that time only one of the principal noblemen in Crim Tartary),
Blackstick, although invited to the christening, would not so
much as attend; but merely sent her compliments and a silver
papboat for the baby, which was really not worth a couple of
guineas. About the same time the Queen of Paflagonia presented
His Majesty with a son and heir; and guns were fired, the capital
illuminated, and no end of feasts ordained to celebrate the young
Prince's birth. It was thought the fairy, who was asked to be
his godmother, would at least have presented him with an
invisible jacket, a flying horse, a Fortunatus's purse, or some
other valuable token of her favour; but instead, Blackstick went
up to the cradle of the child Giglio, when everybody was admiring
him and complimenting his royal papa and mamma, and said, 'My
poor child, the best thing I can send you is a little
MISFORTUNE'; and this was all she would utter, to the disgust of
Giglio's parents, who died very soon after, when Giglio's uncle
took the throne, as we read in Chapter I.
In like manner, when CAVOLFIORE, King of Crim Tartary, had a
christening of his only child, ROSALBA, the Fairy Blackstick, who
had been invited, was not more gracious than in Prince Giglio's
case. Whilst everybody was expatiating over the beauty of the
darling child, and congratulating its parents, the Fairy
Blackstick looked very sadly at the baby and its mother, and
said, 'My good woman (for the Fairy was very familiar, and no
more minded a Queen than a washerwoman)--my good woman, these
people who are following you will be the first to turn against
you; and as for this little lady, the best thing I can wish her
is a LITTLE MISFORTUNE.' So she touched Rosalba with her black
wand, looked severely at the courtiers, motioned the Queen an
adieu with her hand, and sailed slowly up into the air out of the
window.
When she was gone, the Court people, who had been awed and silent
in her presence, began to speak. 'What an odious Fairy she is
(they said)--a pretty Fairy, indeed! Why, she went to the King
of Paflagonia's christening, and pretended to do all sorts of
things for that family; and what has happened--the Prince, her
godson, has been turned off his throne by his uncle. Would we
allow our sweet Princess to be deprived of her rights by any
enemy? Never, never, never, never!'
And they all shouted in a chorus, 'Never, never, never, never!'
Now, I should like to know, and how did these fine courtiers show
their fidelity? One of King Cavolfiore's vassals, the Duke
Padella just mentioned, rebelled against the King, who went out
to chastise his rebellious subject. 'Any one rebel against our
beloved and august Monarch!' cried the courtiers; 'any one resist
HIM? Pooh! He is invincible, irresistible. He will bring home
Padella a prisoner, and tie him to a donkey's tail, and drive him
round the town, saying, "This is the way the Great Cavolfiore
treats rebels."'
The King went forth to vanquish Padella; and the poor Queen, who
was a very timid, anxious creature, grew so frightened and ill
that I am sorry to say she died; leaving injunctions with her
ladies to take care of the dear little Rosalba.--Of course they
said they would. Of course they vowed they would die rather than
any harm should happen to the Princess. At first the Crim Tartar
Court Journal stated that the King was obtaining great victories
over the audacious rebel: then it was announced that the troops
of the infamous Padella were in flight: then it was said that the
royal army would soon come up with the enemy, and then--then the
news came that King Cavolfiore was vanquished and slain by His
Majesty, King Padella the First!
At this news, half the courtiers ran off to pay their duty to the
conquering chief, and the other half ran away, laying hands on
all the best articles in the palace; and poor little Rosalba was
left there quite alone-- quite alone; and she toddled from one
room to another, crying, 'Countess! Duchess!' (Only she said
'Tountess, Duttess,' not being able to speak plain) 'bring me my
mutton sop; my Royal Highness hungy! Tountess! Duttess!' And she
went from the private apartments into the throne-room and nobody
was there;--and thence into the ballroom and nobody was
there;--and thence into the pages' room and nobody was there;
--and she toddled down the great staircase into the hall and
nobody was there;--and the door was open, and she went into the
court, and into the garden, and thence into the wilderness, and
thence into the forest where the wild beasts live, and was never
heard of any more!
