"Could you please help me?" I ask touching Z's shoulder and he rises to follow immediately.
Closing the door behind us, Z's smile is so big I finally start to laugh. "How are you doing, you fucking idiot?" He asks so seriously I laugh even harder. "She's such an ass sometimes," Z adds pulling me in for a big hug.
"I know. But she doesn't know about me, obviously, or she wouldn't have said that. So it's just funny, Z. You know she'll be excited when she finds out, especially if she thinks I'll name a friggin girl after her."
"Which will NEVER happen," he adds as I nod. "I can't even imagine having a Kayla for a daughter," he smiles and my heart almost stops. Just the word daughter coming from Z can make me start hyperventilating until I force myself past it so he doesn’t know where I’m at.
"Ya know, we're going to have some serious issues with the last name Zinfandel. I’m thinking we should probably start arguing now about names," I lean up to kiss him quick, as he gently swats my butt when I turn for the fridge.
"They're leaving," Kayla pipes up with her head in the door.
"Already? Z just grab the whole almond torte and give it to her."
"But-"
"Really, Kayla? You want to strip her of a dessert when she's suffering like that?"
"Oh, piss off, Suzanne. You're getting really good at guilt trips," she snarls leaving the kitchen in a huff as we follow.
"I'm sorry, Suzanne. Dinner was delicious, but I feel horrible suddenly. And I just want to crawl in bed."
"No worries. Take some dessert and relax. You lasted 2 whole hours without throwing up which I think is a record," I tease.
"I agree," Mack adds bending to kiss my cheek goodbye. "See you Wednesday."
"Good night," Z kisses Kayla's forehead as she turns quickly to leave.
"Wow. I would hate feeling like that," Kayla grabs for her coat. "We're gonna split too. Thanks for dinner, it was delicious," she adds with a hug.
"You're welcome. Do you want to take the chocolate pie with you? I know it's your second favorite."
"Yes, please," she grins as Z walks back to the kitchen for the pie.
Standing close to me, Marty leans in for our customary half hug with a 'thanks for dinner' as I smile at him. He’s so funny, and he makes all my dinners such a fun affair I love having him around. And clearly by the way Kayla holds his hand all the time, she likes having him around too.
Handing Kayla her pie after another round of goodbyes, they're gone.
Turning into Z I mumble, "Done. Holy shit, I'm tired," as he flips on the security and locks the door behind us.
"Let’s lie down on the couch. You must be exhausted," he smiles tugging me to the couch where I collapse beside him.
"The dishes and table-"
"Can wait til tomorrow," he finishes turning on the news as I snuggle into his chest.
➰➰➰➰➰
"Suzanne? Suze...?"
"Yeah?" I mumble still half asleep on the couch.
"Look at the tv, love. Um, your grandfather died this morning," Z whispers waking me fully. Like a jolt, I flip to my other side and stare at the last seconds of the story about the great American Industrialist Edward Montgomery who passed away surrounded by family and friends at his estate in DC.
"What family?" I whisper to the tv, but there's no answer before CNN moves on to a story about a shooting in El Paso.
"Are you okay?" Z pulls me tighter to him.
"Yes... I said my goodbye to him over 2 years ago. And it's not like he ever tried to reach me again. So his death is just the complete end to what was already over. And I'm fine," I whisper into Z's forearm that rests across my chest.
When the phone rings some time later Z jumps up before I have a chance to think or wake fully again. I hoped this wouldn't start tonight, but it always does. Whenever there's a thing involving my family or past, the creepy calls begin from everyone looking for a quote, or for a scoop from me.
"We have to go, Suzanne. Kayla's in labor and Mack's freaking out because it’s too soon. Apparently they didn't even make it home before she was crying over the labor pains."
Gasping, I jump up way too quickly and as the dizziness hits hard my hand just reaches the wall to steady me before Z has his arm wrapped around my waist.
"What's wrong?" He yells, but I need a second. Shaking my head, I breathe through the quick spins and lean into him for a second until everything slows back down for me.
