Of course it ignored me. “Slay the dragon?” it said. “How barbaric.”
“You tried to set us on fire!”
“I tried to set you on fire,” it said. “You’re a wizard. You deserve to be on fire.”
“Rude.”
“No,” it said. “Truth.”
“And if I hadn’t been a wizard, then Justin and I would have been flambé and you wouldn’t have been able to hoard him like you did.”
“With your whizbangs,” the dragon said. “Ice sparklies.”
“Exactly,” I said. “You’re welcome. The both of you.”
They rolled their eyes.
“Where is the rest of the really sad rescue party?” Justin asked.
“Oh shit,” I said. “They’re still with the cult. I think. They fed us some kind of coercion and truth spell mixed with corn and we couldn’t do shit about it.”
Justin took a stuttering step back. He cleared his throat. His eyes darted over my shoulder then back at me. “Truth spell?” he said.
Godsdammit. “Uh. Yeah? Yes.”
He coughed. “And… what sort of truths were there?”
“Wizarding truths?” That sounded believable.
“Wizarding truths.”
“Yes. That’s why they tried to sacrifice me first. They thought the dragon would be impressed by me.”
“I’m not,” the dragon said. “I might need to smite my subjects because they got it way wrong. You’re pretty, but you stink of magic. And you threw up on me. That’s not how I want to start a sexual relationship.”
“You dropped me,” I reminded him. “Uh. Not that I’m trying to argue about getting into a sexual relationship with you. You’re not my type. I like my men more… not you.”
The dragon huffed. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”
“Thankfully so.”
“Any other truths, then?”
Yes. A shitload of them. So many fucking truths that I couldn’t even be sure if it had been a dream or not. So I said, “No. That was pretty much it.”
“You never were a very good liar,” he said.
“I do okay,” I said.
“Tell me.”
“What?”
“What did he say?”
“Ryan?”
“Sam.”
“I’m not stalling.”
He took a step toward me. “You’re totally stalling.”
I said, “A little,” because how do you tell a prince that his Knight Commander of a fiancé has a magic kink and wants to do things to your butthole? It’s hard.
(Sex pun.)
“Did he tell you about us?” Justin asked, eyes narrowed.
And. Wait. What? “What about you?”
“Uh. Never mind.”
“Justin.”
“I think I might love you,” the dragon blurted out.
I prayed to the gods he wasn’t talking to me.
And he wasn’t. He was staring right at Justin.
“Heh,” I said. “Awesome.”
“What?” Justin said.
“Your face,” the dragon said. “I want to do things to it.”
“Heh,” I said. “More awesome.”
“Uh. I don’t even know your name,” Justin said, hedging.
The dragon pulled himself up to full height. His wings fluttered behind him. He looked proud. Regal. Terrifying.
I waited for it with bated breath. Because this was a big moment, maybe even historical. Dragons named themselves after they were born. After trial and experience. Their true names were supposed to be words of power that they rarely shared with others. The fact that the dragon was willing to share his true name with us was nothing short of a miracle. I reminded myself to write it down in my Grimoire, which I’d sorely been neglecting these past few weeks.
I knew, I just knew that he’d be named something majestic like Mountain Storm or Fire Eyes or HeartWing (granted, my track record for guessing the names of magical creatures was certainly not the best).
The dragon said, “I am from the Old Line; the blood that runs through me stretches back hundreds of thousands of years. I hail from the faraway jungles, in a land never before seen by man. I am fire and skin and wings. I am the dark dragon. I am the Beast from the East. I am…”
“Ohmygods ohmygods ohmygods,” I muttered half-hysterically.
“…Kevin,” the dragon finished triumphantly.
“OHMYGODS OHMYGODS OHMY—wait. What?”
“Kevin,” the dragon repeated.
“Your name is Kevin.”
“Yes,” Kevin said, chest still puffed out proudly, eyes gazing off into the distance as if imagining dragony things us mere mortals could never understand.
