“It’s nothing,” she said.
“It’s a blister. You know as well as I do you don’t let something like that go. That’s Hiking 101 stuff, Kel. Use your head. Blisters get worse if you don’t treat them.”
She should have known Buzz wouldn’t drop it. “Yeah, well, I’ve got more important things to deal with at the moment.”
“You go lame on me and I’ll leave you where you fall.”
Rolling her eyes, she humphed. “Like that’s going to happen.” She reached for her hiking boots and started to slip them on so the blasted blister would be out of his sight.
Buzz stopped her by tugging the boot from her grasp and tossing it none too gently aside. “For God’s sake, Kelly, do you always have to be so damn stubborn?”
“I need to get back on the trail and find my little boy,” she snapped.
“He’s my son, too. You keep forgetting to mention that.” Rising, he stalked over to his backpack, removed the first-aid kit, then tromped back over to her. “Take off your sock.”
“Oh, for crying out loud! I don’t want to do this!”
“I don’t care. Take it off, or I’ll hold you down and take the damn thing off for you.”
She knew he was right; she was being an idiot about this. She wasn’t sure why she was feeling so surly toward him, but she was and she didn’t mind letting him know about it. Muttering an oath, she jerked the sock off her foot, and threw it at him.
“It’s good to know you can be a mature adult about this,” he said.
She called him a very unladylike name.
He knelt a couple of feet away from her. “Give me your foot.”
Sighing in annoyance, Kelly leaned back on her elbows and offered up the foot in question. With impersonal efficiency, he set her foot on his lap, trained the flashlight on it and checked the blister.
“That was real smart of you not to tell me about this,” he said.
“You didn’t ask.”
He frowned at her. “By this time tomorrow, you would have been flat on your back.”
“I’ll have Eddie back by tomorrow at this time,” she said fiercely.
Buzz didn’t comment. “I’ve got a bandage and an extra sock you can wear. Should take the pressure off.” Reaching into the kit, he removed an individually wrapped alcohol packet and sterilized his hands. He then withdrew a small tube of antibiotic cream and used his index finger to rub it directly into the blister.
His hands were large and dark against her foot. The warmth of his hands felt good against her cold flesh. Kelly didn’t want to admit it, but the contact—however impersonal—felt good. The simple kindness of the act fortified her in a way words couldn’t. Made her feel somehow connected. Not just to him, but to the rest of the world. And for a few short moments, she didn’t feel so terribly alone.
She knew better than to let the rhythmic movement of his fingers relax her. She knew once that happened, exhaustion would follow. She couldn’t let that happen. She had to find Eddie. With the fire raging down from the north, they were quickly running out of time.
Still, her eyes grew heavy as she watched him apply the bandage. By the time he finished, her limbs were so heavy, she could barely move. Buzz must have noticed because he reached for the instant coffee, dumped another teaspoon in her cup and poured steaming water into it.
Kelly drank the coffee down, wondering if she’d suddenly built up some kind of an immunity to caffeine because for the life of her she couldn’t feel it kicking through her veins.
Despite her fatigue, she slipped on her boots and was on her feet before Buzz could get his backpack loaded and on his shoulders. A glance down at her watch told her it was 4:30 a.m. She wondered if Eddie was asleep somewhere. She wondered if he was warm enough. If he’d rationed his food—or if he was hungry.
Worry gut-punched her so hard it took her breath. Feeling the pain seep into her, she looked around. Nearby, an owl hooted. In the distance, she heard the rush of water over rocks. The moon sat on the treetops, watching them like a staring, white eye.
Shivering, exhausted and more scared than she’d ever been in her life, she followed Buzz into the night.
Buzz put one foot in front of the other and tried not to think about the pain that had been creeping up his spine for the last six hours. Of all the times for the old injury from the shooting to trouble him, why did it have to be now?
Muttering a curse under his breath, Buzz removed two of the prescription anti-inflammatory pills from the pill box he kept in a pocket of his jeans and swallowed them dry.
