"Can I play the devil's advocate here for a few minutes. Mr. Clarke, and maybe save you, your wife and daughter some terrible aggravation?"
Daddy glared at him.
"Please do. Mr. Haskins," Mommy said, her eyes small and penetrating.
Mr. Haskins directed himself more to her after that. He turned back to me.
"You met Duncan Fields for the first time at the dance, danced with him once, and then, when he came to your room, willingly crawled out your window, violating the school's rules, and went off with him with nothing more than your nightgown and robe on at the time?" he asked quickly.
"I just thought I was going for a walk," I said. "So that's all true'?"
"I was just going for a walk," I said more firmly.
"But you went with him into his van. Why?"
I glanced at Mommy. Tears were burning under my eyelids.
"He wanted to show me his new car."
"Couldn't you just look in it? Did you have to get into it?'
"He made the door open with his remote key and..."
"Why didn't you stop and return to the dorm?"
"He said he wanted to show me his music and... I didn't want to get in."
"But you did. Did he drag you in?"
"Well, he practically pushed me."
"But you got in willingly? You didn't scream, resist, did you? Well, did you?" he demanded.
"Not then." I said, my voice cracking, tears popping at the sides of my eyes.
"What are you talking about?" Daddy practically screamed at him. "How does any of that give him the right to rape my daughter?"
"I'm not saying it does. Mr. Clarke. However, remember, you're asking the district attorney to go forward and convince a jury that she was raped and didn't willingly have sexual relations with Duncan Fields."
Daddy's mouth opened and closed without a sound. Mr. Haskins turned back to me.
"The hospital report doesn't show any injuries, no traumas. Your clothes weren't torn."
"No injuries!" Daddy leaped to his feet. "What kind of a man are you? Do you have children?"
"Yes, Mr. Clarke, as a matter of fact. I have two daughters, one in her twenties and working on her masters in education and another just starting at the University of Boston. I worry about them all the time. I also have a son in high school, a senior. and I worry about him. too. I tell him how important it is to think ahead and whenever possible avoid even the appearance of impropriety, especially in today's litigious society where everyone runs to court for anything, even a loud burp."
"Sit down. Austin." Mommy said sharply.
Daddy glared at everyone and did what she wanted.
"What exactly is it you people want from us?" Mommy asked. "We get your point. It won't be easy. It will be nasty. This boy's family obviously has money, and they will have a good defense attorney."
"Exactly, Mrs. Clarke," Mr. Haskins said.
"And so?" Mommy pursued.
Mr. Haskins looked at Dr. Greenleaf and nodded slightly, which was obviously his cue to pick up their rehearsed scenario,
"We are all deeply disturbed and upset by this event. Mrs. Clarke, We recognize the school has certain responsibilities and liabilities."
"Right," Daddy said. "Whatever happened to that, 'we're your surrogate parents' line you used at orientation?"
"Yes, Mr. Clarke. exactly. We are sorry that we let you down on that score. Even if your daughter disobeyed our rules, we should still be vigilant about her welfare here. and Duncan Fields's welfare as well, for that matter.
"We've contacted his family and he's been expelled from Pelham, all his tuition naturally forfeited. As independent citizens, you can go see the district attorney later today, of course, and move forward as you see fit. We're hoping you might find an accommodation that is satisfactory to you. Anticipating other legal and civil difficulties, the school is prepared to offer you a monetary settlement should you be willing to keep this unfortunate incident out of the public eye, however."
"You mean you're offering us money to shut up and go away?" Daddy asked, his eyes wide.
"Compensation that you deserve." Dr. Greenleaf said glancing at Mrs. Mariot.
"There are many other students here and families who will be injured if this becomes a tabloid headline." Mr. and Mrs. Clarke." Mrs. Mariot said. "We have them to consider as well and the faculty and all the good things the school does and can do."
"You're offering us money?" Daddy repeated, nodding as if he had just received a sharp blow to his head.
