"You were right," he utters, his voice thick with emotion. "I wouldn't have heard you even if you were standing in front of me with a blow horn. I've been asking myself for months why... Why him? What was the point? Why take him from this world? He has always been the better soul out of the two of us, and knowing that he died without me there to protect him--yeah, I wouldn't have heard you."
"How can you think that? The better soul? You really believe that, don't you?" I turn in his arms, reaching up to cup his cheeks in my hands. "I'll agree with you that Coop was an incredible man. He was there for me when I needed someone to help me feel strong again. He was brave, selfless, and oh so loved. But Ash...do you not see that you are just as incredible? I see you, YOU, Ash. I see the man who has been so lost, but fighting with every breath, he has to survive. I don't know a lot about your past, but I know enough to know that you're a fighter. You and Coop, you might as well have been built from the same mold because the same fearlessness that he possessed each and every day was obviously learned from his big brother."
He looks at me, his heart-stopping eyes fighting the emotion that is raging within, so noticeably stuck in the grief that consumes him.
"We didn't have a good childhood. There is a lot of darkness there. A lot of pain. It's taken me a long time to be able to push all of that past under the rug. I can't explain my issues any other way but to tell you about how we grew up and why hearing that Coop left behind a piece of himself affected me the way it did."
He takes a deep breath and composes his thoughts; I can practically see the wheels turning. I rub my thumbs along his jaw and wait.
"Our mother raised us. Our dad ran out as quickly as he could, and honestly, I don't blame him. She was, by definition, a monster. We didn't have food half the time. The power and water were cut off more than they were ever connected. Clothing was always hand-me-downs two sizes too small. From the earliest that I can remember, I was raising Coop. He's been more than a brother to me for my whole life, and losing him cut me deep--still cuts me deep. I can't tell you how many times I stepped in to make sure I was his shield, his protection, against life. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would lose him having not been able to protect him."
I so desperately want to cut in, to yell and scream that he isn't right. It isn't his fault that Coop died. He didn't pull the trigger.
"He never wanted kids. Ever. But I know, if he were still here, he would love this baby like no other. He's always had the ability to see the positive in everything. So I guess my point is that, even though he never wanted children, he would have been there. He would have been the best damn father, Chelcie, and I know I can't replace him--no one can replace him..." he trails off, clearing his throat a few times before he looks up. The pain in his eyes makes me flinch. "I know we've been dancing around this attraction between us, this chemistry--hell, I've wanted you since the day I met you. I won't lie to you, Sunshine. I want to be a part of this baby's life. I want to be able to show him or her the love that Coop would want. But I don't want you to think that I'm saying that just because of what is between us. As far as I'm concerned, your carrying Coop's baby is a blessing I could never even begin to repay you for, but being in your life--making you mine--would be the icing on the cake. I'll love this baby regardless of whether you want me in your life or not, but God, baby, please let me be the man you both deserve."
I was crying softly before, broken for the little boys who were so lost, but now I'm full-out sobbing--gasping for air, choking on my spit, and blubbering out my response. I know he doesn't understand my words. Even to my own ears, they're nothing but gibberish. I wipe at my face, wishing I weren't making such a mess of this.
"Hold on," I weep, untangling myself from his arms and the sheets, running to the bathroom to clean myself up.
His arms close around me while I'm bent over the sink, washing my face. His lips climb up my exposed back, kissing each bump of my spine. His lips blaze a trail of fire until he reaches the base of my neck, stopping to breathe me in. His strong arms wrap protectively around my body. I straighten and meet his eyes in the mirror. My head comes to his collarbone, his striking, blue eyes gazing into my brown ones--begging me silently to let him in. I break our connection and trace the line of his arms to where they are lying against my stomach, his tan hands standing out against my fair skin. He cradles my bump--my child--within his strong hold. He holds me within his strong arms. And it's painfully clear to me that if I don't act on this, don't let him and his strength in, I will live each day regretting it.