A piece of her torn mantle and one of her shoes were found in the
wood in the mouths of two lionesses' cubs whom KING PADELLA and a
royal hunting party shot--for he was King now, and reigned over
Crim Tartary. 'So the poor little Princess is done for,' said
he; 'well, what's done can't be helped. Gentlemen, let us go to
luncheon!' And one of the courtiers took up the shoe and put it
in his pocket. And there was an end of Rosalba!
IV. HOW BLACKSTICK WAS NOT ASKED TO THE PRINCESS ANGELICA'S
CHRISTENING
When the Princess Angelica was born, her parents not only did not
ask the Fairy Blackstick to the christening party, but gave
orders to their porter absolutely to refuse her if she called.
This porter's name was Gruffanuff, and he had been selected for
the post by their Royal Highnesses because he was a very tall
fierce man, who could say 'Not at home' to a tradesman or an
unwel come visitor with a rudeness which frightened most such
persons away. He was the husband of that Countess whose picture
we have just seen, and as long as they were together they
quarrelled from morning till night. Now this fellow tried his
rudeness once too often, as you shall hear. For the Fairy
Blackstick coming to call upon the Prince and Princess, who were
actually sitting at the open drawing-room window, Gruffanuff not
only denied them, but made the most ODIOUS VULGAR SIGN as he was
going to slam the door in the Fairy's face! 'Git away, hold
Blackstick!' said he. 'I tell you, Master and Missis ain't at
home to you;' and he was, as we have said, GOING to slam the
door.
But the Fairy, with her wand, prevented the door being shut; and
Gruffanuff came out again in a fury, swearing in the most
abominable way, and asking the Fairy 'whether she thought he was
a going to stay at that there door hall day?'
'You ARE going to stay at that door all day and all night, and
for many a long year,' the Fairy said, very majestically; and
Gruffanuff, coming out of the door, straddling before it with his
great calves, burst out laughing, and cried, 'Ha, ha, ha! this is
a good un! Ha--ah--what's this? Let me down--O--o-- H'm!' and
then he was dumb!
For, as the Fairy waved her wand over him, he felt himself rising
off the ground, and
fluttering up against the door, and then, as
if a screw ran into his stomach, he felt a dreadful pain there,
and was pinned to the door; and then his arms flew up over his
head; and his legs, after writhing about wildly, twisted under
his body; and he felt cold, cold, growing over him, as if he was
turning into metal; and he said, 'O--o--H'm!' and could say no
more, because he was dumb.
He WAS turned into metal! He was, from being BRAZEN, BRASS! He
was neither more nor less than a knocker! And there he was,
nailed to the door in the blazing summer day, till he burned
almost red-hot; and there he was, nailed to the door all the
bitter winter nights, till his brass nose was dropping with
icicles. And the postman came and rapped at him, and the
vulgarest boy with a letter came and hit him up against the door.
And the King and Queen (Princess and Prince they were then)
coming home from a walk that evening, the King said, 'Hullo, my
dear! you have had a new knocker put on the door. Why, it's
rather like our porter in the face! What has become of that
boozy vagabond?' And the house-maid came and scrubbed his nose
with sandpaper; and once, when the Princess Angelica's little
sister was born, he was tied up in an old kid glove; and, another
night, some LARKING young men tried to wrench him off, and put
him to the most excruciating agony with a turn screw. And then
the Queen had a fancy to have the colour of the door altered; and
the painters dabbed him over the mouth and eyes, and nearly
choked him, as they painted him pea-green. I warrant he had
leisure to repent of having been rude to the Fairy Blackstick!
As for his wife, she did not miss him; and as he was always
guzzling beer at the public-house, and notoriously quarrelling
with his wife, and in debt to the tradesmen, it was supposed he
had run away from all these evils, and emigrated to Australia or
America. And when the Prince and Princess chose to become King
and Queen, they left their old house, and nobody thought of the
porter any more.