"I stood up too quickly I think. That all. Everything else feels fine though," I steady my voice as he stares hard at my face again. "Honestly, it's already passing. Just let me sit for a second," I beg plopping back down on the couch. "Can you get my purse and jacket?"
"Should we go to the hospital for you? Should we have you checked out? This could be serious, and you were on your feet all day, and you shouldn't have made Easter dinner. I should've stopped you and said-"
"Stop," I wave my hand in the air and he stops immediately. "I'm okay. I wouldn't risk anything, Z. I literally got dizzy from jumping up after lying down for a while. That's all it was. I can tell because I feel perfectly fine now. So please don't freak. Just get me my purse and coat and I'll stand slowly and walk even slower to the door. Everything is fine, Z. Trust me," I stare back at him squatting in front of my face until he exhales.
"Sorry."
"Don't be. I get why you'd be scared, but there's no reason to be. Not about this. It's already passed."
"Okay," he whispers like he only half believes me, but it's enough to get him out of my face so I can stop fake smiling and exhale myself. Shit, that sucked.
Standing as Z rushes back to help, I really do feel perfectly fine again. And I let him know as he pulls my jacket over my arms, everything is fine. I know it this time.
"Let’s go. Kayla must be so scared, and Mack needs you," I take his hand as he nods.
Walking into the maternity ward, I spot Laura and almost groan. I mean obviously she'd be here, but she not my favorite person and dealing with her always sucks.
"Suzanne!" Mrs. Rinaldi yells jumping up to hug me. Looking over my shoulder at Z he shrugs before looking around for Mack. "She almost lost him. Kayla almost lost him, but they got him out with an emergency C-section and he's in neo-natal with Mack," she actually cries hugging me again.
"What happened?" Z leans into Mrs. Rinaldi as I pull away just enough to see her trying to speak.
"We don't really know. Mack called to say she was in early labor, but by the time we got here the doctors informed us she was in surgery and Mack was with the baby. We don't know anything else," she cries again until I hug her. Looking over her shoulder at Laura I see she's bawling her eyes out in her chair talking on the phone, and I suddenly realize this could be very bad.
"But we just saw her a few hours ago." Like that matters. Holy random thought, Suzanne.
"I know," Mrs. Rinaldi actually pouts. "She prefers having all her holiday dinners at your house now, Suzanne. So I think you need to start inviting me for dinner so I can see my daughter and grandson on the holidays."
"But what about Laura and Paola?" I grin. "And I am NOT inviting them as well. You can forget that idea. So really, you have to have dinners still otherwise they'll have nowhere to go," I tease as she smiles.
"Good point. But can't you give up Kayla just once or twice a year? Like we'll switch out Easter or Thanksgiving every year?"
"Okay. We'll try to set up a visitation schedule. Good?"
"Yes. Thank you, dear," she smiles looking much calmer than only minutes ago.
Turning to Z, Mrs. Rinaldi squeezes the hand he offers her, and leaning in she whispers, "You're looking as handsome as ever, Mr. Zinfandel," right in front of me which makes me laugh when Z actually blushes.
"Oh my god. Please..." I giggle as she smiles her own cheeky grin and walks back to sit beside Laura.
Feeling Z's breath on my cheek, he whispers, "You were good calming her. But wow, that was awkward," he groans as I turn to him.
"Face it, Mr. Zinfandel, wherever we go women are going to flirt with you. Just don't flirt back and I can handle it," I warn as he nods pulling me to the chairs beside the Rinaldi's.
Shaking Mr. Rinaldi's hand we all discuss what we know which isn't much. We talk about Easter, and wanting to see the baby, and we all just soothe each other as best as we can until Laura suddenly snaps maybe my cooking caused whatever happened to Kayla. But after a quick flinch from me before Z can defend me which I know he was about to do, Mrs. Rinaldi tells Laura to apologize immediately, which she does, begrudgingly. And then we all wait some more in silence.
Eventually, I curl up in a chair against Z as I feel sleep pulling at me, Kayla and Marty walk in to join us seconds before Paola arrives. And by 12:15 we all settle in, wrapping our jackets around our knees to keep us warm, snuggling into each other to fight off the hospital waiting room chill.