“Are you all right?”
Buzz looked up to find that Kelly had paused and was looking back at him. “Fine,” he grumbled, hoping she hadn’t seen him take the pills. He didn’t need her running off at the mouth about the injury.
“You’re falling behind,” she said.
“You’re going to wear yourself out if you don’t slow down.”
“I’m already worn out. I’m just not going to slow down.” She lifted the water bottle from her belt and sipped, her eyes scanning the surrounding trees. “Is it your back?”
“My back is goddamn fine.”
She handed him the bottle, and he sipped. “I’ve got some ibuprofen if—”
“I said my back is fine,” he snapped.
Buzz wanted to set his backpack down for a few minutes, but his pride wouldn’t let him do it with her standing there, waiting for him to double over in pain. Damn his back, and damn her.
“It looks like the terrain gets a little rugged up ahead,” she said.
Lifting the whistle from the chain around his neck, Buzz blew three times, trying not to wince when the son of a bitch with the knife slipped it between his vertebrae. He listened for a full minute, but the forest didn’t give up any answers.
“It will be dawn in half an hour,” he said.
Kelly sighed. “Eddie likes to get up early. He likes to get up and play with his trucks, then he comes in and snuggles with me and we have hot chocolate and cinnamon toast for breakfast. Sometimes we stay in bed and eat Captain Kudos Krunchies.”
Abruptly, her face crumpled. A sob escaped her. As if the show of emotion embarrassed her, she lowered her face into her hands. She didn’t make another sound, but Buzz saw her shoulders shake as she cried.
It only took him an instant to drop the backpack onto the ground. He crossed the short distance between them in two strides. Then his arms were around her, pulling her soft body against his.
“Easy, Kel,” he whispered. “Just…take it easy. It’s going to be all right.” He stroked the back of her head. Her hair felt like silk against her fingers.
“We’ve been walking all night,” she sobbed. “Buzz, I hurt all over. I’m exhausted. What if we can’t find him? Oh, God, what if we don’t ever find him?”
For the first time since the nightmare had begun, she sobbed freely. Long, wrenching sobs that echoed off the treetops like the cries of a wounded animal. He hated seeing her break like this.
Because he wasn’t sure how to reach her or how to comfort her, Buzz just held her against him, trying in vain to ease her trembling, willing to absorb some of her pain because she was breaking his heart.
Concern rippled through him when he felt her sag against him. Kelly wasn’t a fainting kind of woman, but he knew even the strongest of people had their breaking points.
“Hey.” Shifting away from her slightly, he used his fingertips and brought her gaze to his. “Don’t pass out on me.”
“I just need to sit down for a moment.”
Gently, he eased her to a sitting position on the ground. After pulling it from his backpack, he spread out his sleeping bag. When he turned back to her, she was just sitting with her legs crossed and her face in her hands.
“Sit next to me for a minute,” he said.
Without speaking, she scooted over until they were sitting side by side on the mat. Their thighs were touching. She’d stopped crying, but fatigue slumped her shoulders.
br />
“Let me tell you what we’re going to do,” he began.
When she didn’t look at him, he reached for her and turned her to face him. Early dawn cast just enough light for him to see that she was deathly pale. He felt a little guilty for, just a few minutes earlier, being so caught up in his own physical pain. This woman was exhausted. She wouldn’t last much longer. Buzz didn’t think he was going to be able to talk her into staying put and getting some rest, but he had to try.
“Kel, are you okay?”
She nodded, but the despair in her eyes was so vivid, Buzz had a hard time looking at her.
“Okay,” he said. “Chances are, our little guy slept through the night. Maybe he found a cave. Or some brush in a protected area. Maybe he found an area that was protected by rock. Whatever the case, we’ve got to believe he’s okay.”
Kelly closed her eyes, squeezing fat tears from beneath her lids. “I believe that.”