"We're trying to do the best we can for everyone concerned." Dr. Greenleaf insisted. "You see that, don't you. Summer?" he asked me. smiling.
"Don't talk to her," Daddy ordered. "Don't do that." He rose and put his hands on Mommy's chair handles. Then he nodded to me and I got up and stood beside them. He looked from Mr. Haskins to Dr. Greenleaf and then Mrs. Mariot.
"I don't know where we're going to go with this right now. I know we're going directly over to the dormitory and get Summer's things together so we can get her out of here as quickly as possible.
"As for you. Mr. Haskins and your role as devil's advocate... you might be right. Everything you're implying could happen in court. Maybe a jury would look at Summer and Duncan and think two spoiled rich kids were playing with fire and one got burnt. Why bother us with it?
"But how do you think the Duncan Fieldses of the world are born and nurtured? The rich and the privileged worry about their lily-white reputations and are willing to do anything to protect that, even if it means excusing and tolerating someone like Duncan Fields.
"We came here today expecting to find you people as disturbed and as outraged as we were. We actually believed that crap you spewed out about being responsible and concerned for our children's welfare,
"Instead, we find the three of you circling the wagons to protect yourselves and pretend you're only doing it to keep Summer and us from any further suffering. You'll give us some compensation from your insurance company, and you'll send Duncan Fields back out there unscathed really.
"But you know something. Mr. Haskins," Daddy said glaring down at him. "someday he or someone just like him will tempt your daughter. I hope that doesn't happen. I hope your children have wonderful, healthy and successful lives.
"But if it does or even almost does. I hope you'll think back to this morning and remember my daughter's face and all your fancy dancing.
"Then I hope you go look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself for the first time.
"Thanks for your time." he concluded, turned Mommy's chair and wheeled us to the door. I lunged to open it and we left in a wake of silence.
Mommy reached up for my hand as we left the administration
"See why I married this man?" she asked me, smiling through her tears.
I bit down an my lip and held my breath to keep myself from crying.
I nodded.
We paused as we went out the front door and I looked around the beautiful campus.
"Let's get out of here," Daddy said. "before I smash something."
While he and I packed my things. Mommy rested in Mrs. Bernard's quarters, who made coffee and brought her something to eat. Daddy took my things out to the van and loaded them in. As he was doing so. Sarah arrived.
"What's happening?" she asked, her face full of worry and fear.
"I'm leaving the school. They've expelled Duncan, and they don't want any bad publicity. My parents are very angry. I can't stay here."
"Is Duncan in jail?"
"I don't know where he is. Daddy's going to deal with all that."
"Oh," she said plopping on her bed. "I hate to see you go."
"I know. Let's stay friends." I said. "Please write me."
"Okay." She nodded and shrugged, "I'll miss you."
"Me too." I said.
We hugged and Daddy came to the door.
"All set," he said.
I introduced him to Sarah and then introduced her to Mommy. "I'm sorr
y about all this." she told them.
"Thank you."
"You'll call me, won't you?" she asked me.
"Yes, of course, and write and everything," I said. She followed us out to the van.
"The place is buzzing,'" she whispered. "but no one knows any details. They just know something's not right because Duncan didn't show up for his classes, nor for practice either, and his roommate saw him get into a police car."
I nodded.
"None of it will be a secret too much longer. despite what Dr. Greenleaf hopes," I said.
"I swear I won't be the one to gossip."
"I know. Take care of yourself," I said. "You too."
I started to get into the van after Daddy had Mommy secure. Sarah stood there. watching.
She lifted her hand to wave goodbye as Daddy started the engine. Would we ever see each other again?
Sometimes, people do pass each other like trains in the night, glimpsing through the lit windows for a few fleeting seconds, capturing an image, a word, a small memory and then going on, into their separate worlds, leaving only the echo to linger for a few moments before dying out like candle light and leaving only the darkness.