I turn, bringing my hands up his arms, and curl them around his neck. His hands move from my stomach when I turn and lie heavily against my hips, his fingers digging in when I move to stand on my toes, gaining as much height as I can to reach his lips.
"I need you," I whisper against his lips, loving the way his eyes flash and his face goes soft seconds before he claims my mouth.
And with that kiss, that claiming of my soul, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm forever ruined for anyone else.
With that one kiss, that one moment in time, it feels as if I've come home.
Chapter 17 - Asher
Her lips are the drug I've been craving.
The feel of her body against mine, the heat that is coming off her smooth skin when I trail my hands up her back, drags me under, and it's like everything around us just vanishes.
I've never, in all of my thirty-three years, known a feeling like this before. I'm a complete stranger when it comes to relationships; the one time I tried was a disaster of epic proportions. But every instinct I have is telling me to hold on to this woman and never let go.
I knew before that I needed to make her mine, but right now, in this moment, I know I could never let her go.
As corny as it sounds, as much of a pussy as it makes me, I need her.
She moans and it's like I've been shocked. My balls tighten and my cock throbs.
Fuck me, I can smell how much she wants me.
I pull back, a feral smile curling my lips when I see how dazed she is by our kiss. Her skin is flushed, her breathing is rushed, and her eyes are barely open. She just stands there and continues to play with my hair. Her fingers run through the longer pieces I've been too lazy to go get shaped up at the barber, and I make a note to keep it longer if she loves it. Fuck, it feels good.
"Sunshine," I murmur, "once I take you--make you mine--I won't ever let you go. You're mine, baby. This body, this heart, and damn sure this pussy. I won't take you until I know you understand what I'm saying to you."
"I thought you didn't do relationships, Ash?" she mocks.
"I didn't. You're a game changer."
"So what are you saying? I'm your girlfriend?" Her thin brows crease, and I bring my hand off her hip and slowly rub the skin above her nose that has one hell of a cute wrinkle.
"Call it whatever you need to, Chelcie, but just know you are mine."
She's silent for a while. I move my hand and curl it around her neck, adding a little pressure so she knows to come closer. My lips kiss her forehead, her eyes, her nose, and finally, her mouth.
"I won't share you. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing you with one of those sluts, Asher. If we're going to do this, I need to know that, if I give myself to you, you're doing the same. I need complete trust and honesty."
"And it's yours," I whisper against her lips.
Her eyes flash, the need that I feel burning through my body shining through those remarkable eyes of hers. This close, I can see the amber color that usually only shows when she's mad overtaking the brown.
Burning for me.
"There's no turning back," I reiterate.
"One-way street, baby."
I close my eyes and let that word, that endearment, wash over me. I've never had that. My mother damn sure never called us anything other than shit. And the only other attempt at a relationship never produced anything like that.
It's almost pathetic how one little word
can bring me to my knees, but her hushed baby does. I open my eyes and move the distance needed to feel her lips against mine again. She opens immediately and our tongues roll and dance together. Even though every part of my body is screaming to take her hard, to claim her now, I want to savor every second of this.
Running my hands down her back, into her panties, and taking her firm ass in my hands has my cock straining the fabric of my boxer briefs. I haven't been this hard since I saw my first Playboy and wondered where the hell they had been my whole life. I fucking crave her. Digging my fingers in the tight muscles, I lift and groan when she wraps her legs around my waist. The feeling of her heat against me makes me feel like I'm seconds from coming.
I don't break the kiss for a second, walking blindly towards the bed. Reaching back, I deftly unsnap her bra, easing each strap down her arms before pulling and throwing it over my shoulder. I slowly lower her down. Her back hits the mattress, but I quickly move my hands from her ass to her hips, letting her know not to move her long legs from my waist. Words aren't needed--not when our bodies are screaming at each other.