“Kev-in,” I said, trying to understand why it didn’t sound like Fire Eyes when I said it. “Huh.”
He glanced quickly at me before going back to being regal and staring at the horizon. “Kevin.”
“Well,” I said. “That’s… a name. That you picked. For yourself.”
“Yes,” Kevin said. “I spent ten years ruminating on it before I picked it.”
“I can see that,” I said slowly. “And Kevin is… the best you could come up with? Obviously,” I added quickly when Kevin stiffened. “It’s fitting. For you. And your being. All your dragon-ness.” I was making this so much worse.
“Isn’t it?” Kevin said, though I could hear the word of warning in his voice.
Justin rolled his eyes. “A dragon named Kevin is in love with me. I just… I don’t even. Gods.”
“A dragon named Kevin wants to fuck me,” I said without meaning to. And then I cringed.
“What?” Justin said, voice all low and dangerous.
“What what?” I asked.
“Baby,” Kevin cooed to Justin. “I don’t even. No, baby. Look at me. You’re the only man for me. Hey. Hey. Look at me. Look at me, Bright Eyes. Hey. Who’s my big strong Prince? Hmm? Hey. I don’t. Not anymore. That was so long ago. Before I even met you. I was a different dragon back then.”
“Um,” I said. “That was, like, weeks ago. And you also said I had lips made for sucking cock when you kidnapped me. And you just said you wanted a sexual relationship with me. Like five minutes ago.”
Kevin went down on his stomach and put his head near Justin, who stood with his arms crossed and his back to the dragon. “Hey. No. Listen. I didn’t mean it. Baby. Look at me. Hey. You’re the only one for me. I don’t care if he’s got cock-sucking lips.”
I scrunched up my face in disgust. “Um. Ew. And also? Offensive.”
Kevin bumped his nose into Justin. “Baby,” he purred. “It’s you. Even when we couldn’t understand each other, we spoke the language of love.”
“You had sex with Kevin?” I asked, my voice going high.
“What?” Justin said. “No. Gods, Sam. Do you ever think before you speak?”
“Yeah, Sam, gods,” Kevin said. “It’s not always about sex, even if you have those lips made for dick.”
“He’s very sexually aggressive,” I told Justin. “I don’t think you should sleep with him.”
“Stop cockblocking me!” the dragon hissed.
“He’s engaged,” I reminded Kevin. “To a knight.”
Kevin snorted, a lick of flame curling from his nose. “Easily remedied. I shall eat the knight and then he won’t be engaged.”
“You don’t eat people, though,” I said.
“You don’t?” Justin asked. He uncrossed his arms and turned back toward the dragon.
Kevin glared at me before turning back to Justin. “No,” he admitted. “Too boney. I try to stay healthy. I’m mostly a vegetarian. Every now and then, I’ll treat myself to a cow on my cheat day, but that’s about it.”
“You’re a vegetarian,” I said.
“Mostly,” he said.
“You’re mostly a vegetarian.”
“Yes.”
“You’re ruining dragons for me,” I said. “Everything about you is ruining d
ragons for me.”
“Oh?” Kevin said. “Is it because I’m your first?”
“Yes. My one and only and—”
He reached out with a claw and scraped it on the ground next to my feet. “How did it feel to have your dragon cherry popped?”
Justin coughed quite angrily. It was impressive.
Kevin quickly pulled his claws back and turned to Justin again. “No, baby,” he said. “It was just a joke. Just joking around. Sam and his cock lips mean nothing to me. You’re my one and only. You complete me. Without you, my six hearts are just forty-pound organs that beat dully and without cause. You’re so special.”
“Aww,” I couldn’t help but say.
“You’ll see,” Kevin said. “I’ll make sure you have everything—”
His nostrils flared as he jerked his head toward the great doors. A low, rumbling growl started somewhere in his middle and crawled its way up his throat and out his mouth.