“In the next hour or so,” Buzz continued, “he’s going to wake up. He’s going to be hungry and scared, so he’s going to be listening to his surroundings. He may be yelling for help. We need to be very vocal today, Kel. We need to backtrack and cover all the terrain that we covered last night. I want you to be especially vigilant and keep your eyes open for footprints. For broken branches. Trampled grass. A thread from his clothing. Anything you feel may be out of the ordinary.”
“I can do that.”
“I want you to keep your ears open in case he’s yelling for help.”
“Okay.”
Seeing clearly that having a solid plan in place was perking her up, Buzz removed two peanut butter protein bars from his backpack and handed one to her. “I need you to tell me if you’re holding up,” he said carefully. “I need you to tell me the truth. If you need to rest, say it. I don’t want to risk your getting hurt on the trail. That’s not going to help Eddie. If you’re feeling sick or dizzy, I need you to tell me.”
She was already shaking her head. “I’m fine. I just needed to sit down for a moment.”
Buzz didn’t believe her. She didn’t look fine. She looked pale and shaken and weak as a kitten. But he knew Kelly Malone didn’t have a weak bone in her body. Not only was she physically strong, but he knew first-hand that the force of her will was something to be reckoned with as well. He’d been bulldozed by that personality a few too many times to let his guard down now.
“I guess I’m going to have to take your word for it,” he said.
“I guess you are.”
He frowned at her.
She managed a smile. “Good try, but I’m not quitting.”
“Neither am I.”
Chapter 9
B uzz refused to believe they wouldn’t find Eddie. Because of that he knew they were eventually going to have to talk about how they were going to handle their having a son. How that was going to affect their lives—and their relationship. He supposed he’d been putting it off because he still didn’t have things straight in his own mind. At first, he’d been too shocked to feel much of anything. The truth of the matter was that he’d never wanted children, never wanted the burden of such a monumental responsibility. He never wanted to hold the fate of something as precious as a child in his hands because he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t somehow screw it up.
To this day, he couldn’t talk about some of the things he’d seen people do to their kids during the years he’d worked the Denver PD’s Child Abuse Division. By the time he’d made detective and transferred to homicide, his resolve never to bring a child into the world had become a vow he wouldn’t break for anyone.
Not even the woman he’d loved.
Yet at some point in the last two days, Buzz’s resolve had been shaken. He’d come to think of Eddie as his son. His son. The words shook him inside, conjured up feelings he’d thought he’d never feel. Things he’d thought he wasn’t capable of feeling. Things he didn’t want to feel. And even though he’d never even met the boy, he knew an undeniable connection had been forged between them.
Too bad he didn’t have the slightest clue what he was going to do about it.
The sun was just breaking over the treetops to the east when they reached the top of a rise, and they had a clear view of the stream. The water thundered like a white, writhing snake over rocks and boulders to plummet thirty feet into a ravine. To the north, a sheer wall of granite rose up out of a grassy valley. Scraggly juniper topped the cliff like spindly fingers reaching for the sky.
Pausing next to a boulder, Buzz eased the pack from his back and let it drop to the ground. A few feet away, Kelly sank down into the pine needles, leaned back against the trunk of a dead tree and closed her eyes.
“How are we going to handle our having a son?” he asked after a moment.
She opened her eyes and looked at him warily. “I don’t know.”
“We’re going to have to deal with it, Kel.”
“We have to find him first.”
“We will.”
“You never wanted children, Buzz. I don’t think that’s changed, has it?”
“I’m his father.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I want to…” Because the words tangled on his tongue, Buzz let them trail. He wasn’t even sure what he was trying to say. Did he want to be part of his son’s life? Was he qualified?
“Buzz, I’d never keep you from him if that’s what you want.”
“Come on, Kel, you’re moving to Tahoe, for chrissake. That pretty much leaves me out of the picture.”