"Hey..." Mack says behind us as everyone jumps awake. Z and Mr. Rinaldi stand before I can even process I'm looking at Mack. "Here's what we know," he says calmly before the Rinaldi's can start yell asking their questions. "My unnamed son is perfect," he smiles so brightly Mrs. Rinaldi cries out before covering her mouth. "And my beautiful wife is in recovery. She had a partially ruptured placenta, so they performed an emergency C-section to get him out quickly, and she had internal bleeding which they've found and repaired," he nods at Mrs. Rinaldi again.
"Kayla can still have children, though I'm sure we won't. I'm never going to risk a detached placenta again, and hopefully Kayla will be reasonable," he grins as we all do. "And hopefully she won't make me force the issue in the future now that our Little Bastard is born healthy," he finally huffs a little laugh as Kayla and Marty grin at him.
"Little Bastard weighs 6 pounds 10 ounces which is a healthy weight, and he appears to have fully developed lungs though he'll be monitored closely for the next week. Kayla will also be monitored closely, and hopefully she'll be able to leave in a week herself. So, that's where we're at," Mack finally winds down before sitting in a chair across from our whole group.
"Can I see her?" Mrs. Rinaldi asks quietly but Mack shakes his head.
"Tomorrow morning. She'll be in recovery for at least a few more hours and by the time she can have visitors it'll be morning anyway. So why don't you all go home, rest up, and meet back here at 8:00 for visiting hours. I'll even take each of you in to meet my boy," he says so sweetly I move before I even realize it.
Sitting in the chair beside him I squeeze him with all I have. Kissing his neck as he side hugs me, I whisper, "They'll be fine. And you did good, Mack. I can't wait to meet my little nephew," I grin as he smiles warmly at me.
"He's beautiful, Suzanne," Mack breathes with awe in his voice.
"Of course he is. Have you seen his parents?" I add as he exhales.
"Oh, Mack," Mrs. Rinaldi cries joining us on his other side. "I'm so happy for you both, and I'm so happy Little Bastard," she says with a grin, "is going to be okay. I just love you both so much. Thank you for my first grandbaby," she weeps until Mack pulls from me to hug her closely.
"You're welcome. But go home now. Rest up, and come back in the morning, okay? Kayla's going to be a mess when she wakes up, and I have a feeling she's going to want her mom with her," Mack says again so sweetly Mrs. Rinaldi chokes up even more. Nodding against his shoulder, he said the words that'll put her in action. She's a mom, and she's going to be a mom to her daughter, no matter how old her daughter is.
"I'll be back right at 8. You just tell Kayla to hold on until then and I'll be back for her. I love you, Mack," she smiles before kissing his cheek as he leans in for another hug from her.
"Thank you," he exhales as the first heavy looking emotion settles in deep. I see it and I know everyone else does as well. Mack is fighting not crying, and he looks just exhausted suddenly.
"Everything is going to be fine now," I whisper as he nods beside me.
"I know. Okay," pulling away from Mrs. Rinaldi who stands to walk back to her husband, "Everyone go home. There are no visitors tonight anyway, so there's nothing to do here. I'm going to sleep in Kayla's room when she's moved, and hopefully the baby will be moved into her room within a few days."
"What do you need?" Z steps forward and as Mack contemplates his question, they seem to share something so heavy between each other, I just stare at my 2 men in awe. They are so like brothers, I know they're almost silently communicating all the pain and fear and upset Mack must've felt tonight.
"Ah, clothes?" Mack says finally to Z replying done. Hugging Mack tightly, Z whispers something in his ear and Mack nods with a smile. Whatever he said took all the pain off Mack's face, and Z seems so calm I know he gave Mack something he needed to hear. Everything is going to be okay now, I can actually feel it.
"We'll be back before visiting hours with some clothes for you," I cuddle into Mack's side for one last hug.
Looking at me closely, Mack whispers in my ear, "Are you okay?" And as I pull away thinking he means about Kayla and their baby, he adds softly against my cheek, "I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. Do you need to talk about it?" Wow. Even now he offers to be there for me? Honestly, this guy is too much.
