pantomime were as magnificent as any objects of nature we have seen
   with maturer eyes.  Well, the view of Constantinople is as fine as
   any of Stanfield's best theatrical pictures, seen at the best
   period of youth, when fancy had all the bloom on her--when all the
   heroines who danced before the scene appeared as ravishing
   beauties, when there shone an unearthly splendour about Baker and
   Diddear--and the sound of the bugles and fiddles, and the cheerful
   clang of the cymbals, as the scene unrolled, and the gorgeous
   procession meandered triumphantly through it--caused a thrill of
   pleasure, and awakened an innocent fulness of sensual enjoyment
   that is only given to boys.
   The above sentence contains the following propositions:- The
   enjoyments of boyish fancy are the most intense and delicious in
   the world.  Stanfield's panorama used to be the realisation of the
   most intense youthful fancy.  I puzzle my brains and find no better
   likeness for the place.  The view of Constantinople resembles the
   ne plus ultra of a Stanfield diorama, with a glorious accompaniment
   of music, spangled houris, warriors, and winding processions,
   feasting the eyes and the soul with light, splendour, and harmony.
   If you were never in this way during your youth ravished at the
   play-house, of course the whole comparison is useless:  and you
   have no idea, from this description, of the effect which
   Constantinople produces on the mind.  But if you were never
   affected by a theatre, no words can work upon your fancy, and
   typographical attempts to move it are of no use.  For, suppose we
   combine mosque, minaret, gold, cypress, water, blue, caiques,
   seventy-four, Galata, Tophana, Ramazan, Backallum, and so forth,
   together, in ever so many ways, your imagination will never be able
   to depict a city out of them.  Or, suppose I say the Mosque of St.
   Sophia is four hundred and seventy-three feet in height, measuring
   from the middle nail of the gilt crescent surmounting the dome to
   the ring in the centre stone; the circle of the dome is one hundred
   and twenty-three feet in diameter, the windows ninety-seven in
   number--and all this may be true, for anything I know to the
   contrary:  yet who is to get an idea of St. Sophia from dates,
   proper names, and calculations with a measuring-line?  It can't be
   done by giving the age and measurement of all the buildings along
   the river, the names of all the boatmen who ply on it.  Has your
   fancy, which pooh-poohs a simile, faith enough to build a city with
   a foot-rule?  Enough said about descriptions and similes (though
   whenever I am uncertain of one I am naturally most anxious to fight
   for it):  it is a scene not perhaps sublime, but charming,
   magnificent, and cheerful beyond any I have ever seen--the most
   superb combination of city and gardens, domes and shipping, hills
   and water, with the healthiest breeze blowing over it, and above it
   the brightest and most cheerful sky.
   It is proper, they say, to be disappointed on entering the town, or
   any of the various quarters of it, because the houses are not so
   magnificent on inspection and seen singly as they are when beheld
   en masse from the waters.  But why form expectations so lofty?  If
   you see a group of peasants picturesquely disposed at a fair, you
   don't suppose that they are all faultless beauties, or that the
   men's coats have no rags, and the women's gowns are made of silk
   and velvet:  the wild ugliness of the interior of Constantinople or
   Pera has a charm of its own, greatly more amusing than rows of red
   bricks or drab stones, however symmetrical.  With brick or stone
   they could never form those fantastic ornaments, railings,
   balconies, roofs, galleries, which jut in and out of the rugged
   houses of the city.  As we went from Galata to Pera up a steep
   hill, which newcomers ascend with some difficulty, but which a
   porter, with a couple of hundredweight on his back, paces up
   without turning a hair, I thought the wooden houses far from being
   disagreeable objects, sights quite as surprising and striking as
   the grand one we had just left.
   I do not know how the custom-house of His Highness is made to be a
   profitable speculation.  As I left the ship, a man pulled after my
   boat, and asked for backsheesh, which was given him to the amount
   of about twopence.  He was a custom-house officer, but I doubt
   whether this sum which he levied ever went to the revenue.
