“You’re breaking Brewski’s heart, and you know it.”
Shay cursed, throwing a glare in Linde’s direction. “You’re not helping.”
“Every guy knows that eventually there’s an ex-conversation. You tell each other about the exes, especially ones the girl you’re dating might know.” Linde pointed to me. “She told you about hers.”
I gritted my teeth.
Shay’s grin became triumphant. “Actually, she hasn’t really.” He was watching me, saying to him, “She’s just mentioned him.”
Gage chose that time to return, taking his seat. “What’d I miss?”
Casey said, “Your sister’s ex.”
“Fucking hell.” Gage shoved his chair out again. He grabbed his entire plate this time. “Just let me know when it’s time to go home.” He backtracked and took the coffee carafe with him.
That conversation was one of the reasons holiday break took forever.
Shay didn’t say much on the topic, and every time we talked on the phone, he evaded the conversation as a whole. I was beyond frustrated. I wanted to yell and throw a tantrum, but I couldn’t because we were talking over a phone, I couldn’t look him in the eyes (not really even though we were FaceTiming), and I couldn’t straddle him and work some magic so he had to tell me.
We were having one of those conversations again and I was in my bedroom, lying on my bed. He hovered above me, but on my phone’s screen. I asked, “Why won’t you talk about Sabrina? You said she didn’t matter, but you’re acting like she did.”
Or does . . .
His permanent grin faded. “It isn’t her I don’t want to talk about. I don’t have feelings for Sabrina, honestly. It’s him I don’t enjoy talking about.”
“How did you break up?”
“Me and Cameron?”
“Shay.” A low warning from me.
He let out a long and surrendering sigh. “Sabrina and I broke up because of me, not her. I didn’t want to say anything because I don’t want you thinking the same thing.”
A knot formed in my stomach. I hadn’t had one of those in a while. I almost missed them.
I scowled. “What happened?”
“Another girl kissed me one night at a party, and that kinda spun into a whole story where I cheated on her.”
“You’re a cheater?” It was worse than I thought.
“No! No. That’s the thing. I’m not. A girl kissed me. I didn’t kiss her back, but the rumor spread to Sabrina before I could give her a heads-up, and well, I don’t know. I might’ve let her think the worst of me.”
I frowned. “Why?”
“Because I was over the relationship.” He readjusted on his end, and I could tell he was lying down on his bed. He added, “I didn’t cheat on her. I don’t want you to think I’m a cheater, but I didn’t push the girl away as quick as I should have.” He raised his voice. “But I didn’t kiss her back. That’s important here.”
I grew quiet. We got together in secret. I’d been the one not wanting to go further in any official capacity until my attack. Everything changed then, but now, a storm was picking up inside me, swirling around.
I hadn’t considered the thought that he might lose interest in me.
He could get tired of me, like he had with her.
I gulped, feeling that knot move to my throat. “Hey, hey.” He leaned closer, his voice dropping low to a soothing murmur. “That was me and her. That isn’t you and me. Sabrina is beautiful inside and out, but she isn’t a match for me. We didn’t fit. That’s all. Even she would tell you the same thing. I think we both used the kissing rumor to save face.”
“So, she still has feelings for you?”
She’d been nice to me, and what if I saw her on campus next semester? That’d be awkward. Wouldn’t it?
“No. She’s in love with Cameron. She’s told me before, and they’re here, even. They’re in town. I ran into them at the grocery store. She said she’s meeting his parents and spending the holiday here. That says something. They’re serious, not how she and I were. I was never serious with her before. I’ve never been serious about any girl before. Before yo—”
I was hanging on to his every word. He stopped and I abruptly rolled off the bed. “Oomph!”
“What happened?” I could hear him from my phone, which was on the floor beside me. “Kenz?”
I sat up, ran a hand through my hair, and reached for the phone. My door opened, and Gage popped his head inside. “You okay?”
I twisted around. “I’m fine. Just fell off the bed.” I showed him my phone. “Talking to Shay.”
Shay called out, “Hey, Gage.”
Gage nodded back, frowning next. “I don’t want to know why talking to your boyfriend would make you fall off the bed. Hey, man. See you in a few days.”
“You, too.”
Gage left, shutting the door behind him, but I could hear my mom asking if I was okay. I looked back to Shay, wishing again we lived three hours away from each other and not three states. “My mom is asking Gage if I’m okay. She isn’t going to believe him, and”—her footsteps were in the hallway; I was narrating it—“and she’s going to open that door to make sure I’m okay in three, two—” The footsteps stopped, and she opened my door.
