Page 34
“Good, then,” Clara said, drying her hands on the front of her pants. “Once the girls have the basics down we can go. Give me two days with them, maybe three, depending on the horses. ”
Clara had learned to ride in the City stables, spending the first few years training there. She’d taken me once, and I’d learned just enough to coax the horse around the giant dirt ring.
“I’m going to stay here,” I explained, unable to look at her as I said it. “I’m going to stay with Ruby and Pip until it’s safe enough to leave for Califia. ”
“Just the three of you?” she asked. “What about the girls?”
“You have to go without me. You know how to ride, and I can show you the route to take. It might even be safer in Califia without me there. They don’t know you’re related to my father. ”
Clara just stood there. She didn’t look away, as if she were waiting for me to rethink it, to take it back before it was set. “I’ll come as soon as I can,” I ventured. I owed something to Clara, too, for leaving the City with me. Either way, if I stayed or went, I was betraying one of my friends. “I just can’t leave them here. ”
“Right, I understand,” Clara said, but she looked past me, to where the beach met the trees. “I’ll be able to take them the rest of the way. ”
She stared at me, the silence settling between us. “It won’t be for long,” I said, but she was already turning away, walking quickly up the beach.
Twenty-four
BENNY AND SILAS HIT THE WATER FIRST, DIVING UNDER, MOVING as naturally as fish. The seconds ticked away as I stood there scanning the lake, waiting for them to resurface. When they finally appeared, they were several yards out, pushing each other as they played.
“How’d they do that?” Bette asked. She carefully stepped out of her shoes, letting her feet sink into the sand. “They just disappeared. ”
Sarah splashed in easily, not stopping until the water came up to her knees. As she ventured further, her movements were less certain, her eyes locked on the rippling surface. “This is the hard part,” she called to Beatrice, who was standing behind me on shore, Clara beside her. “I can’t see my feet. This is where I start to lose it. ”
Their voices were somewhere outside me. I’d promised the girls that before they left I would teach them how to swim. I still remembered how Caleb had taught me, the first rush of the water as I went under, how it held me, my feet barely touching the sandy bottom. I’d read that when you missed someone you became them, that you did things to fill the space they’d left so you wouldn’t feel so alone. Standing here at the lake, months after he died, I knew it didn’t work. Doing these things—the same things he used to—only made me miss him more.
I walked into the water, oddly comforted by how cold it was. My feet stung for a moment, the feeling waking me. As the rest of the girls started in, I turned, gesturing for Pip and Ruby to join us. They sat on a tree trunk just up the shore, a basket between them, picking the stems out of wild berries.
“Headmistress Burns would not approve,” Ruby said, the faintest hint of a smile appearing on her lips. She combed a few strands of hair away from her face. “It’s too dangerous to swim. Haven’t you heard of those who drowned before the plague?” She imitated Headmistress Burns’s gravelly voice.
It was the closest thing to a joke I’d heard in days. I would’ve laughed, but Pip was beside her, her steps unsteady. She walked slowly, the exhaustion taking hold. When I’d told Beatrice I was staying, she hadn’t argued as I had believed she would. She seemed to agree that Pip needed rest, that it was best for her to be here until she gave birth—something we’d navigate together, as best we could, with the small amount of information Beatrice had given me. With Califia still nearly three hundred miles off, it was possible we’d get stranded somewhere along the way. If she wanted to stay, who was I to force her to go?
They came down to the water’s edge, watching the girls as they stood in their shorts and T-shirts, some already shivering from the cold. “The first step is to go under,” I said, moving in, closer to Bette and Kit. “Like this. ” I pinched my nose and let my legs give out, plunging beneath the surface, the rush of water sounding in my ears. I opened my eyes, watching the bubbles rise to the surface as I exhaled. When the breath throbbed in my lungs, my heartbeat in my ears, I finally came up for air. Only Sarah had gone under, her wet hair clinging to her cheeks.
Bette was watching Benny and Silas, who swam farther out, floating on their backs, their puffed bellies rising above the surface of the water. “Not too far,” I yelled, signaling to the birch tree that had fallen into the lake—the marker the boys had once used to keep them close to the beach. Benny lifted his head, as if he heard me, then disappeared again, flipping back below the water.
“I’ll watch them. Don’t worry,” Beatrice said, dropping three tattered shirts in the shallows. She pounded the fabric against the rocks, cleaning them as a few more girls went under. Bette stopped at her neck, wincing as she slowly slipped into the lake.
I pulled the wet sweater away from my body, but it still clung to me. Instead I sunk down, submerging myself up to my chest, letting the lake hide me. I looked out again at Benny and Silas, who were spitting mouthfuls of water at each other. Beatrice kept her eyes on them, as she said she would, making sure they didn’t go too far. “You’re designed to float. Just flip onto your back,” I said, moving to Sarah. She laid down and I adjusted her shoulders, helped her legs so she was in a perfect T. “Now fill your lungs. Keep your arms out, and keep looking up. ” I removed my hand from under her back and she dipped down an inch or so but remained on the surface. Her face broke into a smile.
Clara weaved through the girls, helping them float. “See?” she said. “People drown when they panic. Just try to relax—you can always float. ” She moved to Bette, pressing her hand on her back. I watched her, wondering how long it would be until we saw each other again, if she’d come back once she was settled in Califia. She’d spent the past two days acclimating the girls to the horses, teaching them the basics of riding. We used the rope we had to create makeshift stirrups, tying one end around the horse’s shoulder and letting the other hang over its back, the loop just big enough for one foot to slip through. All the supplies had been jarred, the duffels packed and waiting for the morning’s trip. By this time tomorrow, Ruby, Pip, and I would be alone.
I tried not to think about it, instead focusing on what was right in front of me—the afternoon, this lesson. That was the only way it felt manageable.
“How did you do that?” Sarah stood, moving her arms out in front of her. “Show me how you were swimming in the tunnel. ”
“You have to go under,” I said, glancing around. Most of the other girls were still easing themselves into the water, barely able to stay afloat. “You’ll want to push off the bottom, moving out and forward. Then you use your arms and legs at the same time, almost like a frog. ”
I took a deep breath and slipped under. The world felt far away, the girls’ voices blending into one. I caught sight of Clara’s legs as she stepped around Kit, trying to help her stay afloat. Sarah’s skin looked whiter beneath the surface. She cupped the lake in her hands.