   I can fancy the scene about the quays somewhat to resemble the
   river of London in olden times, before coal-smoke had darkened the
   whole city with soot, and when, according to the old writers, there
   really was bright weather.  The fleets of caiques bustling along
   the shore, or scudding over the blue water, are beautiful to look
   at:  in Hollar's print London river is so studded over with wherry-
   boats, which bridges and steamers have since destroyed.  Here the
   caique is still in full perfection:  there are thirty thousand
   boats of the kind plying between the cities; every boat is neat,
   and trimly carved and painted; and I scarcely saw a man pulling in
   one of them that was not a fine specimen of his race, brawny and
   brown, with an open chest and a handsome face.  They wear a thin
   shirt of exceedingly light cotton, which leaves their fine brown
   limbs full play; and with a purple sea for a background, every one
   of these dashing boats forms a brilliant and glittering picture.
   Passengers squat in the inside of the boat; so that as it passes
   you see little more than the heads of the true believers, with
   their red fez and blue tassel, and that placid gravity of
   expression which the sucking of a tobacco-pipe is sure to give to a
   man.
   The Bosphorus is enlivened by a multiplicity of other kinds of
   craft.  There are the dirty men-of-war's boats of the Russians,
   with unwashed mangy crews; the great ferry-boats carrying hundreds
   of passengers to the villages; the melon-boats piled up with
   enormous golden fruit; His Excellency the Pasha's boat, with twelve
   men bending to their oars; and His Highness's own caique, with a
   head like a serpent, and eight-and-twenty tugging oarsmen, that
   goes shooting by amidst the thundering of the cannon.  Ships and
   steamers, with black sides and flaunting colours, are moored
   everywhere, showing their flags, Russian and English, Austrian,
   American, and Greek; and along the quays country ships from the
   Black Sea or the islands, with high carved poops and bows, such as
   you see in the pictures of the shipping of the seventeenth century.
   The vast groves and towers, domes and quays, tall minarets and
   spired spreading mosques of the three cities, rise all around in
   endless magnificence and variety, and render this water-street a
   scene of such delightful liveliness and beauty, that one never
   tires of looking at it.  I lost a great number of the sights in and
   round Constantinople through the beauty of this admirable scene:
   but what are sights after all? and isn't that the best sight which
   makes you most h 
					     					 			appy?
   We were lodged at Pera at Misseri's Hotel, the host of which has
   been made famous ere this time by the excellent book "Eothen,"--a
   work for which all the passengers on board our ship had been
   battling, and which had charmed all--from our great statesman, our
   polished lawyer, our young Oxonian, who sighed over certain
   passages that he feared were wicked, down to the writer of this,
   who, after perusing it with delight, laid it down with wonder,
   exclaiming, "Aut Diabolus aut"--a book which has since (greatest
   miracle of all) excited a feeling of warmth and admiration in the
   bosom of the god-like, impartial, stony Athenaeum.  Misseri, the
   faithful and chivalrous Tartar, is transformed into the most quiet
   and gentlemanlike of landlords, a great deal more gentlemanlike in
   manner and appearance than most of us who sat at his table, and
   smoked cool pipes on his house-top, as we looked over the hill and
   the Russian palace to the water, and the Seraglio gardens shining
   in the blue.  We confronted Misseri, "Eothen" in hand, and found,
   on examining him, that it WAS "aut Diabolus aut amicus"--but the
   name is a secret; I will never breathe it, though I am dying to
   tell it.
   The last good description of a Turkish bath, I think, was Lady Mary
   Wortley Montagu's--which voluptuous picture must have been painted
   at least a hundred and thirty years ago; so that another sketch may
   be attempted by a humbler artist in a different manner.  The
   Turkish bath is certainly a novel sensation to an Englishman, and
   may be set down as a most queer and surprising event of his life.
   I made the valet-de-place or dragoman (it is rather a fine thing to
   have a dragoman in one's service) conduct me forthwith to the best
   appointed hummums in the neighbourhood; and we walked to a house at
   Tophana, and into a spacious hall lighted from above, which is the
   cooling-room of the bath.