The school fell back behind me, the music drifting away in the wind.
"Are you all right. honey?" Mommy asked.
"Yes," I said, my voice so small. I thought it came from someone else, a girl half my age.
"You'll be fine." Daddy insisted, more to convince himself than me. "And I'm not finished with any of this yet. That's a promise," he pledged.
None of us spoke.
A deep silence fell over us and settled in our van with only the whir of the tires on the highway providing any sound at all.
That, and the quiet beating of my frightened heart.
7
Secrets in the Night
.
It was as if someone had died. Sorrow, anger,
indignation and disgust knit themselves into a heavy blanket and draped themselves over us and everything in the house. Mrs. Geary was at the front door as soon as we pulled up to the ramp. Her face looked like the image in a stained glass window, an ancient moment of great sadness captured on the tip of an artist's brush and embedded forever and ever in the glass. She came out, clutching her hands against her breasts, waiting to set eyes on me to see how bruised I was emotionally and psychologically.
Daddy helped Mommy out of the van, and Mrs. Geary approached us.
"I've got some of my homemade tomato rice soup hot on the stove." she said looking toward me. She knew it was one of my favorites, especially the way she made it.
"We're all so tired. I don't think any of us has much of an appetite," Mommy muttered as Daddy began to push her up the ramp.
"Something hot in your stomach's important at times like this," Mrs. Geary advised.
"She's right," Daddy said. "We'll get settled in and then have some late lunch."
Mrs. Geary put her arm around my shoulders. Never one to show her affection openly, she surprised me.
"Damn the devil." she said.
We all entered the house and then. after Mommy was set. Daddy returned to the van to get my things.
"Go rest for a while until Mrs. Geary gets some food together." Mommy advised me.
I nodded and went up to my room. For a moment I just stood there in the doorway looking around. Being brought back like this seemed like such a defeat. I felt so foolish. I should be at my piano lesson right now. What were my teachers told? Doctor Greenleaf surely made up some grand lie to keep it all secret.
I sprawled on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. thinking about it all.
Daddy interrupted my sad musings when he came by with my things.
"No rush in putting it all away." he said when he saw me lying so dejectedly on my bed.
"If only I hadn't gone out the window to be with him. Daddy."
"If only are two words I hate." he said. "What happens is you dwell on your own innocent actions and he gets a pass on his criminal actions. Stop doing that," he insisted,
My chin quivered. The sight of my sorrow and pain made him insisted. His face hardened, his eyes radiating fury.
"I'm going to call Grandpa Grant," he decided. "He'll know what to do next."
Before I could say another syllable, he shot out of my room and pounded his way down the stairs to his office. My stepgrandfather was a very important and influential attorney now. He had been a U.S. attorney, worked for the Justice Department and knew presidents personally. Still. I couldn't help but feel more embarrassed about another person knowing, even family.
Mrs. Geary didn't wait for me to go down to lunch. She brought a tray up with a bowl of hot soup and crackers.
"Get some of this in you," she said.
I didn't want to be hungry. I wanted to starve myself, to somehow punish myself. I knew exactly what was going through Mommy's mind all day. This was another example of her bad luck, her curse falling on the people she loved, and it was all because of me.. . me!
"C'mon, dear, sit yourself up and get the soup down. You don't want to get yourself sick. I know you. You'll feel sorrier for making yourself more of a burden if that happens and then where will we be?"
She said the magic words, of course, knew the formula with which to get me to do the things she thought I should do. I sat up and she placed the tray on my lap and stood back to watch. I started to eat.
"It really was my fault. Mrs. Geary. I was so stupid to put myself into the situation."
"Now how would you know the evil in someone else's heart, dear, especially one of those boys from refined families?"
"Just because his parents are rich and influential people, it doesn't mean he's any better than anyone else." I said. 'No one knows that better than I do now. I'm such a little idiot, trusting people."