V. HOW PRINCESS ANGELICA TOOK A LITTLE MAID
One day, when the Princess Angelica was quite a little girl, she
was walking in the garden of the palace, with Mrs. Gruffanuff,
the governess, holding a parasol over her head, to keep her sweet
complexion from the freckles, and Angelica was carrying a bun, to
feed the swans and ducks in the royal pond.
They had not reached the duck-pond, when there came toddling up
to them such a funny little girl! She had a great quantity of
hair blowing about her chubby little cheeks, and looked as if she
had not been washed or combed for ever so long. She wore a
ragged bit of a cloak, and had only one shoe on.
'You little wretch, who let you in here?' asked Mrs. Gruffanuff.
'Div me dat bun,' said the little girl, 'me vely hungy.'
'Hungry! what is that?' asked Princess Angelica, and gave the
child the bun.
'Oh, Princess!' says Mrs. Gruffanuff, 'how good, how kind, how
truly angelical you are! See, Your Majesties,' she said to the
King and Queen, who now came up, along with their nephew, Prince
Giglio, 'how kind the Princess is! She met this little dirty
wretch in the garden--I can't tell how she came in here, or why
the guards did not shoot her dead at the gate!--and the dear
darling of a Princess has given her the whole of her bun!'
'I didn't want it,' said Angelical
'But you are a darling little angel all the same,' says the
governess.
'Yes; I know I am,' said Angelical 'Dirty little girl, don't you
think I am very pretty?' Indeed, she had on the finest of little
dresses and hats; and, as her hair was carefully curled, she
really looked very well.
'Oh, pooty, pooty!' says the little girl, capering about,
laughing, and dancing, and munching her bun; and as she ate it
she began to sing, 'Oh, what fun to have a plum bun! how I wis it
never was done!' At which, and her funny accent, Angelica,
Giglio, and the King and Queen began to laugh very merrily.
'I can dance as well as sing,' says the little girl. 'I can
dance, and I can sing, and I can do all sorts of ting.' And she
ran to a flower-bed, and pulling a few polyanthuses,
rhododendrons, and other flowers, made herself a little wreath,
and danced before the King and Queen so drolly and prettily, that
everybody was delighted.
'Who was your mother--who were your relations, little girl?' said
the Queen.
The little girl said, 'Little lion was my brudder; great big
lioness my mudder; neber heard of any udder.' And she capered
away on her one shoe, and everybody was exceedingly diverted.
So Angelica said to the Queen, 'Mamma, my parrot flew away
yesterday out of its cage, and I don't care any more for any of
my toys; and I think this funny little dirty child will amuse me.
I will take her home, and give her some of my old frocks.'
'Oh, the generous darling!' says Mrs. Gruffanuff.
'Which I have worn ever so many times, and am quite tired of,'
Angelica went on; 'and she shall be my little maid. Will you
come home with me, little dirty girl?'
The child clapped her hands, and said, 'Go home with you--yes!
You pooty Princess!--Have a nice dinner, and wear a new dress!'
And they all laughed again, and took home the child to the
palace, where, when she was washed and combed, and had one of the
Princess's frocks given to her, she looked as handsome as
Angelica, almost. Not that Angelica ever thought so; for this
little lady never imagined that anybody in the world could be as
pretty, as good, or as clever as herself. In order that the
little girl should not become too proud and conceited, Mrs.
Gruffanuff took her old ragged mantle and one shoe, and put them
into a glass box, with a card laid upon them, upon which was
written, 'These were the old clothes in which little BETSINDA was
found when the great goodness and admirable kindness of Her Royal
Highness the Princess Angelica received this little outcast.'
And the date was added, and the box locked up.