"I'm perfectly okay. I'm just happy my real family is going to be okay. Okay?" I grin as he does.
"Okay. We'll see you in the morning?"
"With clothes and food, and presents, too," I giggle. "You have a baby, Mack. And I'm so happy for both of you."
"Thank you." Shaking his head a little, Mack seems overwhelmed but happy. "Um, I'm going to go back in, so I'll see you all tomorrow," Mack smiles again at everyone watching our exchange before turning to leave us for the ward doors.
"See you all tomorrow," Z reaches for my hand to leave. "Let’s go, love. You need to sleep a little," he grins down at me so I understand his implication without saying anything everyone else will understand.
"We should go to their apartment first so we can sleep as long as possible before coming back."
"Sounds good," Z agrees before saying goodbyes to everyone else as we leave the hospital for Mack's home and eventually our own bed.
Arriving home, I'm exhausted. Between throwing the Easter dinner and this little baby inside me, I need sleep so badly, I almost hop in bed without even taking off all my makeup.
Turning to Z in the doorway while brushing my teeth, I smile a white foaming at the mouth smile as he laughs at me.
"You haven't mentioned your grandfather at all," he says softly joining me at the sink reaching for this own toothbrush.
Looking at his face through the mirror, I make sure to keep eye contact so he knows I'm telling the truth. “Because I'm okay, Z. Besides wondering who the family was by his side, I just hope he didn't die completely alone. But other than that, I don't feel much of anything. I mean I guess I'm sad he's dead, but I don't feel sad about my grandfather being dead. He was just someone I used to know at this point.”
"When the papers find out how much more you're going to inherit, everything's going to start up again for a while. And I'd like to put security back in place until it dies down. I need to protect-"
Leaning into his side, I cut him off before he starts freaking out. "Okay. Whatever makes you comfortable, Z."
There is NO way I'm fighting this. Not with a baby inside me, and not when I know he's right. Bring out my name in the papers, and the perverts and threats start up again. "You'll get the lawyers on standby?"
"I already called Humphrey," he grins like a bugger.
"Of course you did," I swap his butt as he laughs.
Taking my hand, he kisses it softly on the palm, which is one of his sweetest gestures before he walks us to our bed.
"Come here," he pulls me on top of him and just as I snuggle in, barely fighting my closing eyes, Z whispers, “I love you,” making my smile the last thing I remember before sleep takes me for a few hours before we meet my new nephew.
CHAPTER 28
"I still can't believe you n
amed him Matthew," I giggle as sweet little Matthew holds onto my finger with his tiny little baby fist.
"He was the Little Bastard for 2 weeks and I finally just caved when my mother threatened to name him herself," Kayla laughs.
"Well, he suits Matty," Kayla pipes up and I couldn't agree more. Matty is beautiful and sweet, and getting so big. I can't believe he's 2 months old and so alert. He's just my most favorite thing these days.
Shopping has been so much fun for me because there's a whole new little world I knew nothing about, and the ideas I'm getting for my own baby are making my head spin. Every day I think of a new nursery theme and every day I buy something that sits in the spare room unopened and waiting. But still Z doesn't engage.
Almost crying suddenly, I barely hold it in, but Chicago Kayla sees it and raises an eyebrow to talk until I gently shake my head no before other Kayla sees me.
I think she thinks I'm having a hard time with Matthew as a baby, but she couldn't be more wrong. Matthew doesn't feel like my Thomas, or remind me of what I've lost at all. He's just this special little person who I love separately from anything in my own life or past. And I adore him way beyond anything I could've ever imagined I'd like, or even love about a baby.
He also gives me hope for my own baby because I never felt awkward with Matthew, even days after he was born. Somehow, I just knew how to hold him and I adored him immediately. He's so pretty really, and every day I swear he changes to look more like Mack, or more like Kayla until he changes again.
Matthew makes me feel good when I’m around him, so I have hope that I'll feel if not the same, hopefully even more when I have my own child months from now.
Listening to the Kaylas talk about nothing special, I think of my own special and just spill. I figure I’m safe now, so why not?