“Eddie can visit you here in Colorado in the summer, on long weekends. You’re welcome to come to Tahoe and see him any time.”
And watch that son of a bitch Quelhorst worm his way into her life. Into his son’s life. Lining himself up as Eddie’s father. Drooling all over Kelly and waiting for the chance to make his move. No thanks.
Frustrated and angry, Buzz raked his hand over his stubbly jaw and muttered a curse. It wasn’t enough, he realized. He didn’t want a little piece of his son’s life. He wanted all of it. Wanted to nurture him and guide him and watch him grow. He wanted to love him and protect him from a world that could be as dangerous as it was wonderful.
He sure as hell didn’t want to watch his wife fall for some pencil-necked Mr. Corporate America simply because she deserved someone she knew was going to come home alive at the end of the day.
Rising abruptly, Buzz strode over to the edge of the ravine and stared down into the water. He could feel Kelly’s eyes on him, but he didn’t turn around. He wasn’t sure what his expression would reveal, wasn’t sure he wanted her to see the expression he knew was etched into his every feature.
Buzz had never had the desire for children. He’d made the decision not to have them at a young age and never questioned it. He’d lived his entire life knowing he would never have to deal with it. But to have a woman he’d trusted jerk the rug out from under him when he’d least expected it made him question everything he’d ever believed about himself.
Needing something to do, anything to keep his mind off the questions pummeling him, he reached for the VHF radio clipped to his belt. “Homer One this is Tango Two Niner, do you read me?”
“We got you loud and clear, Tango.”
“What’s the twenty on Eagle?” he asked, referring to RMSAR’s chopper. “We could really use some help up here.”
“She’s just south of Norrie, Buzz. Firefighters had to evacuate. They got casualties up there.”
Buzz blew out an oath, cursing the fire. “Any chance we can get some more volunteers down here for a grid?”
“Jake Madigan went back out this morning. He checked in a couple of hours ago just south of the campground at Chapman. What’s your twenty?”
“I’m about two miles north of there.”
The man on the other end of the airwaves hesitated. Buzz felt the hairs at his nape prickle.
“Any sign of the kid?” Dispatch asked.
“Saw a wrapper on the north trail, but
negative on the sighting.”
“Do you want me to send Madigan up that way?”
“That’s affirm.”
“Buzz, that entire area is being evaced. The leading edge of the fire is about a mile north of you.”
“Send Madigan and anyone else you can find who doesn’t have their ass nailed to the ground. Clear.” Cursing, he shoved the radio into its sheath. Anger and frustration and a pristine new fear churned inside him. He thought of the innocent child out in the woods all alone and felt the fear take on a new intensity, leaping through him, consuming him much like the flames eating up the forest.
“They’ve evacuated the entire area?” she asked.
Buzz turned to her, hoping the emotions gripping his chest didn’t show on his face. “Yeah.”
“Oh, God.” She pressed a hand to her stomach. “We’re all alone out here? We’re the only ones looking?”
“Jake Madigan is looking. He’s on horseback. Kel, he’s good.”
“Just three people? Buzz, that means we don’t have much time. If the fire is coming this way—”
“The firefighters evac early, Kel. You know that. They always do. They’re cautious. They don’t want some diehard holing up in his cabin and deciding he wants to go down with the ship, then changing his mind at the last minute and needing an airlift when they need the chopper on the front line.”
She walked to the edge of the ravine and put her hands to her mouth. “Eddie! Where are you, honey?”
Buzz blew the whistle three times, then they stood there and listened. The smell of smoke hung heavy in the air, even though the wind was gusty. He could see it moving like smoky fingers through the treetops. Beyond, a thick haze the color of wet slate sat on the horizon like a curse from hell. It was enough to unnerve even the most seasoned Search and Rescue professional.
Buzz was about as seasoned as they came. And for the first time in his life, he was afraid his worst fear about having children was going to come true. That a child—his child—would be snatched away from him by something terrible.