   The spacious hall has a large fountain in the midst, a painted
   gallery running round it; and many ropes stretched from one gallery
   to another, ornamented with profuse draperies of towels and blue
   cloths, for the use of the frequenters of the place.  All round the
   room and the galleries were matted inclosures, fitted with numerous
   neat beds and cushions for reposing on, where lay a dozen of true
   believers smoking, or sleeping, or in the happy half-dozing state.
   I was led up to one of these beds, to rather a retired corner, in
   consideration of my modesty; and to the next bed presently came a
   dancing dervish, who forthwith began to prepare for the bath.
   When the dancing dervish had taken off his yellow sugar-loaf cap,
   his gown, shawl, &c., he was arrayed in two large blue cloths; a
   white one being thrown over his shoulders, and another in the shape
   of a turban plaited neatly round his head; the garments of which he
   divested himself were folded up in another linen, and neatly put
   by.  I beg leave to state I was treated in precisely the same
   manner as the dancing dervish.
   The reverend gentleman then put on a pair of wooden pattens, which
   elevated him about six inches from the ground; and walked down the
   stairs, and paddled across the moist marble floor of the hall, and
   in at a little door, by the which also Titmarsh entered.  But I had
   none of the professional agility of the dancing dervish; I
   staggered about very ludicrously upon the high wooden pattens; and
   should have been down on my nose several times, had not the
   dragoman and the master of the bath supported me down the stairs
   and across the hall.  Dressed in three large cotton napkins, with a
   white turban round my head, I thought of Pall Mall with a sort of
   despair.  I passed the little door, it was closed behind me--I was
   in the dark--I couldn't speak the language--in a white turban.  Mon
   Dieu! what was going to happen?
   The dark room was the tepidarium, a moist oozing arched den, with a
   light faintly streaming from an orifice in the domed ceiling.
   Yells of frantic laughter and song came booming and clanging
   through the echoing arches, the doors clapped to with loud
   reverberations.  It was the laughter of the followers of Mahound,
   rollicking and taking their pleasure in the public bath.  I could
   not go into that place:  I swore I would not; they promised me a
   private room, and the dragoman left me.  My agony at parting from
   that Christian cannot be described.
   When you get into the sudarium, or hot room, your first sensations
   only occur about half a minute after entrance, when you feel that
   you are choking.  I found myself in that state, seated on a marble
   slab; the bath man was gone; he had taken away the cotton turban
   and shoulder shawl:  I saw I was in a narrow room of marble, with a
   vaulted roof, and a fountain of warm and cold water; the atmosphere
   was in a steam, the choking sensation went off, and I felt a sort
   of pleasure presently in a soft boiling simmer, which, no doubt,
   potatoes feel when they are steaming.  You are left in this state
   for about ten minutes:  it is warm certainly, but odd and pleasant,
   and disposes the mind to reverie.
   But let any delicate mind in Baker Street fancy my horror when, on
   looking up out of this reverie, I saw a great brown wretch extended
   before me, only half dressed, standing on pattens, and exaggerated
   by them and the steam until he looked like an ogre, grinning in the
   most horrible way, and waving his arm, on which was a horsehair
   glove.  He spoke, in his unknown nasal jargon, words which echoed
   through the arched room; his eyes seemed astonishingly large and
   bright, his ears stuck out, and his head was all shaved, except a
   bristling top-knot, which gave it a demoniac fierceness.
   This description, I feel, is growing too frightful; ladies who read
   it will be going into hysterics, or saying, "Well, upon my word,
   this is the most singular, the most extraordinary kind of language.
   Jane, my love, you will not read that odious book--" and so I will
   be brief.  This grinning man belabours the patient violently with
   the horse-brush.  When he has completed the horsehair part, and you
   lie expiring under a squirting fountain of warm water, and fancying
   all is done, he reappears with a large brass basin, containing a
   quantity of lather, in the midst of which is something like old
   Miss MacWhirter's flaxen wig that she is so proud of, and that we
   have all laughed at.  Just as you are going to remonstrate, the
   thing like the wig is dashed into your face and eyes, covered over
   with soap, and for five minutes you are drowned in lather:  you
   can't see, the suds are frothing over your eye-balls; you can't
   hear, the soap is whizzing into your ears; can't gasp for breath,
   Miss MacWhirter's wig is down your throat with half a pailful of
   suds in an instant--you are all soap.  Wicked children in former
   days have jeered you, exclaiming, "How are you off for soap?"  You
   little knew what saponacity was till you entered a Turkish bath.