For a while little Betsinda was a great favourite with the
Princess, and she danced, and sang, and made her little rhymes,
to amuse her mistress. But then the Princess got a monkey, and
afterwards a little dog, and afterwards a doll, and did not care
for Betsinda any more, who became very melancholy and quiet, and
sang no more funny songs, because nobody cared to hear her. And
then, as she grew older, she was made a little lady's-maid to the
Princess; and though she had no wages, she worked and mended, and
put Angelica's hair in papers, and was never cross when scolded,
and was always eager to please her mistress, and was always up
early and to bed late, and at hand when wanted, and in fact
became a perfect little maid. So the two girls grew up, and,
when the Princess came out, Betsinda was never tired of waiting
on her; and made her dresses b
etter than the best milliner, and
was useful in a hundred ways. Whilst the Princess was having her
masters, Betsinda would sit and watch them; and in this way she
picked up a great deal of learn ing; for she was always awake,
though her mistress was not, and listened to the wise professors
when Angelica was yawning or thinking of the next ball. And when
the dancing-master came, Betsinda learned along with Angelica;
and when the music-master came, she watched him, and practiced
the Princess's pieces when Angelica was away at balls and
parties; and when the drawing-master came, she took note of all
he said and did; and the same with French, Italian, and all other
languages--she learned them from the teacher who came to
Angelica. When the Princess was going out of an evening she
would say, 'My good Betsinda, you may as well finish what I have
begun.' 'Yes, miss,' Betsinda would say, and sit down very
cheerful, not to FINISH what Angelica began, but to DO it.
For instance, the Princess would begin a head of a warrior, let
us say, and when it was begun it was something like this--
But when it was done, the warrior was like this--
(only handsomer still if possible), and the Princess put her name
to the drawing; and the Court and King and Queen, and above all
poor Giglio, admired the picture of all things, and said, 'Was
there ever a genius like Angelica?' So, I am sorry to say, was
it with the Princess's embroidery and other accomplishments; and
Angelica actually believed that she did these things herself, and
received all the flattery of the Court as if every word of it was
true. Thus she began to think that there was no young woman in
all the world equal to herself, and that no young man was good
enough for her. As for Betsinda, as she heard none of these
praises, she was not puffed up by them, and being a most
grateful, good-natured girl, she was only too anxious to do
everything which might give her mistress pleasure. Now you begin
to perceive that Angelica had faults of her own, and was by no
means such a wonder of wonders as people represented Her Royal
Highness to be.
VI. HOW PRINCE GIGLIO BEHAVED HIMSELF
And now let us speak about Prince Giglio, the nephew of the
reigning monarch of Paflagonia. It has already been stated, in
page seven, that as long as he had a smart coat to wear, a good
horse to ride, and money in his pocket, or rather to take out of
his pocket, for he was very good-natured, my young Prince did not
care for the loss of his crown and sceptre, being a thoughtless
youth, not much inclined to politics or any kind of learning. So
his tutor had a sinecure. Giglio would not learn classics or
mathematics, and the Lord Chancellor of Paflagonia, SQUARETOSO,
pulled a very long face because the Prince could not be got to
study the Paflagonian laws and constitution; but, on the other
hand, the King's gamekeepers and huntsmen found the Prince an apt
pupil; the dancing-master pronounced that he was a most elegant
and assiduous scholar; the First Lord of the Billiard Table gave
the most flattering reports of the Prince's skill; so did the
Groom of the Tennis Court; and as for the Captain of the Guard
and Fencing Master, the VALIANT and VETERAN Count KUTASOFF
HEDZOFF, he avowed that since he ran the General of Crim Tartary,
the dreadful Grumbuskin, through the body, he never had
encountered so expert a swordsman as Prince Giglio.
I hope you do not imagine that there was any impropriety in the
Prince and Princess walking together in the palace garden, and
because Giglio kissed Angelica's hand in a polite manner. In the
first place they are cousins; next, the Queen is walking in the
garden too (you cannot see her, for she happens to be behind that
tree), and Her Majesty always wished that Angelica and Giglio
should marry: so did Giglio: so did Angelica sometimes, for she
thought her cousin very handsome, brave, and good-natured: but
then you know she was so clever and knew so many things, and poor
Giglio knew nothing, and had no conversation. When they looked
at the stars, what did Giglio know of the heavenly bodies? Once,
when on a sweet night in a balcony where they were standing,
Angelica said, 'There is the Bear.' 'Where?' says Giglio.