“Honey?”
“I’m talking to Shay.”
“Oh!” A smile spread over her face. She was dressed in a blue and white dress. A frilly apron rested over the dress, and her hair was pulled into a French twist. The only thing missing from her outfit was a vacuum and duster. “Hi, Shay. How are you?”
“I’m good, Ms. Clarke.”
She said to me, “The cookies are ready to be rolled. You promised.”
I sighed. I had.
I was an idiot.
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
She lifted a hand and wiggled her fingers. “Talk to you later, Shay. It was so nice to see you again.”
She left, and Shay had a perplexed look on his face. “What was your mom wearing?”
I winced. “She’s convinced our society is returning to the fifties so she’s practicing. She’s dressed up like an old housewife. I promised to help her make cookies.” I cursed under my breath, standing up. “Can we reschedule this move-in thing a couple days earlier? Can I see you in two days instead of four?”
He couldn’t answer. I could only see him shaking his head and his shaking shoulders. When he looked back up, I heard his laughter. “I’m sorry.” He tried to calm down. He couldn’t. A new batch of laughter spilled out. “My mom’s a lawyer with political aspirations. It should be interesting when they meet.”
His mom . . .
I let those words soak in. He was talking about them meeting. That was a good sign, a really good sign. I tried to calm my irrational happiness by laughing with him. “Yeah, well, you don’t live with her. She was a soccer mom last week when she had to take our neighbor’s kids to their soccer game. Everyone was very confused, especially the referee. She came as him for the second game.”
He was still laughing. “Okay.” He wiped a hand over his face, trying to stop. “Oh, man. Okay. I’ll talk to you later. I lo—”
The screen went black.
No.
I couldn’t.
I lo what? I love? I look forward? I lo . . . I racked my brain thinking of other ‘l-o’ words. No, no. I couldn’t go where my heart already was. The ‘lo’ was short for ‘look.’ He looked forward to seeing me in four days, or he looked forward to talking later?
I left my phone on my nightstand and went to the door. I got as far as reaching for the doorknob, before turning back and diving over the bed. I grabbed the phone and texted him.
Me: You look forward? Is that what you said?
It was the longest wait ever.
I willed my phone to buzz back. It didn’t.
I rolled to my back, letting my phone rest on my chest.
Text back. Text back.
Then it did, buzzing close to the breasts that had been missing him.
Coleman: I’m looking forward to fucking your brains out. ;)
I groaned, tossed the phone back onto the stand, and muttered under my breath, “Tease.” But I still had a ridiculous smile on my face when I went to the kitchen.
It was fitting that my mom put on “Hound Dog” by Elvis in the background.
Kristina and Casey had to change rooms since I was moving in. That meant having to wait and move everything once that triple room was open. My stuff had been taken home, but I didn’t have much to take back. I didn’t bring any furniture in the first place. That’d been Missy’s love seat and everything else. I offered a television and microwave, but she said her stuff was already packed. She didn’t want to unpack, so we used her things all semester.
This new semester was different.
I was back on campus, and we came up a day early to get into the room. Shay showed up, along with half the football team. Gage and his roommates were there, as well, and the move took an hour. That was it.
A few other girls came back to campus early, their mouths were half-open as the guys walked past them. Our new room was at the end of a hallway, so we were close to an entrance and exit, and it was on the first floor. It was a double win to me. I could sneak out through the window if I really needed to.
Then the floor’s advisor showed up, a clipboard in hand, and a scowl permanently etched on her face. Or she was trying to scowl. Shay introduced himself, and the team followed suit. She was fumbling for words by the end and just handed us a sheet of the rules, saying, “Read that. Follow it to the letter. I’m strict.” She looked back to Shay, blushed, and left the room. The back of her neck was red.
Linde laughed, clapping Shay on the shoulder. “Still got that magic.”
Shay grunted. “I should. One more year of football glory and we’re all adults.”
Gage shuddered, traipsing past him with his roommates in tow. “Dude. You don’t say it. We all don’t need to be depressed.”
“That’s right.” One of his roommates clapped him on the shoulders. “We got tonight to be the epitome of immaturity still. Where’s the party?”
Gage stopped right before disappearing back into the hallway. He pointed to me. “You good?”
I nodded. I was putting away my clothes. It was the only thing I brought up that had to be put away.
That wasn’t completely true.
We were using Casey and Kristina’s couch, their microwave, but they had a small television before. I insisted on bringing mine, which was already set up.