Taking my time, I run my fingertips from shoulder to shoulder, tracing the delicate line of her collarbone. I trail my path with my eyes, lazily drinking her in. My hand moves from her collarbone, down the center of her chest before running along the curve of her heavy breast. Her tits are perfect. Heavy and firm. Pink nipples beg for my lips and my teeth. I bring my other hand into play and cup her in my hands, rubbing my thumb across each nipple and loving every second of her eyes widening before she bites her lip and shudders.
I move my hands farther down, the goose bumps following their path. Her chest is starting to heave with her effort at keeping still. I can tell how badly she wants me. The evidence is soaking through both of our underwear.
"I want you so badly," she moans.
"Shh," I have no words for her, no reassurances that I'll move quicker because I don't want to. I plan on taking my time with her.
When my hands get to her stomach, the stomach that holds my family, I'm momentarily overcome with emotion. I've never been one to believe in second chances, at something bigger at play with my life, but knowing that this baby is a part of my brother makes me want to weep. I don't think that Chelcie will ever know what this means to me.
"Your stomach is so small," I marvel. Instantly, fear takes the place of awe. "Is everything okay? Shouldn't you be bigger?"
She giggles a little, the sound once again going straight to my dick, "Everything's fine. I'm measuring small, but the doctors say that will change as the weeks pass. I have... I had a rough start to my pregnancy. I was sick a lot."
I nod, but really, I don't understand. I make a mental note to ask her and the doctor about it later.
My hands continue to caress the smooth skin of her slightly rounded bump. I could stand here for hours, but the legs around my hips squeeze me tighter.
"I wasn't kidding, Ash. I need you. It's been so long," she whimpers.
When I roll my hips against her wet core, she cries out, and I could pump my fist in the air when I realize how receptive she is to me.
I motion for her to release my hips, moving my hand to hers and pulling her to the edge of the bed before I kneel between her spread legs. The smell of her arousal is intoxicating.
"I can't wait to have my mouth all over your pussy, drinking every drop you come for me."
She moans. I run my fingers over her panties, loving the wetness that is showing through the thin, gray fabric. Leaning forward, I drag my nose along the seam, turning my head dizzy from her scent and biting her inner thigh lightly. When I move back, I can see the outline of her lips and I'm suddenly starving. Hooking my fingers around the fabric I all but rip them from her body. The sight that's waiting for me has me rethinking this whole 'going slow' nonsense.
I don't waste a second. My tongue comes out and licks her cunt. Her hands fly up and grab on to my head--begging without words to give her what she needs.
I feast on her roughly. My tongue, lips, and teeth bring her to the edge before pulling back and kissing her legs. I trail my lips along each thigh, wiping her wetness that soaks my face as I go so I can lick it off again. Her whimpering is getting louder, and I'm not even touching that sweet pussy. It's so wet from just my mouth that I know she's ready for me, but fuck me, I must be a masochist, because the only thing I can think of is getting more of her sweetness on my tongue.
Bringing my lips back to her pussy, I take two fingers, push them deep into her wetness, and lightly bite against her clit. Just like that, she screams my name, digs her hands into my hair, and pulls me closer to her body while she rides out her orgasm. She's so fucking tight that I worry I'll hurt her when I finally sink into her body.
I give her the time she needs to come back to me. Her moans are slowing down, her body is starting to stop its shaking, and her legs have let go of the death grip she had on my head. I push my fingers slowly in and out of her soaked pussy, the proof of her desire running down my hand.
Slowly removing my hand earns me a cry and some incoherent gibberish about staying inside her.
"Oh don't you worry, Sunshine. I'll be inside you again."
Her eyes flare when she sees me go to push my boxer briefs down. I give her a second to push up on to her elbows, wagging my eyebrows as I pull down one side slightly.
"You want something?"
"God, yes," she pants. "Please."
Her eyes never leave my body. I push the remaining clothing from my body and stand, letting her eyes take in every inch of me. She licks her lips and I know...I know it's time.
"Scoot back, baby," I request, and she pushes back quickly, keeping her legs spread wide.