“What is it now?” I sighed because it was always going to be something.
“Something approaches,” Kevin said. “Three heartbeats. Coming down the road, maybe ten minutes away.”
“It’s probably the cult,” I said. “Bringing you corn. Don’t eat it because you’ll end up telling someone embarrassing things that you’re not ready for, like how much you want to do them—”
Justin glared and took a step toward me.
“Do them no wrong,” I finished hastily. “Because doing wrong things is bad and no one should do them. Especially to others.”
“Stay in the keep,” Kevin snapped and clambered out the front doors. He nudged them shut behind him, leaving Justin and I in relative darkness.
“So,” I said. “This is awkward.”
Justin sighed. “Come on. We can watch what’s going on from up top.”
Unable to think of anything else to do, I followed him as he turned toward the stairs.
CHAPTER 22
Cornerstone
THE STAIRS curved up around the interior edges of the keep. We passed by a landing or two that collapsed long ago, but other floors were still intact and cluttered with even more of Kevin’s hoard. Books and treasure, paintings and dishes. He’d amassed quite a bit for having been in Verania for less than three months. Or maybe he’d brought it from the east, where rumors of thick, haunted jungles run rampant.
The last floor before the roof of the keep was different.
It was clean and sparse, and there was a large bed in the corner with pillows and blankets knocked askew. A dresser stood near the doorway with a bookshelf on the opposite wall. An open window near the back of the room let in light and a sweet spring breeze. This room was comforting. Almost like a home.
“This is where you’ve stayed, isn’t it,” I said.
Justin hesitated, then shrugged. “It’s not that bad.”
“It doesn’t look like it, no.”
“He’s….”
“Kevin?”
“He’s taken care of me,” he said quickly, as if embarrassed. “Food and water. This room. He brought these things. For me. I don’t know how he got them. I don’t know why. But he did.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He sure seems real swell.”
Justin scoffed. “It was better when I couldn’t understand him.”
“And that might be my fault. My magic… I don’t know. It has to be a proximity thing. It reacts with the dragon and the dragon’s magic reacts with mine. Okay. Honestly. I have no fucking idea.”
Justin stood near the doorway. “I read to him. Sometimes. He likes books. Even if he couldn’t understand them. Or me. He likes it when I read to him.”
I didn’t even know what to do with that. So I said, “Couldn’t you have escaped? When he was gone?”
Justin shrugged. “He barricaded the tower.”
“But—”
He walked out of the room.
I followed.
We went up the remaining set of stairs, which led to a hatch in the ceiling. Justin pushed up on the splintered wood and sunlight poured down onto the stairs. I blinked against it as I reached the top.
Kevin was sitting on the edge of the roof, like an overgrown stone gargoyle, tail curled out along the side of the keep. If it weren’t for the fact that his name was Kevin and that he wanted me to suck on his penis, I would have thought him an extraordinary beast. Unfortunately, he’d colored my perceptions and all I wanted to do was cover my mouth so no one could accuse me of having dick lips again.
“You will stay here, my Prince,” Kevin said to Justin. “Do not come down and attempt to defend me.”
“Okay,” Justin said. “Wasn’t planning on it.”
“Even if it looks like I’m at death’s door, you must stay hidden and safe.”
“Sure.” Justin sounded bored.
“Even if I’m screaming and my blood is pooling on the ground, do not under any circumstances rush down and cry over me, confessing your deepest love and begging me not to go.”
“Right.” Justin rubbed a smidge of dirt off one of his knuckles.
“And if I should go, I plead with you to not throw yourself off the top of the keep to your death because you think that you can’t live without me and want to follow me through the Veil—”
“Oh my gods,” I said because I couldn’t take it anymore. “Seriously. Just… seriously. What is this even…? I don’t. Gods.”
“It’s romantic,” Kevin said.
“It’s creepy,” I said.
“I think it’s all right,” Justin said with a shrug.
Kevin preened.