Once Gage left with his roommates, the team began to trickle out.
Shay came over. “I can help put some of this away.” He held up a bra, a twinkle in his eyes as he stuffed it in the drawer. He only touched the bras, underwear, and sexy shirts. He gave me a few of them as a Christmas present. Once my clothes were put away, the only things left were my books. They were left in a pile on my desk, but Shay had other things on his mind.
He wrapped his arms around me from behind. “Can we take a break?”
I leaned back, looking up at him. I felt a matching grin coming to my face. We both knew what he wanted to do for his break. “It’s my first night with my roommates.”
“And we’re going to Shay’s,” Casey said, coming into the main room from the solitary bedroom it was attached to. Our dorm consisted of two rooms. One with some closets, all of the desks, and the main living area. The second room held the rest of our closets and the beds. Casey and Kristina had been in there helping the guys get the beds all put together. I wasn’t sure which was mine, but it didn’t really matter. I’d sleep wherever.
I asked, “Shay’s?”
Shay’s hand moved to my waist, but he was still pressed up against me.
“Yeah.” She picked up one of her books and put it on the shelf above her desk. “They’re having people over for beer and pizza. He didn’t tell you?” She nodded to the boyfriend behind me.
“No.”
Shay barked out a laugh, his fingers flexing against my skin. “I didn’t know myself, but the guys might’ve talked about it and I might not have been listening.” He kissed my neck and murmured into my ear, “We can leave early.”
I suppressed one of those addictive shivers. “You guys are heading there soon?”
Kristina was still in the bedroom, but Casey waved at me. “Go. Make sweet, sweet love to your man. I have a car up here now, so we’ll be over in an hour or two.”
Shay didn’t waste time. He caught my hand and led the way out. A few girls were coming in through the back door, and one gasped at the sight of Shay. Her eyes went wide, and her hand jumped to cover her mouth. Two of her friends paused, and one asked as we passed and headed out, “Who was that?”
“That was Sha—”
The door closed behind us.
Shay glanced to me, but I just shook my head. He was sporting a smirk. I didn’t need to let his head grow any bigger than it was. “Keep walking, Hard-On.”
He barked out a laugh and tightened his hold on me.
We went to his house, but Linde and a group of people I didn’t know were on the back patio. They all wanted to say hello to Shay. He went round the table, fisting those who held their closed fists up, saying hello to some of the others, and hugging a few girls. The girls initiated the hug, not Shay, but I knew he couldn’t reject them. I understood. This was part of his life. He was already popular when I met him. Nothing changed over the year, except us. He was still the big man on campus, and it wasn’t because he threw his weight around. He just was.
And moments like this, where I was pretty sure even he didn’t know who some of these people were, he never let them know. They knew him, so he returned the greeting, and when he caught my hand and said our goodbyes, I saw the residue he left. It was a good kind of residue, where they felt warm and important, like they mattered.
That was Shay being himself, polite and considerate.
I had another come-to-Jesus moment. Shay wasn’t anything like I first thought. He was almost the opposite.
“What?” he asked, frowning as he opened his bedroom door.
“Nothing.”
“No.” He put his keys on his dresser and stood there as I sat on the edge of his bed. He started to reach for his shirt to pull it off, but paused. He gave me a thoughtful look, cocking his head to the side and narrowing his eyes. “What is it? You definitely thought something there.”
He whisked his shirt off, disappearing into the closet and pulling a new one out. He pulled it on, his hands going to his pants. He paused, looked down, as if he forgot what he’d been doing, and shrugged. He left them on, crossing to pull his desk chair out and he sat, right in front of me. Catching my hands between his, he leaned forward. His elbows rested on his knees, and his legs rested on the outside of mine, trapping me in place. “Tell me what’s up.”
I watched as he toyed with one of my hands, tracing it with his fingers. “I was just really wrong about you in the beginning.” I shrugged. “That’s all.”
“Wrong?” He lifted his head. “You know, we never really did talk about the beginning when you hated me.”
My throat stopped working. “You want me to tell you why I hated you?”
He nodded solemnly. “Why not?”
My throat was full for some reason. I coughed, clearing it, and started again. “I think I assumed you were like my ex.”
“The Parker guy?”
I raked my fingers through his hair. He ducked his head, a small rakish grin showing, and I felt flutters in my stomach. I sighed. “He looked like you.”
“He did?” Shay grimaced, continuing to trace his fingers over my palms.
“He wasn’t as good-looking as you. You beat him in spades in