   When the whole operation is concluded, you are led--with wh 
					     					 			at
   heartfelt joy I need not say--softly back to the cooling-room,
   having been robed in shawls and turbans as before.  You are laid
   gently on the reposing bed; somebody brings a narghile, which
   tastes as tobacco must taste in Mahomet's Paradise; a cool sweet
   dreamy languor takes possession of the purified frame; and half-an-
   hour of such delicious laziness is spent over the pipe as is
   unknown in Europe, where vulgar prejudice has most shamefully
   maligned indolence--calls it foul names, such as the father of all
   evil, and the like; in fact, does not know how to educate idleness
   as those honest Turks do, and the fruit which, when properly
   cultivated, it bears.
   The after-bath state is the most delightful condition of laziness I
   ever knew, and I tried it wherever we went afterwards on our little
   tour.  At Smyrna the whole business was much inferior to the method
   employed in the capital.  At Cairo, after the soap, you are plunged
   into a sort of stone coffin, full of water which is all but
   boiling.  This has its charms; but I could not relish the Egyptian
   shampooing.  A hideous old blind man (but very dexterous in his
   art) tried to break my back and dislocate my shoulders, but I could
   not see the pleasure of the practice; and another fellow began
   tickling the soles of my feet, but I rewarded him with a kick that
   sent him off the bench.  The pure idleness is the best, and I shall
   never enjoy such in Europe again.
   Victor Hugo, in his famous travels on the Rhine, visiting Cologne,
   gives a learned account of what he DIDN'T see there.  I have a
   remarkable catalogue of similar objects at Constantinople.  I
   didn't see the dancing dervishes, it was Ramazan; nor the howling
   dervishes at Scutari, it was Ramazan; nor the interior of St.
   Sophia, nor the women's apartment of the Seraglio, nor the
   fashionable promenade at the Sweet Waters, always because it was
   Ramazan; during which period the dervishes dance and howl but
   rarely, their legs and lungs being unequal to much exertion during
   a fast of fifteen hours.  On account of the same holy season, the
   Royal palaces and mosques are shut; and though the Valley of the
   Sweet Waters is there, no one goes to walk; the people remaining
   asleep all day, and passing the night in feasting and carousing.
   The minarets are illuminated at this season; even the humblest
   mosque at Jerusalem, or Jaffa, mounted a few circles of dingy
   lamps; those of the capital were handsomely lighted with many
   festoons of lamps, which had a fine effect from the water.  I need
   not mention other and constant illuminations of the city, which
   innumerable travellers have described--I mean the fires.  There
   were three in Pera during our eight days' stay there; but they did
   not last long enough to bring the Sultan out of bed to come and
   lend his aid.  Mr. Hobhouse (quoted in the "Guide-book") says, if a
   fire lasts an hour, the Sultan is bound to attend it in person; and
   that people having petitions to present, have often set houses on
   fire for the purpose of forcing out this Royal trump.  The Sultan
   can't lead a very "jolly life," if this rule be universal.  Fancy
   His Highness, in the midst of his moon-faced beauties, handkerchief
   in hand, and obliged to tie it round his face, and go out of his
   warm harem at midnight at the cursed cry of "Yang en Var!"
   We saw His Highness in the midst of his people and their petitions,
   when he came to the mosque at Tophana; not the largest, but one of
   the most picturesque of the public buildings of the city.  The
   streets were crowded with people watching for the august arrival,
   and lined with the squat military in their bastard European
   costume; the sturdy police, with bandeliers and brown surtouts,
   keeping order, driving off the faithful from the railings of the
   Esplanade through which their Emperor was to pass, and only
   admitting (with a very unjust partiality, I thought) us Europeans
   into that reserved space.  Before the august arrival, numerous
   officers collected, colonels and pashas went by with their