After climbing back onto the bed, I brace myself on my left arm and move in to place a deep kiss to her swollen lips while I rub the head of my cock against her pussy. The feeling of her wetness and heat has me seeing stars. I hiss when I start to sink into her tight pussy, the feeling almost too much. Her nails dig into my shoulders and she rips her lips from mine to moan a loud sound dripping with her arousal.
"You feel so fucking good, so tight. Goddamn, baby." I pant, groan, and grind my teeth together as each inch of my cock becomes surrounded by her. Her walls clamp down, more wetness rolling from her body and soaking my balls. "Fuck!"
When her legs lift up and lock around my body, causing me to sink even deeper, I know that slow is beyond my capabilities. I start moving, pressing into her body so deep that I know she'll feel me tomorrow.
We continue this dance. My body taking hers, claiming her as mine. Every second inside her body has my chest ripping open with the swelling of my heart.
Yeah, this is fucking heaven on Earth.
"Oh, oh GOD!"
She's close--I can tell by how her walls lock onto my cock and almost refuse to let me go each time I bottom out. The sounds of her wetness and my balls slapping against her ass are the only things I can hear. The roaring of my blood burning through my veins is almost loud enough that I miss it. That fucking glorious sound of her screaming my name. And with just a few more rapid thrusts home, I shoot off, coating her walls with my come.
Making. Her. Mine.
Chapter 18 - Chelcie
Ohmigod.
Ohmigod.
Holy shit.
Oh. My. God.
My body still feels like it's floating, and if it weren't for the slight weight of Asher against my right leg and arm, I would have thought that I'd just dreamt that. I can feel him leaking out of my body, and I shudder slightly. My legs feel weak, as if I've just run ten miles. My pussy is still clenching with aftershocks. My lips feel swollen. And my heart feels whole.
Ohmigod.
What now?
"Stop thinking, Sunshine," Asher mumbles at my side.
I turn my head and drink him in. His eyes are closed, and the hardness I've grown used to seeing across his face has vanished.
"I'm not," I weakly defend.
"B
abe, I can feel you thinking. Your whole body gets tight and you all but stop breathing. That was fucking mind blowing, and as much as I would love to take credit for you getting all breathless...I know your mind is working overtime right now."
"I'm sorry?"
I jump when his deep laughter shakes his body. The sound is so foreign to me, but so beautiful. I don't think I've ever heard him laugh so...carefree before.
"I'm not sure hearing you say you're sorry after I just fucked you is helping my ego here. Should I be glad you didn't laugh when you saw my cock for the first time?" His body is still shaking with silent laughter, and I can feel my face flush with embarrassment.
"Oh, God! I didn't mean it like that you jerk!" I chuckle. "I doubt you need any help with your ego, Ash. Something tells me you know just how mind blowing sex with you is."
"Mind blowing, huh?" He leans up, his hand coming up and curling around my neck in the possessive way I'm coming to love. He sobers and looks down at my stomach. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
I turn on my side, his hold on my neck flexing as I move. "No, baby," I whisper, enjoying the way his face gets softer when I call him that. "Why do you do that?"
He gets this adorably cute, confused look before his face darkens, and I instantly question if I should have kept my verbal vomit in check. Way to ruin the moment, Chelcie.
"Do what?" he asks, but I know he knows what I'm talking about. He wouldn't have gotten that look if he didn't.
"Uh, dammit. Okay. When I called you baby, twice now, you've gotten this look that is so... It's... Damn, I don't know how to explain it. You look at me like I've done something so remarkable and all I've done was call you a silly pet name. I was just curious. I'm sorry." I duck my head in embarrassment even though I'm not sure what I did to be embarrassed about.
"Chelcie, look at me."
"Uh-huh," I hedge.
"Chelcie." The command in his voice couldn't be missed, but still, I avoid looking up. "I'm not going to ask you again, Sunshine."
After taking a deep breath and willing those stupid tears away, I look up. I swear, all I do is cry these days; pretty soon, I'm going to be like all of those annoying heroines in books that never stop leaking! I gasp when I see the smile on his face. His eyes are soft, and he looks so carefree and peaceful.