"You're hardly more than a child. What are you supposed to be, a wise old lady? I know many a woman twice your age who's been a lot more foolish and trusting."
I kept eating, my self-pity turning more and more into anger at myself while Mrs. Geary ranted on.
"Next thing I'll hear is people who get robbed deserve it because they walked around without an army guarding them. Just because you leave a window slightly open or a door unlocked, it doesn't mean a thief has a right to your things, does it? You can't be expected to be so alert, so cautious. If we go about thinking the worst of everyone we meet, we'll never be at peace a minute." she said. Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Who put the blame on you?"
"Never mind," I said.
"Not your mama and papa. I know. Was it your school people?" She shook her head at my silence, "A good girl's got a hard road to hoe almost anywhere these days," she muttered and started to unpack my things for me.
"I can do that. Mrs. Geary," I said.
"I know you can. I just don't want to be idle a minute right now," she said.
I finally smiled. When you have people around you who love you as much as my parents and Mrs. Geary loved me, you realize that when something bad is done to you, it's truly done to them as well. We shared disappointments and pain, triumphs and happiness as if we were all one person.
I finished my soup and got myself out of bed. Instead of lying up here and moaning and groaning, I belonged downstairs comforting Mommy, I thought. However, when I descended, I didn't find her anywhere in the house. Daddy was in the office, talking on the phone. He just looked at me and turned his chair to indicate he wanted privacy.
I went out and saw Mommy at her usual place looking over the lake.
"Are you all right. Mommy?" I asked as I approached. She looked up.
Her face was so pale, her eyes bloodshot. It put a hot flash of pain in my heart.
"You should go rest, honey." she said almost breathlessly.
"I'm all right, Mommy. You're getting yourself sick. though. I almost kept it all a secret just because I was afraid of this, and now I wish I had," I moaned.
'Oh no. honey. No, don't say that. You can't
keep something like that a secret anyway. It would eat away at you something awful."
"You're sitting out here blaming yourself and your curse. right?"
She smiled and took a deep breath. Then she looked out at the lake and talked softly, almost as if she was really talking to herself.
"When I learned your grandmother Megan was my mother and she had been with an African American man in college, I wasn't only upset over the fact that Mama Latisha wasn't really my mother. I was also terribly afraid. Not only were there bigoted white people who said a child from a mixed racial relationship was an abomination, but there were bigoted black people who felt the same way,
"After I learned the truth. I guess I just expected trouble would be my lifelong companion, so when bad things happened to me or people I loved, I naturally felt responsible.
"Of course, the wise and intelligent part of me tells me that's all very foolish and just helps feed the hate and the racism that pollute our world."
She turned to me.
"When I heard what had happened to you, my heart just stopped and I almost didn't want it to start again. I've never told you the details about my stepsister's death because they were ugly, sordid details, and I didn't want to put any of the hideousness in your mind. Every parent wants to protect his or her child from unpleasant things. That's why we're so worried about what you see and do.
"But." she said, turning back toward the lake. "maybe that's wrong. Summer. Maybe that's very wrong. I should have told you more. I should have prepared you for the wolves out there.
Instead. I lived under the illusion that our money and our idyllic world would put a shield around you and protect you wherever you were and whatever you did. Maybe it was my own desire to forget and stick my head in our golden sand. Maybe that's why I feel responsible. I should have known you can't hide from the evil around you. I should have know," she repeated and pounded her small fist into her lap.
"No," I muttered. "You can't blame yourself. Mommy."
"Yes." she insisted. "There's a lot I should have told you." She paused, looked down and then took a deep breath and looked up at me again,
"After my stepsister and I found out the truth about me, we became even more estranged. She had always resented the love Mama Latisha gave me and the attention I received, especially from Roy. She felt she was neglected and I was favored. The new knowledge was not relief for her. It threw salt in her wounds to learn that I wasn't even blood related: yet I was, in her eyes, loved more by her mother and her brother.