And smiling?”
Pressing my lips together, I tried to contain the sobs I wanted to let out. My heart was happy and so sad at the same time. Kate had the brightest future in front of her, and in one moment it was taken from her.
Once I felt like I could talk, I handed him the contract. He took it and looked at it with a confused expression.
“What is this? Who is Amour Des Lettres?”
I wiped the tears away. “They are a design company in France. One of the best. They’re known for their wedding dresses mostly. They sell for over thirty thousand a piece. They wanted four of Kate’s designs.”
His eyes lifted to mine. “W-what?”
Nodding my head, I smiled and let out a sob. “Ryder, this was huge. I can’t even imagine how over the moon Kate must have been,” I said with a giggle.
Ryder shook his head while slowing sitting down. “Kate had an opportunity to design for this company?”
I nodded my head. “It looks like she had submitted a few designs that they wanted, but here, on this page they are offering her a full time designer position. In France.”
“Holy shit,” Ryder whispered. “She didn’t sign it.” He snapped his head up and looked at me.
I shrugged my shoulders. “The baby maybe?”
Ryder bent over and took a few deep breaths. Then I saw his body begin to shake and I knew he was upset. Jumping up, I fell to the floor in front of him.
“She had her whole life ahead of her. Her whole damn life. I don’t fucking understand why this happened. Fuck!” he yelled out and my heart broke even more.
I took the contract from his hand and crawled onto his lap. He buried his face into my neck and held me like he was going to lose me.
Nothing was said for the longest time as we just sat there. I peeked over to the clock and cleared my throat. “We need to get going if we want to be on time for dinner with Jackson.”
Ryder nodded. The look in his eyes was empty.
“Maybe Jackson will be able to help answer some questions.”
Standing, he made his way to toward the door. “Maybe.”
AVA GRABBED MY leg and squeezed it. “Stop bouncing your leg. You’re shaking the table.”
I had no idea why I was so nervous. No, that was a lie. I did. Just the thought of seeing Jackson made me feel sick. He was the one reminder I always tried to avoid. Maybe even the whole reason Nate and I left Montana. I ran into Jackson six months after Kate died. The pain of seeing him was almost too much to stand. He must have felt the same, because I saw it in his eyes.
“Tell me what you’re thinking right now,” Ava asked in a low voice.
I looked around the restaurant. “That we should have done this at the house. Because even though my sister is gone, I still want to kick his ass for getting her pregnant.”
“Ryder.”
Ava’s voice was laced with concern. I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry. I won’t kick his ass.”
Every time the door to the place opened, we both looked over, each holding our breath. Ava had no clue what he looked like, but when I released my breath, she would release hers.
Her phone buzzed as she picked it up and typed something back. It was her boss, Maurice. He had been keeping her busy the last few weeks. Before he would send her designs to clean up, now she was doing her own designs. I was so proud of her. If only he would put her stuff in a show. My chest felt light as I thought back to earlier when Ava was so proud of Kate. She never even knew her, but there was something there. Some kind of weird connection I didn’t want to admit at first, but now I saw it. The way she stood up and walked to that picture was almost as if Kate whispered it in her ear.
The door opened and Ava asked, “Is that him?”
I nodded and stood. Jackson scanned the restaurant before our eyes met. He looked the same, just a bit older. His sandy-brown hair was cut short and he was dressed in a suit.
“Yes, that’s him.”
“Go, Kate. He’s a looker.” I quickly shot a look to Ava. “What? I’m just saying she had good taste.”
With a huff, I forced a smile when Jackson walked up. Reaching my hand out, I somehow managed to talk. “Hey, Jackson. It’s good seeing you.” Motioning to Ava, I said, “This is my fiancée, Ava.”
Jackson, shook my hand and then Ava’s. “It’s good seeing you again, Ryder.” He smiled at Ava. “It’s a pleasure meeting you, Ava.”
“The pleasure is all mine.
”
I pointed for him to sit. “Please, sit down. Would you like a drink?”
He laughed and said, “Yes, something strong.”
It seemed we were both a little nervous about meeting.
After the waitress took his order, he looked directly at me. “I have to say getting a call from you out of the blue has me a bit out of sorts.”
With a nod, I replied, “I know. It’s just … well …” I turned to Ava and she placed her hand on my leg and took control of the conversation.
“Jackson, I found Kate’s diary a few months back in the old stone house.”
His brows raised. “Really? Just now someone found it?”
Okay, so he knew she kept a diary.
“Well, she had hidden it in a place that really not many people would look to find it. I kind of had a few clues.”
Jackson looked at me and barely grinned. The last thing I wanted to tell him was my fiancée felt a connection with his dead girlfriend.
“Anyway, I started reading and it was soon clear to me that Kate would not have wanted anyone, like her mother, to read the diary. I talked to Ryder and Jennifer about it and they both agreed that Lucy should not find out about it only because there are some rather … personal and graphic memories.”
Jackson’s face turned red and his eyes looked sad. “Kate was amazing. I truly loved her with all my heart.”
I looked away. It felt like someone was trying to rip my heart out and stomp on it.
“I know you did. I can tell by the way she writes about you. But, in reading the diary, I found out she was pregnant and I told Ryder.”
Jackson moved about in his seat and cracked his neck. “Oh. That explains the phone call.”
I cleared the lump in my throat. “It’s nothing like that. For my own sanity, I just needed to know how she felt about the pregnancy. Why didn’t you guys say anything? What were your plans?”
Jackson picked up his drink and downed it in one gulp. Lifting his hand, he pointed for another.
“Please forgive me, I don’t normally drink, but it’s been awhile since I’ve talked about Kate and the baby. Well, actually I’ve never talked to anyone about it. I’ve kept the secret like she asked me to.”