“How are you going to explain your dragon lover to the King?” I asked, unable to think of anything else to say.
“Easy,” Kevin said. “I’m young, hung, and have absolutely no refractory period.”
“Dude,” I said in awe. “Just. Dude.”
“He’s not my dragon lover,” Justin said.
“Not yet,” Kevin said.
“Weird,” Justin said. “Maybe I liked it better when I couldn’t understand you. Is that what you’ve been saying to me this whole time?”
“Not at first.”
“Really? How long did it take?”
“Four minutes.”
Justin sighed. “The whole time.”
“Mostly,” Kevin agreed.
“And then you see Sam and his lips and now you’re pushing for a three-way?”
“What?” I said.
“No, baby,” Kevin said, voice sweet. “No. You’re the only one for me. Of course not. I would never. I wouldn’t do that to you. Unless you wanted to. Do you want to? Gosh. I’ve never even considered it. Is that what you’re thinking about? The three of us? Me lying on my back and you two climbing all over my junk? Is that what you want?”
“I’m the denominator,” I whispered. “Oh my gods, I’m the denominator.”
Justin wrinkled his nose. “Not really a threesome-with-Sam kind of guy.”
“Hey!” I said because someone needed to defend my honor. “I would be a great person to have a threesome with. I’d be all tender and caring and making sure both parties got equal attention from me. By the time I got done with both of you, you’d be so satisfied, you’d be ruined for all others.”
Kevin and Justin stared at me.
Oh shit. “Uh. Not that that’s an option. Because it’s not. Seeds need to bloom in me and make treasure because I love being on my knees for armies. Crap. That’s not what I meant to say.”
“And how do you know him?” Kevin side-whispered to Justin.
“He’s to be my wizard when I am king,” Justin said. And if I’m being honest, he could have tried to sound a bit more thrilled at that.
“Yikes,” Kevin said.
“I’m not going to rescue you,” I told Justin.
“I won’t have to eat you, then,” Kevin said, snapping his jaws at me.
“You don’t scare me anymore,” I said, even though it wasn’t completely true. “I’m not made of leaves and t
wigs, you wannabe carnivore.”
“It’s a healthier life choice!”
“Don’t talk to Sam about life choices,” Justin said. “All of his have been wrong.”
“You’re kind of a bitch,” I said. “Your Highness.”
Whatever retort Justin may have had was put on hold when Kevin tensed, the bony spines on his back going rigid. Justin and I looked over the edge of the keep down toward the entrance to the valley.
I choked at the sight that lay before us.
“Is that what I think it is?” Justin asked. He almost sounded amused.
If what he thought it was happened to be Ryan riding Gary full-out into the valley, sword and shield drawn, Tiggy running at their sides, hands balled into gigantic fists as they hurtled themselves toward the keep, then yes.
Gary looked majestic as fuck, mane flying back around his head where he wore a makeshift battle helmet that I’d never seen before, nostrils flaring, coat gleaming. I reminded myself to tell him later.
Tiggy looked scary as fuck, with the snarl on his face, the muscles bunching in his thighs.
Ryan looked hot as fuck with his sword and shield and hair flying in the wind, and I’m pretty sure I was on my way to a full erection by that point because that shit was fucking erotic.
“This feels like a sex dream,” I breathed.
“This feels like a what?” Justin asked.
“Uhhhh. Nothing. I didn’t say anything. Oh, look. Fascinating things are happening. Let’s focus on those.”
And as if waiting for me to say so, Kevin spread his wings and roared, the sound crawling along the valley. I saw Tiggy stumble slightly and even Gary faltered, but they pushed on. I’d never thought them more brave. Or more ridiculous.
And I couldn’t even begin to comprehend Ryan riding atop Gary. I couldn’t even find the time to think that Ryan was somehow a racist because of it.
Kevin launched himself off the top of the keep and spread his wings. He fell near silent, his wings catching him before he landed on the ground in front of the great doors.